“I understand. I felt that way when Leslie divorced me. I never wanted to get divorced. But all of a sudden she decided it was over. It doesn't seem fair when someone else makes the decision.”
“That's kind of what he did.” She started to cry again, and she felt embarrassed in front of Bill, but he seemed to take it very calmly. “I'm sorry …I'm a mess.”
“You have a right to be. Can you go home and take the afternoon off? I'll drive you.”
“I don't think I can. We have a special broadcast scheduled tonight before the news.”
“Why didn't he call you himself?”
“I don't know.” She looked depressed as she sat down at her desk, while he sat on the corner. “I guess he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.”
“That's the hard part about getting a divorce when you don't have kids. At least when you have children, you have to talk to each other, until they grow up anyway. Sometimes it drives you nuts, but at least it's some kind of continued contact.” She nodded, thinking that they did have a kid. Or at least she did. Steven had “renounced” it. “What do you think brought this on, do you know? Or is it none of my business?”
She smiled sadly. “I know. And it doesn't really matter. He took a position and so did I. I just couldn't do what he wanted, and I guess we each felt we were personally at stake, so we dug in our heels. And he won, I guess. Or we both lost. Something like that. He never gave me a chance once he made up his mind.”
“He sounds like Leslie. But there was someone else involved at the time, and I didn't know it. Do you suppose he's involved with someone too?”
“Maybe. But I don't think so. I think this has to do with what he wants in life, and what he doesn't, and all of a sudden our paths became too divergent.”
“That's a pretty brutal step to take over 'divergent paths.' “But people were strange and they did strange things. And they both knew it. “I was going to invite you over to the studio for a cup of coffee, but maybe now isn't the time.” He was sorry for her, and he leaned over and touched her cheek with a gentle hand as he said it. “Maybe another time.”
She nodded, feeling as though she had been beaten by Allman's words. “I've got to go back to work. We're putting together a special about the senator's family. The boy was on the football team at UCLA, a varsity star in high school, and he was very involved in public service. His girlfriend was the governor's niece. This thing is going to tear everyone's heart out.” It had hers. And Steven had trampled what was left of it. She felt as though she had died just before lunchtime. “I'm going to be here until one o'clock in the morning, maybe two.” And she already looked exhausted.
“Can you take a break? At least go out and get something to eat?”
“I doubt it. I'll come in late tomorrow.” All she needed now was to lose the baby. But she couldn't even think of that now. She just had to get through the day, and then another day, and keep on going.
“I'm working late tonight too. We have a lot of new developments happening on the show. Murders, trials, divorces, illegitimate babies. The usual happy stuff. It ought to keep me pretty busy. And I want to make sure our writers get a bunch of scripts done before the boys come.”
“Sounds like the story of my life.” She smiled weakly, and he kissed her gently on the top of her head as he stood up and prepared to leave.
“Hang in there. I'll come by later. If you want anything, just let me know. Our studio kitchen is filled with food today, because all the restaurants around here are closed.”
“Thanks, Bill.” She looked at him gratefully, and he slipped out with a wave, as she sat staring out the window for a minute. It was a crazy world. Steven had walked out on her, and abandoned her and their baby. And someone had killed an innocent nineteen-year-old boy with a heart of gold and his life ahead of him, shattered in a single instant.
She went back to work then, and tried to forget her own problems, but she kept thinking of Bill and the amazing support he gave her.
The special she produced went on at five o'clock and was deeply moving, and even people in the newsroom cried as they watched it. They did the full six o'clock broadcast then, and after that, she watched some film to see what they were going to add to the special they were going to run at midnight. It was an endless day, and it was nine o'clock before she found the dinner that Bill had sent over for her. And at midnight, as she sat in the studio, watching the show, she saw him walk in and pointed to a chair next to her own. He sat down quietly and watched with her, obviously deeply moved by the program.
“What a stinking thing,” he said as they went off the air. The senator had cried openly in front of the camera. And they had talked about God and His love for all of them, and their faith in Him, but it did little to change the heartbreak of what had happened. And then Bill looked at her. She looked even worse than she had earlier. The day had been endless. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired.” The word didn't even begin to encompass what she felt, and he didn't want to intrude on her. But he wanted to help her. She looked too wiped out to even drive herself home, and he offered her a lift back to the complex.
“Why don't you let me take you home? You can always take a cab back here tomorrow. Just leave your car here. Or I can drive it for you if you want.” But he didn't trust her on the road. She was so exhausted, she looked as though she might fall asleep at the wheel, and she didn't have the energy to argue with him.
“I'll leave my car here. And thank you for dinner, by the way.” He seemed to think of everything, no matter how late he worked himself. They both signed out, and she groaned as she slid across the seat in the comfortable old woody. “Oh, God … I feel like I'm going to die.”
“You might if you don't get some sleep.” He slid behind the wheel, and she was too tired to even talk to him as they drove home on the Santa Monica Freeway. And when they got to the complex, he parked his car and walked her to her door without saying a word. And as soon as she opened the door, he looked at her earnestly as she turned toward him in the doorway. “Are you gonna be okay?”
