by Laura DeLuca
“Hello, Drew. Nice to see you again.”
The condo security guard—Drew thought his name was Tom—tipped his hat in Drew’s direction as he rushed through the rotating doors. He’d become something of a regular the last few weeks, so no one questioned his presence in the lobby. Drew forced a smile and a nod in Tom’s direction before darting over to the elevators. If that man had seen the headlines, he certainly wasn’t letting on. Maybe there was still a chance Lainey hadn’t seen them either. Feeling slightly more optimistic, Drew pressed the button on the elevator and chewed nervously on his fingernails throughout the gradual climb. A few seconds later, he found himself outside Lainey’s door. He gave a tentative tap and waited. There was no response.
“Lainey, are you in there?”
Normally Drew would’ve walked right in. After all, even though Blanche had moved out of the townhouse a few days ago, he was still technically staying at the condo. Most of his clothes were there, and neither of them had even considered him going back to the townhouse before his departure, wanting to get every second together they could. Yet Drew suddenly worried walking in unannounced would be intrusive. Instead, he tried knocking again, a little louder this time. Still no answer, but light snuck out from under the doorway and Drew was certain he heard voices inside—perhaps the muffled sound of the television complete with background music. He found that odd. In all the months he’d known her, Drew had never seen Lainey turn on her T.V., preferring a book over a movie every time. Still, the noise indicated she’d made it home safely. So why didn’t she answer?
Fighting back his instinctual panic, Drew reached for the door. He had the key in his pocket, but he didn’t need it. When he touched the handle the knob turned easily—another uncustomary event. After a few condos were robbed when she was a kid, Lainey’s grandmother trained her never to leave her door unlocked, even if she expected company. Suddenly worried again, Drew threw open the door without a second thought.
“Lainey?” Drew poked his head into the living room, calling loudly so he wouldn’t startle her. “It’s me. Are you there?”
No response.
From the entranceway, Drew could see the kitchen and parlor were barren, but the sound of the voices had grown louder once he stepped inside the condo. It had to be coming from the bedroom. Lainey had a small television stored in her armoire. She used it once or twice to check the weather report after the hurricane. Drew inched toward the bedroom, the dread growing in the pit of his stomach with every step.
“Lainey?”
Still no answer. The apartment was way too small for her not to have heard him calling. Had she discovered the tabloids and was so upset she ran out on foot, forgetting to turn off the television and lock the door in her haste to escape? God, he hoped that wasn’t the case, but he had to find out. The bedroom door was closed, so he decided to investigate. Drew tiptoed up to it and placed an ear against the wood. When he did, he heard something he never expected—his own voice.
“No matter what happens, you can’t ever give up,” he heard himself proclaim. “If you go on living, then I’ll live forever in your memory.”
Drew leaned his aching head against the door. All his hopes of getting to Lainey before the tabloids exposed his secret were dashed with that one famous line. She knew the truth. There was no denying it now.
“I promise I’ll go on,” Drew’s co-star recited. “I promise, Johnny.”
Knowing he had to face this nightmare head on, Drew worked up the courage to nudge open the bedroom door. The flickering television screen revealed an image of himself shivering in the water. He was several years younger, a few pounds skinnier, but there was no denying the similarities, even with the wet hair and early twentieth century wardrobe. Seeing that scene—the one that stereotyped him forever as the cliché heartthrob, Drew always wanted to cringe, but never more so than he did at that moment.
The sound of splashing and screaming as the people in the water tried to survive the sinking ship couldn’t drown out the sound of Lainey sobbing. Normally that wouldn’t be all that surprising. Millions of girls from all over the world had dabbed their eyes with a tissue when they watched the big death scene, but these tears weren’t over poor unlucky Johnny’s untimely demise. They were for a very different reason.
“Lainey?” Drew whispered.
