by Nora Cobb
Charlotte nudges my knee harder. “It’s me, dummy.” Charlotte rolls her eyes as my mouth hits the floor and bounces shut again. “You don’t remember me at all?” she asks.
Stammering, I stare at the smiling blonde girl in the picture. “I remember a girl, but I was in kindergarten or something. You can’t be her. This girl looks happy.”
“I’m her.” Charlotte looks irritated as she sits up straight. “At first, I didn’t recognize you, but I recognized your name—Astrid. I looked through some old photo albums in my dad’s study, and there you were. You still have the same smile.”
I stare at the picture again and wonder where it was taken. I remember the old school I used to go to, not that well, except it was nicer. Random questions are piling up in my head like snowflakes gathering in a blizzard. I don’t know which one I should ask. So I ask the first one I can express clearly.
“So, how do we know one another?”
Charlotte shrugs like the answer should be apparent. “We’re sisters.”
My world tilts, but I’m not moving. My eyes widen as I sink back dizzily onto the dirty couch, and Charlotte’s explanation hits me harder than a knockout punch. Sisters? Me and Little-Miss-Owns-the-World?
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“Half-sisters,” she clarifies quickly. “Obviously, we share a father. You used to visit our house in Rockingham until my mother figured it out and requested you and your mother leave. After that, I never saw you, and you were never mentioned. But I remembered your name and asked Mom about you. She warned me to never ask again. Well, I did and got a slap in the face, so I learned.”
I look down at the picture again, and I’m surprised I’m not shaking. “I can’t believe this.”
Charlotte sits back and tugs on a piece of her hair. “I didn’t think you would.”
“Why are you even telling me this?” My voice rises in anger as I ready myself to take aim at the messenger.
“People will find out, and you are a reflection on me,” she replies coolly and then looks me up and down the same way Dr. Rawlins did. “Bryce, Pierce, Justin, and probably Wyatt are using you. You’re already getting a skanky reputation. You’re going to get used and burned by those jerks. You were a sweet kid, and I liked you once, Astrid. Someone needed to warn you.”
I ignore her warning because right now, it can’t compare to this. “So, my father is your father, which means I have your last name? Howland?”
“Not legally.” She scoffs, twirling her hair.
“Did he talk to you about me?” I ask, “Did he tell you why he’s sending me to Stonehaven?”
Charlotte stops fidgeting and faces me. “No, he doesn’t talk to me in that way. My mother’s ill. Maybe she wants to make amends. I don’t know. Look, I told you what I know because your sordid reputation can tarnish my spotless one.”
“So much for sisterly love,” I reply.
Charlotte suddenly stands up and smoothes down her skirt while glancing at a large gray spot on the old cushion. “Love is a rare commodity at Stonehaven, Astrid,” she replies, “Remember that and be careful.”
Charlotte steps out of the room in silence, and I follow, but I don’t wait for her to lock up. I’m out the basement door and running across campus as if my past is chasing me.
I don’t know if I should cry or scream, so I keep running until I reach the edge of the school property. Stonehaven is surrounded by a tall wrought iron fence made of long black spiked poles that are impossible to climb. Breathless with frustration, I grip them and hold myself up off the ground as it builds. Soon, a scream tears apart my lungs as I burst into shaking sobs.
My father has been nothing in my life. Never met him and didn’t care to know him. He was an anonymous sperm donor as far as I was concerned, and I’m not sure how I feel about knowing his identity now. I walk back onto the trail and slump down onto a boulder that decorates the path. My gaze blurs into a haziness that drifts down and sucks away my last bit of energy. My father’s a wealthy doctor, and there has to be a reason why he’s back in our lives after thirteen years. Rich or poor, people are always the same. No matter what they have, they want what you have. Only I don’t know what I’ve got, but Mom might.
Chapter 26
Astrid
I slide down onto the ground and sit with my knees bent, not giving a fuck that I look low-bred. I dump out my purse, hunting for that number and my phone. My fingers swiftly tap out the number but hesitate over send. My chest rises and falls as the panic sets in. That was me in the picture. And why would Charlotte lie? I hit send.
“Hello, I want to talk to Evelyn Bowen. It’s her daughter.”
As I wait on hold, I shred a fallen leaf in my hand, the remnants collecting under my nails. When I hear Mom’s voice, I exhale. She’ll tell me the truth.
“Astrid, I miss you so badly.” Her voice sounds groggy, as if she’s just woken up.
“I miss you too, Mommy,” I suck down tears, “How is your treatment going?”
She pauses. “It’s going well,” she says brightly, “The staff is kind, and I have a good therapist. She’s a woman, and we talk.” Her voice trails off.
“That’s good. I would’ve called sooner, but I only got your number today.”
“It’s okay, sweetie,” she replies, “When I’m further along, they’ll allow you to visit.”
“Mom, I have to ask you something.”
