by Ginny Dye
“All I need to know is that you love him,” Rose said firmly. “Your father?”
Carrie told her what she knew. “I know he’s going to try and get a message through to me, but I don’t know when I’ll see him again, or if he’ll have to go to prison.”
Rose frowned. “I don’t think Lincoln is planning on putting officials in prison,” she protested.
“Perhaps not,” Carrie replied, “but everyone is terrified and no one really knows what is going on. The last week has been rather difficult.”
Rose laughed. “You’ve always had the gift of understatement,” she teased. “I was horrified when we came into the city. There is only one train depot not burned. So much of the city is ruined.”
Carrie nodded sadly. “It was horrible to watch.”
Rose finally waved her hand. “We have days to catch up on what has happened. Aunt Abby has promised we’ll be here for at least two weeks.”
“Two weeks!” Carrie gasped, joy exploding in her heart again. “That’s wonderful.”
Rose moved over to sit on the bed next to her and grabbed her hands. “Who have you become, Carrie?”
Carrie sobered instantly, looking deep into the brown eyes regarding her with so much love. “Who have I become?” she murmured, knowing Rose wanted nothing but the truth. “I’ve grown up,” she said slowly. “I’ve been through four years of war that have taught me just how strong and capable I am. It’s given me opportunities I would never have dreamed of. I’ve learned I want to be a doctor just as much as I thought I did. I’m married to a wonderful man who supports my dreams, and that I love with all my heart. But mostly,” she took a deep breath, “I’ve learned that nothing ever lasts.”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing ever lasts,” Carrie repeated softly. “No matter how difficult a time is, it will pass. No matter how wonderful a time is, it will pass. Life is like the tides in the ocean. It’s a continual ebb and flow. I’ve learned to not hang on too tightly. If I hang on to the pain, I can’t see when it is gone, and I miss the joy. If I hang on to tightly to the joy, I am devastated when something else difficult or painful happens.” She stopped to see if Rose understood what she was saying.
“Keep going,” Rose said gently.
Carrie took a deep breath. “How I live life is my choice. Always. I can choose joy and peace in the midst of any circumstances because I know things will always change. I’ve learned that just like the tides are necessary in the ocean, they are necessary in my life. I wouldn’t be who I am without the hard times, and life would hardly be worth living without the times full of joy.”
Rose nodded. “Times just like these.”
Carrie smiled. “Exactly! I’m learning to embrace both of them.” She squeezed Rose’s hands. “Your turn - who have you become?”
“Exactly who I wanted to be!” Rose said quickly with a wide smile. “I love being a teacher and I’m very good at it.”
“That I’m sure of,” Carrie said proudly.
Rose grinned. “I love being a wife and mother. Most of the time I can move beyond the fears mama told me always held me back. I feel them, but I know I can banish them by taking action. There are so many times when I feel she is still with me – looking at me with her loving, wise eyes.”
“I know exactly what you mean,” Carrie exclaimed. “She may be gone, but all she taught me is still in my heart and mind. It pops up just when I need it.”
Rose nodded and then looked off into the distance. “Mostly I’ve become someone who knows I have to be so much more.” She paused while Carrie waited quietly. “Black people are free now. They believe they have accomplished so much, but all they’ve really done is received the freedom to accomplish something.” She struggled to find the right words. “I know my job is to help them become all they’ve dreamed of being. I’ve known for a long time that I want to be a leader for my people; it’s been just recently that I’ve realized I’m meant to be a leader for my people.”
“And the reality of that responsibility is scary,” Carrie added quietly.
“Yes,” Rose whispered. “I’m afraid I won’t be enough.”
“Now what would your mama say?”
Rose laughed. “You’re right. Remember, I said most of the time I can move beyond the fears. This is a big one.”
Carrie nodded. “I understand. I know I’m meant to be a doctor. I also know I’m meant to be a role model for women who will follow after me in the years to come. Most of the time it excites me. But there are those times when it terrifies me and I want to run back to the plantation and raise tobacco.”
Rose just looked at her. Suddenly they were both laughing hysterically, holding their sides at the image of either of them back on the plantation long-term. Slowly their laughter died away, the air cleansed from fear by laughing in the face of it.
“The war is almost over,” Carrie said slowly. “The last four years have almost been mandated for us because of the reality of the war. Now it’s going to be up to us to decide what we want for our lives.”
“We thought we knew what we wanted four years ago,” Rose agreed. “Then life happened and turned everything upside down.” She stared off into space. “I’m glad it did,” she said suddenly. “Oh, I hate that the war happened, and I hate all the pain and loss. I would have stopped it all if I could - but I couldn’t - so I’ve decided to be grateful for what I’ve learned and for who I’ve become. I don’t think I would have grown up so quickly without everything.”
“We’re so blessed,” Carrie said softly. “So many people have lost everyone they love. You have Moses and John; June and Simon. As far as I know I still have Robert and Father. And now I have you, and Aunt Abby, and Matthew back in my life…”
“And we have Jeremy…” Rose whispered, tears brimming in her eyes again. “You’re right; we’re so very blessed.”
