by Starling,Amy
My mood brightened quickly once I arrived at Vernon Brown Elementary School. How could I not smile with all these adorable little children vying for my attention?
“Miss Prescott!” Jared tugged on my pants leg soon as I walked in the door. “Timmy's sticking crayons up his nose again.”
“Am not!”
“Am too!”
Angel ran up to me, a bottle of fish food in her dirty hands.
“The fishies were hungry,” she said. “Did I do good?”
A large plop of brown flakes floated on the surface of the tank. Goldfish darted through the water as the chunks rained down on them like snow.
“Yes, Angel. I'm proud of you.” I took the food from her. “But let's wait until the teacher's here before feeding next time.”
It was good to be home. Maybe this job put me barely above the poverty line, but I wouldn't trade it for any other in the world.
Later, while the children ate their lunch, Principal Rodney pulled me into his office.
“I'm glad you're back, Alicia. The school just wasn't the same without your cheer every morning.”
“It's nice to hear that. Um, may I ask why you wanted to speak with me?”
Hopefully, it wasn't something I'd done wrong. Didn't think I could take anymore bad news today.
Rodney frowned and clicked some things on his computer. “This year's field trip is, unfortunately, out of the school's budget. We just don't have enough to send all the kids to the zoo.”
I thought my heart was going to crack in two. The field trip was a yearly tradition that the kids looked forward to all year. This was going to devastate them.
“R-really? Are you sure we can't make some cuts somewhere?”
“It's too late for that. We've already used our emergency fund to make much-needed repairs. There simply won't be enough left for tickets, bus fare, lunches – and requesting parent donations hasn't gone well so far.”
If only I could afford to pay for the trip myself, out of my own pocket, I would. I left the office, thoughts racing about how I could possibly fix this.
That's when I bumped smack into a very familiar face, one I thought I would surely never see again.
“Hey, Alicia. Figured I would find you here.”
There stood Andy himself, looking tanner and a lot more cheerful than he had before he'd abandoned me. He smiled and tried to hug me.
“Andy? You have some serious nerve, showing up here after what you did!”
“I know. I'm sorry, I really am.” He stared at his expensive shoes as he held the door for me. “I know I caused you a lot of trouble. You and everyone on both our sides of the family.”
“Yes, because you ran away like a coward and broke up with me via text message.”
Some of the office staff were beginning to stare. We went outside so I could let him have it in private.
I'd been thinking what I would say to him if he ever came around again. Now that he was here, though, the furious words just didn't come out the way I had planned.
“Why'd you do it, huh? You know how embarrassed I was, standing in that church waiting for you to show up?”
“I can't apologize enough. I know that. Truth is, I had a breakdown the night before the wedding. I'd convinced myself I could keep doing this, that I could continue living a lie for the sake of my family.”
“A lie? What are you talking about?”
He hid his hands in his pockets. “I couldn't pretend to be straight anymore. I'm gay, Alicia.”
Oh my God. Of all the stupid reasons I figured he had for ditching me, his being gay never crossed my mind.
“No you're not. You can't be,” I stammered. “We were dating for three years. We were... intimate.”
He cringed. “Don't take this the wrong way, but I got pretty good at faking it.”
Thinking back on it now, it did make sense. He was never very enthusiastic about sex, and when I did talk him into it, he wanted to get it over with quick as possible. And always, always, he had problems “finishing.”
“Why?” I cried.
“My family's all made up of rich, religious, conservative types. You know that,” he said softly. “If I came out to them as gay, I feared they'd disown me.”
“So you thought it better to fake a relationship with a woman instead?” I glared. “You said you loved me, damn it.”
“I did love you! I still do – but not, like, the romantic kind of love.”
I could only lean against the brick wall so I didn't faint from the absurdity of the whole thing.
“You know, I think your family is more pissed at you bailing on that expensive wedding than they'd be at your homosexuality. Did you really run away to Thailand?” My heart pounded. “Were you cheating on me with a man this whole time?”
“No! But it got harder and harder to keep this up the longer it went on. Every day, I felt like I was missing out on my real life in order to appease my parents. It was killing me.”
“So what do you plan to do? You've got to come out to them eventually.”
“That's... part of the reason I came today.” He shuffled his feet nervously. “I'd like to try the wedding thing again.”
“What?”
A parent and her kids passed by us. The woman took one look at us and quickly shooed her children the other way.
“I can't tell them the truth. Not yet. I figured, well, we could get hitched so it looks nice on paper, then date whoever we want. It'd be like friends with benefits. Uh, without the sex, if you please.”
Maybe I shouldn't have, but I laughed.
“So you want to continue living the lie. Really? People will figure it out soon enough when they see you around town holding hands with a guy. Trust me, you can't keep this stuff secret forever. I know.”
“My entire family lives around the country. It would be easy enough to hide.”
“Yeah, right. And what would be in it for me? What makes you even think I'd consider this after how bad you screwed me over?”
“Well, you'd have a husband to show off. Officially, anyway.”
“One that can't give me children.”
“There are options,” he said cheerily. “Adoption, perhaps. Or artificial insemination.”
