Two days later…
“Thinkin’ this is too soon, babe,” Ham said quietly.
“Shh,” I shushed him, my eyes out the side window of his truck.
We were parked outside Zander’s school. School had just let out, kids in private-school uniforms were streaming out the doors, and I was concentrating.
I had no idea what he looked like but I was certain I’d know him on sight.
“Cookie,” Ham called.
“Shh,” I shushed him again, this time adding waving my hand behind me.
Ham didn’t want to come and he’d explained why. He figured I’d have the strength to fight the fight but I’d also have the patience if Zander was an entity out there I knew existed and wanted to connect with. But if he became real, in other words, I saw him, that patience would vanish and Nina had told us this wasn’t exactly a quick process so we’d both need lots of it.
But it had been four days. Four days of knowing he wasn’t too far away. Four days of knowing he was out there, living with Aunt Wilona, breathing, eating, studying, doing kid shit.
Four very long days.
I couldn’t wait any longer.
So when I searched the Internet and found the name of the only private school in three counties, one close to where Aunt Wilona lived, I’d told Ham I was going. He told me it was too soon. I told him I was going even if he didn’t go with me. Ham explained why it was too soon. I told him that made sense, but I couldn’t wait any longer. Then I grabbed my purse and keys.
So Ham took me.
“Zara, baby, it’s not too late. We can—” Ham started.
But I interrupted him by breathing, “Oh my God.”
My heart slid up in my throat, choking me.
There he was.
Oh my God, there he was.
He looked like Dad.
Which meant he looked like me.
But he was already tall, not like me, like Dad. He was also lean and straight, his navy-blue blazer fitting well on him. He wore his charcoal-gray trousers casually, like they were jeans. And he had a graceful gait, like he already was in command of his little man’s body.
And, last, he was laughing and walking with a bunch of boys as other kids called to them.
He had a posse. He had friends. He was clearly popular.
Like his Mom.
“Oh my God,” I repeated, my body stringing tight with the effort it took not to throw open the door and run to him.
As if he sensed it, Ham wrapped his fingers tight around my knee.
“Where is he?” Ham asked.
I barely controlled lifting my finger to point but said, “Right there. Blond hair, like mine. He’s got four boys with him. He’s almost to the end of the buses.”
I knew Ham spotted him when he muttered, “Fuck, looks just like you.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, my eyes glued to the boy who was making the motions of saying good-bye to his friends.
After he looked both ways, I watched him jog across the street. I craned my neck and then watched as he climbed into an SUV with Aunt Wilona behind the wheel.
My heart, still in my throat, started burning, swelling, and I was finding it difficult to breathe.
I watched Zander smile at my aunt and then put on his seatbelt.
Aunt Wilona smiled back and eased the car into the street.
I stared as they passed us. Neither of them turned to look, not that Zander would know who he was seeing. But they were gabbing to each other, sharing their days, like they probably did every day after school since kindergarten.
“Get us out of here, Ham,” I ordered, my voice husky and unsteady. “Get us out of here now.”
Ham wasted no time turning the ignition and moving into traffic.
“Okay, that was a bad idea,” I admitted softly when we were on our way.
“Fuck,” Ham replied.
“A really bad idea,” I stated.
“Knew that’d wreck you. Fuck,” Ham murmured.
“I think I’m gonna cry,” I told him.
“Do it,” Ham invited.
“I hurt all over,” I shared and I did. The pain was radiating out of my throat, blocking every pore.
“Baby.”
My eyes filled with tears. “He’s beautiful, Ham.”
Ham said nothing but his hand came back to my knee.
“She’d be so proud,” I whispered then I lost it.
Leaning forward, I buried my face in my hands and my shoulders started shaking with silent sobs.
About a second later, the truck was at the side of the road, my seatbelt was gone, and I was pulled across the cab and in Ham’s arms.
He held me until my emotion was spent and he kept holding me when, lips at my ear, he stated gently, “From now on, cookie, you gotta listen to me, okay?”
