by Amanda Jones
They sat there making idle small talk until their drinks were empty. Relaxed and at ease around her, Robert realized that this may border on ethics impropriety. He'd have to talk to someone to see what was allowed and what wasn't with patients. While he knew relationships were offenses that could get him barred, were friendships included in that?
"So tomorrow is another session." Robert began.
"Yes I was a bit anxious about it actually, that's why I got out of the house and came here."
"Why did it make you anxious? I try to make each session an open and safe experience, it shouldn't cause you fear." He was troubled. Were some of his lackadaisical approaches to his celebrity clients bleeding in to his cases where there was real hope and promise?
"No, it wasn't so much that as it was.... well the first session was so deep for me. I hadn't told anyone everything that happened after the police thought I was crazy. I'm a bit worried how vulnerable I'll be at the next sitting; what things will come to the surface. Is that silly, Doctor?"
"Not silly at all. Many people fear opening themselves up to any experience. They feel more at ease behind their walls. But Lily, opening yourself up and taking chances is what Life is. Don't fear that, embrace it."
She had already started to stand when she told him, "I'll try, Dr. Stevens, I'll try."
Robert looked down after she left and noticed that her name was written on the top file folder in bright red letters. He only hoped she hadn't noticed.
Chapter Three
Robert had just finished a phone interview with some high gloss magazine with a name he didn't bother to catch. It rarely mattered to him where he was featured lately. The bell that hung on the door to the therapy room chimed, signaling Lily's entrance.
He opened the adjoining door to see her in long flowing white from her peasant blouse to her billowy skirt. For a moment, he couldn't breathe. His inner bear cried out for her and a deep ache rested in his chest. It was then he realized that this was who he was meant for; his fated mate. What sweet agony is it that I'm to be fated to someone who can't tolerate or trust a male human touch?
"Lily, you look well. Did the anxiety fade?"
"Not really, I get myself worked up the day before coming here because I know it's going to be me facing everything I try to avoid during the week."
"Progress is difficult, but you're doing well. Don't fear letting go of that wall you're building. Now there are a few things I'd like to touch on that you said in our last session."
Lily lay back onto the fine leather chaise lounge letting the softness engulf her. While Dr. Stevens didn't require his clients to lie, Lily felt more comfortable and more secure there if she did. She exhaled slowly and waited for what he wanted to know.
"Ok Lily, let's go back to that night. You're saved. Your attacker is incapacitated and you're free of him. Now, I want to know about the scream, the fear that is in you. Focus on that. Where is that coming from; the realization of the attack, the sight of your attacker so badly damaged, or the bear you saw that saved you?"
Robert held his breath for the answer. He so badly wanted not to be the cause of her years of torment.
"Well I think it was everything hitting at once really. I've never thought of why I was afraid and what part of it was the cause, actually."
"Let's go over that today then."
For the next hour, they discussed each aspect. By the end of the session there were not clear cut answers, but they were closer to the truth. Lily seemed less burdened, but still recoiled when he offered her his hand to shake at the end of the meeting.
"Sorry Lily, it's automatic for me to shake hands afterwards. Meant no harm." He said as he wiped his palm on the side of his suit pants.
"No, I'm sorry Doctor. I guess even though I know you're a professional and that you're going to help me break this mindset I have, I still see you as a man."
A slight chuckle escaped Robert as he said on her way out, "Well that's good. I am still a man after all."
She smiled back at him and curled a stray strand of her hair back behind her ear. It was a simple gesture that melted Robert. The bear heart inside him beat strongly for her, for it knew she was meant to be his fated mate; his soul trapped in human form. He wanted badly to kiss her, but knew that it would cost him much more than his license. It would cost both her recovery and him his heart, and he wasn't willing to give either of those up.
Chapter Four
The phone startled Robert out of a sound nap at the clinic. A late night webcam session with a paranoid schizophrenic celebrity had kept him up as he managed to talk her down from setting her house on fire during her reality show. Apparently off her medication again, he thought, scheduling her for a week "vacation" at a local hospital.
He pulled his hands through his dark locks and thought of Lily. He had to admit that she was going to be a more difficult case than he originally thought, both with her stout anxiety toward male touch and with his lingering feelings for her.
He looked at his phone to see what had awakened him and viewed a text from a local news show.
We hear you've a client that has touch phobia and trying to work through sexual trauma, will you give a talk on that?
With several back and forth messages, he tried to scope out the angle they were looking for. While he was hesitant, they assured him that it would be anonymous and that they were only looking to highlight 'the new methods in today's psychotherapy'. In the end, Robert agreed to talk about his methods while only brushing on the case in theoreticals. They scheduled for two weeks out and he marked his calendar.
