by Kristen Echo
“I was serious when I told you I’d be in touch? We need to move ahead at my pace.” She stood and shook the snow from her shoulders. Rubbing her hands together brought life back to her frozen digits.
“You reached out last night over text. I figured this would be a nice surprise. Am I coming on too strong?”
It was unlike Benny to second-guess himself and she found it endearing. He was pushing a little fast, but she kind of liked it. “I like strong. But next time I ask you to do something, you better listen,” she answered.
“Understood.” He opened the passenger door. “I don’t take those words lightly. Can we go somewhere?”
She surprised herself by nodding. Her plan to take things slow would need to be reworked. “I could use a coffee and then you can drop me at the dorms. You’re not invited in.”
Benny brushed his lips over hers briefly, then leaned against the door. “We’re moving ahead. Those were your words. You’ll invite me in when you’re ready. I accept that.”
The door closed, and he raced around the car to the driver’s side. Once he was buckled in, she reached over and took his hand. “Those kisses, all of this could be going nowhere. I haven’t forgiven you yet. You let our family down. Didn’t you care at all about my dad?”
“I loved him like he was my blood,” he said, placing his hand over his heart.
“You make me so fucking mad, but then you say those heart-melty things and I’m happy to see you again.” He opened his mouth, but she pressed her fingers against his lips to silence him. “Before you interrupt, I’m telling you we can try. That’s all I can promise you right now.”
He smiled against her fingers and then moved her hand. “Elizabeth, I’m not the same guy who left you, but I don’t expect you to trust me on that. I plan to show you and convince you we are meant to be together.”
She exhaled an unsteady breath. “It’s good to hear you say those things, but being with you again terrifies me. I was a seventeen-year-old wannabe model when we met. My dad practically adopted you, and he liked none of my previous boyfriends. We all just clicked. My life isn’t the same anymore.”
“Your dad was the best. You have no idea how much he meant to me. Becoming a part of your family meant everything to me,” Benny added.
“That remains to be seen. He used to tell me that when you find your soul-mate, the entire world takes notice. We were the It couple. After a year, our first hurdle was your move to Los Angeles. It wasn’t a surprise when you left without me.”
He squeezed her hand. “I always intended for you to join me.”
“I never doubted that, until Dad died. Then everything crumbled. The pedestal you’d been perched on for months disintegrated. I’d never been so lonely. I’m telling you this, not for your sympathy or to cause you regret. If we’re going to move ahead, we need to start with honesty. Painful honesty.”
Saying all those things left her exposed. Like she’d ripped her heart out of her chest and held it out for his inspection. So he could see the scars and patch job she’d done to survive.
Benny closed his eyes, and she saw her words had struck a chord. His jovial expression from earlier morphed into one of sadness. “On some level, I knew my actions caused you pain, but I was selfish. If I’d called you, then it was all real. It was like getting the news about my dad all over again. Only it was a million times worse. By avoiding you, none of that shit happened. You, your dad, everyone kept on living like they had the previous week.”
“Benny, avoiding the facts doesn’t change them.” The tears she’d been holding back slipped down her cheeks
“You had the power to cripple me. Loving you suddenly felt like a rope around my neck and each message you left tugged harder.”
“You weren’t the only one hurting!” She pulled her hands free and shoved against this chest.
“I had a new team, new coaches and managers all expecting great things from me. Hockey doesn’t allow time for family tragedy,” he said, running his fingers through his hair. “Blocking you out was the only way I could keep playing. By the time I came to my senses, I’d missed the funeral. The first time we had leave I flew home. When I couldn’t find you, I bawled like a sissy.”
A sob escaped at his confession. “I can’t picture that.”
He reached over the console and hugged her. “Don’t cry over the past. I have a list of regrets a mile long. They don’t change a damn thing. Holding you, that’s all that matters. If I were you, I’d hate me, but please don’t. Does knowing how pathetic I was help?”
Beth sniffled. “Not really. It kinda tore open those old wounds and… actually, I’m glad I know what happened. As much as it hurts to hear, we needed to clear the air. You aren’t a bad person though I called you a twisted and vile monster on more than one occasion.”
“I deserved that.” He kissed the top of her head.
“You have a lot to atone for.” She pulled away from his embrace.
“I take one hundred percent responsibility for all of it. Have you figured out what I have to do to win you back?”
“You’re starting in the right place. I hadn’t planned on taking you back. At least not this fast. But we both want this to work. Right?” She raised both eyebrows.
“More than anything. You over a Stanley Cup. But I want both.” He smiled. “I’m a greedy bastard.”
Her lip twitched at the corner, but she fought the smile. “I’ve come up with a list of things you have to do to prove you want to rebuild. I don’t want what we had. I want something better and stronger. Do you understand me?”
“Loud and clear. Can you fill me in while we get those coffees?” He put his hand on the gear shifter, but didn’t move until she nodded. They were going to move at her pace after all.
As they drove, she gave him her list.
They had to be honest with each other always. No lies, white or otherwise.
They had to follow through on commitments. Not only with words, but actions and prove they could rely on one another again.
