He forced himself to think about how Leo would look now, half-dozing on the couch with Trick snuggled next to her. The flickering lights of the television would be casting shadows in the room. He glanced at his watch and checked the score. The Giants were winning. More than anything in the world, now that he’d managed to escape, he wanted to be back in that room with her.
A sure sign that I’m screwed.
He decided to work. He stood and reached into the compartment where he’d stowed his things. Instead of finding his laptop, his fingers ran across Leo’s gift for him.
He grabbed the box. She’d taped an envelope to the bottom, tying the box and envelope together with a red bow. He turned the overhead light on, sat, and opened the box. It was a watch, but not an ordinary watch. Not one driven by modern technology. He studied the breath-taking beauty of the gold and silver face of the watch, made all the more stunning by the intricately crafted complications.
He knew Leo well enough to know the gift meant far more to her than whatever the monetary value might be. The meaning behind the watch tugged at him, adding to the raw, tumultuous feelings that wreaked havoc in his chest as he opened the letter.
December 17th
Ace,
Forgive me—this is a re-gift, of sorts. I first thought about giving this to you last summer, when we were driving across the country in your Airstream, staring at the night sky in the Arizona desert and arguing over whose playlist was more likely to keep us awake. The stars that night reminded me of this watch. I even told you a bit about it then.
The more I thought about gifting it to you, the more it seemed like something I needed to do, so you’d understand the value I place on our friendship. After Halloween night, and our pedicab ride, I knew I’d chicken out of giving it to you in person, so I decided to write this letter to go with it.
Please accept one of Dad’s favorite watches. As a kid (and even now), I was mesmerized by the beauty of this watch, with its ever-changing dials showing the stars, moon, and sun. When the dials reflect the nighttime, the blue background reminds me of your eyes.
Of all the watches in his collection, I remember him wearing this watch the most in the years before he died. He wasn’t wearing it on 9/11, because the horologist was working on a glitch in the perpetual calendar.
Dad always taught me lessons. With this watch, he taught me about complications—the special functions that exist on a watch in addition to telling time. He’d analogize watch complications to life. He’d say that, if handled correctly, with proper attention to the details presented and meticulous care, complications in life, like on a watch, can be beautiful enhancements.
Which gets me to the point of this letter. After our pedicab ride on Halloween, I have the feeling our friendship may soon be facing some complications. Because if you don’t bring up our kiss again, I think I’ll have to, even though I’ve avoided the topic each time you’ve tried to raise it. I know I told you not to talk about it, but maybe it’s time to talk about it.
Here’s the catch. Dad taught me that complications aren’t effortless. They don’t just work themselves out. Intricate complications worthy of the finest watches (and lives) take careful engineering, attention to detail, and meticulous care. As a kid, I didn’t quite understand his point with the analogy.
I think I do now.
To be honest, I’ve thought about the paths we can take from our pedicab ride. Even now, as I write this, almost two months later, I’m just as torn as I was when I let the elevator door close, with you on the other side. At that moment, I wanted to run into your arms. But I also wanted to pretend that our kiss never happened. I feel the same way now—torn as to which path we should take.
As much as I know we shouldn’t go there…that it’ll never work...there was something magical in our kiss that I can’t forget. As a matter of fact, there’s something so magical about the two of us, together, I’m starting to think that no matter what complications we’ll need to resolve…we should try.
For some odd reason that I can’t fathom…I can’t seem to think my way through this.
I hope you treasure the watch. The horologist fixed the calendar after 9/11. I had him he re-tune the watch in November. Patek Phillippe watches take tending, but nothing too tricky. I’ll explain later.
Whatever happens between us, let’s try to be friends (at least) for as long as the perpetual calendar on this watch is intended to run.
No matter what.
Leo
On his second read, it occurred to him that the date of the letter was before the Imagine job—before he had tried telling her how he felt for her as she was zipping her dress. Before the circumstances of their recent job had crystallized, for him, his own limitations, forcing him to admit that being in love with her would bring a crippling fear for her well-being that he might never overcome.
As he gripped the letter, a glimmer of hope pulsed through his veins. She was the smartest person he’d ever met, and he’d be a fool not to see the hints that provided a way to claw his way out of the rut in which he found himself. By giving him a glimpse of where her thoughts had been prior to the ill-timed conversation that he’d instigated on Imagine, she’d given him hope that somehow they’d navigate the turbulent waters ahead, and make it to the other side with a future together. By handing him the letter after the lame, half-truthful conversation he’d just had with her at her place, she’d placed them firmly back at square one, where they should’ve been on the morning of November 1, before the elevator doors closed.
When he read the letter a third time, the words that stood out the most were, ‘As a matter of fact, there’s something so magical about the two of us, together, I’m starting to think that…no matter what complications we’ll need to resolve…we should try.’
Hope surged through him, waking his body from the heavy lethargy of depression. As the pilots fired the engines, he unhooked his seat belt, then stood and went to the cockpit.
“Change of plans.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
“I have until six a.m. I thought maybe we could hang out a little longer.” Ace stood in the doorway of Leo’s apartment. She’d answered as he knocked, having been alerted by the front desk that he was on his way up.
