by Amy Brent
My heart refused to stop pounding. I stared up at the dark ceiling, sucking in deep breaths while the sweat on my skin cooled. My body still thrummed with the lasting afterglow of two amazing orgasms. I reached up to wipe my head in disbelief. Two in a row. I couldn’t even do that with my own hand.
I could feel Gage laying in the dark next to me, trying to catch his breath, too. Our arms brushed when I reached for his hand in the dark. I wanted to say something before the glow went away, but a blood-curdling and terrified scream from downstairs startled the both of us.
“Mom!”
“Ethan,” I gasped, jumping off the bed quickly. Panic roared through me at his terrified cries.
I frantically searched the floor for my clothes, pulling on my leggings without any underwear. I found my shirt a second later, jamming it over my head as I ran out, with Gage pulling on his clothes behind me. The entire bottom half of the house was dark. The candles had gone out, but I could see Ethan’s tiny body standing in the middle of the living room with his blanket clutched tightly to him.
Wrapping my arms around his quivering shoulders, I turned Ethan to pull him into me. His body trembled against mine. I could see the watery surface of tears in his fright-stricken eyes in the dark.
Nightmares. I knew it the second I had heard those screams from upstairs. Ethan wrapped his arms around my neck, burrowing against me for safety. I kneeled there on the cold hardwood floors while his little body trembled against mine.
“What’s going on?”
I turned to look over at Lily, standing near the edge of the couch. Her eyes were wide with fright and confusion as she gazed at Ethan.
“Just a dream,” I told her. “It’s okay, Lily. Sometimes he has bad dreams.”
“About what?” Lily asked.
“I’m not sure,” I said, even though I knew. Those same dreams plagued me, too, at times. There were times that I woke up drenched in sweat with Scott’s scowling face still etched in my mind.
“Well, is he going to keep having nightmares?” Lily asked, hands on her hips in annoyance. “I don’t want him sleeping down here if he’s going to keep waking me up with bad dreams.”
“Lily.”
The sound of Gage’s voice cutting through the dark caught us both by surprise. I glanced over my shoulder to find Gage standing in the door frame of the living room, frowning at his daughter who immediately looked ashamed.
“Ethan is only three-years old,” he scolded quietly. “You used to have nightmares, too. Don’t be mean.”
“I’m sorry,” Lily said. Her tangled brunette locks covered her face when she glanced down at the floor. “Is Ethan going to be okay?”
I rubbed soothing circles along Ethan’s back as he calmed down. I could feel the fear draining out of him steadily. Exhaustion eventually took back over, and he climbed sleepily into my lap to nestle against me. Sweeping him up in my arms, I cherished the weight of his warm body against my own while I settled down into the couch cushions. These types of moments were stretching far and few in between. Ethan never cuddled much because of Scott accusing me of coddling him too much. “He’ll never be a man if you insist on holding him all the time,” he had said.
“He’ll be fine,” I replied, but I had no idea if he would be. I had no idea if I was ever going to be fine again.
I glanced up to see Gage peering at me intently in the dark. A rush went through me when our eyes met, and that lingering desire filled the air between us. He knew just as well as I did what caused Ethan’s nightmares at night. He looked away to coax Lily back onto the other couch across from ours. Stretching out alongside his daughter, Gage draped a heavy blanket over the both of them while they settled down.
Ethan yawned sleepily against my shoulder. I draped a blanket over the both of us too, and while Ethan slipped back into dreamland, I found myself gazing out through the living room window. Around this time of the night in the middle of winter, I felt the calmest and most content. Snow continued to blanket the world outside of the window. Tomorrow, we would take the kids to go sledding down one of slopes in the Rocky Mountains that every parent around Colorado Springs took their kids to whenever it snowed.
None of that took away from the tension now radiating in the living room. I glanced over to find Gage’s eyes closed, but I knew he wasn’t asleep yet. He never fell asleep fast—exactly like me.
How did I end up here?
