“I don’t know. Part of me thought if Tristan and I never happened again…” I hesitated. “I cheated on Kyle, Drew. I’m not worthy of either one.”
Her eyes softened as she took in what I was saying. I'd never told her in so many words, but I knew she'd suspected that Tristan and I had slept together at some point. “You made a mistake, that doesn't mean you don’t deserve love. It means you’re human. And I think you'd be surprised what Tristan can handle―and what he’d be willing to handle.” She cocked a brow at me. “Just talk to him. He's pretty fucked up right now. Gavin said he's never been like this…”
“Like what? A whore?” I mumbled.
“No, he's always been a whore, but not like this. Not every night. Not different ones like this. He's in rough shape.” She frowned. “Just talk to him. I think he needs to know why you didn't choose him.”
I frowned and worked over her words in my mind for a few moments. “I need one of those.” I pointed at her drink.
“Great! Take mine.” She handed me her drink. “I’ll go make another.” She sped up the stairs to do just that.
I reflected, waiting for her to return. I dragged my fingertip through the sand and made random shapes. A sailboat. The letter T, the letter G, the letter K… I swirled before brushing it all aside. My brain was so jumbled and confused, I wasn't sure what was up or down anymore. Kyle entered my life when I was twelve and my life had changed for the better. Months before, I’d been in such a dark place. Hopeless was the only way to describe it―dark and hopeless. I had stopped talking for nearly a year, but when I met Kyle, he didn't care. He talked to me even when he knew I wouldn't answer, but he knew I was listening. I was hanging on his every word. He was my light in the dark recesses of my mind.
Slowly I began to open up, but only to him. We talked about nothing in particular, and certainly not what had happened to me. Everyone wanted to talk about what had happened, but he didn’t. It made all the difference…Kyle made all the difference in my life.
One night he'd finally asked me why I had nightmares. He had heard me scream from his next-door bedroom window one summer night. The next morning he’d asked me and I’d told him. It’d all come flooding out. I couldn't stop it, and I didn’t want to. He sat and listened to everything but his face betrayed nothing. Finally, when I’d finished, he asked me if I wanted to walk down the street for ice cream. He treated me as if nothing had happened at all, as if I hadn't just laid my entire horrific past at his feet, and it was exactly what I’d needed.
From that day on, Kyle became my protector. When the kids bullied me at school for being quiet, he stood up for me. When things at home got tough, I crawled into his bedroom window and he held me all night and kept the nightmares at bay. He was my savior in the darkest time of my life. He was my knight―always there to protect and defend. It had only been the last few years that life had taken us down different paths.
I knew Kyle must have felt it, but we didn't talk about it. And I tried to overlook it for as long as I could. I still held tightly to those memories I had from when we were kids. I couldn't let go of Kyle. He'd been the only person to pull me out of the darkness. What happened if I went there again and I didn’t have him? Would I get lost in it? Would I lose myself? I was too afraid to find out.
* * *
DREW AND I had spent the day cleaning out the upstairs to ready it for remodeling. Gavin and Tristan had worked all day in their makeshift office, and Silas had done whatever it is that Silas does while he’s in between jobs. Kyle was set to come down in a few days for the Fourth of July weekend and things with Tristan were strained. We'd been trying to work through it the best we could, which meant avoiding each other, but I quickly found that wasn't going to work. It made for awkward tension that permeated the entire mood of the house.
“Will you walk with me?” Tristan approached me on the deck a few evenings later. The sun was just beginning to set, bright pinks and oranges streaked across the sky.
“Sure.” I forced a smile. I flinched when he placed a steadying hand on my back as we made our way down the steps and out to the beach. The day had been humid, nearly stifling, a typical southern summer day. A thin sheen of perspiration clung to my skin and had me itching to head straight into the water, but I knew we should talk if we wanted to survive the rest of the summer without driving our friends insane.
“I just wanted to say sorry, Georgia, about how it's been. I wish we could go back. I miss how easy it was between us.”
