He grinned at me and pulled me into a hug. Renee looked miffed that she had been discarded. “Mags. I'm so happy you're here! Did you see that? That was epic!” He told me, ridiculously pleased with himself. I pulled on him and we moved toward the door. “Yeah, I saw you. I thought you said you didn't want to be doing that stuff.” I replied, looking at him with concern.
A dark look crossed Clay's face and he yanked his arm from my grasp. “What are you? The party police? I'm having fun. I thought that's what you wanted. For me to meet people and you know, socialize.” I didn't say anything. Clearly, Clayton was not a friendly drunk. “I did want that, but you were the one who said you had a history with this stuff. That drinking isn't good for you.” I tried to grab his hand again and get him out of the garage.
Maybe if I could get him out of there I could get him to see reason. Well, that was wishful thinking. Clayton Reed was way past reason and had dipped precariously into crazy land. He pushed my hand away. “Back off, Maggie! I don't need you telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. I did just fine before you came along to mother me.”
My mouth fell open to reply, but then I closed it. I wouldn't be this guy's punching bag. Drunk or not. Love of my life or not. I didn't put up with that kind of shit from anyone. So I shoved him in the center of his chest, making him stumble backwards a few steps.
“Well pardon me for giving a crap about you. I was just worried. But if you want to act like a drunken asshole, that's fine! But I won't be around to watch it!” I slammed out the door and into the cool night air.
I pressed my back into the cold metal of the garage door, trying to calm my breathing. That went well. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the pavement. I leaned my forehead against my knees, wrapping my arms around my legs.
The door opened beside me and I lifted my head to see Clay step outside. He looked around and then noticed me sitting down on the cold pavement alone in the dark. He sank to the ground beside me, keeping a cautious distance between us. I didn't say anything. I had nothing to say. “I'm sorry. That was totally uncalled for.” Clay said softly. Though his words were slurred, he at least seemed to possess some understanding of how horrible he was behaving. And he appeared genuinely contrite.
“Yeah, you kind of suck right now.” I remarked, refusing to look at him. Clay's fingers touched my chin and pulled my face around so I was looking at him. “Please don't be angry with me. I can't stand that. I need you way too much to have this between us.” His words were desperate and I was shocked at what he had just said.
He needed me? Since when? And, while my heart thrilled, something inside me hesitated, unsure how to respond. His fingers slipped into my hair and he started to pull me toward him. More specifically my mouth toward his. Before our lips touched I stopped him. I put my hands over his to still the movement. “What is this, Clay? What are you doing?” I murmured, the skin of our lips brushing against each other.
Clay gazed into my eyes and a pool of warmth flooded my belly. Why was I talking? Why didn't I just let him kiss me? How long have I wanted this and I was making him stop? Was I freaking nuts?
But it just didn't feel right to have him do this when he was drunk. I wanted him in his right frame of mind when he kissed me. I didn't want it to be some sloppy event outside of Melissa James's garage. Clay backed up. “I thought you wanted this. You've been sending out signals like crazy.” Clay seemed angry. Embarrassed even. I had taken his guy card...again.
I touched his face, but he pulled away from me. Dear lord, his moods were all over the place right now. “I do want to kiss you. Just not like this. I mean you're kind of wasted right now. This isn't exactly romantic.” I laughed nervously. Clay shook his head. “Who said I'm looking for romance? Can't we just hook up and it not be all serious?” Woah. Okay, that hurt. Glad to know that our kiss wouldn't mean quite the same thing to him as it would to me. Though he had just told me he needed me. He had seemed absolutely wretched when he thought I was angry with him. He was so hot and cold, I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.
“Alright then. This is clearly not going to happen, so I'm going to go find Daniel and Rachel.” I stood up. Clay got to his feet behind me. His face was unreadable but it was obvious from his body language that he was not happy. “You go on. I'm just going to hang out. You know....socialize and all.” He said nastily and turned around and went back into the garage.
My stomach dropped and I blinked back tears. You have got to be kidding me. I had hoped tonight would be fun. But between Rachel's dramatics and Clay's drunken craziness, this night was quickly turning into a disaster.
