by Ivy Raine
She chastised herself all the way through the parking garage, down the garage elevator, through the revolving entryway, and down the hall to Stash’s room, for forgetting to set the alarm. Marta was still cussing herself when she careened around the corner and ran headlong into Stash, standing in the hallway outside of his room, dressed and looking completely healthy.
“What are you doing out of bed? What’s going on?” Marta reached out and was about to climb into his arms when he gently grabbed her by the wrist and smiled. That’s when she noticed his teeth. They gleamed like diamonds in a snowstorm.
“Um. You’re not Stash, are you?”
“Andrew Steele.” He shook the hand he was still holding at bay. “You must be Marta.”
She took a step back to get a better look. “Wow. Stash said you were twins, but this is ridiculous.”
Andrew’s easy laugh echoed softly down the hospital hall. “We’re what they like to call identical twins, but the only thing we seem to have in common is our looks and our taste in women.”
His visual examination made Marta nervous; she forced herself to put distance between her feelings for Stash and the image of him standing before her. “Have you seen him yet?” she said, trying to move the conversation along.
The devastating smile dropped from his lips. “Yeah. I peeked in while he was sleeping. He’s not too good.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Why didn’t someone call me sooner? I would’ve been here a long time ago.”
That one Marta couldn’t answer because he ran out on her, too. “He insisted that no one know. I found out through a friend, or I wouldn’t be here right now, either.” Marta tossed her bag on the bench sitting in front of the window. “I think he just didn’t want to bother anyone.”
Andrew turned his face away from Marta. “Bother.” He grunted and cast a quick glance toward her. “I hope he didn’t actually think he’d be a bother. He’d didn’t say that, did he?”
Marta shook her head. “No, but why else would he just disappear and not bother to tell anyone?”
Darkness shadowed Andrew’s face. “Probably for the same reason he took off and left us all believing he died when he wrapped his Ferrari around a tree. Our grandfather had chest pains for two days until Stash called and let us know he was fine. That was a twisted mess he left for me to figure out, and it’s still not completely resolved.” The fleeting anger melted from Andrew’s brow. “But he’s gone above and beyond for me on more than one occasion, so I owe it to him.”
“His Ferrari?” The little needle on Marta’s dawn-o-meter was beginning to twitch. “When was this?”
Andrew shrugged. “Probably close to four months ago.”
Marta could feel the hyperventilation creeping up on her. “Right around the time I had my interview,” she mumbled. She looked directly into Andrew’s eyes. “What do you know about Elliot Enterprises?”
“Stash’s baby? Just about everything. We were inundated with the advertising business from the time we could understand what subliminal messages were. Stash and I spent most of our free time there as teens, and even when we were goofing around, we were learning. I was so jealous when Grandpap handed Elliot’s over to Stash. But,” he said, smiling again, “Stash made me a sizable loan and I started Steele and Company. It’s going pretty well, and we’re actually turning a profit an entire year earlier than anticipated.”
Marta reached for the bench and plunked down. “This means I’ve been on an extended interview for the last four months. And all this time he went on and on about gold-digging women and pretending to be poor, he was actually…rich.” Everything was beginning to make sense to Marta. “So that’s why this Devon character’s still nosing around after him.”
“That sounds like Stash, all right, but don’t blame him too much.” Marta noticed a distinct brotherly protection in Andrew’s tone. “Devon’s just the latest in a string of losers and users, but she was the one to push him over the edge. Believe it or not, he actually considered marrying her for about two seconds.” Andrew grunted and looked out the window. “She should be in Hollywood for her acting skills.”
Marta wondered just what Devon had that could tempt a man like Stash Steele to entertain the idea of marrying her. “She must be something.”
Andrew shrugged. “She’s nothing more than a mirage. A very convincing mirage. It’s partly Stash’s fault. He has this old-fashioned habit of believing in a person’s integrity. Unfortunately, Devon doesn’t know the meaning of the word and Stash refused to see her for what she really was until things got out of hand. Normally he lets these things go, but Devon hit below the belt, and when he called her on it, she took off with his car, his wallet, and her new boyfriend. Somehow the boyfriend ended up in the car alone and he wrecked. Hence our temporarily deceased Stash Steele.”