Oh, Jesus, help me. Was he for real?
“I can't have kids with you, Andy.”
“That's not the only thing you'd get out of it,” he continued. “I have money. Plenty of it. More than I'll ever need for myself.”
“I never intended to marry you for your freaking bank account. What are you trying to say?”
“Nothing. I know you love your job.” He gestured to the school. “But it's not easy making it on what you're earning. I can help you out. Take care of you. You'd never need to worry about money again.”
At first, I was insulted. I didn't want to admit his offer was the slightest bit tempting – but he was right.
I was flat broke. Mom and dad were in debt. My shot at the inheritance my grandparents offered had been blown.
And those poor kids. Without financial aid, they would have no field trip. Not only that, but the school barely had funds for much-needed supplies. Andy would gladly help turn that around.
“I'm not telling you to make a choice now. I know you're still pissed at me; probably will be for a while still.” He grabbed my hand. “But consider it. We can help each other.”
Yeah, except... When he touched me, I was numb. Not like when Carter's fingers barely grazed my skin and I instantly wanted to rip off his clothes.
Could I really marry someone like it was some kind of business deal?
He left me there, feeling more lost and confused than ever. I'd wanted to know the truth about his vanishing, but now I almost wished I didn't.
The sudden clanging of a bell knocked me out of my depressing thoughts. I hadn't heard that noise in a while. The fire alarm? Was there really a drill going on in the middle of lunch?
That's when I spotted smoke pouring out of the restroo
m window on the second floor. Moments later, teachers and their classes filed out the door in neat lines. The adults looked worried, but the kids were all very excited.
I grabbed Claire, one of the third-grade teachers I got along well with. She'd apparently been having a student birthday party, and her mouth was too full of cake to answer me at first.
“What's going on?” She swallowed and looked around in confusion. “I didn't know there was a drill for today. I swear, it's always something interrupting lesson time.”
“It's not a drill! Look.”
I tried not to alert the students, but when they saw the smoke, some of them began crying.
“Fire!” A boy stumbled out of the front doors, breathing hard. “Fire in the boy's bathroom. The trashcan, it's...”
“Everyone remain calm!” Rodney emerged from the building. “Do not panic. The fire department is on their way.”
Seconds later, sirens wailed. It took only a few minutes for the fire engines to arrive on the scene. Out piled several familiar faces – the three guys who had crashed my reception, plus Carter.
And he was in full firefighter uniform. Oh my goodness, how could he possibly be this sexy?
“All right, boys. Looks like just a little one, for now,” he yelled to his buddies. “Grab your extinguisher and let's take care of it.”
“Wow, real firemen,” cried a girl.
“Ooh, they're so cool!”
Carter waved to the admiring children on his way inside. Then his gaze fell on me, and he greeted me with a little smile.
I wished I didn't feel this way about him. Wished I didn't care about him when all he wanted, clearly, was casual sex from me.
I'd been a fool to think I could ever change him. Maybe it was myself I should have been angry at, not him.
While they got to work on the tiny fire, several of the female teachers gathered around and gushed over how cute Carter and his pals were.
“Did you see that one with the hazel eyes?” The music teacher, Mrs. Violetta, swooned. “If I wasn't a married woman, oh boy.”
It didn't take long for the fire to be put out. Nobody was hurt, and nothing much got damaged, thank God. If it had, the school wouldn't have had the money to replace it.
“But what on Earth caused it?” Rodney wanted to know.
“Seems you've got a little troublemaker on your hands.” Brett held up a spent firecracker.
Rodney's face turned red. “All right, everyone march to the cafeteria! We are going to have a very serious conversation about fire safety in this school – and no recess until whoever did this confesses.”
As the crowds dispersed and the other firemen put their supplies back in the truck, Carter came to me.
“You haven't been answering my calls,” he said.
“And you wonder why.”
“I was worried about you. Please, Allie. Don't be mad at me.”
Causing a scene at work was the last thing I ought to do, but I'd been stewing over this for days and now, it all came rushing out.
“Don't be mad?” I pushed him away from me. “After what you told my grandparents...”
His brow creased. “I know you're upset because I screwed you out of your inheritance, but –”
“It's not about money, you idiot! You told them we were just friends.”
There was a pained look on his face. “I see. Look, you know I care about you. I always have.”
“Yeah, just not enough to quit your man-whoring lifestyle and grow up for once.”
“Just because we slept together doesn't make us a couple automatically,” he whispered. “And you know I'm not ready for anything serious.”
Ugh! I didn't care how hot he looked in that uniform. If it was a casual fling he wanted, he'd have to look elsewhere.
“Andy dropped by a moment ago,” I told him flatly.
“He did? What did he tell you?”
“Turns out the reason he ran off to Thailand was that he's gay.”
Carter relaxed and chuckled. “That makes sense. Me and the boys thought that might have been it.”
“But he wants to try the wedding thing again. To keep up the pretense of a typical couple, I suppose.”
The smile vanished from his face. “You wouldn't even consider it, I hope.”
