Compass North

by Cathleen Ellis

  “Tyann, how wonderful; you would’ve never seen this end of his recovery had you been a nurse in a hospital. You’re doing great work.”

  “What about you and dad?”

  “Going to Mandy’s, she’s doing a turkey breast and the other good stuff. We’re going to meet a man she’s dated for a little while.”

  “Oh Mom, you’ll keep me in the loop. I love you; hugs to dad.”

  “We love you, Tyann, Happy Thanksgiving.”

  Annie stood for a moment in the kitchen, looking out the window, at the snow beginning to swirl. Tears burned her eyes, as she spoke out in a strangled voice, “She did not say a single word about Conner. God bless and keep them both.”

  

  She heard the doorbell ring.

  “Glad I got ready; I’m so excited to hear the singers. Lucas says the music department, vocals, orchestra, just superb.”

  She peeked through the security peephole and stepped back, “Oh, no.”

  She opened the door and tried to smile.

  “Hi Tyann, I wanted to stop by, to tell you I’ll have a couple of hours.”

  Lucas appeared next to Conner.

  He waved to her and angled his head toward Conner.

  “Lucas, this is Conner.”

  “Conner, Lucas.”

  They shook hands. Tyann watched the enormous study in contrast, the tall and muscular doc-to-be and the much smaller and shorter IT guru with glasses.

  “Yes, Lucas, I’m ready to go. Conner just dropped by for a sec.”

  “See ya Tyann; nice to meet you Lucas.”

  Conner could see by his suit and her stunning red dress and black coat that they headed out to an event.

  “She looks so beautiful; you’re an idiot, you should’ve called. She has her life, doofus,” he told himself as he headed back to his car. He did not look back at the couple.

  

  Tyann took on a special nursing assignment through her visiting nurses group. The regular nurse needed to get away for two weeks over the holidays. Tyann subbed in. Many of her clients had special holiday plans of being away or being with family. Marjorie had a little while to live, inoperable brain cancer, in its last stages. She had her own bedroom and bath on the first floor, directly across from the library, where Tyann slept on a comfortable pull out couch, to be near her. Her doctor ordered a hospital bed when Majorie felt like she needed it. The time came, her husband’s quandary, where to place the bed.

  “I’m feeling more like myself this last couple of days. Nothing’s been done for Christmas. It’s a holiday time I love,” Tyann remembered Marjorie’s comment from the first day she took over the woman’s care.

  Tyann looked over the rest of the first floor, an open concept great room with a stone fireplace, dining area, and large kitchen.

  “What about this; we’ll put the tree here, your bed here, so you can watch all the activity going on.”

  “I like that, do it, I’m tired of being cooped up in a bedroom. I want to be out in a bed where the action is. And the half bath is close by. Christmas music, we have many CD’s, I’d like to hear Christmas music all day long.”

  The hospital bed arrived the next day. And a 6 ½ ft. Douglas fir got delivered. Tyann worked with Howard to bring up boxes of Christmas decorations from storage. The rest of the decorations Marjorie requested he give to nonprofits

  “We won’t put up too much; she’ll get tired quickly, but I’m sure she has favorites.”

  “She does, and, Tyann, you’re marvelous, she’s perked up so much since you’ve been here. She loves the holidays immensely. And we have grandchildren nearby. They’re teenagers, absolutely devastated by what’s happened to their meemaw. Oh, and I’m called their papaw. They’re all going to be so pleased when they see her. And our son and daughter, too.”

  “I can take it from here, and Howard, to tell you.” She turned to him and touched his shoulder, “take care of yourself. Your life’s going on, after she’s with God.”

  “I’m just glad it’s the holidays, ‘cause it’s quieter in the law office, from the next little while.”

  “It’ll give you a chance to breathe.”

  He smiled to her as they brought the boxes up.

  “Hey Tyann, it’s nice to do this.”

  “That’s a really good thing; he’s been so silent and emotionless, coping mechanism,” she thought as she gazed at him.

