by Judy Duarte
She’d known they were destined for this the first time she’d considered him to be more than a patient. She just hadn’t realized how hard it would be to let him go. Chase had touched something deep inside her, something that had never been touched before.
Emotion clogged her throat and clouded her eyes, but she did her best to blink it back as she climbed under the pounding spray.
She wasn’t sure how long she stayed in the shower, but no amount of water had been able to wash away the pain.
Sure, if Chase had another occupation, something safe that allowed him to live nearby, she could consider the possibilities. But he didn’t have another job, and she was going to have to live with that.
She’d survive, though. She was a big girl; she knew the rules, the choices.
The repercussions.
So the decision was made. Making love had been a one-time thing. And she would make it clear that they were both better off that way.
After shutting off the water, she dried herself, brushed her teeth and returned to the bedroom wearing a towel turban on her wet head and a white fluffy robe wrapped around her body.
Her bare feet slowed as she entered and spotted Chase lying amidst the rumpled sheets.
Their gazes locked, and she did her best to smile. But a feeling of remorse settled over her as she watched him sit up in bed, his torso bare, his hair tousled in a sexy, after-the-loving way that reminded her of what they’d done, what she’d like to do again.
“Last night was special,” he said, smiling.
It certainly had been.
Something sparked in his eyes, an emotion too fleeting to get a handle on.
She hoped that meant their lovemaking had touched something deep in his heart, too, but she couldn’t afford to dream, to wish on stars that were doomed to burn out.
“I want you to know that I feel something for you,” she admitted, “something that could easily break. And I want to end things before we get carried away.”
His expression sobered. “I’m not sure I’m following you.”
Molly sighed. “I’m not a risk-taker, Chase. My world is orderly and predictable, and I like it that way. The only way I’d be able to handle a relationship with you is if you gave up racing.”
A muscle on the side of his eye twitched. “I don’t like ultimatums.”
“It isn’t one. I’d never do that to you. But I lost my family in a car accident, and each day you climb behind the wheel, you put yourself in danger.”
“I’m good at what I do.”
“No doubt you are, but it’s still a risk you take freely. And I probably worry more than most.”
Probably? a small voice asked.
Okay, so her fears were a little over the top.
“We can work through this,” he began.
She slowly shook her head. “No, we can’t.”
They seemed to be at an impasse until he said, “You can’t tell me the sex wasn’t good.”
A slow smile pulled up her lips. “I doubt if I’ll ever have better.”
He climbed out of bed and reached for the pants he’d discarded on the floor. “You could expect it to be better if I was your lover.”
“I’m sure you’re right.” She stooped and picked up his shirt, then handed it to him. “Did you want to shower before you go?”
“No, I’ll do that at home.”
She followed him to the front door, and that knot in her chest beat harder, putting up a struggle as it tried to stop her. But she knew a relationship with Chase was bound to end as soon as the racing season began.
And if she kissed him again, if they made love one last time, she risked falling head over heels for him, and then she’d be in a real fix. She’d die a little each time she heard his name, each time she learned of an upcoming race.
When they reached the door, she half expected him to give her a goodbye kiss, but he didn’t. And maybe it was just as well. Look where it had gotten them last night.
“Drive safely,” she said.
She hadn’t just meant back to Houston. She’d meant every time he was on the track, every time he risked his life on the road.
At that, he stopped on the porch and turned to face her. His gaze slammed into hers. Then, as if he knew all that she felt, all that she feared, he brushed a kiss on her lips.
“If you’re ever in Houston, give me a call,” he said.
“I will.”
He hesitated momentarily, as if he were struggling with something, too. Then he kissed her one last time, a heart-thumping, hope-stirring kiss that would linger in her memory for a very long time.
Chapter Seven
Molly’s rejection sat in Chase’s gut like a lump of engine sludge.
He’d known that she hadn’t been eager to get involved with him in the first place, but he hadn’t expected her to end it all after a marathon night of lovemaking—and before they’d been able to brew a morning pot of coffee.
As soon as they were both awake, she’d clearly rolled up the welcome mat, and he’d never been one to hang around when he wasn’t wanted or appreciated—a remnant from his childhood, no doubt.
And as he’d lain in bed that morning, hearing her words, sensing the rejection, the shadow of a memory had ghosted over him, leaving him feeling unsettled and ready to bolt.
What do you know, his brother Phillip had once said to him. You’re nothing but a family accident.
Yeah, Bobby had added, Mom and Dad planned to stop with three kids, but then they went and messed up, and you came along. They even had to cancel our family vacation that year and every year after.
Chase had flipped them off or some appropriate childish who-gives-a-crap response, but the truth had hurt. And as if knowing they’d found his Achilles’ heel, his older brothers had prodded that soft spot time and again.
And the same uneasiness, that same sense of nothingness, had settled over him when Molly had told him that he wasn’t the kind of guy she wanted to have in her life. Not that she’d come right out and said it in so many words, but Chase had read between the lines.