She nodded, but she didn't look convincing. “I think so.” But she had never felt sadder or lonelier in her life. She felt as though Steven had walked out on her all over again.
“Call if you need me. I'm not very far away.” He touched her arm then and she smiled and then closed the door, feeling drained. She walked slowly upstairs without even turning on the light. She didn't want to see the bare walls and the empty rooms. And she walked across her bedroom and threw herself across the bed, and then she lay there sobbing, until she fell asleep, with all her clothes on, and Steven's baby inside her.
FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS, ADRIAN FELT AS THOUGH she were in a dream. The papers Lawrence Allman had promised arrived. And she signed them in all the appropriate places. She checked the box that said she wanted no spousal support, and she agreed to put the town house on the market by the first of October. She said very little about it to Bill and he dropped by to see her at her office almost every day, but he didn't press her about going out. He sensed correctly that she was still too upset by the shock of the dissolution. A lot had been happening to her. Things had been wildly hectic at work, and he had his own hands full with changes in the scripts, and the fact that he was trying to clear his desk for his annual four-week vacation.
But he had nonetheless found the time to bring her to the set early one afternoon, and she had watched with fascination as they aired the show. It brought back memories of when she had worked on other shows. And afterward, he introduced her to everyone, and when they went back to his office, she admired his Emmys, and he showed her the program's current bible. In it, he had outlined the show's plot for the next several months, with alternate solutions to problems that might come up, and in a stack on his desk were tentative scripts that he still had to approve. He explained it all to her, and she found herself wishing she could work on a show like this, instead of the news, and as she read some of his notes, she made some very i
nteresting comments.
“Why don't you help me with the bible sometime? … or some ideas for scripts? The writers would love a little help, they can always use fresh ideas. It's not easy coming up with five shows a week.”
“I can imagine. …” And then she looked at him with excitement in her eyes. “Do you mean that, Bill? I mean about doing up some notes for ideas for the show?”
“Sure I do. Why not? You and I can kick some stuff around over dinner one night if you want. I'll give you some of the background material on the characters. You could have a ball.” He looked as though he thought it was a great idea, and so did she, and they talked about it all the way back to the newsroom, and they talked about it again the next night when finally, two weeks after the Fourth of July barbecue, she agreed to go out to dinner.
It was a Saturday night, and they had run into each other at the pool early that morning. She looked better than she had in days, and she finally seemed to have absorbed the shock of everything that had happened. And she was still excited about seeing his show the day before. And as she talked about it, she looked prettier than ever.
“Can I interest you in a famous Thigpen steak tonight? Or how about something a little more glamorous, like dinner at Spago?” It was the favorite local hangout of anyone who was anyone in television and the movies. Wolfgang Puck had made it everyone's favorite place to eat, with delicious pasta and pizza and the miracles of nouvelle cuisine that he created.
Adrian had started to come to terms with the realities of her life in the last two weeks, and the prospect of an evening out sounded very appealing. And he had been incredibly patient with her. He had quietly kept an eye on her, without ever intruding. He had dropped by at work, sent food over late at night, offered her a ride once or twice, but never pressed the issue of a date or an evening that she obviously couldn't have coped with. And he had even recommended a lawyer who had taken her affairs in hand and already spoken several times with Lawrence All-man. But after two weeks of mourning and agonizing, she finally felt slightly more alive, and both of Bill's suggestions sounded delightful.
“Whichever you like.” She smiled gratefully at him. He had become a good friend in such a short time.
“How about Spago?”
“That sounds great.” She smiled, and they both went back to their own places to do the things they had to db, like laundry and paying bills again, a never-ending task, particularly now that Steven was no longer there to do it. Her salary covered everything, but lately she was trying to save as much money as she could for when she'd need it for the baby. Now that Steven wouldn't be contributing anything, she wanted to be a little more careful.
Bill picked her up at eight, and he was wearing khaki slacks, a white shirt, and a blue blazer, and she was wearing a dress that she'd had for years. It was a soft peachy-pink silk that flowed easily from the shoulders. They drove to Sunset chatting about work, and how hectic it had been for both of them in the past few weeks, and it was obvious how excited he was about the boys coming out on the following Wednesday. They were going to spend two days with him in town, and then they were embarking on their big adventure.
Bill ordered pizza made with warm duck, and she had cappelletti with fresh tomato and basil. And for dessert, they shared an enormous piece of chocolate cake, which came to the table drowning in delicious homemade whipped cream. As usual, she ate everything, and Bill teased her again about how well she ate, without apparently gaining weight, but as he said it, she looked a little nervous.
“I should be watching it more than I have been lately.” He noticed that she was not pencil thin, but she was not overweight either. The only thing he did notice was that her chest seemed to be enlarging almost daily, but he still wasn't sure if that was due to inaccurate previous observation on his part. “I'm going to start eating nothing but salads.”
