“You will marry me.”
Without replying, she crossed to him and kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, sweet, wonderful Christian. Thank you for showing me that not all men are selfish, egotistical monsters. Thank you for sharing a short part of your life with me. I won’t ever forget your kindness.” She straightened and moved to the door. “When next we meet, I will be the respectable governess, Mrs. Cooper, and you will be my employer, Lord Markham. Everything will be as it should be.” Unable to look at him again without bursting into tears, she exited and rushed toward her cabin to cry until she had no more tears left.
Christian did not stop her. He watched her go, and a piece of his heart went with her. Pain ripped through his chest, hurting him more savagely than when he had been burned. He spoke to the empty cabin, which seemed to close in around him. “This is not over yet, my darling.”
True to his word, Christian had been nothing but proper since they’d disembarked. A part of her couldn’t help being irritated at his seemingly easy acceptance of her decision. As in two sides of the same coin, she wanted him to woo her and, at the same time, observe all the proprieties. But if he should woo her, what if she couldn’t resist?
The journey from Portsmouth to Dorset, while comfortable, was strained. The carriage bounced over rough roads, the loud rumbles of wheels on stones unable to cover the silence within. Christian barely acknowledged her presence. Even Lily noticed the tension inside the carriage. The little girl’s excitement at being in England and heading toward her new home waned as her guardian seemed lost in thought. Finally she curled up on the seat and lay sleeping, her head resting on Sarah’s knee.
Sarah cleared her throat. “My lord, how long will the journey to your home in Dorset take? Will we have to stop somewhere for the night?”
He turned cool eyes upon her. “Lily is asleep. There is no need to be so formal.”
She ignored the provocation. “I packed clothing for Lily and me into one bag just in case we are to stay overnight at an inn.”
He nodded. “Good. We will be stopping. However, we are not going to Henslowe Court. A note from Grayson was waiting when we docked. He informs me that Harriet is still in London until the end of the season. The sooner I confront her, the sooner this nonsense stops.”
She bit her lip to hold back a cry. How could she go to London, especially during the season? Surely someone would recognize her. “You are not dropping Lily and me in Dorset?”
He leveled a hard stare at her and curtly replied, “No. I want you with me.”
“Want Lily with you,” she prompted.
He smiled blandly. “Do not play dumb. No. I want you with me. As I am your employer, you will go where I desire.” His hot gaze left her in no doubt as to exactly what he desired.
She ran her tongue over her dry lips, refusing to acknowledge the flush of panic searing her skin. She also refused to get into an argument with him when he was in this piqued mood. “As you wish, Lord Markham.” Since he threatened her with his status, she’d address him accordingly.
He threw his gloves on the seat beside him and sighed. “There is no need for this. When we are alone, surely we can be adult about this situation.”
For self-preservation, Sarah knew she could not. She felt her eyes fill with tears. “I can’t. I’m sorry. It will be too hard. The only way I can remain in my position is to start afresh. Start as I should have started when you employed me in Canada. I’m a governess within your household. That is all.”
“That’s never all you’ll be to me.”
She held his blazing stare.
He snorted and turned away, still scowling. “Stubborn woman. Sometimes I wish you were simply after my title and fortune.”
They arrived in London at dusk the next day. They’d stayed overnight at an inn, and Sarah made sure she roomed with Lily. That move made for a very frosty reception the next morning. Christian did not appreciate being outwitted.
Fortunately, he had sent word ahead to the staff at his London house to expect them. The servants busied themselves seeing to the luggage, while Christian urged Lily and her up the front steps and into the entrance hall.
“Welcome home, my lord.”
“Glad to be back, Roberts. May I introduce my ward, Miss Lily Pearson, and her governess, Mrs. Cooper? I trust Mrs. Boyle has readied rooms for them.”
There was a cough at his side, and Mrs. Boyle stepped forward. “Of course, my lord, and if they would like to follow me, I’ll show them to their rooms and they can freshen up before dinner.”