“Me too.” A lump of tears collected in my throat as we meandered down the shore. I walked ankle deep in the water, the waves licking my feet with each pass.
“I know you chose him, Georgia, but I just wanted to tell you that I can't go back to before. I’ll never be the same. What we had, how we were, no matter how brief, was…different for me.”
I stumbled at his words. My eyes trained on the gentle ripples the waves had etched in the sand. Imprinted like Tristan and I had imprinted on each other. Whether I liked it or not he’d imprinted on my heart. But did I tell him? Could I? Did I want to? Would it change anything? “It was that for me too,” I whispered so softly I wasn’t even sure that he heard me. The only sign that he had was his jaw working back and forth in thought. We walked in silence longer.
“You can tell me,” he gently urged.
“What?”
“About whatever happened to make you this…sad…”
“I… I don't tell anyone.” I was mildly surprised he was bringing this up.
“I know, but you can't keep it forever.”
“Yes, I can.”
“It'll poison you.” He slowed and I matched my pace to his.
“It already has,” I whispered. What was it about Tristan that had me so willing to open up to him? “Besides, Silas and Drew know. They’re all I need,” I gritted my teeth.
“What about Kyle?”
“What about him?”
“Does he know?”
“Of course he knows, he's been there since the beginning,” I snapped.
“Did he do something to you, Georgia?”
“No. It's not like that.” I stopped and looked at him. His eyes bore into mine, imploring me to open up. And what surprised me more than anything else was that a part of me wanted to. “I can't.”
“Can't or won’t?” he asked.
“I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. You don't know…” I trailed off. If I opened up to him, my soul would crack wide open and shatter at my feet in a thousand pieces, never to be repaired.
“Talking may help heal the pain.”
“I don't want to heal the pain. If it heals I’ll forget, and I don’t want to forget.”
“Healing isn't a betrayal of the memory.”
“Stop talking. Please, stop talking.” I turned and walked away from him.
“Well, I’m here and I can wait.” He caught up to me and snagged my hand in his own. Holding tightly he said, “I’ll wait for you, Georgia.”
Pain and anger and frustration and confusion swirled in my mind. I wanted to open up to Tristan. I wanted to believe him, but could I risk it all for him? His history wasn’t promising, not in the slightest. How could I know that he wouldn’t go back to his old ways? How could I know he wouldn’t get sick of me in a week or month? How did I know Tristan wasn’t the type of guy that lived for the chase? He’d told me we were more to him, but I’d only known him since May. Maybe he told all of them exactly what he’d told me. I was growing so frustrated with living inside my own head, mulling things over constantly. For once I wanted to live recklessly. I’d had twelve short years of innocence before it was ripped away. Tears pooled in my eyes and perspiration beaded at the back of my neck.
“I’m so fucking hot.” I planted my feet and tugged my shirt over my head, whipping it to the ground. “Let's go swimming.” I wanted to live in the moment―needed to. All this thinking was suffocating me.
“Georgia,” Tristan said with a frown. I smirked before hook
ing my thumbs in the waistband of my shorts and pushing them down my legs, then turned and walked straight into the water.
I walked until the waves lapped at my waist, then slipped under, feeling it wash over me: refreshing me, reinvigorating me, cleansing me. The water rippled over my lean muscles as I swam underneath as far as my lungs would allow. I bobbed up for air and turned and swam back, again as far as I could go before my lungs screamed in protest. I stood, my toes digging into the soft sand beneath my feet. I slicked my hair back and opened my eyes to find Tristan still frowning from the shore.
I unhooked my bra, sliding it off my wet body and throwing it up on the shore. It landed in a wet thud at his feet. His eyebrows lifted in surprise before looking back to me with a frown.