  By late that afternoon Marjorie saw the transformation of the Arlingten home into a lovely Christmas scene. She even helped place the four stockings at the fireplace mantle, one stocking for each grandchild. She heard the Christmas music as she rested in what she called her “new” bed, right in the center of the room. She viewed the fireplace, tree, and into the dining area and kitchen. Marjorie rested as Tyann fixed her favorite meal, toasted cheese sandwiches with a bit of ketchup in the middle. She like the way Tyann did them, in a pan on the stove, cooked with butter.

  The next day Marjorie asked Tyann to locate her address book. Together they prepared Christmas cards, one thing Marjorie did not think she would ever do again. Tyann addressed the cards.

  “This is such a lovely peaceful scene,” Marjorie touched the outside of the card, “with the snow, the deer and the mountains in the background. I knew one day I would use these cards. It’s now.”

  “Would you like to say anything on the inside besides the Christmas wording?”

  “Uh, you’ll need to write.”

  “OK, dictate to me.”

  “Write Take care and God bless and keep you all.”

  “Would you like to sign?”

  “No, go ahead, my handwriting’s too illegible now, you sign for me and Howard. And thanks for making a list of the people we send to, in case Howard wants to, another year.”

  About half way through the process Marjorie asked to lie down.

  “Go ahead and finish up; I’d like them to go out tomorrow. Howard can take them and mail them from work.”

  The next morning Tyann heard her patient sobbing after she woke up.

  “Tyann, I can’t see out of my left eye, the doctor said that might happen, that I’d be blind before the cancer takes me. And I feel like I need more pain medication. It may be time to start the morphine.”

  Marjorie’s doctor made a house call that afternoon.

  Tyann’s instructions remained simple, “Keep her comfortable.”

  After he left, both Marjorie’s daughter and daughter-in-law stopped by to visit.

  “Mom, everything looks so grand. Did Tyann help you with all this?”

  “She did; she’s a fabulous helper. And she’s made chocolate chip bars and coffee for us. The bars just taste so great to me; you know I don’t have much of an appetite.”

  The four women sat at the dining room table, with its festive red runner and poinsettia plant in the middle. They laughed and joked as the women shared their Christmas holiday happenings about their husbands and teen kids.

  “You didn’t want us here before; I’m glad you’ve decided to see us,” her daughter-in-law said.

  “Ladies, my pity party, it’s over; each day I’ve got left is precious to me.” She paused and smiled, looking at each one, including Tyann. “It just took me so long to see that. Please come over on Christmas day for afternoon snacks and goodies. All I have for the grandkids are gift certificates, but papaw knew which places they liked to shop at. So he took care of that.”

  “All we want, Marjorie, is to spend part of the day with you.”

  “Right, ‘cause I tire easy.”

  Tyann heard the background music, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Christmas carols.

  Before they left, they asked to talk with Tyann in the library.

  “Thank you for your very special care of mom. You even helped her get her Christmas cards out. And our growing-up home, it looks so grand. She’s really perked up.”

  “She’s asked me to tell you that she does not want you all here as time nears, only Howard, and
me. Will you be OK with that? She says it’s horrible to watch someone take their last breaths.”

  “Uh huh, that happened to her with both her parents. She’s told us it almost kills the survivors, and the survivors are the ones who have to go on.”

  “So, as difficult as that sounds, that’s the way she wants it. Marjorie wants her children and grandchildren to remember all the good times you all have had together.”

  “How wonderful of her; the way she is and has always been,” her daughter, Ellie, smiled as Tyann watched tears start. They both hugged Tyann and stopped at the easy chair where their mom sat, near her bed.

  “We’ll see you Christmas afternoon, Meemaw. And the four grand’uns, they’ll stop by as they can, kinda unannounced.”

  “Perfect, I’ll just be resting or up and about. They’re welcome anytime during the day. My nights are hardest, the pain.”

  After they hugged, the ladies exited the home Ellie grew up in.

  “Wow, Ellie, it was so good to see your mom.”

