But he had started waiting for me to get out of cross country practice so he could take me home when he wasn't working at Ruby's shop. Today, he had brought over his Calculus homework and was trying to get it done while I worked on dinner. My mom was going to be home late and dad was still at the library.
Clay tried to stifle a huge yawn. He was looking haggard today. I reached over and ruffled his hair and he smiled at me. “You look tired.” I commented. Clay rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands and sat up straight, trying to wake himself up. “It's one of the side effects of my medication. Extreme lethargy. Sure I'm out like a brick at night. But I could probably sleep all day as well.” He looked at me as if to say, see, this is why I hate being on medication.
Wanting to change the subject, I put the vegetables I was chopping up in the pot on the stove and set it to simmer. “Come up to my room. I want to show you this dress. It's hysterical!” Clay got to his feet. He curled his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side. My breath hitched in my throat. I always got this way when he decided to be touchy feely. Which was a lot more frequently now, I noted with giddiness.
“Your bedroom, huh? You sure you want me up there?” His voice was husky and I had to stop myself from shivering. Damn straight I wanted him in my room. I wanted him in my room, naked, and in my bed, preferably.
I flushed at my rated R thoughts. I gave him a playful shove. “Just come on.” I tried to affect a playful tone and led him to the stairs. Clay had never been upstairs in my house. Maybe because having him in my bedroom felt too intimate. There was this unspoken line between Clay and I that we were both hesitant to cross.
Sure we were close; he had become one of my best friends. But it didn't stop me from lusting after him and wanting something so much more. And some instinct told me that he felt the same. Even when he could have any girl in the school, he chose to spend his time with me.
But we were still holding back. Clay was still trying to get a handle on his issues, trying to do what he needed to do to be healthy. There were days that he still fell into depressions, times he shut me out completely, even with the medicine. I had talked to him about going to see a therapist. I knew he needed more than the medicine to get a handle on things.
To say Clay was unwilling was a bit of an understatement. He had told me emphatically that he had had his fill of “head doctors” when he was hospitalized. I tried to not get frustrated with how stubborn he was about his mental health. But he was insistent, stating he knew what he needed and the meds were enough.
Though I didn't believe him, and I suspected there were still days he didn't take them. I hated not trusting him about something so important but I knew he still hid so much.
“This is your room?” He asked in surprise. “Yeah.” I said defensively. Now I remembered the other reason I had never let him up here. The excessive amount of pink left over from my childhood was more than a little humiliating.
Clay went over to my window seat and picked up Mr. Prickles, my stuffed porcupine. “Cute.” He said wryly. I grabbed Mr. Prickles from his hands and hugged him to my chest. “Don't make fun of Mr. Prickles. He is priceless.” I put the porcupine on my dresser and turned to my closet. “I wouldn't dream of making fun of Mr. Prickles.” He joked, moving to my bed.
I hadn't bothered to make it today and I was just thankful I had cleaned up my bras and panties off the floor before leaving for school that morning. “Have a seat.” I told him, a lump forming in my throat at the sight of him on my bed. Yeah, that had been a central image in a number of my fantasies lately. Though with a lot less clothing.
God, I was turning into a smut queen. Focus, Maggie! Focus!
Clay leaned back on my pillows, his eyes already looking heavy. “Show me this dress of yours.” He said drowsily. “Well, I don't want to keep you awake.” I said sarcastically. Clay took his fingers and held his eyes open. “I'm awake, I swear!” I laughed. “No need to be all Clockwork Orange about it.” I reached into my closet and pulled out the dress sheathed in a plastic covering.
“You ready for it?” Clay gave me a thumbs up. “I was born ready.” With a dramatic flourish and I pulled off the cover to reveal a bright teal, knee length dress with a huge bow in the back and one shoulder bared. The other shoulder was capped with a large white puff. Clay covered his mouth, trying not to laugh. “Seriously? You're going to wear that?” He looked at me as if I were kidding.
I snickered. “We told you that the girls wear the most horrendous dress they can find. We like to make the whole experience extremely tongue in cheek.” Clay gave in and laughed. “Well, I can't imagine anyone looking more...tongue in cheek...than you.”