Perhaps I can actually transition from being resident doctor to celebrity train wrecks to being an a real respected psychotherapist, he thought, grabbing coffee and taking a quick shower before heading into the front office.
Lily would be coming in earlier today than normal, and Robert found himself looking forward to it and lingered on what she may be wearing or if she'd still have that sweet scent she'd been wearing the past couple of sessions. Robert's bear always honed in on that scent, as it took him back to saving her. The day that he'd found his mate, and yet was powerless to do anything about it. What were the chances that so many years later, here she'd be.
She's breath-taking, Robert thought, as she strolled in wearing a white summer dress and sandals. He tried not to notice how well it hugged her curves and how her body shifted and moved beneath it. He'd missed her in the days between sessions; an attraction he couldn't act on.
"Ok Lily, today we're going to try something new. Some word association to get to some of your more core issues. Are you ready?"
"Yes, Robert, I mean Dr. Stevens," she blushed. While she was still repelled by men, she had found herself dreaming of Dr. Stevens the night before. She was pinned down by vines when he came through the garden passage to save her. Well, in part. In the dream she couldn't actually see the good doctor, but she knew it was him. Of that she had no question.
"Tree"
"Pinned," she countered.
"Men"
"Attack"
"Hand"
"Breast"
"Bear"
"Fear"
"Tree"
"Bark"
"Men"
"Attack"
"Hand"
"Touch"
"Bear"
"Saved"
The last set came so quickly she didn't have time to even think. Robert did the last go through twice as quick, spitting them out like bullets at her in hopes of a changed response. While men stayed the same, her mind started to attach new words to the rest. A solid response opening for the session to explore why her answers changed, and why when she doesn't have any time to think about it that the items aren't as scary.
They talked over these things, touching on the single units of the attack instead of the entire thing. Taking the trauma and compartmentalizing it was not good, so Robert was explaining how they'd be 'unpacking' it and leaving it as the sum of its parts, not something greater.
With analyzing the words, her thoughts after she herself saw the change, the session ended on a good note. In fact, when Robert stuck out his hand, she shook it before she even realized it.
"Oh my god, I just shook your hand." She exclaimed.
"Yes, yes you did Lily," he smiled at her, pleased at this unexpected outcome.
Her skin is so soft and she felt like fire and ice when she touched me, he thought, still conflicted over his emotions of seeing her week to week.
She kept smiling while she looked down at her hand, stunned.
"Would you like to grab some coffee?" he asked as she stood frozen in the hallway, "I mean, you're my last client and I just was headed out. You could join me if you aren't busy."
He tried to make it seem like the most casual thing in the world and not that he just asked her out. He knew anything that felt like a major date-like commitment would make her run.
"Tribeca on 3rd?" she asked, grabbing her keys.
"Sure. Meet you there."
Chapter Five
Arriving before her he took a seat in the corner of the cafe and waited. She had been only minutes behind him. Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty. He was getting worried.
At the end of the half hour, he went up to the counter and ordered a double espresso, checking his phone rabidly for any word from her. Inside, his bear paced frantically and his blood pressure and heart rate rose. He needed to try to calm down; he needed to know if she was okay.
Just when he'd downed the coffee and was ready to call her, his phone lit up.
Today was a little much for me, and while I thought I could do coffee, I can't. I'm sorry.
He slumped back in his chair, defeat pouring through him like water. He completely understood. He was wrong to even suggest it, but he was so thrilled with her two breakthroughs in both the word association and the handshake, he didn't think it through. He was moving too fast for her. While it was just coffee, for her, it was too quick and he kicked himself for suggesting it.
He rambled out of the cafe and back into the world, hoping that he'd have another chance someday.
He was just inside his home when his phone alerted him to a message again. Hoping it was Lily, he reached in his pocket and pulled it out, scrolling to see the message. It was not from her. The newscast was confirming him to be in their studios for the live session at the end of the next week. He thumbed in some words agreeing, and left the phone on the table while he took a long, hot shower and tried to forget his disappointment in himself for asking her out and her not showing.
The water felt good against his skin as his eyes closed and he replayed that night. He could remember it crystal clear, from what she wore to how she smelled. How that scent changed when her fear escalated. How her eyes looked at him as he disappeared into the tree line. He'd never used such violence before. Raised a pacifist, it was hard controlling his bear shifting in times of struggle. However once he saw the vile acts that the man was doing, and was about to do to Lily, Robert had no choice.