  “Whew Jo, it went much better than I had expected. But the doctor said that mom might bounce back, especially for the holidays. And then she’ll maybe let go.”

  The two women hugged and then walked to their separate cars.

  “Gosh, mom even made sure a Christmas wreath got hung by the front door where she always wants it,” Ellie spoke out as she looked at the front area, before she got in her car.

  

  Marjorie took communion along with Tyann on Christmas morning. One of the family’s parish priests stopped by, a special request from the family for her. That afternoon Ellie and Donovan stopped by with their spouses and kids. Howard lit the gas log fireplace and played the Christmas CD’s as the family gathered around meemaw’s bed.

  “Last night, oh wondrous, a group of singers from one of my organizations dropped by and sang Christmas carols to me, Howard and Tyann. I so wanted to hear a group in person.”

  They clapped tor her as they murmured how nice that was, to do on Christmas Eve. They helped themselves to egg nog, wassail, and Christmas cookies, fudge and divinity. Marjorie handed each grandchild a gift certificate in an envelope.

  Thank you, Meemaw,” they spoke in unison. They knelt near her as they sang Silent Night. Howard and all the other adults joined in.

  Marjorie clapped after they finished, “I love you all; thank you.”

  After the families left, she gave a weak smile, “I’m really happy, so special to be with the family; I’m so glad I told them.”

  Tyann spoke to Howard,. “Marjorie must rest now. Because she ate very little and drank less, the doctor’s put her on an IV saline drop. Now I give her morphine via the drip.”

  Once Marjorie slept Howard asked Tyann to track what his wife asked him to do as she knew the end was not far away.

  “She said to me, ‘Howard, I’m going to God. Let’s not put the kids through this agony of deciding what’s what.’”

  “What did that mean for her?”

  “Well, she said it’d probably be Christmas, so we’ve done what she wanted, to be together for this day, a happy Christmas time. She explained that the horror was going through her stuff: clothes, jewelry, makeup, shoes, everything. We did that together, just the two of us, and it’s all inventoried, boxed up and ready for the nonprofits. The furniture we no longer wanted, and many household goods I did not want to move with me, already’ve been taken away. She’s made it simpler for me. Oh, she’s kept a very few things back, for the kids and grandkids, but only if they want the stuff. They won’t have to make a lot of decisions, ‘cause there’s not much stuff.”

  “She’s done a masterful job, with your help. ‘Course, don’t you do estate situations yourself?”

  “I do, that’s what’s made all this understandable for me. Except for this one’s got a lot of emotion. But her will, life insurance, her retirement stuff, all in order, her car’s been sold.”

  “Uh, you mentioned about moving , are you planning to sell this home and move?”

  “Yes, to a much smaller place, this house is ready to sell; I’ll wait ‘til spring, when it’ll have a better chance of selling.”

  “Marjorie helped you with that?”

  “Right, from the time of her first diagnosis, she’s helped; she wanted to do it. There’s no pity party for her. Since I’ve gotten into estate planning, I’ve shared lots of death and dying scenarios with her.”

  “So she understands, and she’s a fighter, to make it to Christmas.”

  They moved out into the hall, away from the master bedroom and spoke in quiet voices.

  “I’ll move into a smaller bedroom, until I sell. You know, the memories.”

  “Telling you, Howard, as I tell all my patient families in situations like yours, you absolutely must take care of yourself, plenty of fluids, eat wholesome food, exercise, watch the alcohol, go to grief counseling. You’ve been married a long time, and the grieving is a long process.”

  “Yeah, I know ‘cause I’m already feeling the loss of her; the shadow downstairs is not who I knew.”

  “Right, I need to go check on her. Then we can talk in the basement; you have more to say and it’s where you’ve got things stored.”

  Fifteen minutes later Tyann met him in the basement. He paced back and forth, restless, she could see.

  “Am I handling this OK, do you think, Tyann?”

  “You are, and admirably, I might add.”

  “Uh, what’s your situation, when she’s gone?”