She opened the door all the way so that he could enter. Before he could step over the threshold, Trick stood on her hind legs and scratched at his calves. “I thought the jet was scheduled to depart.”
“It was. Wen won’t mind. I have some time before I need to meet with him.” Standing still, on the threshold, he lifted his wrist so that Leo could see he was wearing the watch. “I thought I should thank you in person.”
She smiled, with a twinge of uncertainty that stole his heart. “It looks great on you. My father would be glad you have it.”
“I’m…awed by this gift. Your letter’s even better.”
And I damn well wish I knew what to say in reply.
“I’m just not good with emotional things,” she said. “I usually think that feelings just get in the way…”
As her words trailed, she bit her lower lip. He wasn’t used to seeing the woman he knew as a decisive powerhouse struggle with uncertainty. It made him love her more, and he became fixated on how she was chewing on that lip. Which was sort of what he wanted to do, himself. First, he needed to find some more of the right words. Otherwise, he was going to miss an opportunity to tell her how much she meant to him, the way she’d managed to do, so eloquently.
He cleared his throat, knowing she wasn’t ready to hear that he loved her. Besides, there were ways of saying ‘I love you,’ without using the three words that normally expressed the sentiment. After all, if he was interpreting her letter correctly, she’d just done that exact thing.
Right? Maybe. Shit. Assume it’s so.
No words came to mind.
So instead of starting the conversation where the Imagine job had left them, which would only lead to issues he doubted that either of them had the kno
w-how or the fortitude to resolve at the present moment, he went to a different point in time. One that had issues that were equally unresolved, but which were far more pleasant. “I never should’ve let those elevator doors at The Roosevelt shut on you, after our kiss,” he said. “And I never should’ve stayed quiet about our kiss for so long.”
She gave an eye roll, with an understanding smile. “I get it. Even tonight, I almost wimped out with handing you the letter. I had a backup gift. A cashmere sweater that’s the color of your eyes. There’s even a Hallmark card with it. This is better, I think, because…”
As her words trailed, he stayed silent for a minute, almost drowning, once again, in the uncertainty that came with the conflicting feelings she inspired.
Man up, idiot. Tell her.
“You said you want one hundred percent honesty when we next talked. There are a lot of details I can’t seem to sort out, but my bottom line is that I can’t imagine my life without you.” He cleared his throat again, almost choking. “I want your friendship. Want your laughter. Want…all of you. Without you, I’d forever be incomplete.”
“Wow,” she whispered, with something akin to tears glittering in her eyes. “It took me two pages and multiple rewrites to say something close to that.”
The chokehold on his chest finally started easing. Trick, at his feet, gave a mewling yelp that helped him keep his mind where it needed to be—in the present. Knowing it was time to get out of the doorway, he scooped Trick off the floor, held the warm, wriggling puppy in the crook of his arm, and nodded in the direction of the living room. “Maybe we should just sit together for a while. Talk.”
She nodded and walked over to the couch. He sat as she did, pushing the blanket she’d been using away. Aware of her injuries, he made sure not to move too much. The remote control fell to his side, on the pillow where her head had been resting. The blankets smelled like her. The pillow smelled like her. Even better, she smelled like her.
He lifted the remote control, and turned off the television, leaving only soft lamplight in the room, and silence. Just the two of them, breathing softly. His arm was on the back of the couch, lightly touching her shoulders. Trick was nestled next to her.
“This feels good,” she whispered. “Almost like we should’ve always been doing this. So close to each other. It’s also weird, though. There are so many reasons why not…”
With her nestled into the corner where his shoulder met his chest, he leaned back into the couch, giving her a few inches of breathing space. “I know what you mean by feeling torn, like you said in the letter. To be honest, I feel like I’m facing the most important battle of my life.”
She gave a low chuckle. “A battle?”
“Yeah. I don’t think I’ve won you over, at least not yet. I do think, however, that there’s going to be a moment in your life, in our lives, when the complications—,” he snapped his fingers. “Fizzle away to nothingness.”
She gave a headshake. “I’m not sure how that could happen. Are you there, now?”
He thought about the turmoil he’d experienced ever since the job. The honest answer to her question was no. He could think of quite a few reasons why they shouldn’t love one another. Reality was, he bet he was a lot closer than she was to ignoring all the ‘why not’ reasons. Which simply reaffirmed his instinct to take it slow.
“What do you say we just enjoy this night, before we confront the issues.”
She shifted, slowly, so that more of her weight was leaning into him. “That’s not much of a plan. I think we should try to sort a few things out.”
Now?
Like hell.
Reminding himself that she was the same woman who’d disappeared from New Orleans without a goodbye, he decided to start slowly. “Okay. We’ll try. Eventually.”
He was so damn happy to inhale the essence of rose that lingered on her skin and all around her, to feel the warmth of her body, and have his forearm resting lightly on the back of her neck, that the hurt in his chest finally started easing. Touching his lips to the smooth skin of her forehead, he immediately felt better than he had in days.
