She dropped her gaze to the worn carpet beneath their feet. The thing was hideous, but she’d bought it from a garage sale for five dollars years ago. It was definitely a far cry from the priceless Persian rugs that adorned his floors.
“I wasn’t raised by a mother and I never had a mother figure in my life, but I do have standards.” She raised her eyes to his face. “It may be said and done in your world, but it isn’t in mine.” Her gaze went to the hallway, her mind calculating how to handle the situation.
It was unclear what was stopping her. She knew Octavian was the one she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. She knew there would never be another for her. They shared a room every night with him covered from head to toe in case he accidently brushed against her in the night. She knew… knew with everything inside her that he would do anything for her, would sacrifice anything. So what was stopping her? Was it his family? But no, they weren’t just his family, they were hers and she loved all of them. Was it what he did for a living? Yes, it bothered her, but she knew he was protecting so many innocent lives and his job was as important as any police officer or firefighter. So what was it?
“I think I know what it is.” His ability to read her should no longer surprise her, but he still managed to catch her off guard when he picked words out of her head.
“You do? What?”
Rather than answer her, he reached over and took her chin between his thumb and index. “I’ll take care of it.” He took a step back, letting his hand drop away. “Get what you need for a few more nights. I’ll smooth things over with your landlord and we’ll talk about this again in the next few days.”
She had no idea what he was planning. It all sounded so cryptic. “What do you mean smooth things over with my landlord?”
“I’ll take care of this month—”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’ll take care of my own bills. I have a little saved—”
“Riley, they’re not just your bills—”
“No!” she said again more forcefully. “I’m not taking your money, Octavian. Geez. I’m not… I don’t…”
He put up both hands, palms out. “Okay, I’m sorry. I only wanted to help.” And she knew that.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m not very good at accepting help. I’m used to doing things on my own for myself.”
His smile was understanding, which made her feel all the worse. “I know. I’ll let you handle it then. But!” he added before she could say anything else. “On the condition that you pack a bag or two or ten and come stay with me. Give me a few days and then we’ll come back to this.”
Riley frowned. “What’s in a few days?”
He just grinned. “Go pack.”
She did as he asked with him or one of his brothers hovering in the doorway as though expecting her to leap out the window or something. But she didn’t miss the way they kept darting glances around the room as though expecting the ceiling and walls to cave at any moment. No one ever said it, but she knew they were keeping an eye out for demons.
By the time she finished packing her clothes and toiletries, it was everything she owned in a single suitcase. Her room was officially empty, minus the few school books she tossed into a duffle. She stared at the two pieces of baggage and her heart sank. Her entire world fit in two bags. There was something incredibly sad about that, and with her father gone, there was absolutely no reason at all to ever come back. Just standing there, staring at her empty walls and shelves, she no longer felt like that place was home. It felt alien, like it had belonged to someone else. Maybe Octavian was right. Maybe she did need to move on. There was nothing waiting for her at the apartment anymore.
“Riley?” Gideon poked his head into the doorway. “All right?”
Feeling oddly out of place, Riley nodded. She wiped her hands on her jeans as she turned to him. “I’m done.”
Eyeing her, Gideon stepped into the room and glanced down at the two bags at her feet. He said nothing as he bent down and scooped them up as though they weighed nothing.
Without a word, they filed out and returned to the car.
At the bottom of the steps, she paused and glanced back at the squat building with its faded red bricks and grimy windows. It wasn’t much, but it had been home for most of her life. True, nothing within held very good memories, but it had been safe, or so she thought.
“Okay?” Magnus asked as he paused at the backdoor.
Riley nodded, not sure how to explain that it felt as though this would be the last time she ever returned.
Chapter 34
1. Make up w/dad
2. Tell Octavian I love him
3. Hang out w/Daphne
4. Thank Liam & Kyaerin for hiring me (a nice card)
5. Make sure all bills get paid
6. Get dad a job
7. Find someone to care for him
8. Find Mom (maybe)
9. Write a farewell letter
Riley stared at her newly revised bucket list and frowned. It had shrunk considerably since she’d written it, which, yes, made it easier to accomplish, but at the same time, it felt as though that if she finished the list, she’d just drop dead. Like somehow, her life was tied to that list. It was probably why she hadn’t told Octavian how she felt or gone to talk to Liam and Kyaerin. She still wasn’t even sure she wanted to visit her mom. The woman had abandoned her and left her essentially to die. Not one phone call in thirteen years, never mind a birthday card. Now she was off somewhere else with a new family, having a new daughter.
“The child won’t live.” Septimus’ words replayed like a horror soundtrack in her mind. It sent chills down her spine.
Good! She wanted to say. What right did her mother have to be happy when Riley had seen nothing but pain and misery her entire life? Why should she get a second chance when Riley was going to die and never even see her twentieth birthday?