I found Rachel and Daniel, who were swinging on the play set in Melissa's backyard. Rachel seemed to have sobered up and was actually smiling; which was a relief. “Hey guys.” I called out as I reached them. They both looked up at me and smiled. “Hey. Where's Clay?” Danny asked, kicking his legs out in front of him to get the swing moving.
“Yeah...well he's being a royal butt. I don't really feel like subjecting myself to that, if you know what I mean?” I perched on the seesaw and pushed with my legs to make it bobble up and down. Rachel blew the hair out of her face and slowed her swing down until she was swaying gently back and forth. She looked over at me sheepishly.
“I'm sorry about the amateur dramatics earlier. I think it's official that I can't exactly handle my alcohol.” I gave her a look that said I agreed with her statement. “Yeah, I guess we've learned that lesson. Next time you're the DD.” Rachel laughed. “Deal.” She agreed.
“I had no idea that Clay had a problem with drinking, or I wouldn't have encouraged him to do the keg stand. But he never mentioned anything.” Rachel said guiltily.
I pushed with my legs again and slammed back down on the seesaw. “It's not like you held a gun to his head, Rach. Clay is a big boy. He doesn't need us mothering him.” I parroted his words, feeling hollow inside. I hated arguing with Clay. It felt crappy.
Daniel hopped off the swing and wiped grass from his pants. “Enough moping, you two. Let's go get our party on.” Daniel pulled Rachel off the swing and grabbed my hand. We chuckled and followed him around to the back of the house, toward the pool. It was nice having Daniel and Rachel being so normal with each other. Rachel looked at ease and none of their now customary awkwardness seemed to be present between the two of them.
The pool was obviously heated as I watched steam drift upward from the surface of the water. People were swimming. Some without any suits. I looked away as Julianna Martin from my Spanish class climbed up the ladder in all her natural glory. Daniel's eyes nearly popped out of his head and Rachel smacked his leg, giggling.
Daniel went to join a group of his friends from the soccer team, while Rachel and I found a pair of deck chairs closer to the pool house to stretch out on. “Now this is what I'm talking about.” I groaned as I laid my head back on the cushion. Rachel did the same. “I could get used to this.” Rachel said, her arms dangling off the side of the chair.
“This makes this crazy orgy all the easier to bear.” I said, noting the paired off couples making out around the pool. Rachel laughed and instantly sobered. “How bad was I earlier? On a psycho scale of zero to ten?” I looked over at my friend and saw how worried she was. I reached over and squeezed her hand. “Very low, only like a two or a three. It could have been a lot worse.” Rachel sighed in relief. She rolled her head to the side to look at me again. “So what happened to Clay?”
I started to answer her when I was distracted by a noise coming from the pool gate. I big group of kids came through, being led by none other than Clay himself. He had obviously had a lot more to drink since the last time I saw him and was the life of the party. The jocks were joking with him, the girls were flirting. He was the sun of the popularity solar system.
I realized this is how life could easily be for him. With his looks he could be that super popular guy with girls falling at his feet. But instead he had chosen to hang out with me. Not that I was unpo
pular, but I wasn't to the level Clay could clearly become.
“What is up with him? He's being totally weird.” Rachel said as she watched Clay jump into the pool with all of his clothes on. He grabbed the ankle of Lydia Turner, a cheerleader, and yanked her in with him. She screamed as she fell into the water. Coming to the surface, she wrapped her arms around Clay's neck and nuzzled into him.
I looked away, feeling sick. Clay somehow talked a bunch of other kids into jumping in the pool and soon they were horsing around and dunking each other. Daniel and his buddies joined them, while Rachel and I sat on the sidelines, unnoticed by the others.
I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling suddenly cold. I did not like this side of Clay. He acted as though he were amped up on amphetamines or something, like the Energizer Bunny. He spoke too loudly, acted erratically, but most of all he just wouldn't stop. The people around him seemed to like this, but his behavior worried me. He was not acting like himself. Not like the boy I had spent almost every day with for the past month. This was not my friend.