She waits for me to speak, and I close my eyes, praying that it will be a lie.
“I met a girl here at Stonehaven. And we were talking about family. And she showed me a picture.” My foot begins to shake, and it won’t stop. “She says I’m her half-sister.”
“What’s the girl’s name?”
“Charlotte Howland.” I force a laugh. “She’s full of shit, isn’t she?”
The silence on the other end of the line tells me everything I needed to know. Finally, my mother speaks.
“Astrid, you can’t tell anyone about your father,” she says. “And avoid that girl.”
“Why? Is it true? Is her father my father too?”
“Astrid, your father will only help us if he remains anonymous. If you tell, he won’t help.”
My foot stops shaking as I squeeze the phone. “I don’t need his help.”
“But I do.” Her voice cracks, and I curse myself if I’ve made her cry. Mom wasn’t always frail and broken or an addict. She was good for an adventure as we drove around in her beater car, traveling through New England, visiting museums, swimming in the Atlantic, and camping in the woods in the back seat of our car. We did all sorts of things back then to make up for the things we didn’t have.
“Astrid, please don’t let anyone else know. Please. I’m begging you not to say a word.”
Unfortunately, I think Charlotte is not the only person who knows who my father is. I might be the last person to know. “Why did you never mention it before?” I ask softly. “I’m not accusing. I just want to know.”
She sniffs, but the words are harsh. “Astrid, your father is not a nice man. I protected you for as long as I could. Do as I say, and do not tell.”
There’s quiet, and I check the phone. The call has ended, and it wasn’t by accident. Mom won’t talk about it, but I know who will.
Chapter 27
Astrid
I missed lunch to make class, so by dinnertime, I’m starving like a pig and eating like one too. Despite the bombshells littered in my path, my emotions don’t dictate my appetite. That comes from growing up poor. You eat when you have food, not when you feel like it. I sit with Roni and Terri but hardly join in the conversation though they try to draw me in.
My eyes keep landing on Charlotte. And she does her best to ignore me. I watch her get up from her table and float over toward Bryce. Before class, I told the kid at the first desk that I wanted to switch. She shrugged her shoulders and sat in the back, closer to Bryce, while my focus stayed on the board. The kid behind me tapped my shoulder, but I refused
to turn around. A note dropped on the floor, and at the end of class, I left it there when I walked out. Unread.
Now, Charlotte is sitting next to Bryce, flipping her long hair and smiling as she touches his shoulder. I look away when his gaze meets mine. Let him think what he wants, but it’s not him I want. Not anymore.
Charlotte finally gets up to leave with one of her friends. I finish off my milk and grab my books.
“Where are you off to?” asks Roni. She glances over at the boys’ table, and they’re all there.
“I have to study.” I don’t look her in the eye. “I’ll meet you at the dorm later.”
Roni watches me, but my gaze is locked on Charlotte as she passes through the outer door. Her silvery laughter carries in the biting air, and I spot her heading toward the faculty building. I don’t stop to think why she’s headed there. I start running as fast as I can move. I reach my hand out in a quick movement, accidentally tugging her hair.
“Ouch!” she shouts, glaring at me as she spins around. “What is your problem?” Her friend Wren, with the matching hair in light brown, glares at me, but she might as well disappear.
“That was an accident,” I explain.
Charlotte smiles devilishly but doesn’t respond. Dare I guess what she’s thinking?
“I need to talk to you.” My eyes plead with her. “It can’t wait.”
She sighs as if I’m asking for too much. “Wren,” she says to her friend, “I’ll text, okay?”
Wren smiles at Charlotte, gives me side-eye, and then walks off. I don’t have time for her. I step back away from the door to the faculty building, which looks closed. But I don’t even have time to wonder why she was about to go in there. We stand near an old oak, and I place my hand on its rough bark that scratches my palm with its weathered edges. I hope it will share some of its strength with me.
“I spoke to my mom, and I need to know more about our dad.”
Charlotte kicks the ground with her toe, getting mud on her polished pump. “What do you want to know?”
“My mother told me not to tell. Why?” I ask.
Charlotte makes a face. “Because he’s married to my mother.”
“I know, but there has to be something else,” I insist, “Your dad did nothing for us for years. And now he just pops up and tells us what to do.”
She shrugs again but avoids my gaze. “Sounds like him.”
“But why?” I ask, “Why does he want to run our lives? I haven’t even met him yet.”
“What did your mother say?” she whispers.
“She told me he wouldn’t pay for Stonehaven or her rehab if people knew I was his daughter.” My voice trails off, and I have to look at the ground quickly. Everything that has gone wrong suddenly hits me when I say that. This person that’s responsible for my existence doesn’t want me. He wants to control me so I won’t ruin his life. But he doesn’t give two fucks about mine.