  “Let’s sit down.”

  They each found a box to sit on.

  “My duties end once I’m cleared by the authorities. Contact the medical supply store to have them come and take the hospital bed away. You may want to keep the Christmas decorations up. And for New Year’s I strongly advise you to gather your family for a private family celebration, just you and your two kids and families. From what Marjorie tells me, there’s no funeral, just her ashes for the family to deal with, and a celebration of her life, very soon after she goes to God. She’s even got the caterer picked out. And Ellie has a list of people to contact. I mean, Marjorie’s got it all taken care of.”

  “As she always has, a master organizer.”

  “Talk to her, Howard, this may be your last opportunity.”

  “I’ll go now and do that.”

  “I’ll give you two some privacy; going out for a short walk.

  

  Before she went to sleep that Christmas night, she asked Tyann to take away the IV drip, to just give her only a little morphine because she felt completely doped up.

  “Come close, Tyann, I’ve been talking to God. He says it’s time to tell you what an awesome job you’ve done taking care of me, of Howard, and helping with my family. God bless and keep you, and my family.”

  Marjorie slept after 8 p.m. that evening. Tyann felt completely wrung out, like a tiresome old mop, as she stepped away from the woman’s bed. The doorbell rang. She peeked out and felt her breath coming hard, feeling weak, like she might faint. She opened the door with some difficulty.

  “Conner.”

  She motioned with her finger on her lips that they needed to be quiet.

  “Tyann,” he whispered, “can I come in? I called your folks and they told me about your special duty nursing, where you were. I didn’t want to call this home, not to disturb. But I needed to see you.”

  “Of course, come in.”

  She looked up to him and saw tears.

  “Let’s go into the library; my patient’s sleeping.”

  She continued to speak in a quiet tone to him as they sat down on the couch.

  “I think she’ll go to God, tonight or early morning.”

  “Tyann, pops had an MI on the 23rd.”

  “How bad?”

  “Serious, some blockage, maybe bypass, not sure.”

  “Done with your unit?”

  “Just finished, I get a four-day break, and then back at it. So I’m flying home to do my
own assessment, to be with them.”

  She saw the tears stream down his cheeks. She let him cry, just took his hand and held it.

  “Brenden didn’t smoke, just gained some weight, but he’s gotta turn things over to helpers.”

  “I think he gets that now.”

  “I’ll keep all the Mulrenan family in my prayers, thoughts.”

  “It’s getting better for me, Tyann. I’m going to make it, to get through all the units. I had a terrible, rough start. My studying’s coming along for the accreditation exam. Maybe we could see each other once in a while.”

  “That’s up to you, Conner, ball’s in your court.”

  “I know, uh tell me what’re your thoughts, about us.”

  “I have to go check on Marjorie. I’ll be right back, but you’ll need to go in a few minutes.”

  Tyann looked down at Marjorie and saw her smile. Her patient turned her head first to the fireplace and then to the tree. Tyann watched her nod her head and smile again. She lifted her hand as if to wave to Tyann and then drifted back to sleep.

  She stepped back into the library. Conner saw the serious look in her eyes and her thin lips.

  “It’d be nice to see you again. This special duty really helped me financially. But I’ll be back to my visiting nurse rotation, starting on Sunday. I’ve decided I’m going to Huntsville. I want to be with the engineers, the space folks. I had a chance to go look at apartments. Plus, I had interviews at several hospitals in the area. They’re impressed with my background, my trauma work. They’re sadly short on nurses with the critical care background, especially younger nurses. I’ve had two offers.

  Some of the older folks really need to get out of the nursing field; it’s stress-driven and many of them carry too much weight and have heart and diabetes problems of their own. And the hours, still pretty terrible, some still have that 12-hour crazy shift.”

  “Wow, Tyann, you’re on top of it. I’ll go now.”

  “Please let me know how your poppa’s getting along, and say hello to your momma. All my life, your poppa and momma, well they’re awesome; you’re lucky to have them for parents.”