A small grin flitted across my face and I dove under the water again, swimming as far as I could. The water caressed my body, soothed and assuaged the pain that clenched my heart. I swam back and bobbed up, my lungs aching from being pushed to their capacity, finding myself staring eye to eye with Tristan. His eyes, hooded with a mix of anger and lust, stared back at me. My chest heaved as my lungs sucked in air then released it. The hot Carolina breeze washed over my skin, causing my nipples to pebble. We stood inches apart, the energy between us humming, threads of desire stretching between us―pulling us together like a magnetic field. I clenched my fists reflexively at my sides and then pressed my body flush to his: skin to skin, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, our lips caressing and tugging at each other.
I wrapped my fingers in his hair and pulled, his hands held my waist in a firm grip, then slid down the hollow of my back, fingering the waistband of my panties before slipping in and clutching the cheeks of my ass.
Pressing my body to his, wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled his head to mine. Embracing and kissing, we consumed each other for as long as our lungs would allow before pulling away.
My body wracked with breathless pants as I trailed my tongue across his collarbone, up the line of his neck, across the chiseled angle of his jaw, finally kissing his earlobe. I dusted along the shell of his ear before pulling his earlobe between my teeth with a tug. A rumble escaped his throat as he clutched my backside fiercely, almost painfully.
“Please help me forget.”
“I can't say no to you,” he mumbled against my lips.
“Don’t.”
“I can’t have you part way anymore. It's not possible for me,” he murmured.
“I know.” I breathed as I clawed at his skin, begging for more of him before sliding my hand down the front of his boxers. His erection grew when I made contact with the sensitive flesh. He threw his head back and sucked his lower lip between his teeth. It was the most erotic image I’d ever seen and had my heartbeat racing double time. I kissed up the line of his neck and sucked his lip between my own.
“Georgia―”
“Stop talking.” I tightened my grip around his cock and he sucked air between his teeth. I’d lied earlier―this was the most erotic image I’d ever seen. His breath came out in ragged pants as I started to work up and down his length before I backed up, smiling. I walked backward, my fist wrapped around him until the back of my knees hit my target. I leaned back on an abandoned dock that floated half-submerged in the water. I pressed his length between my thighs and worked it back and forth against the damp fabric of my panties.
“Georgia.” His eyes flicked down my body laid out before him, down to his arousal pressed between my thighs.
“Please,” I whispered before releasing him and hooking my fingers in my panties. He grabbed both of my hands and brought each up to his lips, kissing my wrists tenderly before placing them at my sides. He hooked his thumbs in my underwear and pushed them down my legs. I kicked them off my feet and felt them float away in the water. My fingers scrambled to release him from his boxers. I pushed the wet cotton down his thighs, leaving them there.
“Do you want me to use a condom?” He mumbled between pants.
“No, just you. I just want you.”
He slid one palm up my thigh and hitched it around his hip, his other hand wrapped around my neck and tangled in my hair. He held my head firmly to his, pressing our lips together fiercely, rocking his erection back and forth, teasing my sex. I arched as he rocked, pressing harder and deeper as he reached my aching clit. My breath caught in my throat as he continued to caress me then lowered his head to suck a nipple into his mouth. I caught my lip between my teeth, fighting for control over my raging lust.
“Are you going to come, Georgia?”
“Yes,” the word hissed between my teeth.
“Let go. Let me have it… let me have you,” the words rumbled out of his throat as he thrust his length between my swollen flesh. I cried as pleasure and sensation rushed through my body. I panted as my nerves tingled and fired off. He pressed his forehead to mine and held me as I felt the release calm and soothe my body. Our breaths mingled together as Tristan's cock moved against me slowly before he finally slipped inside, groaning as he filled me. We moved together, slowly and reverently, worshiping each other. Tears stung my eyes as I realized what was happening. We we’re trying to keep each other in any way we could. There was no going back so we were trying to find something new. Something that would work, help fill the void of pain and anger that had settled between us. Maybe this was our goodbye. Maybe it would be best if he went back to Jacksonville. Maybe these past few weeks were all we'd ever know of each other.
Emotion rushed through my system at the possibility.
Not having Tristan in my life felt unbearable.
Tears flowed down my cheeks as we rocked together, clutching one another, holding on as if our lives depended on it.