Charlotte’s expression is hidden in the moonlight, but I can sense that her flippant attitude is gone. She moves closer to me, and I stiffen, hoping she won’t place a hand on me. I don’t want pity. All it got me was sorry looks and false sympathy before it transformed me into a victim. I fought hard so people wouldn’t treat me as if I were less than them.
“What happened to your mom?” I ask softly.
“My mom has lung cancer,” she says softly, “She smoked to keep herself thin. Stupid, really. And then, when the doctor told her to stop, she drank. She’d probably be in rehab, too, if she wasn’t so weak.”
I lift my eyes to her face. “My mom’s in a lot of pain.”
“So is mine,” she whispers, “Astrid, I didn’t mean to fuck up your life by telling you. And I know I sound selfish when I tell you to watch your reputation. But things are different here from where you came from.”
I was starting to like her until she said that. “I saw you sitting by Bryce.”
Charlotte lifts her chin. I can’t see her face clearly, but I swear she’s looking down her nose at me. “I told you, Bryce and I have an understanding. We don’t necessarily have to marry, but I told him that he should be a gentleman and say I dumped him.”
I blink my eyes in disbelief over the bullshit that I’m hearing. I back away from her. “Look, just don’t tell anyone else we’re related. Okay?”
“Not a problem, Astrid,” she replies with an acid tone, “Your secret is safe with me. But they all probably know.”
Chapter 28
Astrid
“Ignoring us won’t help.” Pierce follows me along the trail as I head home from the gym.
I stash my phone in my purse and head down the trail to a spot where I can be seen. The winding path isn’t heavily wooded. It’s lit with street lamps, and the track and field team is using the four-mile route for practice.
But Pierce has a look in his eyes that makes me pick caution over bravery.
I march past him. “You got more than what I planned to give you,” I tell him, “so be happy with it.”
“The task was—” he replies.
Spinning around, I turn on him. “Fuck your stupid task. You weren’t going to let me into your club, no matter what I did. There was always going to another task.”
“You don’t know that,” he glares at me, but I’m not afraid. And never have been. What I am is fed up.
“I know that you lie,” I reply, “You told me that Wyatt was in Boston.”
“That was Justin who lied .”
I start walking away. “Same difference. You’re both pervs.”
“You’re a slut for even considering it,” he says, still following me.
“You’re just whining because the baby had a hard-on and didn’t know what to do.”
Pierce grabs for my arm, but I’m faster this time and dodge him. He smirks at me as if it’s a game. From the corner of my eye, I see the library and debate running for it.
“I’m not like Bryce or Justin,” he says, “I don’t want you in the club. You’re a dumb whore, and kids like you give Stonehaven a bad reputation by making the rest of us look stupid. If you were smart, you would just charge instead of giving it away for free.”
“And how much are you charging?” I taunt him.
He scoffs. “I don’t have to barter, unlike you.”
“Don’t try to shame me.” I point my finger at him. “You wanted it. The only people who should be ashamed of having sex are your parents for having you.”
Pierce glances around to see who’s laughing, and the kids quickly stop, but they don’t leave. The track team is enjoying the spectacle. A few more of their teammates slow down to watch and ask for an update. I don’t like being the center of attention outside of the ring, but I’ll deal if it saves me from being alone with Pierce.
I start walking again toward the library, and he’s on my heels. I walk a little faster, ignoring him. Like an asshole, he treads on the back of my shoes. Charlotte has been lending me her clothes to make me look more presentable. I was shocked when she knocked on my door with a shopping bag after our discussion. She shrugged and whispered that sisters sometimes fight, but they’ll always be sisters.
I have to stop walking when the back of my shoe comes off, and Pierce plows into me, almost knocking me to the ground. He grabs my arm to steady himself, and his fingers dig into my tender flesh. I swipe him away, and when Pierce doesn’t let go, I take aim. He ducks my punch easily. And pulls me hard against him. And I struggle against him to free my wrist.
“That’s it,” he jeers, “rub that sweet pussy all over me.”
My arm breaks free and I make contact, slapping his face, but Pierce only grins. “I’m too strong to fight. Physically and mentally.”
“Hey, you asshole, leave her alone!” Terri is marching toward us. His expression is drawn, and his fists are clenched as he stomps unsteadily up the incline. My heart pounds as I watch him, but Pierce’s grin grows wider. Breathing heavily, Terri tosses his backpack on the ground. He’s as tall as Pierce
, but the kid’s shaped like a stickman. Pierce can and probably has beaten his ass before.
“Aww, it’s your friend.” Pierce shakes my wrist. “Coming to help. Let’s see what he can do.”
“No, leave him alone,” I hiss under my breath, “This is between us.”
Pierce watches my face, seeing the concern in my eyes. And he’s zeroed in on my weakness. I’ll take a heap of shit, but I won’t stand by and watch a friend or my mother be abused.
Pierce looks back at Terri, who’s taken off his glasses and rested them carefully on his backpack.