But it wasn’t true.
Yes, her life seriously sucked, but she had gotten a second chance. She found Octavian. She had his family. She found love and, yeah, it had only been four months, but some people didn’t even get that. Even her mother.
Gingerly, she closed the notepad and slipped it back into its hiding place inside her suitcase where she’d smuggled the thing the minute none of the boys had been looking, certain that if they saw it, she’d never hear the end of it. Plus, she really didn’t want to explain to them she still had doubts that she would live much longer. It had been a little over a month since Septimus’ visit and the mark on her arm hadn’t changed, so she was pretty certain her death would come one of two ways, Baron would finally get her, or the Angels would. Either way, she was going to be killed by something supernatural. It was just a matter of time.
Octavian, on the other hand, refused to believe any such thing would ever happen. In his mind, they were going to somehow beat Septimus’ prediction. Riley had no idea how, but it made her bucket list all the more important.
She rose off the bed, careful not to awaken Octavian where he lay slumbering, completely oblivious to her scheming. He reminded her of a fallen angel, the way he slept. She knew he wouldn’t take the comparison kindly, but she couldn’t help it. He was unimaginably beautiful and appeared even more stunning in sleep when his guard was down and his features open. She could never understand how one person could do so much to her heart without ever really trying. It seemed as though, unknowingly, he possessed some kind of magical power that compelled her to continuously be in awe of him. He’d think she was mental, but the fact remained the same — she was enthralled by him.
Careful not to disturb him, she slipped the notepad back into the compartment of her newly emptied suitcase, slid the bag under the bed and rose to her feet. She grabbed her car keys, her coat and her purse with the slip of paper tucked inside and headed downstairs.
Kyaerin glanced up from the never ending stack of papers she and Liam were always going over. Only now, Riley knew what they were — out of Hell applications. “H
ello sweetie. Going out?”
Riley nodded, tactfully avoiding the woman’s gaze by rummaging through her purse. “I just need to get something from the store.”
“Do you want me to get one of the boys?”
Riley shook her head. “It’s girl stuff.”
Kyaerin’s lips formed an O of understanding. “All right. Drive safely.”
She got all the way to the door before the guilt ate at her and she stopped.
“Riley?”
Closing her eyes for just a second before opening them, Riley turned to the woman who had become a mother to her. “I’m not going to the store.”
Kyaerin blinked, her head tipped to the side. “Oh?”
Riley fidgeted with the purse strap slung over her shoulder. “I…” She exhaled heavily. “A few years ago, for school, I did a genealogy report. I was supposed to do a tree for both sides of my family. I got most of it from my dad for his side, but I needed…” She dug into her purse and removed the piece of paper tucked inside. “I wanted to know…” She bit her lip as her eyes stung. “I looked up my mom.” She waved the paper pathetically. “I found three addresses with her maiden name and first initial… I haven’t had the courage to…” She bit her lip harder, trying miserably to redirect the tears. “I was thinking since… after Septimus…”
Kyaerin got to her feet, her heart gleaming in her eyes. “Oh darling…” The heartbroken expression brewed into determination. “Okay!”
As Riley watched on in wide-eyed bafflement, Kyaerin stuffed her papers into its folder, tucked it under her arm and marched to the kitchen.
“I’ll be right back,” she called over her shoulder just before she disappeared through the doors.
Riley counted to fifteen and Kyaerin was back, slinging on her purse over her beautiful red coat.
“What…?”
Kyaerin blinked at her. “You didn’t honestly think I was going to let you do it alone, did you? Come on then.”
She waited for annoyance or anger to rise and was temporarily surprised when it didn’t. Maybe it was the reason she’d told Kyaerin the truth in the first place. Maybe she really hadn’t wanted to go alone. It certainly felt better walking into the lion’s den with another person in your corner. She had no idea how her mother would react, if she would even be happy to see Riley. She could take one look and slam the door in her face.
They took Kyaerin’s car, which was a tiny little bug in mint green. Compared to her sons’ extravagant cars, hers was almost out of place and barely noticeable.
“Don’t say it,” she said as she unlocked their doors. “The boys give me enough grief over it, but I like my little car.”
Riley just shook her head, not bothering to suppress her grin.
“Okay, so where to first?” Kyaerin asked, snapping her seatbelt into place.
Fastened, Riley glanced at her list. She rattled off the first address and sat back as Kyaerin put the car into drive and headed across town.
This is such a bad idea! The voice in her head whined the whole way there. No matter how hard Riley pushed, the voice was more persistent, pressing every doubt button in her.
Then there was the other voice, the cruel one. It taunted her with truths she couldn’t hide in the dark creases of her own mind. Her mother hadn’t wanted her thirteen years ago, what made Riley think she would want to see her now?
