I DECIDED TO GO ALL out for dinner. I slipped into a tight, little black dress and a pair of the tallest, sexiest high heel shoes I had with me. They were open-toed and had silk ribbons that wrapped half way up my calves. A good push-up bra gave me an abundance of faux cleavage that strained from the low V of my dress. Remembering how much Carter had liked the slutty look when I’d styled myself in Dubai, I blew my blonde hair with some extra body, lined my blue eyes with thick black and painted my lips blood red.
The extra effort paid off when I walked out of the bedroom.
“Jesus Christ.”
I circled. “You like?”
“You look like every wet dream I had growing up.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or creepy.”
“It’s a compliment. Any boy or man would love to jerk off to you.” He winked, and I laughed.
Outside, Carter opened the door to his SUV and helped me inside. Before shutting the door, I said to him, “You know, I think you get away with saying anything you want just because you’re so good looking.”
“Is that so?”
“It is. I think you make people delusional with your looks and charm, and we start to think that things like ‘any boy or man would love to jerk off to you’ is normal.”
“It is normal. It’s only natural. Any man who doesn’t think of what you look like tonight as future whack off material is full of shit. I just tell it to you straight.”
I laughed. “Again. That sounded charming, but I’m pretty sure if someone else said it…totally creepy.”
Carter drove through the development slowly, although it’s not like he had much of a choice. There were a hell of a lot of speed bumps in his retirement community. As we made our way toward the front gate, we passed at least a half dozen couples power walking in tracksuits. They all waved, and Carter called a greeting out the window to each by name. I still couldn’t get over how entrenched he was in this retirement village.
The exit of the development was next to the clubhouse where Bingo had been held, and the parking lot was packed again. “What’s going on tonight?”
“Singles square dancing night.”
“Are you kidding me?”
Carter smiled and shook his head. “Nope. A lot of widows and widowers in the area so they try to mix things up a bit in activities.”
“That’s awesome.”
We pulled up at the gate, and Carter dug his keycard out of his pocket to scan so that we could exit. While we were waiting, a small car pulled into the last handicapped spot in front of the clubhouse. “Isn’t that your old car?”
Sure enough, George, the old timer Carter had traded cars with, was getting out of a little red Porsche. We both watched him walk around the car and open the passenger door. Extending a hand, he helped a lady out of the car. “What the…” Carter trailed off.
“Is that…is that what I think it is?”
Carter looked stunned, his mouth was literally hanging open. “I think it fucking is.”
The two of us watched, completely speechless, as George got out of Carter’s car and walked his date into square dancing…dressed in a full pilot’s uniform. Carter’s pilot uniform.
I WISHED FOR A STORM as I watched the news on the small TV in the kitchen. A hurricane, tropical storm, tornado, cyclone, whatever the hell would cancel my flight tonight. Since the day they pinned my wings, I never wanted to be grounded. Not once. Yet this morning, I hated being a damn pilot. The thought of leaving her for the start of a seven-day trip was making me feel physically sick. Knowing what was looming, an ache in my chest had been building since yesterday.
I was pretty sure Kendall felt the same way. We’d decided to stay in today, rather than go out again. For five days, we’d both danced around the elephant in the room without any direct conversation about what she was going to do. We needed to have the talk. Yet I was scared shitless of what the end game might be.
Inside my heart, I knew I was in love with her. I think my mind even had begun to accept it. What I feared had nothing to do with what might happen to me if I admitted it. My fear was what my love could do to her. What if I told her I loved her, but then I realized it was something other than love a year down the road? Or I fell out of love?
Lucy.
I couldn’t fuck up Kendall’s life unless I was sure. More than sure. I’d done enough damage throwing false promises around.
And what if I told her, and it influenced her decision?
Money or love? Sounds easy, doesn’t it?
It’s not.
Although the solution that had been on my mind the last twenty-four hours seemed so simple. Why couldn’t she have both? I could give her everything, couldn’t I? My love. A child. Her rightful inheritance.
A child.
Our child.
Kendall was in the shower. I heard the water turn off and looked at the clock. Twelve hours. I needed to decide. We needed to talk.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
Tick-tock.
Twelve hours was basically the entire day before I had to be at the airport tonight for my flight to Venezuela. I didn’t care what we did today as long as we were together for every last second of it.
When Kendall emerged from the bathroom, I couldn’t help just staring at her with a smile on my face.
She squinted her eyes, “What?”
“Can’t I just look at you?”
She came around and straddled me. “I can’t believe you have to leave tonight.”
Suddenly, it felt like the load of unanswered questions I’d been harboring were starting to choke me.
My tone was abrupt. “What are your plans, Kendall? I need to know.”
She leaned her head on my shoulder and said, “I’m going home to Texas. I need some time away to really think. I owe Hans and Stephen a final answer.”
I pulled back to look her in the eyes. “Those are their names? The dudes in Germany?”