“What is he doing?” Rachel gasped from beside me. I had zoned out for a moment and missed Clay getting out of the water. He was currently climbing up a tree that grew beside the pool. He climbed and climbed until he was almost at the top. He was easily twenty feet in the air. Balancing precariously, he edged out until he stood over the water below.
“He is not going to jump into the pool from up there is he?” Rachel asked in horror. I just shook my head, my heart stopped in my chest. He was going to freaking kill himself.
“Dude, that doesn't seem too smart.” One of the jocks yelled up at him. You know it had to be dangerous since one of his herd of followers had said something. No one was cheering him on this time. Everyone looked uncomfortable with what Clayton was obviously getting ready to do.
“You bunch of pussies! This is nothing!” Clay yelled down. He suddenly saw me, as he perched up on the branch. How he picked me out of the crowd and from that height, I have no idea. “Check it out, Mags! I can fly!” I started to stand up and rush over to the tree when he dropped from the branch. I held my breath as his body hurtled toward the pool.
The kids in the water quickly moved off to the side and he slapped onto the surface with a loud clap, dropping straight to the bottom. “Fucking hell!” Daniel yelled, diving under the water. Rachel and I hurried to the edge of the pool, peering into the water. I thought I would hyperventilate waiting for Daniel and Clay to surface. Why did he do that? That was just crazy! Not something a normal, sane person would do. I was so scared! What if he was hurt? Or dead?
Those seconds as we waited were the longest of my life. Finally Daniel and Clay surfaced. I could see blood streaming down Clayton's face from a cut at his hair line but other than that he appeared fine. The pair swam to the shallow end and Daniel smacked Clay on the back of the head. “That was a pretty moronic thing to do, Clay. Get it together.” Daniel told him angrily and swam away, clearly too pissed to say anything more.
No one else approached. Clearly Clay's stunt was too much even for this admiring crowd. Clay climbed up the stairs to where I stood with my arms crossed. His eyes were a bit unfocused and I wondered if he had a concussion.
He grimaced. “Not you too, Maggie. It was nothing.” He got out of the pool and went to a chair to grab a towel. I followed him. “You have got to be kidding me. That was totally insane. You could have killed yourself!” I called out. Clay dried his hair, shaking water out of his ears.
He reached up and touched the cut on his forehead and winced. “You might need stitches.” I said, inching closer to have a look. Clay let me touch the abrasion. “I'm fine.” He said. He suddenly sounded tired. It was like a light switch flipped and now the energetic, over the top boy from fifteen minutes ago was gone. He sat down heavily on the chair and stared blankly ahead of him.
I sat beside him, not sure how to proceed. “Why did you do that? That was really scary.” Clay continued to look ahead of him. “Just wanted to know how it felt to fly.” He said unemotionally. What? “Clay, I think we should get out of here. You're not yourself tonight. You're being really crazy.” I said. Clay snorted as if my words amused him.
“What's so funny?” I asked him. Clay finally looked at me, a strange smirk danced on his lips. “Just an appropriate choice of words.” “Huh?” He made no sense, but apparently he thought he was being hysterical because he laughed again, louder this time. And just like that he bounced back up and his mood had lightened.
“You want to leave? Let's go!” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. He started to pull me through the pool gate. “Hang on a sec, Clay. I need to let Daniel and Rachel know I'm leaving.” I tugged on his hand. Clay didn't let go. He looked at me over his shoulder. “They'll figure you left with me. It'll be fine.” And like that we were moving quickly through the party, toward the parked cars.
I was so confused by his sudden change in attitude. I thought he was pissed at me, but now he wanted to leave the party with me. I didn't know what to think. We stopped in front of his car and he dug in his pockets for his keys. “You're not driving anywhere.” I told him. Clay pulled the lining of his pockets out and laughed. He had a strange glint to his eye. “Well I can't anyway, seems I've lost my keys.” Clayton shrugged and pulled me in the direction of my car.
“We'll just take yours.” Suddenly I wasn't sure I wanted to go anywhere with Clay right now. His behavior was freaking me out. I dug my feet into the dirt and refused to move a step further. My sudden stop pulled Clay up. He turned around to look at me and frowned. “What?” He asked.