I nodded.
“This is gonna be hard enough, don’t make it harder,” he went on.
I nodded again.
“You listen to me, swear to Christ, honey, I’ll break my back to make that hard as easy on you as it can be.”
Every day in every way I loved this man more and more.
“Okay, darlin’,” I whispered.
“Now kiss me, napkins in the glove compartment, clean up, and let’s get you a mile-high mud pie at The Mark,” he finished.
I smiled a shaky smile into his neck.
Graham Reece so knew me.
I pulled back and gave him my shaky smile before I gave him a light kiss. Then I pulled away, cleaned up my face, and Ham took me to The Mark, where I could mute my sorrow in chocolate cake, fudge frosting, whipped chocolate mousse, and ice cream.
And although The Mark’s mud pie was amazing, what muted my sorrow was the hope that, one day, I’d be sitting there with Ham and Zander, watching my nephew eat one, too.
* * *
Reece
Reece stood in the doorway to the kitchen, shoulder resting against the jamb, eyes aimed through the living room to the doors of the balcony where he saw his girl sitting outside, feet up on the railing, beer in her hand, gaze on the mountains.
He had his phone in his hand. He looked down at it, hit the button, glued his eyes back to his woman, and put the phone to his ear.
“Reece, how’s everything?” Nina asked in his ear.
“We had a situation today,” Reece replied. “Zara couldn’t wait anymore. We went to Zander’s school to see if we could spot him. We did. She lost it.”
“Oh dear,” Nina murmured.
“We need to discuss a new strategy,” Reece informed her.
“And that would be?” she asked cautiously.
“She’s holdin’ it together but I ’spect that’s gonna dissolve. If we gotta make concessions without harmin’ the end goal, we’re gonna have to do that. But we need to get them to agree to arrange for a meeting with Zara and Zander and then regular visits.”
There was a long, weighty pause Reece did not like before Nina shared, “I received word from Xavier Cinders’ attorney today, Reece, and I’m sure it won’t surprise you that they’re already taking a hard line.”
She was right, it didn’t surprise him. But it did piss him off.
“Explain that,” he ordered.
“More things that won’t surprise you but mention of Zara’s divorce, the brevity of that union, the loss of her home and shop. And you and I may need to have a sit down so you can share anything I might need to know, because they didn’t say it up front, but my guess is, they’re investigating you and if you’ve got skeletons in your closet, I have to know about them.”
“I don’t,” Ham stated.
“That’s good but maybe I need to be the judge of that,” Nina replied.
Fuck.
“It was also noted that you were caught up in that mess with that serial killer,” she went on.
Fuck.
“Not my fault that guy had me in his sights,” Ham returned.
“Agreed. But that doesn’t mean they won’t twist it in
some way to make it work for them.”
“Goddamn it,” Reece muttered.
“Do you want good news?” she asked.
“If you got it,” he answered.
“I’ve had long conversations with both Zara’s maternal aunts. I know she primed them before they called me but I’m pleased to report they told me what they told her. They’re willing to assist us any way we need it. As you know, they, too, were under the impression Zander had been adopted and they’re about as happy as Zara is that he wasn’t. They’re also a bit put out they weren’t invited to Xenia’s final services.”
“Know that already, Nina,” Reece told her and he knew this because Zara had reported it to him after the lengthy phone calls she’d had with her aunts two days ago.
“Yes, well, it’s still good they’ve confirmed with me. One minor problem with this is they never witnessed any physical abuse of Amy, Xenia, or Zara. That said, they often saw Xavier lose his temper, he did it quickly, they found it alarming, and they watched how their sister cowed and how the girls were not saved from this by father or mother. They’ve also heard Wilona and Dahlia pile verbal abuse on Amy. I don’t know how far that will go but they’ve both agreed to be deposed locally. We’ll add their depositions to our evidence but neither can afford back-and-forth trips and we’re on a budget, too. So we’ll save their visits to Colorado if we need them, or hopefully when they come out to meet their great-nephew.”
