I’m trying to calm myself down, but now the thought of losing Brad is stuck in my head, and my heart is beating so fast I’m pretty sure I’m having a heart attack.
I take a deep breath and stare at myself in the mirror. I look ridiculous with wet red hair, pale skin, scared eyes.
Why am I always so fucking scared?
There’s a knock at the door.
“Han, let me in.”
I close my eyes and pray for strength. Of course Brad would follow me.
I swallow, ignore my pounding heart, and wrap myself in strength I don’t have before opening the door and looking up at him.
“Hi. Sorry, I’m coming.”
I try to brush past him, but he grips my shoulders and gently pushes me back into the bathroom, shuts the door, and cages me in against the vanity, making me look him in the eyes.
“Talk to me.”
“About what?”
“You’re pissing me off, Hannah.”
“Yeah, well, that seems to be going around today. I need to get back to the girls.”
“Fuck that, you’re going to tell me what in the hell happened on that boat.”
“Well, I was thrown in the water against my will and my hair got wet. No means no, Brad. I figured the chief of police would understand that.”
His eyes narrow, and look a little hurt, and that just makes me feel guilty.
He didn’t deserve that, and I can’t look him in the eyes anymore.
“Bullshit,” he says at last and tips my chin up. “This isn’t about your hair. You’re lying to me, and you know how I feel about that.”
“Well, that’s the only answer you’re going to get.”
I push out of his arms and march for the door, but when I turn the knob, I pause, lowering my head in shame.
This isn’t who we are.
“I’m scared,” I whisper, then latch the door again and turn to face him. “I was so scared.”
“Of what?”
“Of the water.”
“You can swim.”
“You’re not listening to me.”
“I’m sorry.” He looks genuinely baffled, which I understand. I’m baffled by me all the time. “Tell me. Make me hear you.”
“I don’t give a shit about my hair. And of course I can swim. It’s not that I’m afraid of water, I’m afraid of this water. This lake.”
I step to him, needing him to understand.
“I’ve been terrified all day. Actually, I’ve been afraid since Grace mentioned that we’d be on the boat today. All I can think about is, someone is going to dive in and get electrocuted.”
“Oh, sweetheart.”
“I know you said that it’s okay, and I believe you. I know that you would never put anyone at risk, but I’m afraid of it anyway.”
“Why didn’t you just say something?”
“Because it’s ridiculous.” I feel a tear fall on my cheek, and I’m just mortified. “And I’m meeting your parents for the first time, and I want them to like me. I don’t want to feel different. I know that I’m safe with you, always, but I can’t get it out of my head. I do not want to be in that water. On the water? Fine, I can do that, but not in it. And it scared the shit out of me when you were in it because if something were to happen to you—”
“Shh,” he says and pulls me against him hard, holding me so tight I don’t know when I end and he begins. “Stop thinking that way. I’m not going anywhere, sweetheart. I’m right here. And if you don’t want to go into the water for any reason, you don’t have to. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”
“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“No, you’re right. No means no. I don’t think you’re different or weird. You feel the way you feel, and that’s okay.”
His hand is circling firmly over my back, soothing me, and it’s the best feeling in the world. I’m calmer now; the giant butterflies in my stomach are gone.
And I was in the water and survived.
“Do you want to go home?” he asks.
“Do you want me to go home?”
“Hell, no. We have prime seats for fireworks.” He smiles and brushes his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “I want you to stay with us, and I want to enjoy the rest of the day with you.”
“I want that too. Grace said something about iced coffees.”
He chuckles and kisses my forehead, then my nose and finally my lips.
“You can have whatever you want as long as you stay.”
Chapter Ten
~Hannah~
“YOU CHEATED!” JENNA YELLS below us. I’m sitting on the upper deck of Grace’s house, my second iced coffee sitting at my elbow, and Brad and I are listening to the others battling it out over ping pong below us.
“I had no idea that people put ping-pong tables outside,” I say and laugh when Max swears ripely.
“Did you see that patio? It’s huge.” Brad slips his hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. “Do you feel better?”
“I do,” I reply truthfully and lean in to kiss his arm. “Thanks.”
“Brad!” Jacob yells up. “You need to come down here and try to beat Grace. She’s beat everyone else.”
“I’m fine up here,” Brad calls down, but I shake my head.
“You should go play. I’m seriously great. I’m enjoying the view and my coffee.”
“You’re sure?”
“Completely sure.”
He kisses me quickly and then hurries down to play.
“Okay, Grace, it’s on,” I hear him say and I smile at the sound of his voice.
I do feel much better. Talking to Brad helped. I should have just told him how I felt this morning, and the whole embarrassing episode never would have happened. I live too much in my own head. I overthink and it gets me in trouble.
I need to trust. To loosen up. To go with the flow.
I smirk because going with the flow is probably not something I’ll ever do. But I am learning to trust.
I check my phone to make sure I haven’t missed any calls from the hospital just before Mary joins me on the deck.
“Do you mind if I sit with you for a while?” she asks. I gesture to the seat that Brad just vacated and offer her a smile.