“We’re so good together, Georgia. We’re perfect,” he whispered against my lips, his hand still wrapped in my hair, our chests touching as we found each other on a hot summer night in the Atlantic.
“I know,” I whispered and shut my eyes more tightly as my tears fought for release. Our bodies dancing together in a way I’d never felt with anyone else. It tore at my heart and shame bubbled in my chest knowing I’d never felt this with Kyle. More tears ran down my cheeks because I’d wanted desperately to, but the truth was I hadn’t.
“Stay with me, don't go back to him. Stay,” he murmured and I felt his entire body shudder with release. I moaned as my release rolled through me: toes curling, goosebumps rising, body panting, breaths mingling together, bodies twisted in a sensual embrace. A lump knit together in my throat, the feelings I felt for Tristan were the ones I’d wanted to feel for Kyle.
“Stay with me tonight.”
“What?” Our lips touched as we spoke.
“Right here on the beach. Stay with me,” he murmured before capturing my lips with his. “I’ll be right back.” He jogged out of the water, pulling his boxers up as he ran up the shore. No sooner had he shot up the steps to the house than he was jogging back down again with a blanket in his hands.
I smiled when he laid it out on the sand and came back to me. He wrapped both his arms around my waist and cuddled my neck. His lips ghosted along the skin, a tremor of arousal surged through my veins. He hugged me tightly and lifted my feet, walking me onto the shore and laying me on the blanket. He lay next to me and we snuggled together. He wrapped the blanket around us: feet tangled together, bodies still wet from our evening swim. My unruly, wet hair was sticking to my neck and his face. He brushed it aside with a smile, green eyes dancing in the moonlight. His other hand was wrapped firmly around my waist, my leg hitched over one of his. I inhaled his clean, ocean scent and snuggled into his warm body as he stroked my hair.
“Thank you,” I whispered against his skin.
“For what?” I felt the echo of his words against my lips pressed at his chest.
“For helping me forget,” I said with a yawn.
Relief washed over me. A sense of release, a moment of healing.
The ocean hadn't been the only thing to help cleanse me. Tristan had
too.
Twenty-Three
Georgia
THE FOLLOWING MORNING I woke wrapped in Tristan’s arms, our feet tangled together, his arm still around my waist, just as we’d fallen asleep. I yawned and smiled and turned into his neck. I sucked in a deep breath and relished his natural, beachy scent. My mind replayed our frenzied lovemaking in the ocean, the overwhelming feelings I’d had for him, and the shameful realization this was now the second time I’d slept with Tristan and cheated on Kyle.
Flames ripped through my veins, my brain finally registered that Kyle was arriving tonight. I suddenly needed space, distance, time to think. I tugged my lip between my bottom teeth, wondering if I should wake Tristan. I couldn’t possibly untangle myself without waking him. But I needed a moment, time to think and process. My body ached to stay wrapped in Tristan’s arms with the roaring waves just beyond our feet, but my brain needed time to process the position I’d put myself in.
I liked Tristan. A lot. The happiness I felt in Tristan’s arms brought tears to my eyes. Kyle―every fiber of my being needed him. I was afraid to live without him. He was my rock, my protection, my knight. True, we’d had a rough time the past few years, but I had faith it was temporary. My life with Kyle wouldn’t always be like this, would it? I didn’t want to believe so, but the truth was I just didn’t know.
Tristan’s fingertips swept along my torso tenderly. I smiled and my eyes searched his face. He was just waking, his eyelids still closed, delicate eyelashes shadowing high cheekbones. He was always beautiful, but in this moment when he was asleep and peaceful, his beauty took my breath away. I lifted a hand and traced my finger along his lower lip. Tears pricked my eyelids when I thought of walking away from him for good. I didn’t know if I could do it, even for Kyle. My stomach rolled with anxiety because I knew I couldn't keep doing this, couldn't keep going back and forth.I was in far too deep with both of them. Someone would be hurt and the blame would rest solely on my shoulders.
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