“How depressing.” He took a breath, pretending to suck in his own waistline, and he was solidly built, but he wasn't heavy either. “I'm going to be eating hamburgers and french fries at roadside fast-food places for the next two weeks, it'll be a miracle if I don't regress and wind up with teenage acne.” They both laughed at the thought, and he looked at her strangely then. He had been wanting to ask her for weeks, ever since he had found out about Steven filing papers, but he didn't want to ask her too soon. And he wondered now if she was ready to hear it. “I have a funny question to ask you, Adrian.” And as he said it, she looked suddenly panicked. “Don't get nervous. It's nothing intensely personal, and my feelings won't be hurt if you say no. I just thought I'd ask in case there's a chance I could talk you into it.” He paused as though waiting for a drumroll. “What are the chances of your getting a week or two off from work?”
She suspected what he was going to ask, and she smiled, feeling very flattered. She knew how much his boys meant to him, and the fact that he would be willing to share them with her, or even introduce her to them meant a great deal to her. “It's not impossible. I have about four weeks coming. I was saving the time for a trip to Europe in October.” A trip she was certainly not going to take now. She wasn't going anywhere, with anyone. And by then she would be six months pregnant.
“Do you think they'd let you off on fairly short notice? I was wondering if you would like to join us on our pilgrimage north. Any interest? If not, I'll respect your sanity, as well as your judgment. This will not be an easy trip. We are talking about being stuck in a car all day with two small boys, listening to them argue day and night, eating inedible food from one end of California to the other, and winding up in a sleeping bag on the hard ground at Lake Tahoe.” But the truth was that he loved it and she knew that, and it was a real honor that he would ask her to join them.
“It sounds terrific.” She smiled.
“Think you can get the time?”
“I don't know. I can ask.” She wasn't sure what they'd say, but it was possible they would let her off, certainly for a week, if not two, and it sounded like just what she needed.
“If you can't get off for the first week, you could fly straight to Reno and join us at Lake Tahoe for the second. But the first part will be fun too. We're going to stop at the San Ysidro Ranch near Santa Barbara, stay in San Francisco at a funny old hotel we love, and then we're going to the Napa Valley. There are some great little inns, and I thought it would be a nice stop on the way to Lake Tahoe.”
“It sounds wonderful.” She smiled at him, relaxing for the first time in weeks. “You know, I really owe you an apology. I think I've been in shock for the past two weeks. Ever since I got that call from my husband's attorney.” Her saying that brought up a question he'd been wanting to ask her.
“Why didn't you tell me what was happening before that?”
“I don't know, Bill. I was embarrassed, I guess. It's just …I just felt like such a failure when Steven left me.” He nodded, he understood that, but it would have saved him some grief had she told him. For the first time in his life, he had actually been considering putting the make on a married woman, and he had been wrestling with himself for days. She could have spared him that, but it didn't matter now. And she looked a lot better. The shock had worn off, and he hadn't seen her cry since the first day. She was made of strong stuff. Much stronger than he even dreamed of.
“Anyway, what do you think about the trip? Do you think they'll let you off?”
“I'll ask them first thing on Monday morning. I think they might. Things are a little slow. And not too many people are out on vacation. Most people prefer the spring and fall, when it isn't so crowded.”
“So would I, but I have to go when the boys are out here.”
She looked at him, wondering how they would arrange it. She didn't want to sleep in the same room with him, but she didn't even know the boys, and they probably wouldn't welcome the idea of a strange woman sharing their room with them. It would be easy once they were in tents. But it was going to be a little more complicated when they were in hotels, unless she requested her own room
and paid for it herself, which was what she was about to suggest to Bill when he started laughing.
“What's so funny?”
“You are. I can see the wheels turning in your head. Are you worried about the sleeping arrangements?”
“Yes.” She grinned. “It's not that I don't trust you. I do, but …”
“Well, you shouldn't,” he confessed. “I'm not sure I trust myself. But I also have a healthy fear of my ex-wife. We'll keep it very respectable. I promise. I'll probably sleep with the boys. I usually do, and they love it. And you can have my room.”
“Wouldn't that be an inconvenience for you?”
“No,” he said softly, “it would mean a lot to me to have you there. I'd love you to spend some time with me and the boys.” He wanted to tell her more about how he felt, but he knew that this wasn't the time. She was still recovering from the blow dealt to her by Steven. And the headwaiter was anxiously waiting for their table. It was a busy Saturday night, and people were lined up all the way down the stairs and out the door. And as they left, she saw Zelda standing there, with the very young star of a TV show. He was a real catch, and Zelda had never looked happier or better. She caught a glimpse of Adrian with Bill and made a circle of her thumb and forefinger, indicating her approval, as Adrian laughed and followed him to the waiting woody. She thanked him for dinner then and turned to him with a serious look.
“I want to thank you for asking me to join you and the children. That really means a lot to me. I know how important they are to you, Bill.”
“They are,” he said, nodding, and then he turned to look at her more intensely. “And so are you. You're a very special person.” She looked away, not sure what to say to him. She couldn't promise him anything. There was still far too much confusion in her own life. If Steven didn't want her with their baby, surely no one else would, and she knew that.
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