He wondered if he'd ever have the opportunity to tell her of his involvement, and if she'd even want to know.
He toweled off and went in, still naked, to relax in bed with the newest season of his favorite show and hopefully fall asleep there after.
Chapter Six
Lily arrived for the next appointment right on schedule. Today she and Robert both were a bit nervous, as it was to be a hypnosis session. They'd talked at length before she started her treatment with him about how they'd progress and came to the conclusion that once there were signs of a breath through, she'd undergo hypnosis to see what else may have been suppressed that evening. She had agreed.
He was nervous, too. It would be the first time that Robert got an unfiltered look at what she thought and felt that day. He didn't know if he wanted to hear it, but he kept telling himself that this was not about him, it was about Lily leading a good life, a real life after all this.
"Ok Lily, lie back and get comfortable, and we'll begin," Robert said, getting her ready to go under. His speech lowered in register and he began counting down.
As soon as he knew she was in her subconscious state he began his questions. Telling her to go back to that night and describe the weather. He wanted to start in a safe place where he knew she'd not be anxious or afraid.
As he probed deeper through the session, he focused in on right after the attack.
"So Lily, your attacker has stopped his assault," Robert began.
"Yes, the grip he had was so tight at first and then just realized. I heard this shuffling behind me and felt wetness at my back. I can see blood on me. At first I thought it was mine but it wasn't, it was his." Her eyes are clenched and mouth taunt as she spoke.
"You see you're safe now Lily, he's not going to hurt you anymore."
"There's a grizzly bear there, and he's just looking at me. I'm terrified he's going to attack me like he did the man, but he looks....sad. How can a bear look like that?"
"Keep going, Lily, you're doing fine."
"He just looks at me for a few seconds and then runs into the woods. But..." she starts gasping for air. At first Robert considers calling off the hypnosis, but she begins to calm before adding, "It's not a bear now, it's a person. He was a bear when he entered the tree line but now, now he's a man...naked in the brush, bleeding, giving me a last look before leaving. I don't remember anything else."
"Lily when you come to you'll be rested and relax and remember everything you've told me." Robert began, bringing her out of the session.
When she was fully out of the relaxed state of hypnosis, she looked around the office. She grabbed a water bottle off the side table and sat up to drink.
"I didn't pass out right after the assault like I first thought," she said, "it was later, after I saw the..."
"I believe society calls them shifters."
"Yes, I'd never seen one before although I've heard of them."
"Evidently, someone saw you in trouble and came to help."
"Yes, it was a man that helped me. Just in bear form." She was nodding her head, putting the pieces together.
"I think we should end here." Robert said, writing down the last of his notes on the session.
He walked her out and didn't offer a hand, not wanting to press any more buttons than had already been pressed. Better her go and process all the information she now has than to set back the progress.
Chapter Seven
Days passed and Robert picked out one of his best suits to wear to the live telecast. He'd written down sound bites of sexual trauma and its effects, some of the signs of touch phobia, and the leading treatments that are being used. He wanted to give people that may be watching some hope and guidance.
He walked into the studio and went straight into makeup. He waited to be introduced to the staff that would be interviewing him and took his place in front of the cameras. While there was no studio audience to deal with, it would be a live feed out to the local and metro area.
It wasn't too long before the lights went on and he heard Jennifer Hughes, his blonde interviewer and anchor-wannabe start in with, "We're here with Dr. Robert Stevens, leading psychotherapist to the stars and celebrities. We've an interesting case that is happening locally, I believe, where you're treating a patient with touch phobia from a sexual assault correct?"
Her cheery face and Botoxed brow didn't move as she spoke to him, waiting for her answer.
"While I can't give specifics on the case, yes, touch phobia can happen to anyone and is a common occurrence from a sexual trauma. My studies have shown that..."
Lily sat on the couch and watched in horror. He was talking about her. On television. Live.
"Dr. Stevens, is it true this woman believes that a bear saved her? Isn't that a little far fetched? Wasn't she herself under careful scrutiny for attacking the man that she was in the park with that night?" Jennifer never took that smile off her face as she lit into the attack, blindsiding Robe
rt.
His prepared cards dropped to the floor as he stammered to react, "I can't comment on that, this is not what we were supposed to be discussing, I...." he looked around for someone, anyone, to help.
Lily's scream was heard a block away from her neighbors before they broke inside the door to find her passed out on the floor.
Chapter Eight
Robert expected and understood the cancellation he arrived to when he opened his office door back up. His answering machine was blinking frantically with messages. It was a train wreck. He knew Lily would not be arriving and he knew he was to blame. Damn me for trusting them to do what they said!