They had to be vulnerable. She felt like they’d already accomplished that task, nevertheless she reiterated her point.
They had to reintroduce sexual activities slowly. Not focus on sex, rather play up the intimacy. As she told him sex was off the table, it was all she could think about. Getting naked and feeling him inside her. That one might prove to be harder than she planned.
They had to keep an open discussion about their feelings. She didn’t want them to rehash the past, but focus on the future. Talk about what they liked about each other and rediscover the love. Benny rolled his eyes as she explained that one, but he said he’d try.
They had to attend couples counseling. The team had a slew of doctors at their disposal, but she wanted to see someone who would see hockey as any other career. She told him her career aspirations mattered as much as his. He concurred and said he’d get a list of recommended professionals from his shrink. Apparently, he spoke to his doctor regularly.
They agreed to date on a trial basis. She knew one date wouldn’t be enough, for her or him. She expected him to fight her tooth and nail on the semantics of their courtship, but he seemed ready to do anything to please her. With his agreement to do everything on her list, she had to admit she was rooting for their second chance.
She was Benny Wilder’s girlfriend, again. She crossed her fingers and toes that she’d find a way to trust him and get over the doubt lingering in the pit of her stomach. Below the butterflies, even after his consent to do everything she asked, it remained.
Chapter 10
Waking up to an empty room was a common occurrence. Carly had spent the night at Theo’s, leaving Beth ample time alone to stew about her decision. She hadn’t caved and invited him to her room. The ache between her legs cursed her for holding out. They’d kissed and kissed some more, trying to make up for the years they’d lost. Fogging up the windows and making out like a couple of teenagers in his car had been hot and so much fun.
Benny had a way of being present that made her feel like she was the star in his world. When they were together, everything revolved around them. As much as she wanted to lie around all day basking in the joy of her new relationship, she had classes. A full day of learning awaited.
She rolled out of bed and got ready. Periodically, noticing the silly grin on her face in the mirror. They had their first date in a matter of hours and she was excited. She took a few extra minutes to apply makeup and choose an outfit that would make him sweat. Benny had a fetish for roleplaying. They both enjoyed dressing up and acting their parts. It added a little extra sizzle to their sex lives. Not that they had one at the moment.
A little torture seemed à propos. The white of her bra was visible through her t-shirt. She paired it with a plaid skirt which sat mid-thigh, knee-high socks and a pair of Mary-janes. The private school outfit had always caught his eye. She tied her hair back in a braid and surveyed her reflection.
“Not bad,” she said to the mirror as Carly walked in, looking like she’d gone three rounds with a Pit Bull and lost. “Damn, what happened to you? Your hair is a mess.”
Her friend’s auburn hair was usually tied in a ponytail, but she wore it down. It resembled a rat’s nest. Her jacket was open and her shirt ripped.
Carly’s cheeks flushed. “What do you mean?” She pushed Beth away from the mirror and laughed as she attempted to smooth out her hair. “Insatiable boyfriend who decided it would be a good idea to make love after I got ready. Note to self, do not listen to him when he says my hair looks beautiful down.”
Beth chuckled. “I like it when you wear it down, but today I’d suggest an up do. My first class starts in thirty. I’ll catch up with you tonight?” Beth grabbed her backpack and pulled on her long coat.
“If you think that smile of yours and catholic girl outfit isn’t getting talked about think again. You can run, but you can’t hide from me. Why are we not meeting for lunch?”
Beth winked. “Because I have a lunch date. See you tonight,” she said and sauntered out of their room. When Benny had asked her out, she’d suggested lunch. It would be less likely to lead to anything physical. The outfit was meant to give him a glimpse of what he couldn’t have. Yet. She knew it was only a matter of time before she broke her own rules. He was too irresistible.
The morning flew by. The excitement of their first date coursed through her veins, planting a permanent smile on her face. She arrived early at the restaurant. The walk over had taken less than fifteen minutes since he’d picked one that wasn’t far from campus. She appreciated his thoughtfulness. He’d called as soon as practice ended and offered her a ride, but she’d declined.
She planned to use the walk over to center herself. Except it hadn’t worked. She’d practically jogged there she was so excited. Playing hard to get, had never been a game she liked or had perfected. But she didn’t want him to think their reunion was a slam dunk either.
As she sat waiting for him to arrive, her legs bounced under the table. She played with the napkin, ripping it into tiny pieces. She surveyed the menu and decided to have dessert. Something sweet and sugary to help her through the day. The waiter delivered her water and was cleaning her mess as Benny approached.
“Hi,” she said when he reached the table. With his snug jeans and badass leather jacket, he looked even more delicious than the dessert she planned to order.
“Hello to you too.” He leaned over and kissed her. “You look more beautiful each time I see you.”
Beth blushed. Had they not been in a public space, she would have thrown him on the table and licked him. She turned her attention to the waiter whose eyes had widened with recognition.
“Wow. Mr. Wilder it’s an honor to meet you,” he said, stuffing the napkin chunks into his apron. “I’m a huge fan. Do you think I could get an autograph?”