“Where are we going? What's going on?” Clay walked toward me and put his arm around my waist. He leaned in and whispered in my ear. “I thought you wanted to leave. So that's what we're doing. Let's go to my house. Ruby and Lisa are gone for the weekend.” His breath sent tingles down my spine. Shit, here we go again with the see saw mood swings. Didn't we have this conversation not an hour and a half ago? I leaned into him slightly, Clay laid his lips on the side of my neck and I shivered.
Why did I have to develop a conscience all of a sudden? I pulled away. “We talked about this already, Clay. That isn't going to happen.” Clay reared back like I had struck him. “Fine. Whatever. Just take me the fuck home.” He stomped away like a spoiled child and waited by the passenger side of my car.
I unlocked the doors and Clay climbed in, leaning his wet head against the window, looking like he was about to pass out. I started the engine and pulled my phone out of the center console. I sent a quick text to Daniel and Rachel, letting them know I left and for Rachel to get a ride with Daniel. And then I pulled out of the field.
Clay was completely silent, except to give me directions to his house. When I pulled up in front of a brick Cape Cod, I put the car into neutral. Before I could say anything, Clayton wrenched open the door, slammed it shut, and bolted to the front door. I couldn't believe he didn't say anything to me. No apology for being a dick. No explanation for his whacked out behavior. I knew he was drunk but that didn't excuse the way he was acting.
Maybe I was being supremely stupid, but I turned off the car and followed him into the house. Clay had left the front door wide open, a pair of shoes kicked off just inside the entry way. The house was dark and smelled faintly of Patchouli.
I suddenly heard a crash coming from the second floor. I could see the stairs in front of me, so I slowly made my way up them. I could hear yelling and banging coming from the end of the hallway. What was Clay doing? And did I really want to follow him when it sounded like he was having a one man boxing match in there?
But I couldn't leave things the way they were. I didn't understand why he was angry with me. Why he decided to drink, even after telling me that was a big no no for him. He was a different person tonight and if I was honest with myself, he scared me.
Yet I stupidly ignored the instinct that told me to get the hell out of there, and turned the knob on what I assumed was his bedroom door. My mout
h fell to my feet as I watched him trash the place. He had pulled over his dresser and clothes lay strewn all over the floor. He had pulled pictures off the wall. And there was a hole the size of a fist in the dry wall. Okay, he was 100% freaking out.
I almost closed the door and left, only wanting to forget about this and the volatile boy who was currently destroying all of his possessions. That would have been the safe and sane thing to do. But if there was anything I had learned since meeting Clayton Reed, was that I didn't feel necessarily sane feelings for him. These insane feelings made me experience things and act in ways that were completely out of character for me. So instead of bolting for the front door, I took a step inside and gently closed the door behind me.
The soft click seemed to break through the destruct-o-thon in progress, and Clay looked up. He seemed surprised to see me. A myriad of emotions appeared to cross his face. Surprise, anger, shame and finally heartbreaking sadness. “Why are you here?” His words were strangled and he put his hands through his hair, standing it on end. “I was worried about you, I couldn't just leave. Clearly I'm needed here.” I indicated the mess around us.
And suddenly, Clay crumpled to the floor. He brought his knees to his chest and began to rock. Um. Okay. I had no idea how to handle this reaction from him. Screaming and yelling; I could deal with that. Clay in a near fetal position on the floor as if he were trying to hold himself together...that was something else entirely.
I was really scared. Whatever was going on with this boy was beyond anything I had ever experienced. He needed something greater than I could offer. Yet I stayed. I didn't really have a choice. Again, those insane feelings of mine.
Maybe I was an idiot, or a glutton for punishment. Or maybe I naively subscribed to the foolish notion that my love could save him. Whatever the reason, I entered the room and sank to the carpet beside that sad and broken boy.
I touched his arm and he flinched. “No, Maggie. I don't want you to see me like this.” He hid his face in his arms while he continued to rock. His body shook with the force of his sobs. Each guttural noise ripped at my heart and I wanted to gather him to my chest and rock with him.
Find You in the Dark Page 9