If the sex had been lousy, he might have understood it. But they’d gone through all the condoms she had and there was no way she’d been disappointed by their lovemaking.
Still, he’d gotten her message loud and clear. So he’d rolled out of bed and slipped into his pants, wishing all the while that he could come up with a better way to say goodbye. But he hadn’t been able to think of one damn thing that wouldn’t make it sound as though he was begging her to give him another chance. And Chase Mayfield didn’t beg.
Not with his older brothers, not with his parents. Not with anyone.
Besides, Molly had said that the only way she’d get involved with him was if he gave up racing, and that was something else he’d never do. Racing was in his blood.
As Molly had stood in the bedroom that morning wearing a white robe, her skin moist and glowing from the shower, her hair wrapped in a towel, she’d been breathtakingly beautiful. But her words and her subdued tone hadn’t been.
When he’d gotten ready to leave, she’d handed him his shirt and had watched while he put it on.
Had she been eager to see him go?
Or had she just tried to be helpful?
He’d probably never know for sure.
For the next couple of days, he tried to keep busy in Houston while making sure his sponsors hadn’t gotten wind of any wild and reckless behavior—or his failed attempt at romance. But he hadn’t been able to shake thoughts of Molly.
“You’re better off without her,” he told himself time and again, but he hadn’t been able to buy it. He hadn’t been ready for her to hand him his walking papers.
Yet something told him she hadn’t been ready to hand them out, either. That there was something else going on, although he wasn’t quite sure what it was.
Maybe he’d sensed that she felt something for him, like his parents had eventually come to care about the baby they hadn’t really
wanted. That was the reason he’d never run away from home, the reason he’d stuck it out. Instead, he’d rebelled when it hadn’t been expected, made them proud when they’d thought for sure he wouldn’t.
He’d kept them all wondering what would come next.
So that’s the tack he’d taken with Molly.
After nearly a week, he’d returned to Brighton Valley to talk to her again. But he hadn’t wanted to just show up on her stoop with his tail between his legs and a wishful look on his face. That had never been his style.
Instead, he’d carried a black-and-white kitten he’d found at an animal shelter. Then, when she answered the door, he’d acted as though they really had ended up friends, and that he was free to pop in whenever he wanted to.
“What do you think of this little guy?” he’d asked her.
“It’s darling,” she’d said, her face and her voice going all sweet and smoochy. And when she’d softened like that, his heart had done the same thing.
“What are you going to do with a kitten?” she’d asked.
“I’m going to take it to Tommy and Missy Haines.”
“Shouldn’t you run it by their mother first?”
“I was going to, but those poor kids don’t have a lot, and they lost their other cat. How could their mother say no?”
She’d crossed her arms and lifted a single brow. “You might be right, but that’s their mother’s call to make.”
And apparently, deciding whether Chase and Molly would become lovers again was Molly’s decision to make.
“Do you want to ride with me to take this little guy to them? I’ll leave him in the car until I get a chance to run it by their mom, if it makes you happy.”
“I’m afraid I’ve got things to do this afternoon.”
“That’s too bad,” he’d said. “I thought you would get a big kick out of seeing their faces when I give it to them.”
She’d reached out and stroked the kitten’s head. “I would have.”
Well, he’d crashed and burned once more. And just like before, he’d been reluctant to leave until she gave him some reason to think they could make plans to see each other again.
But that hadn’t happened, either.
“Are you doing okay?” he’d asked, hoping to peer through the veil that hid the emotion in her eyes.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
She hadn’t looked fine. She’d looked…sad. And he’d wondered if it had anything to do with him.
“Any regrets?” he’d asked, hoping she’d admit that her biggest one was letting him go.
“No. I’m glad we did what we did.”
“Good.” He was glad, too. And his only regret was that what they’d shared seemed destined to be a one-night fling.
But opening his guts any more than he’d already done wasn’t going to do either one of them any good.
And while he knew it was over, that they were finished, something continued to draw him to her. Something that suggested she’d ended things, but that her heart hadn’t been in it.
Still, he’d left that day with his tail tucked between his legs just a bit tighter than he’d been comfortable with. And he’d managed to keep himself occupied for another week or so, but that was it.
The harder he’d tried to stay away from Molly, the more he wanted to see her.
So now it was time for a showdown.
As part of a well-thought-out game plan, he checked into the Brighton Valley Motor Inn and decided to stick around town until she saw things his way.
Three weeks after her one and only date with Chase, Molly sat in the kitchen, writing out checks to pay her bills: rent, utilities and a medical expense her health insurance hadn’t picked up because her deductible hadn’t been met.
It seemed that the tenth came around faster each month, but certain things were a part of the life, like billing cycles and…
Menstrual cycles.
Her hand froze in the middle of her signature as she realized it had been a while since she’d had one.