The past few years of my life seemed like an unreal blur. The first time I had met Gage was at a summer barbecue that my father had put on. I was a nerdy sophomore, trying not to be aroused by the masculinity that Gage exuded at the time, while playing a fun game of football to stripping down to jump into the pool. Gage’s friendship with my father had started when the both of them worked together on cyber security. My father had been the head of the cyber security congressional committee while Gage’s cyber defense software was picking up popularity with governmental agencies. It was a match made in heaven, but looking back at it now, I realized it was much bigger than that.
I believed in predestined events. Everything and everyone in my life were a part of a plan that I had no control over anymore, it seemed like. While Gage had gone on to get married and to eventually lose his wife, I had gone through college before marrying Scott. Our lives had separated for a long time until recently.
Ethan’s breathing evened out, but I didn’t even bother trying to move away from him. I wanted to stay like this in the hush of a winter night with the heaters kicking on as a comforting noise. I didn’t want to broach that subject with Gage about what was going to happen now. I knew that it wouldn’t be an easy conversation, given that my father was a well-known and liked congressman. Sleeping with my father’s best friend screamed against all the moral values that my father expected me to follow. My divorce from Scott had already raised enough disapproving eyebrows from the community until my father’s public relations team explained to the press why Scott and I were filing for divorce.
Watching my life being dissected on television, to be told that divorce was considered an abomination despite the reasons behind it, was already hard enough. I could only imagine what the press and the residents of Colorado Springs would think of me now.
Chapter 3
One Month Earlier
Gage
Hot sweat dripped down the back of my neck as I gathered another load of chopped firewood from the shed outside. Knee-high snow crunched beneath my feet as I pushed through the snow in the direction of the back porch that was shoveled off now. Winters in Bozeman, Montana had a tendency to be isolating and harsh. The elements were always against you if you weren’t prepared for a long season of biting cold and steady snowfalls.
I stopped on the back-porch step to scan the surrounding evergreen pines that were covered with snow. The hushed silence was comforting. Thick snowflakes fluttered down from the grey and overcast skies.
Being surrounded by nature had always been more important to me than the bustle of a city. After the boom of my cyber defense software, I had purchased twenty acres of land outside of Bozeman to build the log home of my dreams. Being immersed in computers day in and day out exhausted me. It made the forest feel more peaceful.
“Dad!”
The sliding glass door opened. I turned to find Lily holding out the phone to me with a frown tugging at her lips.
“Phone for you,” she said. “I’m in the middle of a movie.”
I set the pile of chopped wood down next to the sliding glass door to grab later. Warm air rushed out as I took the phone from Lily.
“Who is it?” I asked.
“No idea,” she replied and took off in the direction of the living room.
I watched her tangled brunette locks swing in the ponytail she wore all the time now. She refused to brush it, or to let me brush it. “You don’t do it right,” she’d said. “Mom did it right.”
Closing the door to keep the heat in, I stomped my boots on the rug to shake off the snow.
“Gage Devlin,” I said crisply. “How can I help you?”
“Gage, it’s Beau Roselyn. How are you my friend?”
“I’m fine,” I replied, frowning as I slipped out of my boots to keep from tracking snow throughout the kitchen. “How are you, friend?”
“You sound a bit surprised to hear from me.”
“I am. I’m surprised that you were able to call the landline in the middle of this snowstorm.”
“Persistence pays off,” Beau said, laughing. “It took me by surprise to hear how grown up Lily sounds on the phone. I almost thought it was Marcie who answered the phone.”
“She sounds like her. She even looks like her mother. Spitting image, in fact.”
I poured myself a cup of hot coffee before settling down at the kitchen island. While I was close friends with Beau Roselyn, a congressman from Colorado Springs, I knew there was a reason for him to be calling. Nothing that Beau Roselyn did wasn’t a part of a plan. He was a skilled politician with a shit-eating grin that could disarm anyone.
“I have a favor to ask of you,” Beau said. “A big favor, actually. Would it be possible to meet here in Colorado Springs tomorrow? Lunch would be on me.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Yes, tomorrow. If it is possible.”