“Yes. I can’t string them along much longer.”
Nodding to myself for a bit, I said, “I think that’s a good idea then. Take some time to think things over. As much as I love being around you, neither one of us can think straight around each other.”
“I need to go online and get a ticket. I’m gonna try to get onto something that leaves out of Miami so we can depart from the same airport around the same time.”
Slapping her ass playfully, I said. “Why don’t you do that, get it over with. I was thinking we’d stay home, but after you’re done, maybe we should hit the beach, get some sun and fresh air, just chill there for the rest of the day until we have to get ready.”
A half-hour later, Kendall and I headed to Deerfield Beach. Even though the water was calm and perfect, we both opted to just lie down on the sand, taking in the sound of the ocean and the crystal clear blue sky.
As relaxing as the beach should have been, we were both still tense. At one point, we were lying on our stomachs, and she wouldn’t let go of my hand. Our faces were turned toward each other. When she finally flipped around, I followed suit and let go of her hand to place mine on her taut stomach. I rubbed my thumb along her perfect navel, and a surge of jealousy and possessiveness overtook me. The answer was becoming clearer to me.
I wanted her to belong to me and only me.
I didn’t want her to carry some other man’s baby. No fucking way.
I wanted her to carry my baby.
Not just because of some crazy inheritance shit, but because I wanted a baby with her—a future with her.
While having a baby right now wasn’t ideal, there was no doubt that I wanted it. So, given the urgent situation, why wait?
Lucy.
That was all I could think of. It was the fear of hurting Kendall, like I’d hurt Lucy. It lingered like a black cloud over me—that fear of letting Kendall down. It was ever present, but damn it, it wasn’t strong enough to overshadow my need for her—my love for her.
This situation was a
ll or nothing.
Now or never.
I wanted time with her for myself, but I also had to respect her deadline. She would lose everything if we didn’t act fast. No matter what happened, it was win-win as far as I was concerned. I made enough to support both of us even if the money were to fall through in the event we had a girl. The thought of a little blonde version of Kendall who called me Daddy made me smile. I wanted to do this. I wanted to father her baby.
Our baby.
My heart started to pound. “I love you, Kendall.” The words came out easy. It was the first time I’d ever said them to anyone but Lucy and my immediate family
She turned to me, looking stunned as she lifted her hand to her forehead to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight.
I continued, “Before you say anything back, I have a lot more I need to say.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“This is crazy, right? Falling in love so fast? But I’m convinced that’s how it happens when it’s the real thing. You just know when it feels right. Kendall, you make me so incredibly happy. And while ideally, I’d want you all to myself for a while, I understand that loving someone also means taking their needs into consideration.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I don’t want to share you with anyone. That goes for your body, too. I don’t want you carrying another man’s baby. I want to be the one. I want to get you pregnant. But more than that, I want to be a father to that baby, to love it, because it would be a part of you and me. I want it all with you. I don’t care if we’ve known each other ten minutes or ten years. When you know, you know.” Cupping her face in my hand, I said, “I know where my head and my heart are. They’re on the same page, but I guess you have to figure out whether you want the same things I do.”
She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you, too, Carter. I really do. I have no doubts about that, but I really wasn’t expecting you to offer what you just did. Having a baby is one thing, but raising it is another. I guess you’ve just given me another thing to think long and hard about.”
An intense relief coursed through my veins, relief that she didn’t tell me I was crazy, relief that she seemed to be considering my offer.
“You don’t think I’m nuts for wanting to knock you up?”
“Isn’t this whole situation nuts to begin with…in a good way? Anyway, if I didn’t know you so well, maybe it would seem a little nuts. But you’re my loveable, crazy captain, and nothing about our entire experience together has been conventional. Not one single thing.”
“Believe me, I’m scared. I never want to let you down like I let Lucy down. But I think for the first time in my life, something has mattered enough for me to take a chance. I’m way more terrified of losing you than I ever could be of trying and failing. And I can assure you that if we had a child together and somehow ended up apart, I would never turn my back on my kid. There is nothing more important than a child or their best interests. That baby—our baby—will be my priority. If that means finding another career because you can’t handle me being away, then so be it.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to do that, Carter.”
“Well, I guess I just want to drive the point home, that I take this very seriously.”
“Understood.” She looked up the sky. “Would you mind if we left the beach? I’d really just like to spend the last couple of hours back at your place.”
I lifted myself off of our blanket and offered my hand to help her up. “Let’s get out of here.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon making love in my bed with a slow intensity that hadn’t existed before our talk. With my offer and admission of love, our relationship had just moved to another level, and I had to trust that her being away from me wouldn’t change anything between us.
As much as I was ready to dive head first into everything with her, there was still a small part of me that worried that today could be the last time I saw her. Crazy, right? After everything we’d been through. Maybe that was the part of me that still felt like I didn’t deserve to love this intensely when Lucy couldn’t.