“I’d love it if you joined me.”
“It’s sure a beautiful day today,” she says and takes a deep breath, watching the boats zip around the lake. “And this is a wonderful view.”
“It sure is,” I reply. “Are you from here?”
“Born and raised,” she says with a nod. “I remember some Fourth of Julys that had snow.”
“No way.”
“A flake or two, yes. Nothing that stuck, of course. Plenty of rainy days. You just never know what you’ll get around here. Where are you from, Hannah?”
“Kansas,” I reply and frown. “It’s very different from here.”
“Yes, it is. I have a friend from Kansas. How long have you been in Cunningham Falls?”
“Just about five years.” I point out a bald eagle that’s swooped over the lake, looking for his dinner. “A friend of mine took a position here a few years before that, and I’d been to visit. I never considered practicing in a small town until the position came open here and Drake called me about it. And then it seemed like the best idea I’d ever heard.”
“This town gets under your skin,” Mary agrees. “Of course, there are pros and cons to living in a small town.”
“Of course, but the pros far exceed the cons.”
“I’m glad you think so,” she says with a warm smile. After a quiet moment she says, “I like the way Brad looks when you’re around.”
“How does he look?”
“Happy. Content.” She blinks rapidly, as if keeping tears at bay. “I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
And, cue the butterflies again, but in a great way this time. Every woman wants to hear that the man they’re in love with looks at her in a special way.
&nbs
p; “Of course,” she continues, “being married to a cop isn’t easy. And being married to the chief of police is as challenging as they come.”
“Oh geez,” I say and laugh her off easily. “We aren’t anywhere near marriage.”
“Still, you’re with him, and I can tell you from experience that it’s a job all in itself. His hours are erratic. He sees horrible things. Some he’ll tell you about, and others it’s best for both of you if he doesn’t. He will be tired and moody, and there will be times when it feels like he’s more married to the job than he is to you.
“I know, you’re not married, but I see the way you look at each other, and I know love when I see it. You haven’t said it yet, have you?”
I shake my head no and she keeps talking.
“That’s okay. It’s good to take it easy and let your relationship progress naturally. But you need to know going into it that you’re not just in a relationship with a man. He’s an important man, and in this town in particular, they will feel like they own him. You’ll share him.
“The statistics for marriages lasting for cops aren’t good.”
“Mary, I mean no disrespect, but I’m going to interrupt you for a moment.” I hold my hand up and when she stops, I shake my head. “I know who he is. And I would like to add that as a doctor, my schedule is just as erratic. I see horrible things. And my patients do believe they own me, and that I should be at their beck and call. I get it. I like to think that I get it as much as anyone who isn’t a cop can.”
“You’re right,” she says, watching me carefully. “You would, wouldn’t you? You know, my Bruce’s daddy was also an officer here in Cunningham Falls, and his mom tried to warn me about these things right before we got married. I didn’t listen to her. I was so in love with that man I couldn’t see straight.”
“And it seems to have worked out well for you,” I point out.
“Forty years of marriage,” she says with a nod. “Forty years, and only the past three of them have been somewhat normal. But I wouldn’t have traded it. What he did was important. He kept people safe, and he saved lives. I’m so proud of him. When Brad told us that he’d applied for the chief position when Bruce announced his retirement, I tried to talk him out of it. I knew that if he wanted a family it would take a toll. But he’s so much like his father.” She shrugs as if to say, what are you going to do? “He’s doing a good job, and we are so proud of him.”
“I am, too.”
Her head whips around to stare at me for a moment and then she smiles. “I think you mean that.”
“Of course I do. He’s an amazing man. I’m damn proud of him, and I’m enjoying spending time with him very much. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I’m going to continue to enjoy him, for as long as I can. No relationship is easy, and we both chose professions that are harder than most, but I also think that means that we’re dedicated. I don’t see why that wouldn’t also include being dedicated to each other.”
“I like you, Hannah.” Mary is smiling now, almost smugly.
“Really? Because it sounds like you’re trying to warn me away from your son.”
“Not at all. I just wanted to see what you’re made of. I think you can stick up for yourself just fine. Not just to me, but more importantly, to the townspeople. You’ll need that backbone where they’re concerned.”
“They don’t scare me,” I reply honestly.
“Good.”
“Don’t scare her off already,” Brad says as he joins us. “I defeated Grace, but it wasn’t pretty.”
“He did not,” Grace yells up to us, making us all laugh.
“When are the fireworks?” I ask, looking at the time. “It doesn’t get dark here until after ten.”
“They wait until then,” Brad says. “I have to have my radio on, just in case. I have sheriff deputies helping my guys tonight, but if anything major happens, they might need to reach me.”
“I get it,” I reply. “What do we do in the mean time?”
“Eat,” Jacob says from the doorway. “I’ve just had more food brought in.”
“I’m going to gain twenty pounds today.” I laugh and jump up from my chair. “But I’m not complaining. Also, I think I’ll go down and kick some ass at the ping pong.”
“You think you can beat me?” Brad asks with a sexy brow cocked.