Robert gasped for air as another coughing attack seized him. His stomach was pinched with hunger, but he didn’t think he could have eaten even if someone had arrived with a meal – not that it was likely to happen. His gut told him things were almost over.
General Longstreet had tried to escape by setting fire to the bridges the Confederate troops had crossed. Grant’s infantry managed to put out the fires, cross the bridges, and then catch up with them in Farmville. Fitzhugh Lee’s cavalry had managed to hold off Grant’s infantry until nightfall, but the Rebels had been forced to continue marching westward to avoid capture. The promised food had been left behind.
“Captain?” Alex appeared by his side, his emaciated face lined with worry. “I got you some water.”
Robert nodded his thanks and then drank down the water. As soon as he swallowed it the dry dust caked his lungs and the coughing resumed. He knew his fever was going higher, but he refused to give into it.
“I thought we were going to eat in Farmville,” Alex said quietly. “I ain’t complaining – just wondering.”
“We were supposed to,” Robert replied. “When Grant caught up with us we had to march right past where the rations are. I believe Lee has rations stored at Appomattox. It should only take us another day to reach them.”
Alex stared around at the men marching down the road; some of them stumbling in the ruts. “I hope they can make it that far,” he murmured. “Some of them ain’t doing so good.” He gripped Robert’s arm when he stumbled sideways. “Like you, Captain.”
Robert gritted his teeth and moved forward. “We keep moving or all is lost,” he said firmly.
“It’s all lost anyway, ain’t it?” Alex asked.
Robert chose to not answer.
Chapter Thirty-Six
The clatter of boots on the porch woke Carrie. A quick glance at the sun streaming in the window told her she and Rose had slept much longer than she intended; no surprise since they had talked almost all night. She looked over, saw Rose open her eyes, and shrugged. “I guess I botched that surprise,” she said ruefully.
Rose looked at h
er, blinking sleep out of her eyes. “What are you…?”
The scream floated up the stairways. “Matthew!” Aunt Abby’s delighted laughter followed right on the heels of the scream.
“Aunt Abby!” came the booming reply, followed by a laugh that Carrie didn’t recognize.
Rose sat straight up in bed, fumbling to throw back the covers. “Matthew?” She turned to stare at Carrie with open-mouthed astonishment. “You knew he was here?”
“He’s been here almost a week,” Carrie admitted cheerfully. “I decided to keep it a secret, but I had planned to pull off a better surprise than this one.”
“God help us if you had,” Rose said fervently. “I don’t think my heart can take much more!” She laughed as she sprang up and reached for her dress. “Moses knows he’s here?”
“They’ve spent hours talking over the last few days when Matthew hasn’t been working. He was sent here to cover the occupation of Richmond. Moses has been able to make amazing connections for him. Captain Jones comes by to check on him most days; which means Matthew is getting information before any of the other journalists. They are almost green with envy.”
“I heard another laugh I didn’t recognize,” Rose said as she buttoned her dress quickly and then quickly pulled her hair back before she moved over to wash her face and brush her teeth.
“So did I,” Carrie replied, moving as quickly as Rose to go down and join in the fun. “I’m guessing that was his friend, Peter. I’ve heard all about him, but have not yet had the pleasure of meeting him.”
Rose grinned. “This is going to be another day full of joy. I intend to embrace it.”
Carrie laughed as she rushed over to give Rose an exuberant hug. “You and me, both! And get used to a lot of hugs – I have a lot of years of lost ones to make up for.”
Rose squeezed her back tightly. “I plan on a lifetime of hugs,” she promised, her voice choked.
“Don’t start crying again,” Carrie scolded, blinking back her own tears.
Rose laughed, finished poking the last pins in her hair, and then turned toward the door.
“Oh bother!” Carrie scowled as she tried to tuck stray hairs into her bun. “I don’t have time for this right now.”
Rose laughed. “You never were very good at that.” It took her just moments to pull Carrie’s hair back into a smooth bun. “Now, let’s get down there before we miss something.”
“Mama?”
Carrie smiled as she looked over at John peering sleepily over the edge of the crib. “It looks like John is ready to go join in the fun, too.”
John stared at Carrie for a long moment before his confusion melted into a lopsided grin. “Kaywee…”
Carrie grinned and leaned down to scoop him up, nuzzling into his warm, soft neck. “That’s right, John. I’m your Aunt Carrie.” She smiled as she looked over his head into Rose’s eyes. “I think that will be easier than trying to explain we’re really cousins.”
“Thank goodness that conversation is a long time away,” Rose exclaimed. “I can barely make sense of it myself. It’s also going to be fun to explain his white uncle.”
“Never a dull moment,” Carrie agreed impishly. The sounds of laughter from downstairs floated up the stairway. “Go on into Moses’ room. I’ll bring everyone else up. May will have breakfast ready soon. I’ll change his bandage before I head to the hospital.”
Moses’ room was soon crowded with everyone in the house.
“We’re going to have to move you downstairs into the parlor if this keeps up,” Carrie said, staring around with delight. “I don’t think this room could hold one more person.”
Little John alternated between walking and crawling, moving from person to person to make his inspection. He stopped often to give a smile like sunshine, or reach up his chubby hand to pat a cheek or arm.
