“Tell her what ye told me,” he said.
The Englishman snarled at Duncan and didn’t speak. One of the Highlanders thrust a knee into the man’s back, almost sending him flying face first into the mud. The Englishman spat out a glob of phlegm and turned his gaze towards Ellen.
“Your mother is alive. She’s at Alan Johnson’s estate, as should you be,” the Englishman said with a lot of derision. He glared at those around him. “I can’t believe you would be here with your father’s enemies,” he spat. “No wonder your mother is losing the will to live. If I had a traitorous daughter like you I’d be losing my mind as well.”
Ellen gasped. This hadn’t been the man’s first battle and he must have been told that Ellen was missing. If Myra was with Alan then there was no wonder; they must have sent word out and sounded the alarm. They could never have known that Ellen had chosen to stay here of her own volition. Her heart leaped when she discovered that her mother was alive, only to be tempered with the knowledge that Ellen’s absence must have caused so much heartbreak for Myra.
“We dinnae usually take prisoners,” Duncan said, “but I did what ye asked.” With a toss of the head he directed the other Highlanders to drag the Englishman away. Ellen was concerned about how this might look to her mother and Alan. Sometimes it was easy to forget that these Highlanders had fought her father in battle, but they were just trying to defend their home. The English were her people, but she couldn’t side with them in this instance. And yet if the Highlanders had killed her father…war was such a messy business and it didn’t seem as though either side was in the right. The world would have been better if war could be done away with completely.
While the other Highlanders were rejoicing at the victory and at the return of their heroes, Ellen turned away from them all and put her hand to her mouth. Her hair fell around her face in thick strands, hiding her tears from the world. Choking sobs escaped her lips and her entire body trembled. She felt for all the world completely alone. But then she felt a hand gripping her shoulder. Duncan’s strength became her strength, and his essence emboldened her core.
8
“Ellen, what is on ye mind?” Duncan asked. Ellen blinked back tears and led him away from the celebrating Highlanders. She had no idea what they were going to do with the prisoner they had taken, and at this moment she didn’t have room in her heart to worry about anyone else, as cruel as that may have seemed. Her mind was entirely focused on her mother, the woman she had abandoned. So caught up with life in the Highlands she had given up on the thought that her mother could be alive, and so Myra had to live alone with the knowledge that the Highlanders had captured Ellen and, in Myra’s mind, were doing unspeakable things to her.
“My mother. I can’t believe I have left her this long. You told me…I thought she was dead,” Ellen choked.
“I’m sorry Ellen. I did nae think anyone could hae survived that. The chance was slim, if any.”
“I need to go back to her. I know where she is now. I should have known,” she said, and fear clutched at her. Of course Myra would have gone back to Alan’s estate. It was so simple and straightforward; Ellen had to admit to herself that she had convinced herself not to go. She would have ended up where she didn’t want to be: with Alan, set to marry him. This small window in her life where she had been freed of her responsibilities had been wonderful, utterly wonderful, but it had just been an illusion. This wasn’t what her life could actually be. As her father always said, sometimes in life sacrifices had to be made for the family; her role had always been to be married to ensure the safety and prosperity of the family. At the moment Myra was being taken care of by Alan because it was his duty as Ellen’s intended husband. But if the marriage was not happening he would have no reason other than the kindness in his heart to give Myra shelter, and she was not sure how far Alan’s kindness would extend.
But even disregarding that, Ellen hated the idea of never seeing her mother again. As much as this life promised adventure and wonder, there were some things she depended on, and Myra was one of them. Myra must have been in so much pain and Ellen could alleviate that by going to see her. She had fooled herself into thinking that this could have lasted forever. This wasn’t the life that was meant for her.
“I need to get back to her,” she said.
“Ellen, it’s a long way back. Ye know how dangerous it is,” Duncan said.
“I don’t care. I need to see her. I can’t imagine how much anguish she’s in because she doesn’t know what’s happened to me. I have stayed here too long, ignored my duties for too long…” A wild idea flashed through her mind. She turned around and gazed up at Duncan with wide, glistening eyes. His hand moved from her shoulder, slipping down to rest beside her hand. She tilted her neck back so she could look at him directly. His hair was matted together and dirt clung to his arms and face. His red beard was a darker shade and his tunic was torn, slashed by swords. Despite all this he retained his handsome visage and his eyes still twinkled. Oh how difficult it was to imagine tearing herself away from him, when the floodgates of her heart had been opened and deep emotions had begun to flow out.
“Why don’t you come with me Duncan? You can escort me through the woods. I would be safe.”
Duncan’s gaze fell. “Ye know I cannae dae that. If they saw me with ye they’d assume ye were my prisoner. They’d kill me on sight.”
“I can explain everything to them. I can sit you both down and we can talk this through. You can tell them why you’re defending this territory and perhaps come to some agreement. We might be able to avoid further fighting.”