“But let’s not jump too far ahead of ourselves,’ he added, pulling his face from hers, and looking into her eyes. He ran his fingers along the back of her neck, lightly tracing lines and making circles where her hair met her nape. “For now, I just want to sit with you. Hold you. That’s it.”
With a slight smile, she let her head fall against his hand, forcing a little more pressure where he was rubbing. She gave him the sexiest smile he’d ever seen—just a slight tilt of her full lips, with her eyes half closed. That gorgeous peachy-pink color had returned to her cheeks. “Maybe we can do a little more…”
As warmth started pumping through his veins, his brain sent flashing, slow-down signals. “You’re injured—”
“But I could handle another kiss. Like our kiss in the pedicab.” Before her lips touched his, she added, “Well, this one needs to be gentler.”
“I can do gentle,” he said.
“Really?” She gave a slow head shake. “I’m looking forward to seeing your gentle side.”
He kept the finger-thing going at her neck, definitely not bending to kiss her yet. “My kisses can be whisper soft, actually. Kind of like a butterfly’s wing rippling through the wind. You know, gentle stimuli in one area can have…explosive effects elsewhere. Chaos theory.”
She started laughing, then stopped in mid-chuckle. She bent forward, reached for her side and winced. She leaned her forehead against his shoulder. “Ouch!”
He shifted, pulling one leg up and turning, so that he was almost facing her. He bent so that his nose was in her hair, at the crown of her head, as she snuggled into him. He inhaled more freshness. More of her. “You’ve heard of chaos theory, haven’t you?”
“Of course, but never in the context of kissing. And, if you keep making me laugh—.” She looked up, with a gleam of light in her eyes. “—You’ll have to go sit in the chair.”
Behind her, he glanced at Trick. The puppy cast a sleepy eye up at him, then rolled over and fell asleep again.
He refocused on Leo. “Once I get going, you won’t laugh. I promise.”
While his words were light, she searched his eyes. He didn’t think he needed to say anything more. At least not now.
We’ll sort through the complications. I’m going to win you over. Persuade you that we’re better off as a couple, no matter what we have to go through to get there.
Her nod gave him hope that she didn’t need more words. Their kiss was so gentle at first it was almost chaste. For the impact that it had on him, it was the most important kiss in his life. With the touch of their lips, the unbearable weight that came with knowing how close he’d been to falling apart and jeopardizing the Imagine job lifted. The vice-like tightness that had squeezed his heart at knowing how close she’d come to death, made worse by feeling that the moment was subject to perpetual repetition as long as she continued to do field work, loosened. As he leaned into her, and tasted the woman he loved most in the world, his spirit lightened and all became right in his world.
With her first delicate sigh, he pulled her in closer, certain of one thing. This battle’s just beginning, but I’m going to win.
Or I’ll die trying.
Unfortunately, further complications are coming
Leo and Ace’s way.
Catch up with them on their next Black Raven job, in
Insertion, A Black Raven Novel. Available in 2019.
Imagine Book Club Discussion Questions
Since the publication of my first book, one of my greatest thrills has been to talk to readers after they’ve read my stories. I love the unpredictability of the individual reader’s experience with my stories, and I’m often surprised when a reader tells me which elements and themes resonated. Because talking to readers provides such a thrill, I feel extremely fortunate that I’ve been invited to attend various book club meetings as a guest author wh
ile the group discusses one of my novels.
After the first few book club events that I attended, I decided to create discussion questions for the novels. You can find questions related to all the Black Raven books at stellabarcelona.com, on the individual book pages and on the book club questions page. If you select Imagine for your book club, you might enjoy these questions with your group:
1) Black Raven agents Sylvia Leon (Leo) and Adam Evans (Ace), the lead characters in Imagine, were best friends for two years before their first kiss. Do you believe that one kiss between two friends can dramatically alter a friendship? Was Leo’s reaction to their kiss understandable? How about Ace’s?
2) Could you envision the cruise ship based upon the author’s description? Which scene in the story provided the most memorable images of setting, and why?
3) If you could go on a cruise anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why would you select that location for a cruise, rather than a non-cruising trip?
4) When strategizing how to regain control of the cruise ship, Ace and Leo discuss “Entebbe.” Are you familiar with the 1976 hijacking of the Air France flight that was en route from Tel Aviv to Paris, and the rescue mission that followed in Entebbe, Uganda? Does your knowledge of the hijacking come through contemporaneous news reports, historical accounts, movies, or another source? What did you think of the author’s use of this real-life event in Imagine?
5) What did you think of the story pacing? Discuss the parts of the story that flowed fastest, and slowest, for you.
6) The defining moment in Leo’s life that provided motivation for her to become a Black Raven agent involves September 11, 2001. Do you believe that Leo’s reaction to the events that occurred on that day was plausible? Where were you on that day? How old were you? How did it affect your life?
7) In one scene in Imagine, Leo hears the “Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy” and is almost overcome with emotion. In another scene, she becomes happy when she hears “When the Saints Go Marching In.” Do certain songs inspire visceral reactions in you? Which songs, and why?
Imagine (Black Raven Book 4) Page 22