He watched Sarah and noted that she seemed unfazed by the opulent surroundings, yet another sign of her upbringing. He knew the Duke of Hastings’s home was even grander than his own. She did not look at him as she followed plump, friendly Mrs. Boyle.
“I shall see you at dinner, ladies,” he called after their retreating backs. He could hear Lily already exclaiming over the house as they made their way gracefully up the stairs.
“There is a pile of urgent correspondence waiting in your study, my lord. Lord Blackwood has not been by in over two weeks.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Did you mention to him the urgency?”
“I did, but got no response. I finally sent one of the staff around to his townhouse, only to be told he’d left London.”
His temper flared. “Left London? Where did he go? But I have only just arrived.”
“I believe Lord Fullerton knows more. There is a note from him. It says he’ll call around as soon as it’s convenient.”
“Thank you, Roberts. Send for him immediately. Now I’d like to wash and change before he gets here.”
Lily was still busy exploring her room and excitedly helping her new maid, Eliza, unpack. Sarah had suggested to Eliza that Lily have a bath and a rest before dinner.
Sarah’s lips formed a tight line when she saw her room. She’d been placed in a guest room down the hall from Lily—a room not befitting her station as an employee, for it was too grand.
Christian was heralding his strategy.
When she hesitated in the doorway, Mrs. Boyle asked, “Is the room not to your liking? Lord Markham was quite adamant that this room be yours.”
“I’m sure he was,” she muttered under her breath. She turned and smiled at Mrs. Boyle. “The room is lovely. Grander than I was expecting.”
“Lord Markham explained to the staff that this is what you are used to, being you’re distantly related to the Duke of Hastings, and fallen on hard times. I could tell as soon as I saw you enter the house you were from quality.”
Sarah’s smile fled in an instant, replaced by cold, numbing fear. He’d told people she was distantly related to the Duke? She knew how servants gossiped. Soon it would be all over London that a woman related to the Duke was now in his household. How long before anyone put two and two together and came after her?
The best-laid plans of mice and men … She was definitely the mouse in this story. Trapped! She should leave, and leave at once, but where would she go? Perhaps she could suggest that she escort Lily directly to Dorset without him, saying that it would be expedient to be out of his way while he fought to clear his name. It would protect Lily from gossip and innuendo, she’d tell him.
If she had to, she would give him an incentive to let her leave. She knew what sort of incentive he’d want. But right now every cell in her body called to her to flee. And she’d do whatever it took to remain safe.
Lord Hadley Fullerton didn’t arrive until dinner was about to be served. Impatient as he was to talk privately, Christian wanted to see Sarah more, so he suggested the men talk after they’d eaten.
The men then discussed Sebastian’s situation. Hadley hoped to have good news soon. He felt sure that with the right inducement he could secure a pardon from the Prince.
“Damn it all, if I’d negotiated harder, Sebastian could have sailed home with you, Christian.”
“I believe he’s unlikely to feel the desire to rush home too soon.”
; Hadley stretched his long legs out toward the fire, even though the evening was uncommonly warm. “Ah, a woman.”
Christian shrugged. “What else would keep Sebastian from England?”
Just then Roberts entered and announced, “Miss Lily Pearson and Mrs. Cooper.”
The men rose to their feet as the ladies entered. Christian wanted Lily to dine with them on her first night in her new home. He wanted her to feel included in his life.
Lily looked delightful. Eliza had set her hair, and Christian’s chest swelled with pride as she rushed over and gave him a curtsey.
“Thank you, Lord Markham,” Lily gushed. “My room is lovely, and you brought all my things from home. That was very kind of you.” She threw her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly.
“I wanted you to have something of your parents with you. This is as much your home now as it is mine.”
A man coughed beside him, and he looked at Hadley Fullerton, his friend and a consummate rake. Hadley’s eyes were locked on Sarah, Christian saw, and a possessive fire ignited inside him. She’s mine, he wanted to scream.