I took his comment as a compliment and quickly covered the dress up again. “You should see Rachel's. It's hot pink with this slutty slit up one thigh, covered in these horrible sequins. She bought these nasty velor high heels to go with them.” Rachel and I were going to make quite a pair at the dance. The fact that we didn't take the whole thing seriously made it even more fun.
I went to sit at his feet on the bed. I shook his leg playfully. “That just means your suit had better be epic. Epically awful, that is.” Clay grinned. “I'm planning to go over the weekend. Now that I've seen your masterpiece, I know what to go for.” He let loose another mouth splitting yawn.
He patted the bed beside him. “Come lay with me, Mags. Just for a little bit.” I looked over at my alarm clock. “My dad is going to be home soon and he will flip if I have a boy in my room.” I said uneasily. I think that was a bit of an understatement, given his less than jovial feelings about Clay. But more than that I was nervous about lying down with him, being that close. I felt like such a silly girl around him sometimes.
He patted the bed again. “Just for a minute. Please. Trust me, I don't want your dad catching me up here any more than you do. I just want to hold you for a bit.” He said softly, His voice scratchy with tiredness. There he was again, tip toeing that line we had drawn in the dirt. His brown eyes were heavy and he looked at me in that way that made my knees go weak. I never had any resistance where Clay was concerned. He was everything I craved and knew I shouldn't have. But none of that mattered. Just the fact that he wanted me near him as much I did.
So I crawled up beside him and he slipped his arm underneath me, pulling me onto my side. I spooned up beside him, my head on his chest, my hand resting lightly on his stomach. My legs were suddenly tangled with his and I found myself extremely comfortable.
Clay pulled my arm off of his stomach and tightened it around his waist so I was practically plastered to his side. He smoothed my hair off my forehead and rested his cheek on the top of my head. I wondered if he could feel the frantic beat of my heart as I lay nestled up against him.
He let out a gigantic sigh and relaxed into me. “This is nice.” He murmured, his other hand running slowly up and down my back. Whoa. Lying here like this with him, it made me forget all of my reasons for not jumping in with both feet. I mean, I loved him. Completely. I thought he at least cared about me. So why wait?
Clay's hand slowed until he rested it on my lower back, right underneath my shirt against my bare skin. The warmth of his fingers seemed to shoot tingles crossed into my flesh. I could hear his breathing deepen. I chanced a peak up at him and saw that he was almost asleep. I tried to move out from his embrace but his arms tightened around me. “No, please stay. I like you close.” He whispered sleepily. So I lay back down on his chest and quickly fell asleep.
Chapter Ten
“What the hell is going on in here?” I sat up suddenly, feeling groggy from being pulled out of a deep sleep. I looked over and Clay had opened his eyes, looking confused. I turned to my doorway and felt the color drain from my face. Dad.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. “It's not what it looks like, Dad.” I tried to explain. My father looked furious. I don't think I had ever seen him this angry, at least not directed at me. He held his hand up, shutting me up. �
�I don't want to hear it, Maggie. You know the rules.” My dad turned his steely eyes onto Clay who was still trying to wake up.
Thankfully he realized that we were in a bit of trouble, so he got off of the bed as quickly as he could. He walked over to my dad and put out his hand. “Hi, Mr. Young.” My father looked at Clay's hand as if it were a snake and would bite him. He didn't shake it. I couldn't believe my dad was being so rude.
“Clay, we have rules in this house. A big one being that no boys are allowed in her bedroom when we aren't at home. And definitely not with the door closed.” My dad pushed the door open as wide as it would go.
Clay dropped his hand to his side, and cleared his throat. “I'm sorry sir. Maggie was just showing me her dress for the formal and we fell asleep. That's it.” I was proud of how Clay stood his ground with my father. Many a guy would have simply high- tailed it out of there. But Clay was being respectful and showing my dad he wasn't some horny teenage boy there to deflower his daughter.
Though, that would be nice too.