There was something off about Beau’s request, but I couldn’t put a finger on it. I respected Beau for his dedication to his job as a congressman. He did everything he could to help the community. He sacrificed a lot of his personal life, but when Marcie had passed away, he had dropped everything without a second thought to travel up here with his wife, to help with Lily and the funeral.
I frowned as I gazed through the kitchen window above the sink. Traveling to Colorado Springs for ten hours would be a bitch, but if Beau needed something, I couldn’t say no. Not after everything he had done for me.
“I’ll speak with my sister-in-law about watching Lily for two days,” I said. “The country club?”
“The country club,” Beau said. “Thank you, Gage. I appreciate you coming down to talk. I’m in need of a favor.”
“What sort of favor?” I asked.
Chatter filled the other end of the phone.
“I’ll explain tomorrow,” he said, distracted. “I’ll plan on seeing you at eight-thirty at the country club.”
He hung up before I could say another word. Sighing, I dialed Raychelle’s land line, since cell service was down from the storm.
“You’re kidding, right?” she asked. “Gage, it’s a blizzard out there.”
“I’m aware of the conditions,” I said. “Beau needs a favor. I can’t turn away from that.”
“What if it isn’t personal, Gage?” Raychelle asked, exasperated. “I mean, you’re done with work. You’re able to send people to go meet with Beau if it has something to do with your business.”
“I don’t know what it is that he wants. I just don’t want to drive around with Lily in the car. She won’t enjoy the ten-hour drive.”
Raychelle sighed into the phone. “I told my sister that I would help you and look after Lily, no matter what. So, bring her down here with some overnight things. I’ll make it a fun visit.”
“Great. Thanks, Racyhelle. I appreciate it.”
I found Lily sprawled out on the couch with a bowl of mushy cereal in her lap. Her hazel-colored eyes were focused on the television screen mounted above the fireplace, oblivious to me standing behind her. The more I looked at Lily, the more I saw Marcie, and it hurt like fucking hell. The two of them could pass for twins.
Lily’s eyes flicked over to where I was standing above her behind the couch. She frowned up at me.
“What?”
“I was wondering if you would be okay staying with Aunt Ray tonight?” I asked, watching her expression carefully.
These days, Lily went through phases of a normal ten-year old girl, but also through deep and depressive phases that started weeks after her mother’s death. The both of us were still adjusting to Marcie never walking through the front doors again, or coming downstairs to find breakfast on the table well before we were even awake. Then, there were the phases where Lily refused to have anything to do with me, and then she wanted to be with me twenty-four hours a day. It was a whirlwind that Raychelle assured me was typical of a prepubescent teen girl, trying to come to terms with her mother’s death.
Lily’s eyes visibly brightened at that. “Yes! It’s boring here, Dad. All I can do is watch TV while I wait for the internet to come on. Does Aunt Ray have internet?”
“I’m sure she does,” I said, relief pouring through me. “Go on. Get a bag packed up for the next few days, in case I can’t make it back.”
Lily shot up from the couch, nearly spilling her bowl of cereal in the process, and handed it to me in passing. I rinsed the bowl out in the sink before heading up to my own room to pack for the drive. Thirty minutes later, I carried both our bags to the jeep, with Lily crunching through the snow happily alongside me. Seeing Raychelle always seemed to brighten Lily’s day. She had latched onto Raychelle after Marcie’s death for good reason. There were things happening in Lily’s world that I didn’t have a clue about, and I didn’t want to know about, either.
The trip back into town was silent, with Lily gazing out the passenger window. Raychelle’s house was in a small suburb on the outskirts of Bozeman, and the roads were at least plowed with gravel thrown on them for traction. The front porch light was on, a hazy light through the blur of snow as I parked on the curb.
“Aunt Ray,” Lily hollered, opening the passenger door without hesitation. “I’m here!”