The sun had almost completely set as we drove to the airport. Kendall wouldn’t let go of my hand. It felt so strange not taking her with me to Venezuela. It was as if I couldn’t remember what it was like to fly without her.
When we arrived at Miami International, I parked in the spot that the airline reserved for me. Neither one of us moved to exit the SUV as we just stared at each other until I finally cupped her cheek and pulled her into a passionate kiss.
“Perky, please don’t forget this, how right this feels.”
“I won’t. I couldn’t ever forget it, Carter.”
Her flight was two hours after mine, so she’d have to leave me at the gate for my airline and linger around the airport until it was time to head to her flight on a different airline.
One of the stewardesses, Renee, passed by us. “Good to see you’re back on, Trip.” She then winked at me.
I knew exactly what Kendall was thinking, and she was right. That flight attendant had been just another notch on my belt some time ago. It sickened me, especially now that I knew what it felt like to have meaningful sex with someone. I looked at Kendall and wanted to scream, “Stop looking at her. She doesn’t matter!” We just didn’t need this right now. It only added to the stress of our separating.
After a quiet few minutes of silence, I pulled her into a hug and whispered in her ear, “I have to go.”
Her tears moistened my pilot’s shirt as she said, “This feels surreal.”
“I know, but it’s only temporary. We’ll be back together again soon.”
She sniffled. “Okay.”
Lifting her chin to meet my eyes, I said, “P.S. I love you.”
She could tell from my expression that there was more to that sentiment than just me stating the obvious.
“A Beatles song?”
“Yes. But that one really matches this life moment, probably more than any of them.”
“I love you, Carter.”
“I love you, Perky. Promise me we’ll talk on the phone and figure out when we’ll be back together next.”
“I promise.”
“I’m gonna be thinking about you the whole flight. You know that, right?”
She playfully grabbed my collar. “You’d better be.”
“I’ll miss you.”
“Sing a song for me, Captain.”
“You can guarantee that.” I hugged her one last time, squeezing her tightly. “Fuck. I can’t let go.”
She pushed back and wiped her eyes before waving me away. “Go. You’ll be late.”
I started on my way through security. When I turned around, she was still standing in the same spot watching me. I blew her a kiss before continuing down the hall. Right before I was about to turn the corner, I turned back one last time, but she was gone.
When the jet hit cruising altitude that night, I saw something I’d never seen while flying before: a shooting star. I took it as a sign that things were going to work out.
Don’t let me down, Perky.
I picked up the intercom.
“Good evening, Ladies and Gentleman. This is your Supreme Commander, otherwise known as Captain Clynes. I’d like to take a moment to welcome you onto this beautiful Boeing 757. Our flying time from Miami to Caracas is approximately three hours and thirty minutes. We anticipate a smooth ride with little to no bumps. So, sit back and relax. Again, welcome aboard International Airlines Flight 553 to Caracas, Venezuela. As I often like to do to welcome my passengers aboard, here’s a little rendition of a Beatles song that’s fitting for tonight—fitting because I’ve entrusted my heart to someone whom I left back at the airport. She’s taking it with her to Texas. I’m sure some of you can relate to this feeling. So, the song for tonight is called, Don’t Let Me Down.”
MY MOTHER REEKED of alcohol as she spoke into my face, “You can’t be serious!”
>
I’d made the mistake of filling her in on my trip to prepare her for the possibility that nothing would be going according to plan anymore. My mother had always strongly encouraged me to go ahead with the insemination in Germany, mostly for her own selfish reasons.
“I normally wouldn’t be telling you any of this, especially not when you’re half-drunk, but given the circumstances, you need to know where my head is at and that the Germany plans may not happen.”
“And what are those poor guys supposed to do now that you’ve changed your mind?”
“I haven’t closed the door one hundred percent, but I never promised them anything. I haven’t even met them in person, and I’m not the last woman on Earth with a womb. They would find another way.”
“Yeah, well, you’re gonna lose them as an option if you keep stringing them along.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? I spoke to them this morning and told them I would let them know my decision no later than next week.”
“You’re gonna end up with no one, and we’re gonna end up destitute!”
My blood was boiling. “Is that all you care about?”
My mother pointed her finger at me. “I shouldn’t have to worry about what I’m entitled to. Your whacky grandfather put us in this position—not me.”
“Stop being so selfish. We are talking about human life here.”
“No, we were talking about human life—you giving the gift of human life to a nice couple in need and getting us set for life. Now, we’re talking about some ridiculous love child scenario that is destined to end badly.”
“And exactly how do you know that?”
“Kendall, will you look at yourself for a moment? Think about how crazy this sounds from the outside looking in. You go on a trip, fall for the pilot of your goddamn plane…who now wants to father your child? Oh, and I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you just told him you’re about to inherit millions of dollars! Sweetheart, wake up!”
“Carter is not after the money!” I screamed, startling the horses outside.
Playboy Pilot Page 16