I intercepted my dad's cold stare. “Dad. Seriously, it's not like we're having crazy sex up here or anything. Chill out.” Okay, bad choice of words. Clay turned bright red and looked as though he wanted to fall through the floor. My dad's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he stuttered for a few seconds before finally saying. “Well whatever it was, you know your mom and I don't allow this. You kids are to stay down stairs when we're not here. Is that clear?” Clay and I both nodded. “Now, Clay, I think it's time for you to go.”
My dad turned and went back downstairs and I was finally able to breathe again. Clay grabbed his book bag off my vanity stool. “Did you have to bring the word sex into it? I mean seriously? I know your dad hates me as it is.” Clay looked as if he wanted to throttle me. I did feel bad for embarrassing him like that. “Sorry.” I muttered, following him down the hallway.
Once downstairs, Clay respectfully told my father goodbye and I threw a look of death in my father's direction once Clay's back was turned. My dad looked blandly back at me. I accompanied Clay to his car.
After throwing his bag into his car he turned around to face me. “Well, that was a rude awakening, huh?” I was relieved to see his small smile. “Yeah. About gave me a heart attack.” I joked. Clay chuckled and grabbed my arm, pulling me closer. “And I was sleeping so well too.” He said, his voice deepening.
I swallowed thickly. Then I glanced up at the kitchen window and saw my father standing there like a damn voyeur or something and pulled away.
“Sorry about my dad. He's just being a little...um...over protective.” Clay opened his car door. “I understand where he's coming from. If you were my daughter I'd want to most definitely protect you from guys like me.” He seemed a little sad as he said that. I touched his shoulder. “I don't need protecting from you, Clay.” I said gently.
Clay wouldn't look at me, instead he got in his car and started the engine. Not responding to my statement, he simply said, “I'll see you at school tomorrow.” And with that he drove off. I was left feeling hollow and empty after feeling so good only an hour before. I could kill my father!
I stomped into the house, slamming the front door. My dad was still in the kitchen, though he had the decency to act like he had been reading a book the whole time and not spying on me. “What the heck was that about?” I asked him angrily. My dad looked up at me in surprise. He wasn't used to me getting this sort of an attitude with him. “Now just wait a minute. I came home from work to find you in your room, the door closed, sleeping in your bed with a boy - who I don't know that well, I might add. What about this situation doesn't warrant the reaction I had?” My father asked reasonably. I hated when he did that. Stayed all calm and logical. It made me feel stupid by comparison.
“We're just friends, Dad. Clay fell asleep and I fell asleep beside him. That's it. But you totally humiliated me.” I hated the feel of tears pricking behind my eyes and quickly wiped them away. My dad's face softened a bit. “I didn't mean to humiliate you, Maggie girl.” I knew he was feeling guilty because he was using my pet name. “But Clay is a boy and you are my little girl. And from the sound of your voice, I get the feeling there's a bit more than friendship going on there.” I started to protest, then stopped. What was the point in lying about it?
My dad nodded knowingly. “So I think my stipulations are very reasonable. Clay is not allowed in your room when there is no one home. Are we clear?” I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “Fine, whatever. It's not like I'm not seventeen years old, about to turn eighteen in four months. I'm almost an adult, Dad, and you treat me like a child.” I whined. I knew I sounded exactly like the child I tried to convince him I wasn't. I was not making a very good argument.
“I don't care if you're 102. When you are living at home, you follow your mom's and my rules. It's just how it is. Now, this has never been a problem before, so what's the issue now?” My father asked me pointedly, making it clear he knew what, or who the problem was and his name started with a 'C' and ended in a 'Y.'
I felt like crying. I had never really fought with my dad and it felt awful. But I felt something inside me changing. I was sick of being treated like their little girl. I was finally becoming a woman; with the wants of a woman and the needs of a woman, and my parents were starting to cramp my style.
But I didn't argue anymore. I just left the kitchen, went up to my room, and closed the door. I was proud of myself for not slamming it the way I wanted to. I threw myself on my bed, gathering the pillow to my chest and pushing my face into the fabric.
