“Once my father died, I tracked down my half sister and offered to stand by her and support her, but she’d have none of me. Not that I blamed her. I send her money, I will provide her with a considerable dowry should she marry, and we write to each other occasionally. I don’t know how many others are out there. Their fate constantly haunts me.”
“It’s admirable that you want to right so many wrongs, but you are not responsible for your father’s mistakes.”
Christian stroked a hand down her arm. “That is easy for you to say. I should have done more.”
“As a woman, I know how powerless women can be made to feel.”
He asked, “Your marriage?”
She nodded. “On my husband’s tobacco plantation, I tried to help the slaves. He mistreated them terribly. The first few weeks I was constantly ill, fearful that I’d go mad living with the unfairness of their lives and the parallel that could be found to mine. I was owned, as they were.” Her eyes filled with unshed tears. “Then Pippa, one of the household slaves, told me I shouldn’t feel guilty about circumstances I could not change. The fact I tried was enough.” She pressed her palms to her eyes, willing the tears not to fall, and quietly said, “The fact I couldn’t change my situation, or theirs, only made it worse. The powerlessness ate at me. I withered away as if struck by a cankerous disease.”
“Let’s hope your husband is getting what he deserved where he has gone.”
She started. “I beg your pardon?”
He frowned. “He died. If you believe in a heaven, then there must be a hell.”
She shivered in the humid air. “Is it awful of me to hope he’s suffering?”
He kissed the top of her head and murmured against her hair, “No. I’m glad we’ve talked. I’m hoping my behavior this evening won’t make you leave my employ. Lily—Lily and I—will be very disappointed if I have driven you away.”
She softened her tone, to cushion the blow of what she was about to say. “You have no right to be jealous of me. I do not belong to you. I thought that I was quite clear on that point.”
“I know I have no claim on you. I know your freedom is very important to you. I shall try to keep my feelings of inadequacy under control and rein in my jealous tendencies.”
This time she allowed herself to smile. “You have no reason to feel inadequate. You are the only man I have willingly shared myself with, ever. I did not come to that decision lightly.”
Sarah couldn’t believe how blind she’d been. Here was an honorable man. A man who seemed as lost in this world as she was. A man who, like her, was looking for something—someone—to fulfill his life. She knew she could never be that someone for him, an earl. But she looked forward to the voyage to England and sharing a little of herself with him. She looked forward, with more desire than she thought possible, to the prospect of learning all about passion from this man.
He lifted her hand to his lips and pressed a chaste kiss to her fingers. “I’m honored, truly. I shall endeavor to earn back your trust and respect, for I treasure the gift you bestowed on me last night. Please say you’ll give me a chance to know everything about you and, at the same time, share everything about myself with you.” She saw his throat work hard to swallow. “Will you give me—our relationship—another chance?” he said, hurrying his words. “We can take it slowly, and leave off the physical aspect until we are comfortable with each other.”
“What if I don’t wish to wait?” she teased.
His face lit with a radiant smile. It was a smile that tugged at her heart and sent her pulse racing. He stood and walked to the bed, depositing her gently on the covers. “I am at your command. You may set the pace, and I shall eagerly follow.”
His words sent a flood of warmth through her. She’d never been in a relationship of her choosing. It felt nice to be wanted, but most of all it was glorious to be respected. It was wonderful to be listened to attentively, to be apologized to sincerely, and, above all, not be treated as a mere possession to command. She knelt, reached up, and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
“No. Thank you.” He bowed from the waist. “I shall leave you to rest. We’ll be leaving early tomorrow.”
“I hope we are not leaving Jamaica because of any misunderstanding with Sebastian?”
He shook his head. “No. Sebastian’s news from Grayson was not what I had hoped. It’s imperative that I get back to England as soon as possible. The longer I wait, the harder it will be to clear my name.” He made his way to the door, and suddenly she didn’t want him to leave. She wanted him to stay and make love to her.
