by Kendall Ryan
Sprawling trees lined the suburban streets, and the playground of the elementary school was packed with laughing, screaming children. It seemed like the kind of place where kids could wander off and have adventures. The kind of place to have a happy, safe childhood.
I could picture her here, growing up and becoming the person I had come to care for. The woman I now realized I’d fallen for.
Swallowing that thought, I turned on a few streets until I reached a little development of cottages and slowed, trying to find the number I’d memorized on the plane ride.
But I didn’t need to bother.
I knew the house instantly.
Not from the number or the woman who looked just like Piper but from the car parked in the driveway.
Piper’s car.
My heart plummeted into my stomach, and I considered driving away and coming back when I could have Hailey’s attention to myself. Piper, whether I liked it or not, didn’t want to see me, and I knew forcing this issue was wrong. Still, once I knew she was there, I couldn’t seem to stop myself. It was like my brain went offline and my heart was working on autopilot. It was a feeling that was entirely fucking new to me.
I parked behind Piper’s car, walking carefully up the long drive while the early afternoon sun warmed my skin.
Distantly, I could hear voices from the open window.
“You really didn’t need to do this. It’s too much,” Piper was saying softly.
A second, higher-pitched voice responded. “Oh, it was the least I could do. I figured you have enough to worry about right now. One less expense is always a good thing.”
“Not just that, sis,” Piper said. “All of this.” There was a long pause, and I slowed, my stomach dropping into my feet as her voice sounded tear-filled. “Taking me, us, in. It’s more than I could have ever expected.”
I frowned, the words not computing. But then, as I rounded the shrubs, I understood her meaning, and it rocked me to my core.
Through the wide bay window, I could see the mostly assembled crib in the center of the room. Piper was standing beside it, one hand on the railing as she glanced at the mobile, the other resting low on her flat belly.
One less expense…
Taking us in…
Cold realization sank deep in my chest, freezing my heart and pausing its beat.
Piper was pregnant. With my baby.
I was frozen to the spot, staring at her through the glass as her gaze slowly centered on mine.
Chapter Twenty-One
Piper
The moment I saw him, the world whooshed around me in a blur of color and light and sound. Distantly, I heard my sister asking me what was wrong, but then she followed my gaze out the wide bay window to spy the tall, handsome man standing on her garden path.
“Is that…?” she asked, but I was too busy gulping down my next breath to answer her. The air was thinner than I remembered and harder to come by.
And then, all at once, my panic was gone. Replaced instead with white-hot boiling anger.
Why was he here?
My stomach twisted, and I clenched my teeth, balling my hands at my sides as it sank in why he was here—what he must have done. I’d told him specifically to stay out of it, that we were finished, and he’d ignored me because that’s what he did. He barreled over people’s wants and needs. I relished the anger that overshadowed the pain of heartbreak and held it close and tight.
Stepping away from the crib, I crossed the room and swung open the front door, marching down the front path until I was only a few feet from him.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded.
For a moment he said nothing, and a new, strange expression crossed his face. It wasn’t his usual stern, business demeanor or his angry, tough-guy act. It was almost something like…hurt.
His voice was tight when he finally answered, “I could ask you the same thing.”
“What do you mean? This is my sister’s house. I don’t owe you any explanations.”
“Don’t you?” His voice was cold now, and his gaze flicked to the window behind me, where the crib and mobile still sat, a massive admission of my guilt.
“That’s Hailey’s,” I lied a little too quickly.
“I heard you,” he said simply and then waited as I let the truth wash over me.
He knew. I’d been caught red-handed. My heart sank into my stomach, and I clutched the space there, certain the baby could feel my rioting emotions.
“You have no right to be here,” I tried again. “I told you to stay away.”
“And what right did you have to do that?” he demanded, his voice rising slightly now. “What right did you have to keep me from my child? To not tell me?”
“We both know I was making the right decision,” I shot back.
“For who? For you? You wanted to raise a child who would never know his father?” He speared a hand through his hair and blew out a long breath. “You’re unbelievable. All the lies… You had me thinking your sister was sick. I came all this way to help her. To help you.”
“Nobody asked you to do that,” I said. “In fact, I recall pleading with you to do just the opposite.”
“Maybe you didn’t ask, but that’s what good people do. They help the people they love. They don’t lie to them over and over and fucking over again, Piper.” He was yelling now, but I was too distracted by his words to say anything.
The word “love” had shot through me like an arrow, piercing the empty space where my heart used to be.
“Say something. Defend yourself at least,” he demanded.
“Y-You love me?” I whispered.
“I thought I did.” His gaze was like a glacier. “But now I realize I don’t even fucking know you. How could I love the woman who tried to keep my child from me and then stands by her choice when she gets caught?”
I swallowed hard. “Jackson—”
“No, save it, Piper. There’s nothing you can say or do that will make this okay.”