“Lord Fullerton, may I present my ward, Miss Lily Pearson, and her governess, Mrs. Cooper.”
Hadley approached Sarah, the image of a cobra just before it was about to strike, and it took massive reserves of Christian’s willpower not to growl and position himself between them.
But his shoulders relaxed with satisfaction when he noted that Hadley’s rakish charms had absolutely no effect on Sarah. In fact, she looked pale, as if she was about to be sick.
“Governess? My God, I thought it was you the minute you entered the room. Lady Serena … I didn’t realize you’d remarried. My condolences. What happened to Dennett?”
Christian shuddered and froze. His world tilted from under him, and involuntarily he moved to brace himself, as if for impact. Lady Serena …
Clarity struck him, an axe blow poised to finish him off. He looked at her, aghast. She was Lady Serena Castleton. She’d played with him. She’d concealed her true identity from him, and there could be only one reason. She’d never had any intention of staying with him.
She’d used him.
He recoiled from her, sickened.
He looked at her, this stranger, this betrayer. Hadley kept on talking. Each word he uttered was a knife cut to his fragile psyche. Each syllable pushed the blade in deeper. Hadley prattled on as if everything were normal, yet it wasn’t. She’d lied to him.
Why?
As his rich, good-looking friend, oblivious to the tension in the room, continued to address Sarah, or Serena, Christian tried to contain the anger moving as rapidly as venom through his veins. He drew on his inner strength, counted to ten, and exhaled through his mouth. He would not lose control, not now, nor ever, especially not in front of Hadley.
And he’d be damned if he didn’t have a good reason to be angry. She’d told him Serena was dead. Wait, no! She’d said she was gone.…
He stared at the woman who’d shared her body with him for the last few weeks, and nausea rose once again. She’d implied Lady Serena Castleton was dead. He thought they’d shared everything, and that he knew her as well as he knew himself. It was all a lie. She was a lie. A complete stranger, it seemed.
He hadn’t gotten to know her at all.
Serena dropped her gaze and shifted nervously on her feet. Hadley still had hold of her hand.
“Lord Fullerton, it’s wonderful to see you.”
Her words fed his anger. She obviously knew him, and knew him well. How well? Jealousy flared yet again and mixed with his potent fury.
Hadley stepped back, a frown chasing across his brow. “I can’t believe the Duke of Hastings’s beautiful daughter is a governess now. What on earth has happened? I haven’t heard that the Duke is in financial distress. I thought your marriage to Dennett solved that problem.”
She swallowed, her slender neck rippling with anxiety. Christian glowered. “Mrs. Cooper, I find that a very interesting question myself. I’d love to hear the answer.”
Hadley looked between them, and realization dawned. “The devil take me! You did not know her true identity?”
“No.” He wanted to say more, but Lily was watching and listening to the adults with an open mouth.
Roberts interrupted the tense scene by announcing, “Dinner is served.”
An icy calm descended over him. “Thank you, Roberts.” He turned to Lily and offered her his arm. “Shall we go in? Lord Fullerton, will you escort Mrs. Cooper?”
“It would be my pleasure.”
Christian left the room, Lily walking beside him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Serena. He’d been looking forward to eating; now his stomach churned too much to even contemplate a morsel.
The anger emanating from Christian set Serena’s teeth chattering. She’d never forget the look on his face when he realized who she was. She’d never forget the play of confusion, hurt, anger, and pain that ran over his face.
She’d utterly hurt him. And she would wound him more savagely when she explained further. She knew now there was no way around it. He would demand answers and she couldn’t lie to him. She thought Christian was a fair man and a good man.
Tonight she’d learn if Christian was a forgiving man.
What would he do when he knew the truth about her killing her husband? Would he be revolted by the fact he’d slept with a murderess? Or would his mother’s death at the hands of his father mean he’d understand her predicament? Would he realize she killed in self-defense? Perhaps he’d even forgive her for the sin she’d committed.