He understood that she wanted him with her, but what she just said was childish. “The English dinnae want tae talk tae me. They just want tae take. As soon as they see me they’ll put me in chains and parade me around as an example of their cunning and their might, and ye’ll always regret that ye were the one who gave me tae them. Besides, I cannae leave these people lass. I want to come with you. But I need tae defend them because without me…aye…the future is bleak.”
A moment of silence passed between them as they realized what was happening. This was their moment of goodbye.
“Dae ye hae tae leave lass? Stay here, build a life with me. I know it’s nae what ye hoped for in ye future and I cannae give ye a large estate, but I want ye tae stay.”
“Duncan…”
“I know it’s crazy, but there hae been something different about ye. I’ve known that ever since I first laid eyes on ye. Tae ye I’m nae some kind of hero, I’m just a man.” He stroked her cheek with the outside of his hand and shivers ran through her body. “I hae never known anyone like ye, and I hae never felt this way before. The kiss last night…” He trailed off and leaned down. Ellen was unable to resist. She offered him her lips and once again fire erupted within her, but this time it was only for a moment as she tore herself away and shook her head vehemently.
“No Duncan, I can’t. If I kiss you now I know I’m never going to leave. But I must. I cannot leave my mother alone. I’m the only family she has left and I cannot leave her be. She needs me, and I need her. I’m sorry.”
“But lass…I’ve fallen in love with ye.”
Ellen groaned and almost wished he hadn’t said this. “Duncan, don’t make this harder than it has to be,” she said, trying to stop her voice from trembling. She erected a dam inside her mind to prevent her turbulent emotions from flooding out, but cracks were already beginning to appear under the weight of the onslaught. She knew that if she turned away from Duncan now she would never likely return. Neither Alan nor her mother would allow that; she’d have to go back to the life she didn’t want and try to fulfill her duties as best she could, because that was what was expected of her. It was painful to hear him say those words when it should have been the happiest thing she could have heard. All she wanted was to tell him that she felt the same way and fling her arms around him, enjoying the sweet passion of his kiss again.
But she couldn’t.
She had to be as strong as steel, as unbending as a mountain, because this wasn’t just her life. She had Myra to think about as well.
And that’s why she wasn’t angry at Duncan for refusing to come with her either. He had made a pledge a long time ago to protect these people. He couldn’t very well leave them now, not even for love. If he did then he wouldn’t be the man she thought he was, the man she had fallen in love with and yes, she was quite sure it was love that inhabited her heart. His duty was to his family, as her duty was to hers, and it was just a shame that it left no room in the middle for Duncan and Ellen to explore the feelings that had blossomed like a spring flower.
“I’m sorry Duncan,” she said. A whole spectrum of emotion was contained within those words. He inclined his head solemnly. Ellen suspected that many of the same thoughts that were rolling around in her head were in his as well. Sometimes in life love wasn’t enough to conquer all the barriers that stood in the way of happiness. Romance between a Highlander and an English girl was just too much of an impossibility to happen.
“Dae ye think ye’ll return?” Duncan asked.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure that I can.”
“Then I suppose this is goodbye lass.”
“Yes, I suppose it is,” Ellen said forlornly.
“I’ll give ye a horse,” Duncan said, and he also gave her directions to the estate, which happened to be one of those that had been taken from the Highlanders. It was a couple of days’ travel and Duncan warned her to stick to the road, and that if she saw anything dangerous just to ride as fast as she could until she reached safety. He also gave her a dagger in case she needed to protect herself. The blade was sharp. The weapon was about eight inches long and it felt heavy in her hands. She sheathed it in her boot, where it rested against her calf muscle.
Ellen also took with her a few supplies so that she wouldn’t go hungry on the journey back, and then she left with a heavy heart. These people had been so kind to her and she hated to turn her back on them now.
“I promise that I’ll do everything I can to stop this war. I’ll try to make them see reason. I’ll try to convince them to leave you alone,” she promised. If she couldn’t give Duncan a life filled with love she could at least offer him the gift of peace, and she thought it was the least she could do for these people who had shown her so much kindness. They didn’t deserve to be driven from their homes or tormented by the threat of battle.
With a lump in her throat she mounted her horse. Instead of giving Duncan a kiss goodbye—for she knew if she did it would completely erode all her resolve and she would never leave—they clasped hands and let their fingers stay together for as long as possible, until her horse took her away and their fingers slipped away from each other, finding only empty air.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she galloped away, not wanting to turn her gaze back on the settlement for fear that she would be tempted to stay. She had to be focused on returning home to her mother, because family was the most important thing. She entered the forest and branches whipped her skin. The horse’s hooves crunched the leaves and bracken that lay on the ground, and the air was cold and biting on her face. Fear laced her heart as well, for she was afraid of the terrors that lurked in this dangerous land.
According to Duncan, it was not far but it was the first time Ellen was travelling alone and she could easily get lost. She would have to spend at least a night in the open. She rode as fast as she could, only taking breaks to sleep and to give her steed a little rest.
She was acutely aware of her surroundings and at any sign of a threatening noise she rose and quickly moved on. It wasn’t just bandits she was afraid of, but predators in the woods such as bears and wolves. She would have felt far more comfortable with Duncan by her side, and she keenly felt his absence.