Bad, bad idea…
But she had to do it, didn’t she? She had to know. Had it been her? Had it been her father? Why would a mother abandon her child like that?
“She’s remarried and having a baby,” Riley murmured to the silence in the car. “Septimus said it was a girl. Do you think she was my replacement?”
Eyes never leaving the road, Kyaerin reached one hand off the steering wheel and lightly took Riley’s cold one. “A mother can never replace a child, Riley. Children, each one has a special, separate place in your heart.”
“Then why did she leave me? Why didn’t she love me? Wasn’t I enough?” She hadn’t meant to voice the questions, not now. She had wanted to wait until she was standing in front of her mother, but they kept pouring out. Years of hurt and betrayal pooled up inside her, waiting to overflow.
Kyaerin put pressure on Riley’s fingers. “You’re going to ask her that when we see her.”
The first C Garnell turned out to be Charlie Garnell, a middle aged man with a round, protruding belly and a thick Colonel Mustard mustache. He shook his head and told them no one named Caroline lived there.
The second C Garnell was a woman in her late sixties with purple hair and a twinkle in her eyes much younger. She invited them in for ginger snaps, but they kindly refused.
“It has to be the third one,” Riley whispered, holding the paper so tight it tore under her trembling hands. “It has to be her.”
Kyaerin took the paper from her. “We’ll find her,” she promised. “Even if I have to use my influences in Hell to hunt her down.”
Grateful, Riley offered her a shaky smile.
The third door was opened by a blond haired boy with big green eyes and a million freckles. He stared up at them over the head of the giant Spiderman doll clutched in his gangly arms.
“Yeah?”
Riley couldn’t speak. She stared at the kid who couldn’t be older than five with her heart somewhere down at her ankles.
No…
“Is your mommy home?” Kyaerin smoothly picked up where Riley couldn’t.
“Yeah.” The kid turned away from the open doorway. “Mom!”
“Kyaerin…” Riley grabbed the other woman’s arm. Her heart was a wild mess in her chest. “Kyaerin, we…”
But it was too late.
From the brightly lit hallway behind the boy, a very pregnant woman with bright auburn curls and green eyes emerged with a dishtowel in her hands. Her sensible pumps made a soft clacking sound as she stepped into the short foyer and turned to the boy.
“What did I tell you about answering the door, Jacob? You tell mommy before you open it.”
Jacob stared back at her like she’d lost her mind. “I did. You didn’t hear me.”
The woman sighed, but it wasn’t the sound of impatience. There was love in the sound with a touch of amusement. It mirrored the adoration in her eyes as she ruffled his curls.
“Get back to your snack, okay?” With a playful swat to his jean-clad butt, she sent him scurrying back in the direction she’d come from. Elegant eyes the color of polished emeralds rose up from a bed of thick, dark lashes and finally focused on the pair at the door. small, thin lips curved into a polite smile. “Hello?”
“Hello.” Kyaerin returned the smile. “I’m Kyaerin Maxwell. This is my daughter. Are you Caroline Garnell?”
But she was no longer paying attention. Her attention had fixed on Riley, a look of confusion bright in her eyes. Riley held her breath, too afraid that if she breathed, the world might crack down the center and she would never get her answer. But she already had her answer. It was in the slow realization that dawned just before it was replaced by horror, guilt, shame and finally settling on anger.
“What are you doing here?”
Chapter 35
It was like a quick, sharp slap. Those five words were a physical punch in the gut. Riley nearly wheezed as all the air rushed out of her.
Thirteen years, waiting for this moment, imagining all the things she would say, all the things she would ask, gone, melted away into vapors that escaped from her lungs. Her mind, so full of questions only moments ago in the car was a blank slate of pain.
“Do you think we could talk for just a moment?” Kyaerin said, still smiling as though the very air around them hadn’t just solidified into ice. “We’ve been driving for a long time to find you.”
Those green eyes finally unhooked themselves from Riley to fixate on Kyaerin. The razor sharp pieces of glass didn’t dull. “You shouldn’t have. I don’t want you here.”
“Why?” It was the first word Riley could push t
hrough the tangled knots wedged in her throat.
“Because you don’t belong here. This is my home.”
It was a wonder how Riley was standing anymore. She felt shattered and broken and expected to drift away at any moment.
“But… I’m your daughter…”
Slim hands dotted with freckles went to the bulge around her middle, straining beneath the soft, blue sweater. The dull light outside caught the giant rock perched precisely on the middle finger and it winked.
“I don’t have a daughter… yet.”
It was as though she’d punched a hole into Riley’s chest and torn out her heart. Riley half expected to see it, a bloody, pulsing mess still clutched in her mother’s hand. Instead, those hands, the ones that must have once held her, loved her, were stroking the new life inside he
Octavian's Undoing (Sons of Judgment) Page 36