Too scared to ask directly, she rose from the bed and said, “Would you like me to rub some liniment on your shoulder before you go?”
He hesitated at the door and gave her a look that would melt an iceberg. “I’m not sure that would be wise. I’m finding it hard to resist you.”
She let her actions speak for her. She undid the tie to her robe and let it slip onto the floor, revealing her sheer white shift.
“Moments ago you said you’d follow my lead. Tonight I want to show you that you have no need to be jealous or feel inadequate. I agreed to be your lover for the duration of this voyage because I desire you. Let me pleasure you tonight.”
His grip tightened on the door latch, his knuckles turning white. Then, slowly, he closed it.
With his back to her he asked, “I want you so badly. I’m not sure I can control—”
She quickly crossed the room, taking his hand to lead him back toward the bed. “I’m doing this for me.” She undid his cravat and began removing his jacket. “I’ve never had the freedom to be in control, to do as I please, or want.” In this heat, he wore no waistcoat under his jacket, so she pressed her lips to the expanse of defined muscle she’d just exposed as he helped her lift his shirt up and over his head.
“Will you allow me to be in command?”
He stood looking down at her, his eyes swirling shades of green, hot with desire. “Relinquishing control to a beautiful woman, that’s my definition of heaven!” He reached for her. “However, I’m a better leader than follower, and I’m quite sure you’ll appreciate the difference.” And he took her lips in a deeply arousing kiss.
Chapter Twelve
Her gaze dropped to his lips. “Make love to me.”
He breathed in sharply. “Thank God! I’ve wanted you since the first night you came to my room.”
She smiled seductively and drew her shift up and over her head.
Christian drank in her nakedness. “Beautiful!” His voice was hoarse with desire. He licked his lips, and hope and rampant need flared within his soul.
“I’m not an expert in giving pleasure, so you may have to guide me, but you will allow me free rein.”
He could only nod in agreement, for his mouth had gone dry. To his utter astonishment, Sarah dropped to her knees in front of him and began to unfasten his trousers. The brush of her slender fingers through the material as she worked at the buttons was excruciatingly arousing, and his member pulsed with a pounding blood flow, hardening him further. He almost gasped out loud as she finally tugged open the last button and freed his erection.
“Sarah,” he said hoarsely as she began to stroke his cock, her caresses making his entire body tremble. “This is such sweet torture.”
Wiping a bead of semen from the engorged tip, she uttered, “I’ve never explored a man before. I’ve never wanted to. You make me want to learn every inch of you.” She smiled up at him, a sensual siren replacing the nervous woman of last night. She slipped her finger in her mouth. “You taste … nice,” she said artlessly, staring at his erection with open curiosity. He watched her regarding him studiously, and he’d never seen anything so arousing. She was a sensual, naked siren, revealing lush curves and flowing fair hair. His balls tightened painfully.
Her lashes lowered and he couldn’t believe the rush of molten heat spearing through his veins as he anticipated her next move. She leaned forward with unmista
kable intent. Her soft lips slid over the head of his erection; the sensation was indescribable.
He hissed through his teeth. “God, Sarah.” He placed his hands on her head, gently tugging her up and away from his body. “I can’t take much more.”
Her reply was a murmured denial, her mouth still wet and hot upon him. She began to suck gently, and all thoughts fled from his head.
A low sound rose from his chest, and his body shook with the effort of not pushing himself deeper into her mouth. He held back, letting her have her way. She was leading and he was definitely following.
He was holding on—just—but she cupped his balls and he felt his control loosen. “Sarah, please. Have mercy.”
Her mouth left him, and he looked down on the most exotic sight a man could see, that of her lush, wet lips kissing the tip of his member and smiling. “I’m leading …” She slid her tongue up and down the length of him. “I like being in control. I want to see you lose yours.”
“Keep that up for a bit longer and you’ll get your wish,” he growled.
Her answer was to continue her ravishment of him. Her mouth tightened around him again, sucking deeply and with more purpose than before.