Until now, when she was faced with the prospect of never seeing him again, she hadn’t realized how accustomed to his presence she had become. Whenever she had a stray humorous thought she was filled with delight at the idea of sharing it with Duncan later, before it occurred to her that she would never be able to. Before encountering him she had had no idea he existed, but now she could not stop thinking about him. They were each going to have different lives. She would end up marrying Alan, while he would no doubt find some Highland woman to bear his children. What a life we could have had together, she thought, and it brought wistful things to mind. Thinking about this was sweet torture, but she couldn’t help herself and there was little else to occupy her mind during the lonely journey to Alan’s estate.
Whenever she pictured her future with Duncan she was always happy and smiling, which was not the case when she thought of anything else. And of course she would never be able to tell anyone else about her love for a Highlander because they would think her insane. It would have to be a secret, so secret that in time it might seem more like a dream, as though it had never truly happened and was nothing more than any other imagining.
Ellen knew it was real.
Ellen was never going to forget.
Perhaps one day she might tell her children of a story about an English girl who found herself in the company of Highlanders and fell in love with the warrior who had a compassionate heart. When her children inevitably asked what happened at the end, she might tell them that the girl decided to stay with the Highlander and they lived happily ever after.
Thankfully Ellen managed to avoid any threatening encounters on the journey towards Alan’s estate. The dagger remained unsheathed, and by the end of it the horse was exhausted. So was Ellen in truth, but she was invigorated with a burst of energy when she saw the estate rising in the distance. She urged the horse on for a little while longer and then left it in the hands of the stable master. No doubt the horse would be grateful for the rest, as would Ellen once she had seen her mother. She raced through the estate, pulling any number of servants aside. Her expression was wild and her words were frantic. They yelped and squealed and pushed her away, not realizing who she was because none of them expected Ellen to turn up alone.
“Myra? Where’s Myra?” she asked tersely, and eventually one servant pointed in the direction of Myra’s chambers.
Ellen sprinted through the estate, clattering through doors and paying no attention to anything she might crash into. Her feet thundered against the floor and blood pumped through her body at the thought of seeing Myra again. She flung open one door and Myra was there, sitting in a chair, looking pale and gaunt, a mere shadow of the woman Ellen remembered. As soon as she saw Ellen though, Myra’s face lit up and color returned to her cheeks ever so briefly.
She pushed herself up from the chair with great effort, but didn’t become fully erect before Ellen reached her and wrapped her arms around Myra, helping her mother the rest of the way. Tears were shed as mother and daughter were reunited.
“I thought you were dead,” Ellen said in choking breaths, burying herself in her mother’s scent. Myra’s embrace was strong and firm, and her body trembled.
“I thought the same about you,” she whispered.
Myra stepped back and examined her daughter, making sure that nothing untoward had happened to her.
“Are you well?” she asked.
“I am, Mother. I need to tell you all about it.”
“When I awoke and you weren’t there I thought the worst. Those damned Highlanders. We’ll make them pay. Now that you’re back we’ll make them rue the day they dared to lay their hands on you.” Myra’s face twisted with anger and her words were heavy with rage. Ellen wanted to correct her, but before she could the door burst open again and Alan walked through.
“Ellen! I’m so happy to see you safe and well. My goodness, your mother and I were so worried about you,” he said, walking into the room confidently. Ellen noticed her mother stiffen with tension as Alan came closer. He put his arms around Ellen and squeezed her gently, kissing her lightly on the cheek. Ellen had to stop herself from shuddering. It seemed wrong for anyone aside
from Duncan to touch her as intimately as that.
“I’m glad you found a way to escape those dastardly Highlanders. I did lead a patrol searching for you. We found some and engaged them in battle, but they were able to get the better of us that day,” he said, his face twisting with anger. But then he turned earnest and took her hands. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you sooner, but I’m glad that the fates have rewarded us with this reunion. If this is not a sign that our union is blessed by God then I don’t know what could be! Oh Ellen, seeing you again is a salve to my wounded soul. Your mother and I have been so fretfully worried ever since you were taken from us. We feared the worst, although we dared not speak it. Come and rest. You must be hungry and tired. Let us settle into your new home and we can pick up from where we left off.”
He slid his arm around her waist, coiling it like a serpent, and started to pull her away. She looked back and twisted her neck towards Myra.
“I wanted to make sure Mother was well,” she said. “I’ve missed her. You seem ill at ease,” she said, directing the last part to Myra.
“I have taken good care of her, she has just been worried about you. I will order a grand dinner and we can discuss everything that has happened in our lives, but first you should change your clothes and bathe. I’m sure you have been through quite an ordeal, and there is also much that we need to discuss. We have lost a lot of time in planning the wedding,” Alan said, barely giving her a chance to say anything in return.
“Go with him Ellen. I’m well, truly, I’m just overwhelmed by the shock of seeing you again,” Myra said.
Highlander’s Twist 0f Fate (Scottish Medieval Historical Romance) Page 7