She hadn’t even realized he was there until he spoke her name. Then she turned to glare at him and he almost wished she hadn’t noticed at all. Her eyes were blood shot and swollen from crying. Even her nose was red. There was a pile of used tissues on the sheets next to her. Misty was curled up in her lap, the top of her black fur soggy from falling tears. It broke Drew’s heart to see Lainey so unhappy, especially knowing he was the cause of it. Desperate to console her, he reached out his hand, but she sprung out of his reach. The movement disturbed the cat and Misty darted out of the room, only stopping to offer Drew a sharp hiss, as though even she was disappointed in him.
“Oh, hello, Mr. Palmer.” Lainey’s lips turned into an uncustomary sneer. “Should I ask for your autograph?”
There was so much bitterness in her voice, Drew flinched as though he’d been physically smacked. He actually took a step back, but he wouldn’t give up on her that easily. Swallowing hard, he inched closer. “Lainey, please give me a chance to explain.”
She refused to make eye contact, instead turning back to the television screen and staring blankly at the movie. She pulled her knees up against her chest, revealing a pair of flannel pajamas that paired well with the messy ponytail she wore.
“I should’ve figured it out,” she whispered. “I’ve actually seen some of these movies. Erin dragged me out for a chick flick a few years ago and we watched this one when it was released in 3D. I even got teary eyed when Johnny died, right along with everyone else in the theater. But I still didn’t guess who you were.” She laid her head against one hand. “You must think I’m a total idiot.”
“No, Lainey. Not ever.”
Drew stepped further into the room and noticed there was a whole pile of old movies on the bed beside the tissue box, most of them DVD titles from his early years of performing—Hockey Diaries, Sunset Beach, Dirty Cowboys, and of course the award winning, Sunken Treasures. Even more unnerving was the open laptop with the screen showing a clip of his alleged drug scandal—the one that had really been nothing but a case of food poisoning and an unsympathetic super model—just one more thing to add to the list of pending explanations. But how could he convince her that most of what she read online were nothing but lies when all he’d told her were half-truths from the moment they met.
“You look sort of different in person.” Lainey went on, her voice eerily monotone as she tilted her head to get a better view of the television screen. “I guess all the makeup and the costumes make a big difference, but I still should’ve known. People always said you were familiar, even when they were only around you for a few minutes. But you were in my bed.” She shook her head in disgust. “I should’ve figured it out.”
Drew could hear the pain behind her words, though she managed to keep her voice even. Her expression was desolate, as though someone had broken the beautiful free spirit that had captured his heart. Knowing he was the one who’d hurt her was unbearable. He would’ve done anything to turn back the clock, to have come clean the very first night. Drew knelt down beside the bed and reached out to touch her hand, but he barely grazed her fingers before she jerked free from his grasp.
“Lainey, I’m so sorry. I know I screwed up.” He paused, realizing that was a huge understatement. “Keeping the truth from you was wrong. I know that. But if you let me tell you my reasons, maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“Forgive you? For what? For making me the laughing stock of the entire world? For letting my face get splashed on the cover of every trashy magazine in the country?” Lainey laughed ironically. Not the sweet, light-hearted giggle he was accustomed too, but a harsh chortle that turned the b
lood in his veins to ice. “That was something I never imagined I’d have to worry about. I always glance at the headlines when I’m waiting at the store, and I think, thank goodness that’ll never happen to me. And now look—I’m the most famous plain Jane on the planet.”
Drew pulled himself up to the edge of the bed, but she scooted further away from him. He struggled against the throbbing in his head to try to come up with the right words. Where were the screenwriters and the flowery lines when he needed them? He was great at reciting pretty speeches that won the hearts of the masses, but when it mattered most, he drew a blank. Every word he uttered sounded lame or worse—insincere.
“I never meant for this to happen. I didn’t think they’d follow me here.” Drew pressed his fingers against his eyes, wishing the pain in his head would ease up long enough for him to get through the conversation. “I was an idiot, but I swear, I never intended to hurt you. You have to believe that. I—I love you, Lainey.”