“And her?” Marta envisioned ripping Devon’s face off – and she didn’t even know what she looked like. All she could picture was a cascade of blonde curls framing a perfect, little face accented with a perfect, little nose. And to think she’d prayed for her not forty-eight hours earlier.
“Devon?” Andrew cringed when he spoke her name. “She’s still sniffing around, hoping to get back in Stash’s good graces.” The light seemed to snuff out when he spoke of her. “And to think I nearly threw away my brother for a chance to bang that whore. Thank God I restrained myself.”
Marta was a taken aback at Andrew’s brashness. “He thinks you slept with her.”
Andrew dropped down onto the bench beside Marta. “Yeah. I kind of let him think I did. Very childish, I know, but I saw what she was doing to him. I tried to tell him, but he wouldn’t listen. Unfortunately it wasn’t totally done out of the goodness of my heart, either.” Andrew looked at Marta and smiled. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but Stash always seems to have everything going for him. Things seem to fall into place no matter what kind of trouble he gets himself into. His business was set up and waiting on him all for the sake of a two minute head start on life, the women flock to him like nothing I’ve ever seen, and then you throw in the fact that he’s generous beyond reason…” Andrew’s voice trailed off. “I can never be everything that Stash is.”
Marta leaned over and nudged Andrew with her shoulder. “Funny. He says the same thing about you.” She looked down and played with the skin between her fingers. “He doesn’t have too much going for him right now, though, does he?”
Andrew clenched his fists, concern etched across his forehead. “That’s my fault, and I can’t fix it.”
Marta frowned. Moody, confusing men must be a Steele family trait. “How can it possibly be your fault? That doesn’t even make sense.”
Pain tore across his face. “It’s my fault because I have his only functioning kidney.”
At first, it didn’t really sink in, but as the light crept into the stunned corners of her mind, the stark reality smacked her in the face. “He gave you a kidney?”
Andrew nodded. “Nearly eight years ago. I was born with an underdeveloped kidney and a kidney that seemed to work intermittently. When we were twenty, things got really bad and my only option was a transplant. Stash was right there. Never even hesitated.”
Now Marta understood just why he was so sick. “He never said a word.”
Andrew’s misty, gray eyes avoided Marta’s. “And he never will. That’s just who he is. Now do you see why I can never live up to that?”
It was odd to see him cry, especially since he looked so much like Stash. “I asked the doctors if I could give it back, but they refused. He wouldn’t be having this problem if it wasn’t for me.” Andrew’s crumpled fist came down on his knee. “I wish he would’ve let me die.”
“Don’t even say that!” Jagged images of Kyle stabbed at Marta, but this time the wounds felt different. “Someone loved you enough to put your life before their own. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
Andrew stood up and shoved his hands down into his pockets. “More than you could possi
bly know.”
That one gored deep. Marta did know, all too well. “Don’t let guilt hold you back, Andrew. The greatest gift you can give in return is simply living. That’s all. Just live. Don’t push life away because you don’t think you deserve it.” Though barely audible, she finally said it out loud, her words dancing all around her.
Kyle. She owed him the same consideration. He gave up his life because he loved her, and that simple fact made living life to the fullest and celebrating her good memories of him mandatory – for her and for Kyle. It took six years, but it finally dawned on her that keeping him alive in her heart would help her heal. It was the trying to forget and the guilt that goes along with it that was hurting her. She knew she had a long way to go, and in no way was the guilt completely gone, but Marta felt something shift and for the first time in a very long time, she had hope for a happy future. Why did it have to take a crisis to see what was right in front of her? Kyle had loved her the way she loved Stash – and she owed it to him to be happy.
She touched Andrew’s elbow. He turned and smiled at her.
“I know you’re right. It’s just really hard to let it go, you know?”