“Fine,” Reece replied.
“And another bit of news I’m not entirely certain what to do with,” she said, and Ham’s focus on Zara dimmed so he could focus on her words mostly because of how she said them.
“That is?” he prompted.
“Max and I were out with the kids last night and we got a visit at our table from Pastor Williams.”
This was so surprising, and considering how the man handled Zara, the service, and Zara’s guess that he was the one who shared about the service with Mick, Ham straightened away from the door. “And?”
“My sense is, he’s in a pickle. He’s a man of the cloth and thus there are many things he can’t share. However, I also got the sense he knew what was going on in that house while the girls were growing up and he wanted to help. I don’t know if Xenia went to him, or if it was Zara or Amy. But my guess is, one of them did. If it was Xenia, he may be free to share as she’s no longer with us and yet he wasn’t very forthcoming during our strange chat last night. If it was Zara, she would have told us. So, unfortunately, I’m thinking it’s Amy.”
“Shit,” Ham muttered.
“There are many angles to any fight, Reece,” Nina told him. “I don’t know his but what he said and how he said it was curious. It was also intriguing. I’m going to look into it as he seemed frustrated and very concerned. So, guessing again, he can’t do anything to help us unless Amy allows it. But he can talk to Amy.”
“Not sure that’ll do any good. That woman was broken a long time back. She doesn’t have it in her to do shit. Right or wrong,” Reece explained, something he suspected Nina knew.
“Miracles happen,” she replied.
“I wouldn’t hold your breath,” Reece advised.
“I won’t,” she said, a smile in her voice. “But I’ll hope. I’ll also think about how to approach regarding a meeting that will take us into a regular visitation schedule while we fight the big fight. But, Reece, my advice is to keep Zara away from Zander. I know it will be hard on her but we can’t risk her approaching him, what that would say about her that she wouldn’t have a mind to how he’d react to the shocking news of her living a county over. We have to go cautious in every step we take. If we can’t come to a private agreement and this sees court, the judge will want to see us taking the high road.”
“Tried to talk her out of it, she wouldn’t listen. It didn’t go well. She’s promised to listen,” Reece told her.
“Good,” Nina murmured. Then she stated, “A lot has been going on but you should know I found out Kami didn’t want Zara to know about Xenia because she wanted to save Zara from either being shoved out of any services they had for her sister or having to go and be around her father. So Kami, Lynda, Kami’s mom, Arlene, and now me, Mindy and Becca are hoping to plan a memorial for Xenia. It wasn’t meant to be a surprise but it is meant to be a celebration of Xenia that Kami suspected Xavier wouldn’t give. They wanted to have it sorted before they went to her. Now, with all that’s going on, I need you to check with Zara to see if she’ll be okay with something like that. If she is, we’ll proceed. If she isn’t, we’ll let it go.”
“We’ll have a chat,” Reece said.
“Thanks,” Nina replied. “Now, I’ll have a think about how to move forward after what happened today, and when I come up with a plan, I’ll call you.”
“Right. Thanks, Nina.”
“No problem, Reece.”
They wrapped it up and Reece went into the kitchen, got a beer, got another one for Zara, and headed out to the balcony.
She looked up at him and smiled but the smile didn’t cut through the sadness he knew she was trying to hide.
Silently, he handed her the beer. She took it, chugged what was left in her bottle, and leaned forward to set the empty on the railing.
He dragged a chair close, sat in it, and lifted his cocked legs to rest his feet on the railing.
The chairs were cheap white plastic and every time he sat in one, he was sure it would give out.
At her house, a house that stood empty waiting for the time he gave her the diamond sitting in his nightstand, another expenditure that cut into his nest egg, she had a great deck. Or, they had one.
Big enough for nice furniture, a table, chairs, umbrella, loungers, and a kick-ass grill.