May and Miles, their own smiles as bright as sunshine, walked into the room with huge platters of food. “Mornin’ everyone!”
Miles laid his platter down and then turned to look at Carrie. “And I got some news for you, Miss Carrie.”
Carrie looked up quickly. “What is it, Miles?
“Spencer was by this morning… Eddie is back living with Frank somewhere. He’s safe. Most of the black section of town was burned out, but there weren’t many that were hurt. They’re making do.”
Carrie sagged in relief. She knew the black hospital had burned, along with the church, and she hadn’t been able to learn anything about Eddie. “I’m so glad!”
Miles nodded. “Eddie knows things are real chaotic right now, but he said he would come to the house when he thought you might be able to go out to the plantation. He’s real anxious to see his kids.”
“Of course he is!” Carrie exclaimed, fighting her own passionate desire to discover if Cromwell Plantation was still standing.
When Carrie looked around the curious expressions made her realize most of the people in the room didn’t know what she and Miles were talking about. She explained quickly and then motioned everyone to eat while it was still hot.
Carrie tried to not let it bother her that breakfast was beans and cornbread, the only staples left in the house. It had been bad before, but now that the fires had destroyed almost every grocery store in town, the only food to be found was what was coming from the garden – and that was very little since the season had just started.
She sighed with relief when she realized no one cared; they were simply happy to be together. Laughter and talking swirled through the air as the food disappeared. No one even seemed to mind the strong onion aroma that permeated the air. Carrie was still changing Moses’ poultices three times a day. The swelling and redness were almost gone, and the wound was shrinking, but she was taking no chances of infection returning.
She relaxed back against the wall and just let her gaze rove around the room. Jeremy was laughing with Rose over something little John had done. Moses and Matthew were deep in conversation; while Clifford talked with Peter and Hobbs. Aunt Abby and Janie had their heads close together over something. Suddenly the tears welled in her eyes. She blinked them back as thoughts of Robert tore through her, leaving her raw and vulnerable. If only…
Carrie looked up to discover Aunt Abby’s eyes locked on her from across the room; compassion and understanding shining in them. Just that one look steadied her and gave her the courage to take a deep breath, and then another.
Matthew cleared his throat and stepped away from Moses bed. “Anyone care to know what is going on outside this room?” he asked.
Carrie wanted to say no; she wanted to preserve what they had and never let anything else touch it, but she already knew that was impossible. She would embrace the joy, but she wouldn’t hide from the challenges that were surely coming. The war had not achieved anything – the real achievements would come when people began to rebuild their lives and their country.
“Let’s have it,” she said firmly, feeling Aunt Abby’s warm approval radiating from across the room.
Matthew sent her an understanding smile. “If my sources are correct, Lee will be forced to surrender today.”
Carrie gasped. She’d known things were going badly for the Confederates, but she hadn’t realized just how badly.
“Two nights ago after the battle at High Bridge, Grant sent Lee a letter proposing the Army of Northern Virginia should surrender. I’m told Lee sent him back a noncommittal letter asking about the surrender terms.”
“We suspect Lee was hoping they could reach their ration train at Appomattox Station before he was trapped,” Peter added. “He was trying to buy some time by pretending interest in negotiation.”
Matthew nodded. “Lee didn’t reach his rations. Major General Custer seized a supply train and twenty-five guns, blocking Lee’s path. He burned the three trains loaded with provisions for Lee’s army.”
Carrie stiffened. She didn’t care about losing the war, but she cared very much that Robert was continuing to go hungry. He had been so thin
the last time she’d seen him over two months ago. What condition was he in now?
“Grant sent Lee another letter last night offering the generous surrender terms Lincoln has proposed. He offered a meeting to discuss them,” Matthew finished. “We haven’t heard anything yet, but Lee simply has nowhere to go and no other options.”
Carrie fought to keep her voice calm. “Do you know the terms of surrender?” she asked. “Will Robert be taken as a prisoner?” She knew her voice was not hiding her fear, but she couldn’t help it. She also knew every eye in the room was on her, but she felt cradled by their unconditional love and warmth. She knew there was not one person there that judged Robert for fighting.
“Absolutely not!” Matthew said quickly, walking over to take her hands. “I don’t know the actual wording of the terms but I do know that as long as every soldier agrees to never take up arms again, and then leaves their gun on the battlefield, they are free to go home and live their lives. The war will be over for them.”
Carrie’s eyes filled with tears of relief. “Thank God,” she whispered, not trying to stem the flow of tears down her cheeks.
Now the question was whether Robert was alive to take advantage of Lincoln’s generosity.
Carrie gave Aunt Abby a warm hug before she hurried down the stairs. “I’ll be back this afternoon,” she promised. “And then I’m going to claim you all for myself!”
“I’m going to hold you to that,” Aunt Abby responded, her expression full of love.
Carrie fought the emotion swelling in her chest as she looked into the eyes of the woman who was more her mother than her own mother had ever been. The four years of separation had been agony. To have her right here in the house was almost more than she could absorb. Suddenly she turned and raced back up the stairs to give her another big hug. “I love you so much!” she cried. “I’m so very happy you’re here.”