Marta nodded and smiled and echoed Andrew’s words. “More than you could possibly know.” She glanced toward Stash’s door. “Are you going in? I’ll go with you.”
Andrew looked toward Stash’s room. “You go ahead in first. I’m gonna sit here and think a bit.”
Marta touched his shoulder. “I understand. Come in when you’re ready.”
Reaching up, Andrew caught her hand. “Stash is a fool if he lets you get away.”
Squeezing his hand, Marta held back the tears. “I’m the fool, Andrew.”
Tiptoeing into Stash’s room was futile; he seemed to sense her arrival.
“Beautiful.” The raspiness of his voice increased as each day passed.
“Good morning. Sorry I’m late.” Marta sat down on the edge of his bed.
Reaching up with his right hand, Stash wove his fingers up under her hair and around the back of her neck, pulling her down into him.
“You’re lucky I’m tied up with tubes.” He buried his face in her curls and breathed in. “God, you smell good. What’ve you got on?”
Marta felt his tongue fleck against the soft skin of her neck. “Life,” she mumbled into his shoulder, trying desperately to maintain her sanity. Thoughts of ripping the hospital gown away from his body crashed through the barrier of common sense and logic. She felt his other hand snake up under her top, but she didn’t have the willpower to make him stop.
“That,” he said, brushing his lips against hers while running his thumb over her nipple, “will be mine as soon as I get the hell out of this bed. Do you understand me?”
Marta could do little more than nod as her body melted under his touch.
He shoved her away just far enough to delve deep into her eyes. “And you’ll marry me and forsake all others. Got it?”
“Marry you?” Marta choked out. “I thought you said that marriage was for suckers?”
Stash shrugged. “I checked. I’m a sucker.”
“But won’t that make me a gold digger?”
He touched a finger to her lips. “It’ll make me a gold digger. You’re more precious than the rarest of metals, Marta Manchester. Don’t you understand that?”
Hot, plump tears streamed down her cheeks, dotting Stash’s light blue hospital gown. “There’s something you should know before you say anymore.”
A glimpse of scandal sailed across Stash’s face, and as quickly as the look had come, it disappeared and was replaced with an ornery smile. “It’s okay. I didn’t really believe you were a virgin anyway.”
“What?” Marta sat up. “You didn’t?”
“Nope. Those are mythological creatures seen only as fleeting clouds of mist. From the corners of the eyes. And only on Sundays just after the sun sets.”
Grabbing a wad of tissue from the nightstand, Marta blew her nose. “That just shows how much you know. Take a good look at the unicorn sitting on your bed, Stash Steele.”
Stash grimaced and threw up his hands. “Well, if it’s not that, then what? Are you just not interested in me? How, I don’t know,” he added, ranting to no one in particular, “but I suppose it’s possible.” Raking his eyes over her body, Stash made no effort to conceal what he was thinking. “However, I’m looking forward to soiling you, beautiful. I’ve never actually had the pleasure of stealing a woman’s innocence. I’m feeling a bit tingly just thinking about it.”
Marta caught his roving hands and laced her fingers through his. “I’ve met Andrew.”
The devious smile dropped from Stash’s lovely mouth; it pained Marta to take that away from him. “He’s here, huh? And?”
“And he told me everything. Everything from who you really are right down to the fact that you gave him a kidney.”
The long silence was interrupted only by Stash’s heavy sigh. “Well, let me just clarify something. I do have two of everything else of importance, so don’t worry about that, and as far as who I am…I’m the same guy I was yesterday.”
Looking him over, Marta tried really hard to see the same man, but it was difficult. “Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me?”
“Because I like being poor. Your friends are your friends and your enemies are your enemies – no crossing the blurry line.” He looked up at Marta traced his thumb over her chin. “And women like you for who you are – not for what you can give them.”
“Oh, not that again!” Marta jumped up and headed for the door. “You’re infuriating, Stash! I’ll sign a prenuptial. I don’t want anything I didn’t work for. I…I just want you.”
“Whoa!”