“I thought about telling you,” I tried. “But I know how you feel about children, and I thought you would be better off…”
“How nice of you to make the choice for me,” he spat. “You know what? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, and I only want to hear from yours. I can’t even stand to look at you right now.”
He glowered at me with full, unadulterated fury, and I stared back, my lips pursed as I crossed my arms over my chest. There was nothing I could say or do to fix this. No way I could make what I’d done make sense. Not to him. Not when he was like this. Hell, maybe never.
So instead, I stood there, heartsick, watching as he marched back to his car. Before he got inside, though, he stared back at me, his eyes icy.
“I have a right to be in my child’s life, and I will. Whatever it takes, Piper. So don’t think this is the last of this.”
With that, he climbed into the car and reversed onto the street, speeding off in a plume of exhaust and hatred.
All the while, I stood stock still, watching him go and dealing with my own tangled mess of feelings. My hurt at the way he’d looked at me, the anger that he’d meddled, my frustration that he would never understand.
But most of all, my heartbreak. He’d loved me… Loved me enough to want to fix my problems even after I’d cast him aside. And I…
I thought of that night on the rooftop garden. Our trip to the museum, all those lunches and dinners shared in his office. The few rare times I’d gotten to really see him for who he was.
Those moments when my heart shone like a thousand bits of light.
I loved him too. And now he would never know it. Our child might never know it, but I did. I loved him with all my heart.
Which was why I’d tried to spare him all of this.
But now, after everything, I was the one standing here, my head in my hands, having lost every last piece of my life.
I heard the door open again behind me, and I knew my sister was watching me from the porch.<
br />
“You heard?” I asked lifelessly.
“Yeah. I’m so very sorry, sis.”
“Me too,” I replied, a wedge of emotion clogging my throat. “Me too.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Piper
For a long while, we were silent. Hailey stood over the tea kettle, watching as the water began to steam, and I sat at her little round kitchen table, my hands folded in front of me.
I studied every detail of them, every line along my knuckles, every vein beneath the skin. Anything to keep my mind from Jackson and the way he’d looked at me when he’d sped away.
Anything to keep me from what felt like a never-ending rush of humiliation and shame.
The high-pitched scream of the kettle sounded, and I closed my eyes, listening to the burble of water as Hailey poured water into mugs.
“Green or Earl Grey?” she asked in a muted tone.
“You have decaf? The caffeine isn’t good for the baby.”
“Oh, right. Still getting used to…well, yeah. Give me a second.” She rummaged in her drawers and then snapped one shut before I heard the soft thud of her feet on the linoleum floor and then the gentle scrape of the wooden chair as it slid backward.
“Open your eyes. Nothing to hide from here,” Hailey said, and I looked up to find her placing a mug in front of me.
Turning, she grabbed some sugar and milk from the island in the middle of her dated, cherry kitchen and thunked them onto the middle of the matching table.
“Okay,” she sighed. “Now, let’s have some tea and talk about what might make you feel better. Maybe we could talk baby names? I like Tallulah, personally.”
I shook my head, wrapping my chilled hands around the scalding cup in front of me.
“I’m not sure anything is going to make me feel better. I mean, how could he just leave like that?” Gripping the string of my tea bag, I plunked it up and down and then stared down into the darkening water.
“Like, he wants to prove that he’s going to be here for this baby, but the second he finds out I’m pregnant, he’s back on the road again?” I let out a humorless laugh. “Frankly, it’s exactly what I expected from him. I shouldn’t be surprised.”
Silence reigned between us, broken only by the soft clatter of Hailey’s spoon as she stirred her tea.
I counted the seconds. One, two, three, and then I glanced at her, determined to make her meet my gaze. When she didn’t, I spoke again.
“Well?” I prompted.
“Well.” She sighed. “Look, I don’t want to upset you any more. We can talk about this when you’ve had a little time.”
“I don’t need time. I want to know what you think,” I said.
Hailey frowned and then sipped her drink. With another sigh, she started again. “Well, I can kind of see where he’s coming from, honestly. I mean, what was he supposed to do? Throw his arms open and ask your due date? The guy got blindsided.”
“That’s no excuse,” I said.
“I think it might be.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “You’ve had a couple of days to deal with this news and process how it’s going to affect your life. Jackson didn’t have that. He just found out that not only were you pregnant, but you lied to him about it repeatedly to keep him from finding out.”
“Because he doesn’t want children!” I argued. “I did this for him. If you could’ve heard how he spoke about having a baby…”
“That was ancient history, Piper. His opinion could have changed in the last decade. And besides, would that be your assumption if you were in his shoes right now?” Hailey asked patiently. “Or would you think the person didn’t tell you because you were lacking somehow? Because, for whatever reason, they didn’t think you’d be a good influence in their child’s life?”