He’d intended to use the money he had left to set them up, create a space for her that she deserved. Build a home. Start to build a life. While doing that, build a family.
Now he was thinking he needed to talk another landlord into voiding another lease because rent on the apartment when they had a house all paid for was something they could no longer afford.
Which meant giving his girl her diamond a lot sooner than he intended, not giving her time to settle into the us he was building them to be.
“Well, at least I timed my magnificently stupid visit to first lay my eyes on my nephew during a day off so I can sulk and drink beer and not lose tips because of it,” she joked to the horizon before she took a draw off her beer.
But Reece smiled.
Even back in the day, with her sister laid up, brain-dead in a hospital bed, she’d found it in her to joke. To smile. To bury the shit of her life and find ways to enjoy it in spite of all that.
It was why he took her to his bed. She was fucking pretty, great hair, fantastic tits, an even better ass, and he’d been thinking of doing it but held back because he thought she was too young. He didn’t need to get hung up on a woman but it was far worse when a woman got hung up on you, and the younger ones were prone to that shit. Extricating yourself from that kind of situation was not fun, so he avoided it.
But when that shit storm hit and the way Zara handled it, he knew she might be young in years but she was not young in any other way, so he took her back and took her to his bed.
When he did, he found out why she’d grown up fast and he hated learning it. But it brought him to the understanding that this pretty woman with her great body, great hair, fast smile, quick wit, and easy disposition was a whole lot more even if that already was a fuckuva lot.
And he wanted it.
So he got it.
And now he had it.
And he had no problem putting a ring on it, even if that meant doing it faster than he’d planned.
But the bottom line was, it was too late, way too late. He’d let her down and done it in the worst way.
He sure as fuck was going to make up for that now.
“Just got off the phone with Nina,” he told her.
“Heard you talkin’ to s
omeone,” she murmured and took another drag, her focus on the mountains, not on their conversation
He bumped her leg with his. “Cookie, you gotta listen.”
He watched her sigh and look at him. “I had one breakdown today, Ham. You know me well, darlin’, but not well enough to know that I’m only allowed one breakdown a week. Sister dead and seein’ Zander, I’m already over my quota. I don’t know what’ll happen if I have another one but I suspect either spontaneous combustion or projectile vomiting. Neither are pretty, so be forewarned about that when you share what you gotta share.”
He grinned before he requested, “Would you stop bein’ funny when I got important shit to tell you? You can go back to bein’ funny after we’re done.”
“Sock it to me, mein herr,” she invited and his grin turned into a smile.
Then he socked it to her, everything, except his asking Nina to arrange a meeting and visitation with Zander. He didn’t want to get her hopes up.
When he was done, she immediately replied, “Right. First part, Dad’s a dick. We knew that already. No surprise. Onward from that, I hope he goes bankrupt paying for an investigator to investigate you, which, incidentally, invading your privacy like that elevates him from a dick to a dickish douchebag, which, I’ll grant, is a vague distinction but I think you get me.”
Reece began to laugh softly, not missing the fact that, unlike Nina, Zara didn’t even question the idea that he might have something in his past that could hurt them. He didn’t. He’d been a traveling man but he that didn’t mean he had anything to hide. But Zara didn’t waste even a single breath to question it.
She wasn’t done.
“And the second part, I’m shocked as shit Kami would be so thoughtful. That’s sweet. And I’d like to celebrate Xenia’s life, but right now, I don’t have it in me. A week, two, maybe we can arrange a big blowout. I’ll get out pictures and invite all her old friends. Now”—she shook her head—“no.”
“You got it, cookie.”
“And just so you know, even though my sister was an alcoholic, that doesn’t mean after seeing my beautiful, obviously popular, smiling nephew today, I don’t intend to use beer as a crutch and drink until I pass out. So advice, keep an eye on that so you can get in there and get yourself drunk sex before it turns unpretty and drunk sex ends with me puking and/or passing out during the act.”
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