Marta stopped and stared at the door in front of her. It was right there. All she had to do was run. “What?” she pouted.
“Come back here.” Stash patted the bed beside him. “We need to talk.”
One simple look from him and Marta was as malleable as the softest of clay. Stash wrapped his free arm around her waist when she sat down. “Look,” he said, his voice wavering. “All my life, the women I’ve loved have left me. It started with my mom.” A wall of tears threatened to spill down his cheeks and Marta quickly looked away to give him privacy. “Later on it was my Gran. She looked after Andrew and me when Dad died. I counted on her – more than I realized. She looked so much like Mom.” Stash wiped his eyes on the tail of Marta’s shirt. “When we were sixteen she got cancer. It was fast. Six weeks after they found it, we were burying her. It wasn’t long after that I discovered I had this thing…this power over women. They flocked like little birds all around me. I wanted them around me, but I couldn’t let them in. I saw what my dad did to my mom by being the whore that he was, and I vowed I’d never fall in love and do that to anyone. I was more than happy to use them, but only when I knew they were using me, too. It was a two way street and we both got what we wanted…but it was almost as if my heart was dead and I couldn’t wake it up. Until I met you. You bewitched me and snatched my soul.” He grunted a half laugh and rubbed the small of her back. “I know I must sound like a self-centered bastard, but I don’t know how else to describe it.”
Marta understood. He’d had that same effect on her from the moment she first looked into his pools of gray. “No, you don’t. You were just protecting something that couldn’t be put back together if it broke again.” This concept, Marta knew intimately.
“So, I used the control.” Stash avoided Marta’s eyes, but she knew what he felt. Guilt and shame. “And I used them. Not that they didn’t get something in return,” he added. “They got the best of everything – and the worst of me.”
“Why change now?” Marta dreaded the answer as much as she needed to hear it.
True to form, Stash didn’t beat around the bush. “Because, I love you. I need you.” Massaging the bare skin peeking from under Marta’s blouse, Stash groaned. “I’m addicted to you. I can be who I really am with y
ou. You’ve freed me from shackles I didn’t even realize were holding me down.” He snatched up her hand and kissed it. “That wasn’t part of the plan, of course. You’d run away and never come back if you knew my original motive.” He ran his index finger up and down the length of her arm. “I should probably apologize for dragging you into my screwed up world, but, honestly, I’m not sorry. Not if it means having never met you.”
Marta twisted around and combed her fingers through his overgrown mop. “Your screwed up world! Just wait until you find yourself knee-deep in my mental shit. But at least it has a buffer zone now, and I’m trying to step away and not blame myself for things that were out of my control. And so should you,” she said, leaning down and planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. “What happened to your mom wasn’t your fault. You were just a little kid.”
“I guess we’re both certifiable. We’re perfect for each other.”
Marta couldn’t help but laugh. “We’ll be each other’s counselor.”
Stash slid his hand down Marta’s back and grabbed her ass. “As long as I get to play doctor first.”
Reaching back, Marta playfully extracted his hand from her backside. “You’ve gotta get better first.”
A blanket of darkness descended and sucked any hint of joy from Stash’s eyes. “Yeah. That.”
Marta pulled away. “No! Don’t do this again. Don’t go back into that fucking cave, Stash Steele! I’ve got you in the sunlight and that’s where you’re going to stay. Do you understand me?”
“I’m trying,” Stash faltered. “Honestly, I am. I don’t ever want to leave you. Don’t you know that?” Stash swallowed to keep the tears in check. “I love you more than you could possibly imagine, and the thought of leaving you-.” He stopped, unable to go on.
Marta tried to be brave and not cry, but it was no use. She draped herself over him and buried her face in his shoulder and together they cried. As weak as he was, Stash managed to pull her onto the skinny, little bed and settle her down into the curve of his body. He stroked her hair and kissed the back of her neck until the tears stopped. How long they stayed in that position, Marta couldn’t say. Time seemed to stand still as Stash’s warm, even breaths lulled her to sleep.