The front door immediately opened as I slid out from behind the steering wheel with a sigh. Grabbing her pink duffle bag, I watched as Lily jogged through the snowy pathway and yard to where Raychelle stood in a bright yellow sweater. She gladly accepted Lily into her arms with a wide smile.
“Hello, sweetheart,” she said. “I’m glad that you’re going to be staying here with me. It’s boring all by myself.”
Lily made a face at me as I came up the pathway to hand over her pink duffle bag. “Yeah, I know. It’s so boring at Dad’s house when it’s just the two of us.”
“Hence, why you are here,” I replied, kissing her temple with a smile. “I’ll see in you two days, okay? Behave for your aunt.”
Raychelle ushered Lily through the front door. “Go on, dear. I need to speak with your dad for a minute before he takes off.” She waited for Lily to shut the door before turning to face me with a frown. “What does your congressman friend want exactly this time?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “That’s why I have to go meet him.”
“Gage,” she started with a sigh, running a hand through her short grey hair, “I can’t watch Lily full time if he wants you to do another contract. The girl needs you to be there for her.”
“I’m not fully retired, Raychelle. I have to keep working if I need to. I don’t know what he wants, but he was there for me after Marcie passed away. Remember?”
“I suppose you’re right,” Raychelle said. “Let me know when you get to Colorado Springs. I’ll get Lily to school just fine.”
“Thank you, Raychelle.” I pressed a kiss to her powdered cheek that smelt of rose perfume. “I appreciate it. Take care of my little girl for me.”
“Will do. Take care of yourself on the roads.”
I spent the next ten hours driving before reaching Colorado Springs, right as the sun disappeared from the sky. The storm had moved well past Colorado Springs, but the Rocky Mountains were covered in a pure white blanket. It was a beautiful sight, coming into the bustling city.
I had no idea what Beau wanted, but he never asked for favors. I was tempted to call him from the hotel room, to tell him that another government contract would be difficult at this time with Lily. Instead, I called in to talk with Lily for a few minutes before retiring for the night.
It wasn’t until the next morning that I realized how nice it fe
lt to see Beau’s friendly smile when I walked into the country club fifteen minutes away from the hotel. His silver hair was slicked back as usual, and he wore a nice pair of pants with a button up navy shirt.
“Good to see you,” Beau said, clasping my hand warmly. “I’m glad that you were able to make it out here.”
“I didn’t have much of a choice,” I replied as I followed him through the dining area to a private booth near windows that overlooked what was normally a green golf course. The entire place was covered in a thick snow that sparkled in the morning sunlight. “You hooked my curiosity with your abrupt call yesterday.”
“Right. I apologize for the vagueness. I was in between meetings at the time I called you.”
“No problem.”
We took a seat near the window. I could feel the cold and snowy air coming in through the window as I shrugged out of my jacket, draping it across my chair. The private dining area was filled with quiet chatter. I waited for the waiter to take our orders before gazing across the table at Beau expectantly.
“So,” I said. “What is this favor that you need? Before you answer that, I need to tell you that a contract might not be the best thing for me at the moment. You see, Lily is—”
Beau held up a hand to stop me. “This is a personal favor, Gage. I understand completely that a contract with your company would be too much at the moment.” A darkness settled across Beau’s freshly shaven face then. “I’m not sure if you have read the headlines over the past few months…”
“I’ve made it a point to avoid the headlines.”
“Wise. Very wise. I have to return to DC here soon for the start of Congress, and that’s why I asked you to come meet with me. It has to do with my daughter, Amber.”
“Amber?” I repeated, arching my eyebrows up in surprise. “What is going on with, Amber?”
“A nasty divorce,” Beau replied coldly. “The bastard she married, Scott, has been beating her for a while. They have a small child together.”
“He has been hitting her?”
The thought filled me with a blood rage. The kind of rage that you felt whenever someone hurt your baby girl. Though, Beau was much more composed about it, given he was a public figure. I would’ve torn the son of a bitch limb from limb if it was my daughter, without a care in the world. I had no reputation to worry about.