“No.” Lainey leapt up from the bed, her cheeks flushed scarlet. She pointed an accusing finger at him. “Don’t say that. You never loved me. I’m nothing but some stupid little girl in a town you’re passing through. When you leave you’ll go right back to your real girlfriend, the beautiful and glamorous one. And you know what, she can—she can have you!”
Even before the outburst was over, she crumbled. The anger vanished as quickly as it had appeared and Lainey crashed onto the bed, messy ponytail bouncing behind her as the tears finally fell fresh from her red-rimmed eyes. A lump rose in Drew’s throat and he had to cough a few times before he could even manage to speak.
“I’m so sorry I did this to you.” He really had no idea what else to say.
“Why, Drew?” Lainey lifted her tear-stained face and met his gaze for the first time since he arrived. “Why did you have to lie to me? All this time ... and you never once told me the truth about who you were.”
“I tried,” Drew insisted. “More than once I tried. During the hurricane, I almost told you, but that stupid tree fell down. So many other times I came so close, but there were always interruptions or it just felt like the wrong time. Even the other night on the widow’s walk, I was about to spill everything when you told me we had to leave for the drum circle.”
“Now this is my fault!” She sounded indignant and rightfully so.
“Of course not. It was all me.” Drew hung his head. “I’m making excuses like I have all along. The truth is, I was afraid to tell you I was Andy Palmer because I didn’t want to lose you—or for things to change. That night we met on the beach, I knew you didn’t recognize me. It was the first time since I played Johnny that anyone liked me for myself and not because I was a celebrity. I was a regular guy when I was with you. Things were simple and I wanted them to stay that way as long as possible.”
“Okay.” Lainey dried her tears with a tissue. “I can understand that. I can see why you wouldn’t have told me at first. But it’s been months now. I told you everything about myself—my deepest grief and my most outrageous dreams. You never even told me your real name.”
“Andrew DiPalma is my real name,” Drew promised her. “Andy Palmer is only my stage name. And all the things we talked about—everything else I ever told you about my childhood in Georgia and my life in college, it was all true. I swear, Lainey, every word I said, every feeling I expressed was legit. The only thing I wasn’t completely honest about was my career.”
Lainey sneered. “You also left out your love affair with Catherine Beaumont.”
Despite her wildly fluctuating emotions, Drew was relieved she was at least giving him the chance to explain. Maybe that meant they still had a chance. “Cat is my co-star and nothing more. That whole Candy thing—it’s a publicity stunt cooked up by my agent, a lame attempt to boost ratings on the film that’s coming out this week. You can’t believe everything you see in the tabloids, Lainey. You can see how they twisted around the whole drum circle.”
Lainey was unconvinced. “How do you expect me to believe that when all you’ve done since we met is tell me one lie after another?”
“It’s not like that,” Drew argued.
“It’s exactly like that!” A few tears snuck down her cheek again, and she wiped them away in disgust. “Every moment we’ve spent together, every intimate touch, every word you spoke—it’s all been based on a lie. How will I ever know what’s true and what’s not? No matter how convincing you are, you’re an actor. You know how to fake emotions. Watching all these movies tells me that much.”
“Lainey, please don’t be this way. It’s just a job.” Drew took her hands, cupping them in his own. “The place where I work doesn’t define who I am. Do you think I’d love you any less if you washed dishes for a living? If you think about it that way, I know we can get past this.”
“This isn’t the same and you know it.” Lainey didn’t pull her hands away, but her tone was still morose. “Whether I worked in insurance or sold underwear at Victoria Secret, you wouldn’t find your face on the cover of a newspaper. That’s a relevant piece of information to warn someone about in a relationship. You made the decision to live that lifestyle when you became an actor. You had a choice. Had you told me the truth earlier, I might’ve decided I could live in the spotlight. I don’t know. The point is, you didn’t give me a choice—and that’s what makes all the difference. And that’s why it’s not possible to get past this.”