I could still smell Clay's cologne and I felt a new wave of excitement. Those moments lying with him had been amazing. And it made me re-think so many of the caveats to our relationship. Because I wanted him, desperately, and I think I was pretty sure I was done with waiting.
Sure the issues were still there, but maybe loving him would be the best way to help him. Yep, my mind was made up. I wanted Clayton Reed as my boyfriend. I loved him and I wouldn't stay a part from him any longer. My parents and my own fears be damned.
And if he went into the dark again, this time I would be there to find him – to follow him. Because I thought, perhaps quite immaturely, that my love could help him. Maybe our love could do even more than just help – maybe it could heal him. Fix him. Fix everything.
“You look so amazingly awful!” Rachel squealed, having me turn around for the millionth time in my hideous formal dress. I had teased my hair into an eighties do, complete with the poufy bangs and frizzy curls. I did look pretty funny. Though, I was pleased to note that the dress was actually very form fitting and gave me the illusion of some amazing curves. So despite the nasty puffed sleeves and horrible color, I didn't look too bad.
Which was good, because I was ready to make my feelings for Clay known tonight. This was it, I was taking the plunge. Clay hadn't been back to my house in the week and a half leading up to the dance. He made a million excuses when I would suggest him coming inside after school. I knew my dad had freaked him out and Clay was trying to be respectful of his wishes. But that unfortunately meant we hadn't been alone since falling asleep in my bed and that sucked. Ruby had started taking the afternoons off at the shop so we would end up hanging out in Clay's living room, watching TV and doing our homework while Ruby plied us with new herbal tea concoctions she was trying out.
I really loved his aunt and her girlfriend. They immediately made me feel welcome- (unlike my father did to Clay -) and were very clear as to how happy they were that Clay and I were spending time together. I could see the worry in Ruby's eyes when she looked at her nephew. It was the same worry I felt underneath the budding anticipation that was building inside of me when he and I were together.
The sexual tension was threatening to choke me, it had become so thick. Clay and I made every excuse to touch each other, in a seemingly platonic way. Clay would brush the hair off my face. I would pick a piece of imaginary lint from his arm. It was a beautiful d
ance we were engaged in and the build up was almost as delicious as what I imagined the real deal to be like.
“I can't wait to see what the boys are wearing.” Rachel squealed. She looked fantastic in her bright pink dress. She had pulled her dark brown hair into a messy up do, with curls framing her face. If the way she looked tonight didn't have Daniel tripping over his tongue, I didn't know what would.
“Yeah, Clay was pretty cagey about his getup, it should be interesting.” I said, touching up my makeup. I was wearing more than I normally did, but I was pleased with the result. My blue eyes were rimmed in eye kohl with a smudged, smoky look. My lips were painted an almost garish red, but I liked the way it made my normally thin lips look fuller. All in all, I didn't look too bad.
“You look so pretty, Mags. Even in that eye-searing color.” Rachel said, putting her arm around my shoulders so we could stand together in front of my full length mirror. “Let's do this. Daniel and Clay should be here any minute.” Rachel grabbed her beaded purse and I picked up my messenger bag. Rachel stopped me before leaving the room. “You are not taking that thing. It ruins the look.” She went back to my closet and unearthed a black satin handbag that my mom had gotten me for prom last year. Rachel took my wallet, brush and mints out of my bag and placed them in the much smaller purse.
“There, much better.” She said after I slung it over my shoulder. I just shook my head, not wanting to argue with her about it. We had just reached the bottom of the stairs when the doorbell rang.
My mother was there instantly. She must have been lying in wait for the guys to get there - armed with her heavy duty Nokia camera. I rolled my eyes at the thought of the next ten minutes of picture taking hell.
“Well hello, Daniel. Clay.” My mother said. She moved aside so they could come into the foyer. I covered my mouth with my hand trying not to crack up. They looked ridiculous. They had unknowingly worn similar suits. They each wore a very dated formal wear. Daniel's was maroon and Clay's a horrendous plum. Each had a white tie and a robin's egg blue shirt. It was a horrible combination. But they somehow made it work.
Find You in the Dark Page 12