Christian trembled, his body swamped with unrelenting pleasure. Then he felt his testicles tighten in preparation for ejaculation. He desperately wanted to come, more desperately than a dying man wanted to live. Every muscle went taut as he tried to hold off his release.
He communicated his body’s knife-edge hold on control by sinking his hands into her hair.
With one final lick she let him leave her mouth. He wasted no time in scooping her off the floor and crossing with her to the bed. He practically tossed her onto the covers, her fair tresses flying around her creamy skin. She rose up onto her silken limbs, her lips a luscious pout. “That was not very submissive behavior, my lord.”
“There is only so much a man can take. If you want me to make love to you, then you’d best take pity on me and allow me to dampen down my desire before I ruin both our nights.”
She licked her lips and gave an amused chuckle. “It would seem that to be in control, you must know when to surrender it.”
“I promise you’ll not regret your surrender.”
He eased her down on the bed. If he was to ensure her pleasure, he needed a minute to douse his raging need, which wasn’t helped when his glittering gaze feasted on every inch of her nude form. “Command me. Where would you like my mouth, my lips …?”
“Everywhere,” was her husky reply.
“Your wish is my command.”
He nuzzled her breasts, letting his lips glide over the plump mounds, dipping to kiss the valley between her breasts. She sighed in approval as his mouth found one taut nipple and gently rolled it around his mouth, licking with his tongue. Her sighs turned to soft moans as he suckled her. She was liquid heat beneath him, her soft curves inflaming his ardor, while he still struggled for control over his rampaging need to sink deep between her thighs. He stayed suckling her breasts until at last he felt a modicum of restraint.
Then he kissed down her stomach and nestled against her soft skin when he saw her grip the sheets in her hands, while her hips lifted slightly off the sheets. Her body recognized his moves and cried out for his attentions. His hands touched her silken thighs, and she needed no further encouragement to part them so that he could slide between them.
He glanced up at her succulent body. Her eyes flew open.
“I’m waiting to be commanded. Where should I kiss you next?”
Her hips lifted in answer as she pleaded with him. “You know where I want your sinfully wicked kiss.…”
Holding her gaze, he slowly lowered his mouth and licked through her wet folds. Her eyes closed and her head fell back on the pillow with a sigh.
He pressed his mouth against the sensitive moistness of her sex. Licking and stroking with his tongue, he teased her just as she had teased him, and he could feel her arousal when the small nub between her folds began to swell against the pressure of his mouth. “You taste of the sweetest nectar. I swear I could live on nothing else.”
“God, don’t stop. I order you, beg you, to make me come!”
He smiled to himself as he bent and enthusiastically obeyed. He found her nub and gently sucked. Then he licked until he felt her body stiffen. He teased her for a few moments longer before finally plunging his tongue deep inside her. Her cries of pleasure filled the room, inflaming him even more. In moments Sarah convulsed, her hands gripping handfuls of his hair as she shuddered and moaned. He rose onto his knees to watch the beautiful sight, but became alarmed when small trails of tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.
He gently stroked her stomach and quietly asked. “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Is this not what you wanted?”
Her lids fluttered open and she smiled as he imagined an angel would smile. “That was beautiful, almost surreal. I never realized how fabulous making love could feel. It touched me here,” and she placed his hand over her heart.
He understood completely. His heart had pounded in unison with hers. He’d never wanted to pleasure a woman as much as he wanted to with Sarah.
He lay down next to her. “But we haven’t really made love. This is simply the delicious appetizer before the main course. If you are too full to continue tonight, or you’d like to change the menu, simply tell me. After all, I’m yours to direct.”
She rolled onto her side and, facing him, looked down over his body. “It would be unfair to leave you in such … condition.” Her fingers trailed over his burns, over his chest and stomach, her destination clear in her gaze. She wrapped her small hand around him, and he lay back on the bed with a groan welling deep in his chest.