I frowned, that noxious sickly feeling returning to my stomach. “I hadn’t thought about it that way. If he’d just asked, or let me speak, I would have explained why I didn’t tell him.”
“He was in shock, I imagine. He didn’t know this was the kind of conversation he’d be having today, I guarantee that,” Hailey said. Then she reached toward me, took my hand, and stroked the back of my fingers.
“Look, Piper, you made a choice. You thought it was the right thing to do, but the thing is, you made that choice without his consent or knowledge. Like it or not, that’s going to be a tough thing for a guy like Jackson to swallow.”
I gripped my sister’s hand and squeezed. “Did you hear the part…the part where he said he loved me?” I choked out the words.
She nodded. “I did.”
“I love him too, you know. I wouldn’t have worried about ruining his life if I didn’t love him. I wouldn’t have…” Hot tears scratched at the back of my throat, and I swallowed hard.
“I know,” Hailey said. “I know.”
“So what do I do now? I can’t get him back. I can’t force him to stay with me because I’m having this baby. Not after everything I’ve done.”
Hailey frowned. “No, but you can give him what he thinks he wants right now.”
“Which is?” I prompted.
Hailey took another sip of her tea, her brow furrowing as she thought. “Well, what do you think you would want if you were in his shoes?”
“I guess…reassurance more than anything. But it’s not like I can call him and leave a message or something.”
“Then don’t. Go back to the city and do something about this.”
My mind whirled. “He won’t want to see me.”
“Then don’t let him. Leave him a letter or something. Just, you know, let him know that what happened doesn’t have anything to do with him. Not really.”
I nodded. “I can do that.”
“I know you can.”
“And what if he still hates me when he’s done reading it?”
“Then the two of you will work it out. Because right now? This isn’t about either of you. This is about little Tallulah.”
“I hate that name.” I grinned.
“I knew you would.” Hailey patted my hand. “Now go get to work, tiger.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jackson
Twice in my life I’d thought I was going to be a father.
The first time, I was sure my life would fall apart. I had barely started a company and was with a girl I barely knew and certainly didn’t love. The prospect of spending the rest of time with her crushed me. The idea of being a father was hardly ever on my mind, to be honest.
In truth, I spent my time thinking about what my days with her would be like. The sort of mindless rhythm we’d fall into as two people bound together not by love but by our responsibility to the life that depended on us.
It was true that when the miscarriage had happened, I’d been relieved. But now, as I thought again about being a father, of having that new precious life in my care, I wondered if my reality had changed in the years that had passed since then.
Because now, when I thought of this child, I didn’t think about the responsibility like a sort of crushing weight on my freedom. Instead, I looked around my cold, unfeeling apartment and realized the warmth of a child—of a family—was exactly what I needed.
Barely twenty-four hours had passed, and already I was imagining where to put the cradle, what I needed to get rid of, what sorts of things I’d need to read up on. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t anxious. In spite of being angry and devastated by the loss of Piper and her lies…
I was excited.
Truly, deeply excited at the idea of taking my child to Central Park to play chess or catch. To help him with his homework and put him to bed at night.
Before, I had been broken. The kind of person who wouldn’t make a child’s life any better, no matter how hard I tried.
But now? I was someone new. Someone different.
And that was because of Piper.
I sat back on my sofa and took a deep breath. Naturally, I couldn’t think about the baby without thinking of her. Would he ha
ve her same dark-red locks and heart-shaped face? Would he laugh like her or have her keen sense of organization?
I also couldn’t help but think of Piper. Was she taking care of herself? Eating well? Sleeping enough?
I couldn’t bring myself to ask her, nor could I think of her without my chest tightening and my hands balling into fists.
I couldn’t understand it. Or worse, maybe I could.
Maybe she’d seen me for the broken, heartless corporate man I was and had deemed me unable to care for a child. Whatever had gone through her head, it must have been bad enough to not only leave me but to take my child away without me ever knowing about them.
And then, when I thought of her face… The way she’d paled when she’d finally been caught out.
Like a victim facing their abuser.
I pinched my nose between thumb and forefinger and took another deep breath as guilt hammered at my chest.
I couldn’t think about that now. Soon I would have to get my lawyer involved and see what sort of custody arrangement we could work out.
No matter what, I was going to have to see her again. To bring her back to the city for her doctor’s appointments and to speak with her about the kind of life we would develop together for our child.
Rather than feeling trapped by the idea of her, though, I felt like I was missing a limb. Like seeing her again would make me feel all the love, all the need, all the completeness I was desperate to shove back down. I couldn’t forgive her, not after everything she’d done. But if I saw her again…
Well, how could I turn her away?
I couldn’t. Because the fact of the matter was that I still loved her. Heart, body, mind, and soul, I still loved her, and there was nothing even my most determined thoughts could do to change that.
Flexing my fingers, I pushed myself off the sofa just in time to hear the gentle whoosh of something as it slid across my floor.