How long?
She used the calendar on the back of the check register, counting back to the first of last month and thinking that she was rarely late.
For a moment, she wondered if she could be pregnant, but quickly shook off the possibility. She and Chase had used condoms—several of them.
There had to be another explanation.
For one thing, her job could be stressful, which might have an adverse effect on her regularity. Of course, it never had before.
But there was also the matter of the hospital’s financial concerns, which were more than a little troubling. Ever since she’d become friends with Dr. Nielson, the money issues facing the hospital and causing Betsy stress had also applied pressure to Molly, who couldn’t help herself from worrying on her friend’s behalf.
And on top of that, no matter how much she tried to convince herself that she had everything—including her heart—under control, Chase had also created tension in her life.
She was missing him in spite of knowing that it was best if they didn’t see each other anymore. Add that to the fact that he’d been showing up on her doorstep on her days off—for one reason or another—and it only made things worse.
Again pregnancy crossed her mind, but as she’d done the first time it had, she reminded herself that they’d been responsible, that they’d used protection. So she really ought to give her period a few more days to show up.
But no method of birth control was one hundred percent effective, and Molly’s curiosity mounted. She liked her life to be predictable, and she went to extraordinary lengths to make sure it stayed that way. Some might call her a control freak, but she didn’t care. If she’d gotten pregnant that night, she wanted time to think, to prepare.
A baby would certainly complicate her life. Not that she didn’t like children. She was actually good with them in a hospital setting, but she hadn’t considered having any of her own. She was so wrapped up in her career that she didn’t have time for a family.
Of course, she was probably jumping to faulty conclusions, but either way, she was going to have to put her mind to rest.
So she returned her checkbook to her purse, stacked the outgoing mail on the kitchen counter, then rode her bike to the market. Once there, she picked up a box of cereal, a carton of milk, a roll of paper towels and a home pregnancy test.
She hadn’t needed the cereal or the other items, but she hoped they would mask her real purpose for the shopping trip.
It seemed as though all eyes were on her and her purchases while she stood in the checkout line, but when she glanced up, she didn’t see anyone but the cashier, a fiftysomething ash-blonde who seemed to be too bothered by a hangnail to give it any thought.
In less than thirty minutes, Molly was home again. After leaving her bike on the front porch and securing the lock, she entered the house and put away her groceries. Then she carried the testing apparatus and the instruction sheet into the bathroom.
Surely she wasn’t pregnant, she argued one more time. But had they gotten careless as the night wore on? Had one of the condoms broken?
The box had been in her drawer for ages, ever since she’d dated Randy. Or had it been there even longer than that?
For the life of her, she couldn’t remember. And right now, the only thing on her mind was the memory of their lovemaking, which was never far from her conscious thought. Unable to help herself, she relived each stroke, each caress, each heated kiss until she missed Chase so badly she wanted to tell him she’d been wrong.
But she knew better than that.
Of course if she was pregnant with his baby, she’d be drawn into his life anyway, and she’d be hard-pressed to forget her fears.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” she uttered as she got on with the process, then awaited the results.
With each second that silently tick-tocked through the room, time stretched and strained like a frayed rubber band, tighter and tighter until it was ready to snap
.
Finally, a little pink dot formed, mocking every attempt Molly had made to convince herself she hadn’t conceived. She blinked her eyes a couple of times, hoping to clear her vision, hoping to see that the result screen had remained blank.
But that bright pink spot wasn’t going anywhere.
Molly stared at the testing apparatus for the longest time, hoping for a different outcome until she was forced to accept the truth.
She was pregnant—with Chase Mayfield’s baby.
The next day, with the news of her pregnancy still rumbling in her heart and rolling through her mind, Molly dressed for work.
She was running late, which didn’t happen very often. Had it been any other workday, she might have passed on breakfast, opting to pick up a bagel and coffee in the hospital cafeteria later, but she forced herself to drink a glass of milk and eat a banana while she walked the few short blocks to Brighton Valley Medical Center.
The sun was warm overhead, and birds chirped in the treetops. It was hard not to think of new life and renewal, even if she was still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that her little world and the future she’d mapped out for herself were about to change.
Sure, there were other options. She could give the baby up to a couple who would provide it a happy, two-parent home, but she’d never do that. This pregnancy might be unplanned and a bit inconvenient, but the more she thought about having a baby, a son or daughter to love, the more it brought a smile to her face. It was almost as if God was giving her a second chance to have the family that had been taken from her.
As was her habit, she entered the hospital grounds by cutting through the gardens, where she spotted Betsy seated on a bench.
The doctor was clearly taking a break, and while Molly thought about allowing the woman privacy, she approached anyway.
“Good morning,” she said.
Betsy looked up and smiled, although her expression was shrouded by whatever had caused her to seek privacy.
“Is something wrong?” Molly asked.