Sarah rose to her knees next to him, and her free hand traced his chest and stomach while she stroked him intimately. “You’re so beautiful …”
“You make me feel beautiful. You make me forget my scars, forget everything but the feel and touch of you.”
She was breathtaking. The graceful curve of her bared shoulders, the gentle mounded slope of her pert breasts, and the flawless perfection of her naked skin were all he could desire. Not to mention the alluring rose shape of her soft mouth, with the darker color of her brows a contrast to the fair luster of her hair.
Christian couldn’t wait. He’d spend in her hand if she continued much longer. He firmly took both her hands and tugged her so she lay atop him. “If you want a full feast, you’d best stop toying.”
She gave a delightful giggle. “Enough of the food analogies! Let’s eat.”
He grinned. “You wanted control. This position gives you that. When you’re ready, and I hope it’s soon or I’ll give a very bad performance, simply slide me into your body, at your own speed.”
She raised herself and guided him to her opening. Holding her pensive gaze, he encouraged her with a smile. She tentatively began to lower herself, and it took all of Christian’s reserves not to thrust up to meet her welcoming heat. She was tight and hot, and his limbs trembled at her torturous descent. Finally she was sheathing him fully, and she let out a pent-up breath.
“It feels wonderful. Tight but wonderful, and there’s no pain.”
“If a woman is prepared properly, there should never be pain.” He could feel a bead of sweat slide down his temple. God, how he wanted to thrust, to plunge into her tight heat, but he held back. This was her night. Her chance to understand that pleasure should be mutual and that a man should, and could, put the pleasure of his woman before his own.
Sarah experimented. She rocked gently upon him, and a smile lit up her face. She leaned down and kissed his chest, running her tongue around his areola before gently biting his hardened nipple with her teeth. He raised his hips and pushed slowly into her in response.
She moaned against his chest and sat up. “Do that again,” she requested breathlessly.
He was more than happy to oblige. He pushed into her, his hips lifting off the bed, and the
sight of her full breasts swaying with the movement was a sight he could not resist. He rose and nibbled down her slender throat, lingering for a moment at the point where her pulse beat fast and light. Sarah made a small sound as his thumb circled the luscious crest of her pink nipple. Her skin was soft silk beneath his touch, and infinitely feminine.
Her little cries grew in volume as he licked her mounded flesh, taking her erect nipple into his mouth, suckling deeply. He could feel Sarah’s arousal in the way she rode him and whispered his name into the silent room.
Sarah had never known a man’s possession of her body could feel so good. It was as if she were on fire. Her body clamored for Christian’s touch—his lips, mouth, hands, fingers … it did not matter. Letting him love her was what she craved.
Her head dropped back and her body responded to his driving rhythm. She used her legs as she would when on a horse, to ride him. Each thrust sent a wave of almost painful pleasure through her, and she could not stifle her moans.
He fell back on the bed with a stifled groan, and she followed him down, her lips seeking his in a branding kiss. She thrust her tongue deep into his mouth, wanting to taste him as he drove deeper within her body.
She rocked more forcibly, and her sex slid over his sweat-covered muscles. Desire spiked and fed her hunger. She moved restlessly, seeking the glorious shattering finale to come.
She sat up and gasped for air, the intense satisfaction capturing her breath. Her pants filled the darkened room. It was so good she called out in feverish pleasure, not even trying to mute her cries.
Christian’s hands were now gripping her hips, and he was thrusting powerfully. She pushed down to meet him in equal urgency. She wasn’t frightened as his thrusts grew in speed and intensity. She glanced at his face. His eyes were shut; his long dark lashes lay against tanned cheeks. He was lost to the world of pleasure, as was she.
The sharp bite of his fingers on her skin increased as the rhythm escalated, and Sarah realized she was going to climax. With a loud guttural groan, he pushed deeper yet. She could feel him as far as physically possible within her, and the sensation of his thick, turgid length made her erupt with such intensity that her body shook. Rapture took her prisoner and held her captive as Christian continued to thrust into her.
A Kiss of Lies Page 17