Benny removed his jacket and looked at the name-tag. “It’s nice to meet you, Christopher. I’d be happy to sign an autograph after lunch. Could we get a table in the back? I’d love a more intimate setting for my date, if that’s possible.”
“Of course.” He picked up the menus and her water. “Please follow me.”
Benny pulled out Beth’s chair, and she stood. She bent over to grab her bag off the ground and heard his swift intake of air. Her nipples tightened at the sound. The outfit might have been a bit much for a first date and she wondered if she’d gone too far. She didn’t turn around to find out.
They followed the waiter to a secluded table in the back. The restaurant wasn’t full. “I’ll advise the hostess to not seat anyone near you. I’ll bring another water, and can I get you anything else to drink?” The waiter asked as they took their seats across from one another.
“Add a slice of lemon to my water and that’s it for me. Elizabeth?” Benny asked, staring at her breasts.
“Waters fine,” she answered, and the waiter disappeared.
“I take back my comment from before. You are more than beautiful. I’ve never met anyone more fucking gorgeous than you. Those long legs in that short skirt are something else.” His hand disappeared under the table and he moved in his seat.
Her cheeks flushed and warmth spread over her. “I’m glad you think so. How was practice? Are you taking the ice in tomorrow’s game?”
“Thomas will start. He’s been playing well, but they’ll give me a shot one of these days. They didn’t bring me over to let me ride the bench.” His eyes connected with hers.
“That’s good. Have you settled into your condo?” She grabbed a napkin and twisted it in her hands.
He smiled, reached across the table and touched her hand. It settled her nerves. “Don’t you dare get those first date jitters with me. We don’t have to make small talk. I’m way more curious about you. Tell me everything you’ve been up to since you moved to this city? I want to get to know you again.”
She exhaled and relaxed into her seat. “There isn’t that much to tell. I arrived—”
The waiter returned with Benny’s water. “Have you decided on lunch?”
They eyed the unopened menus on the table. “I’ll have the brownie sundae with extra cherries,” she said, pushing the menu towards Benny.
He didn’t open it. “Steak sandwich, medium, with the house salad.”
Once the waiter left, they settled into normal conversation. She recounted her move from the coast and her decision to stay in Winnipeg. He talked about winning the Cup the year they split, and how it had been bittersweet without her. The meal came, and they continued chatting.
Her dessert looked amazing. Layers of brownie, ice-cream and whipped cream topped with a heaping pile of cherries. Her mouth watered. “If this tastes even half as good as it looks, I’m in heaven.” She picked up her spoon.
Benny reached over and stole a cherry. “Do you think what we eat affects the way we taste?” He popped the red fruit into his mouth.
“What do you mean?” She dug her spoon into her treat as she watched his jaw flex. “Like because you’re eating steak you’d be meatier or something?”
He smiled and pulled a knotted stem from between his lips. She’d forgotten how talented he was with his tongue. He put the knot on his napkin. She clenched her legs together.
“I’m thinking it’s impossible for you to be any sweeter than I remember. I feel like kissing your lips before and then again after so I’ll know the answer. But I’ll settle for later when the extra sugar has had a chance to work its way down.” He licked his lips, teasing her.
Her spoon hovered in the air. “Benny. You shouldn’t talk like that.”
“Eat. I’m following your orders. I’m behaving. You wanted me to talk ab
out my feelings and be honest. You said that’s how people rebuild trust.” He cut into this steak and chewed his first bite.
She put her shaking hand down. “I’m sure they weren’t talking about kissing. We’re not even close to ready to have sex. Um… they.” She wanted to grab his shirt, pull him across the table and kiss him. She mustered some self-control and refrained. “Thank you for your honesty.”
“Elizabeth, this has to work both ways. I can tell by the pink in your cheeks and the way you’re clenching that spoon that you’re holding back. How do you feel right now? How do I make you feel?”
“Horny.” The word popped out. “I’m hot and bothered every time you get near me. I’m soaked right now and you haven’t even touched me. There are so many naughty things I want to do to you and with you, but we shouldn’t. I’m scared of getting close to you again, but I’m happy to be here with you. Is that what you want to hear?”
He checked his watch. “It’s one-twenty. How much time do we have before your next class?”
“An hour.”
“Eat faster.” He took a large bite of his salad, spilling contents out of the side of his mouth.
She laughed and took the first bite of her dessert. It was sinfully delicious. They didn’t talk again until their plates were cleared. It wasn’t an awkward silence. Benny signed a few autographs and smiled for pictures before they left the restaurant hand in hand.
“Get in the backseat,” he demanded, opening the back door for her once they reached his car.
She looked inside the empty backseat. “Why?”
“Don’t ask; just do it.” He motioned with his hand for her to get in. “We’re building trust. Right? Consider this exercise number one.”
The heat in his eyes and the way his voice lowered sent a zap of arousal between her thighs. “Okay,” she said, following his command. “But you don’t have to chauffeur me around.” She sat and ran her hands over the cold leather.