“I don't know, Carter.” I tried not to cry; my voice came out scratchy. “He's a decent guy. Respected in the community. Good family. And enough money to take care of a lot of things.”
“Money.” He snorted. “Of course.”
“It's not like I want cash to go on a shopping spree! I've got bills piling up, first of all. And the school's funding fell through, so my students won't be going on their field trip without help.”
“So you're going to marry a guy you don't love? One that dumped you at the altar and humiliated you, besides?”
“I didn't agree to it yet.” I forced myself to turn away. “But I don't see what difference it makes to you either way.”
“Allie.” He reached for me, tried to stop me before I went inside. “Please don't.”
“Don't what? I told you already; I'm a grown woman. I don't need your help chasing off guys anymore.”
“I don't want to share you with anyone else.”
The words froze me in my tracks. I wanted to turn around, to accept his hug and kiss once again, but I couldn't.
“Unfortunately for you, it goes both ways. I refuse to give myself to you again, not while you're out there screwing any chick who takes her clothes off for you.”
The bell rang. I heaved open the door.
“I've got to go, Carter. My class is waiting for me.”
“Allie, come back –”
The door slammed shut. He didn't run after me.
I went back to room 103 with tears in my eyes.
Chapter 14 - Carter
It was Friday night. Like pretty much all Friday nights, the guys and I were hanging out at the bar. We usually came here to pick up girls, and always succeeded in scoring a few cute young things to take home.
But this time, my heart wasn't in it. Alicia refused to leave my thoughts.
“Hey, Carter. How about that one with the curly brown hair?” Max pointed. “Nice rack she's got. Looks right up your alley.”
The others looked on with approval. Yes, the woman was pretty; beautiful, even. But she wasn't Allie. The very thought of getting naked with anyone but her just made me sad.
“I guess she's all right,” I muttered, chugging my cheap beer.
“What's the matter with you?” Jayce popped a nacho in his mouth and talked with it full. “You coming down with a cold or something?”
Brett nodded. “Ever since you came back from Florida, you've been... different.”
“Marriage.” Jayce laughed. “I can't believe you pretended to be that chick's husband. Sure would have been nice if it worked out, though. Millions of dollars makes a nice consolation prize.”
“She's not just some chick.” I glared. “Her name's Alicia. Show some respect, assholes.”
The men hushed. I ordered another round and fixed my stare on the bar's TV.
“Dude, no.” Jayce looked horrified. “Don't tell me you have feelings for her.”
“He totally does.” Max cackled and threw a crumpled napkin at me. “I always knew he'd be the first of us to get hit by Cupid's arrow. After all, he's practically a senior citizen.”
“...I'm twenty eight. And don't you worry, buddy. You'll be rolling yourself around in a wheelchair soon enough.”
Brett remained quiet while the others exchanged jabs. He was always one of the more sensible of our little group, though that wasn't saying much.
“So you got a thing for this woman,” he said finally. “Then why are you so down? Actually, why the hell aren't you out with her tonight instead of us losers?”
I buried my head in my arms on the bar counter. “Because I think she hates me.”
“That does not surprise me. Well, I'm not much good for rela
tionship advice; you know that.” He chuckled. “Last real girlfriend I ever had cheated on me and stole my money. Needless to say, I reacted poorly.”
“I made out with her a long time ago. Like, back in high school. It was awesome, but I screwed up and started dating some other girl.”
Jayce and Max had gotten into an arm-wrestling match. Max slammed Jayce's arm down on the counter; he winced and rubbed his bicep.
“And I thought I was a clueless dunce. Why the hell would you do that?”
“It was a friendship I didn't want to ruin. Only come to find out recently that Alicia would have rather taken that chance.”
I had a second chance now – or at least I did until I screwed up again.
When I stripped her naked and had her in my arms that night, it was like a religious experience. And once again, like the first kiss we shared, after it was over I found myself full of fear.
Not fear that I'd mess up our friendship this time. No, I was afraid of giving up the girls, the partying, the fun, all to settle down and grow up at last.
But Max wasn't wrong. I was the eldest of us. My youth and looks wouldn't hold out forever.
When I was forty years old, would I still want a new girl in my bedroom every night – or would I want it to be someone I loved?
“You were her best friend in school, and then you stopped talking to her for ten years?”
“We went our separate ways. Life got in the way, as it does.” I grabbed the fresh beer out of the bartender's hands. “But I wish it hadn't.”
I was such an idiot. She clearly wanted me, but I ignored the signs – and now she was considering marrying this Andy dick for his money!
I couldn't let it happen. I refused to let anyone else have her, not ever again.
Whatever I could do to make her mine, consider it done.
“If you want her that bad, go after her then.” Jayce reached for the peanuts. “But we all know how it goes. You shack up with a girl, the nights touring bars for chicks will be over.”
“It was getting old anyway.” I smiled. “Besides, even if I win her heart, I'll probably be single again soon enough. I got no idea what it's like to be in a relationship that lasts longer than a month.”
“If you love the girl,” Brett said, “then every day you spend with her's like winning the lottery.”