He might understand killing in self-defense, but she knew in her soul he’d not forgive her deceit. He’d hate the fact she’d lied to him.
Christian refused to look at her or address her during the meal. She tried to eat, but the food tasted like soot in her mouth.
Lord Fullerton seemed embarrassed. He talked to Lily, avoiding engaging either herself or Christian in conversation. Lily was happy to chatter about her life in Canada, her parents, and the voyage to England.
As soon as dessert had been consumed, Serena rose. “Come, Lily, it is time for bed. We should let the men discuss their business.”
She was a coward. She was in full retreat.
“Goodnight, Lord Markham and Lord Fullerton.” Lily walked and placed a kiss on Christian’s cheek. “I know I’m going to love it here in England.”
The men stood as Serena reached for Lily’s hand.
“Goodnight, ladies,” Hadley cheerfully murmured, ignoring Christian’s scowl.
She hoped she’d bought herself some time. If she fled to bed, Christian would have to wait until morning to interrogate her.
She was almost through the door when Christian called, “We’ll talk later, Mrs. Cooper.”
Later? What did that mean? “I shall make myself available in the morning, my lord.”
He took his seat without further comment, a mutinous stare fixed firmly in her direction.
She narrowed her eyes at him. She’d promised herself that she would not cower before any man. She might be in the wrong about deceiving him, but she’d not beg for understanding. She’d done what she had to do to survive.
With a final glare she swept out of the room.
Chapter Fourteen
“What the hell is the matter with you?” his friend turned on him as soon as they heard the ladies’ footsteps fade. “You’re angry. Why? I can perfectly understand why Lady Serena would not want the world to know her fallen circumstances.”
Christian turned away to hide his pain, for he did not want Hadley to know how badly she’d hurt him.
“There is more to it than that?” his friend asked.
He looked at Hadley and raised a shoulder in a shrug.
“Good God. She’s your mistress! Tell me I’m wrong. She’ll be completely ruined if the ton learns of it.”
“She is not my mistress.” His words were true. She’d been his lover briefly, but she
was in no way his paid companion. That would tarnish what he’d believed to be a pure and selfless love. It would appear that was not true. Serena had used him.
Hadley looked his fill and raised his eyebrows. “But she was. I forgot what a crafty devil you are with words. She was, what—your lover? You gave her the job in payment?”
“No.”
“No to what? No, not your lover, or no, no payment?” Hadley asked dryly. At Christian’s continued silence, he probed, “No? That’s all you’ll tell me?”
He nodded. “Until I’ve spoken to Sar—I mean Serena, you will leave this situation alone and speak of it to no one.”
Hadley ran a hand through his hair. “Of course, I wouldn’t dream of gossiping about the girl.” He looked at Christian with an angry expression. “You of all people should know how I detest gossip.”
“I need a bloody drink. You have news for me. I dread to think what else I’ll learn this night. Sit down and fill me in on the Duke of Barforte and his lying daughter.”
“The situation is serious. Barforte has blackened your name in all the clubs. He’s hinted that you are responsible for Carla’s murder. He is portraying you as a vile bully, like your father. The old rumors about your mother’s death have begun circulating again, and your absence from England has done nothing to quell the talk. It’s good you are home,” he added. “Further, I suggest you show yourself in public at numerous events. Brazen the talk out. Show them you are not in hiding.”
Christian shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He’d looked forward to socializing when he thought Sarah—Serena—would be on his arm. He’d show the world that not all women thought him hideous. But now his confidence had gone. Was the story she’d spun him about her marital abuse true? Was the relationship they’d shared a convenient fuck on the voyage home or just her way of managing him? No wonder she’d turned him down so easily. She was not a lowly governess thankful for a deformed earl’s attentions, but the daughter of a duke. With her beauty and breeding she could have any man she wanted.
A Kiss of Lies Page 19