“Hell, yes, I can beat you. And Grace, too.”
“Let’s do it,” Brad says and rubs his hands together. I follow him down to the patio below where everyone else is hanging out, eating fresh Mexican food from a local restaurant.
“How did you have this delivered on a holiday?” I ask Jacob, immediately reaching for a plate.
“I own the restaurant, darling,” he replies smugly and steals a chip off of his wife’s plate.
“That’ll do it.” I load my plate with tacos and chips, gratefully accept a Mexican Coke from Max, and take a seat next to Jenna. “This smells so good.”
“Sm gmmf,” Jenna says with her mouth full, making me grin.
The food isn’t just good, it’s to die for, and I eat more than my share. When I can’t shove another bite into my mouth, I stand, stretch my arms over my head, then saunter over to the ping-pong table and pick up a paddle.
“Let’s do this, Hull.”
He’s sitting on the couch, watching me with hot green eyes. The kind of hot that tells me he wants to bend me over this table and do things to me that are definitely not appropriate for mixed company.
I toss him a sassy grin. “Well? Are you coming?”
“I’m coming,” he says, his lips twitching with humor. “I just worry about this.”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to embarrass you in front of our friends.”
“Aww, aren’t you sweet?” I stick my lower lip out in a pout, bat my eyelashes. “So chivalrous.”
“Just looking out for you, sweetheart.”
“Thanks, but I’ve got this.”
I serve the ball perfectly, and he volleys it back, but he’s no match for my backhand, and he misses my next shot. He whips those hot green eyes up to mine and looks genuinely surprised.
“You’re good.”
“I know.”
I serve again, and before long I win, not even giving him a chance to score on me.
“Who’s next?”
“Me!” Grace jumps up, stretches her arms across her body, and takes the paddle from Brad, who is scratching his head and watching me like he doesn’t know me at all.
Which only makes me laugh.
“How did you get so good at this?” Grace asks as she serves the ball and I volley it back to her. We volley back and forth more than a dozen times before she gets the point.
Grace is good at this.
“College,” I reply. “I didn’t play beer pong, I played ping pong.”
After a ferocious match, I win by just two points.
“You are a worthy opponent,” Grace says, bowing before me.
“As are you,” I reply, bowing in return, and then we dissolve in a fit of giggles, hugging each other. “How did you get so good?”
“I practice a lot. I may be clumsy, but this seems to be one of the things I’m good at.”
“I’ll play with you anytime.” I give her a high five and then head straight for the food again. “Ping pong makes me hungry.”
“I have dessert coming down soon,” Grace says as I take a bite of a chip. “Cheesecake.”
“Good lord,” Jenna moans, covering her belly. “Give me thirty minutes to get this food baby to settle.”
“Same,” Max says. “And then bring it on.”
The rest of the evening is full of laughter, ping pong, and food. Stolen kisses. Conversation.
I notice both of Brad’s parents watching us closely, but kindly, throughout the hours that follow. It’s a relief to know that his mother likes me. I mean, we’re grown adults, but having their approval means a lot.
Suddenly, just before ten, Bra
d’s radio goes off.
“They’re going to start the light show,” Brad says.
“Let’s go up to the deck,” Grace says with excitement. We follow her up and all lean against the railing.
Brad walks up behind me and wraps his arms around me, caging me against the railing. Just as the first fireworks burst into the sky, he lays his lips against my ear.
“Thank you,” he murmurs as the others ooh and aah over the lights in the sky.
“For what?”
“This. All of this.”
He kisses my cheek, and then we’re silent, watching the sky light up, surrounded by those closest to us.
It’s been the best day that I’ve had in a very long time.
Maybe ever.
***
“The boss man wants a word,” my nurse, Melissa, says. She’s poked her head around the doorjamb of my office. We had a long one today, and it’s only late morning.
“You look tired.”
“I am,” she says with a shrug. “I hate it when the fourth falls on a week day.”
“I know.” I smile, feeling the effects from being up late last night myself. “Thankfully our patient load is light today.”
She nods and offers me a grin. “You have a patient in room four, and then you’re done until after lunch.”
“Cool.” I grab my stethoscope and my computer. “I’ll go talk to Jim and then see my patient. This shouldn’t take long.”
She nods and I walk to Jim’s office. He calls me inside.
“Hi there,” I say and sit in the chair in front of his desk.
“Good morning,” he replies with a kind smile. Jim has been an OB/GYN in Cunningham Falls for forty years. He’s no longer delivering babies, but he’s still the head doctor in this practice, and I respect him immensely. I’ve learned so much from him since I came on. “Hannah, we need to talk.”
“Okay.”
“I’ve decided that it’s time for you to stop taking call 24/7.”
I sit quietly, blinking at him, sure I’ve heard him wrong.
“Did you hear me?”
“I don’t think so.”
He repeats himself, and I frown. “I don’t understand. Have I done something wrong?”
“Not yet,” he says and takes his glasses off, rubbing his eyes. “But you work too much, Hannah. There will be no more taking call on your nights off.”
Charming Hannah (The Big Sky Series Book 1) Page 11