“No. No, Lainey.” Drew shook his head vehemently even though it made the throbbing ten times worse. “You can’t mean that.”
Lainey pulled her hands away and stared down at the floor. “It’s over, Drew. Whatever this was between us, real or imaginary—it doesn’t matter ... it’s all over now. Your bags are in the corner. Take them and go.”
“Please, Lainey, talk to me about this,” Drew begged. “I know you’re upset and you have every right to be. But you can’t expect me to walk out of here and forget the last few months ever happened. You’ve changed everything for me. I—I love you!”
“Stop saying that!” Furious again, Lainey reached down and grabbed the stack of DVDs from the bed. With a cry of outrage, she flung them at him. They barely glazed his shoulder, but Drew still reared back, startled by the unexpected violence. “Haven’t you tortured me enough? You came into my blissfully average life and turned everything upside down. I’m sure you’re really proud of the performance. You may even get that Oscar this time. But it’s over now, Drew—Andy—whoever you are. Curtain down. Roll credits. You’ve ruined my life. Now at least have the decency to go away and leave me in peace to try to put the pieces back together.”
“Please don’t do this.” He reached out to touch her shoulder, but she raised a hand to block him.
“Just go,” she pleaded, sounding defeated. “If you ever had any real feelings for me at all, you’ll leave me alone.”
Drew nodded. He had to respect her wishes, even if he didn’t agree with them.
“I’ll go,” he complied. “But not for good. I love you, Lainey, and I know you love me too. We belong together. “
Drew lifted her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. She didn’t struggle, but the familiar glow was absent. There was no hint of the carefree nymph he’d happened upon on the beach the day they met.
“I loved a man named Drew DiPalma, and no matter what it says on your birth certificate, that man doesn’t exist anymore.” She turned her back on him. “Goodbye, Andy Palmer.”
More than anything, Drew wanted to hold her, to comfort her, but at this point that would only make things worse. Maybe if he gave her some time to cool off, she’d be more reasonable later. Maybe she’d come to understand the only reason he’d lied was because he didn’t want to lose her. In the meantime, he’d at least leave behind the gift he’d brought. Even if she never wanted to see him again, he hoped she’d accept this one last boon. Pulling the crumpled letter from the literary agent out of his back pocket, Drew placed it on the dresser before picking up his luggage.
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“I’m not giving up,” Drew promised.
Then he slipped quietly out the door and began the long trek back to his car. His head pounded and his stomach was in knots, but that was miniscule compared to the ache in his heart. He’d lost the best thing that had ever happened to him and the worst part about it was, it was his own damn fault. He’d had so many chances to make things right and he let them all slip through his fingers.
“I’ll get her back,” Drew promised himself as he slipped into the driver’s seat of his car. “One way or another.”
Drew could’ve taken the ride home a little slower since he had nothing but an empty bed waiting for him. He briefly considered heading back to Cape May Point to work on the house, but he really wasn’t feeling well and didn’t think he could handle the paint fumes. Getting shitfaced drunk was also out of the question for pretty much the same reason, though it would’ve been nice to throw back a few beers at Woody’s. He already felt lightheaded from the migraine and he knew from experience getting drunk only made things worse.
With limited options, Drew decided to head to the townhouse. He hadn’t known how long Blanche would need it, so he’d secured the rental until the end of the week with the option to renew his lease another month if necessary. At least that place was only a few blocks away and he could attempt to rest his aching head. Maybe once he was feeling better he’d be able to think of a way to win Lainey back.
“Aghhh.”
Drew had one hand gripped on the wheel when a searing jolt of pain shot through his head, so intense it blurred his vision. The sun, setting low on the horizon, blinded him further, distorting the lines in the road until he couldn’t be certain he was in the correct lane. Drew rubbed his forehead in an attempt to massage away the excruciating ache. When he finally lowered his hand, he had to blink a few times for the road to come back into clear view. By then it was already too late. There was a telephone poll mere inches away from his windshield.
