Faster and faster he went, and I kept time with him. We were both on the brink, and in a sudden moment, I felt completely engulfed in the deepest happiness possible. I looked up at Antonio, who was shuddering on top of me, clearly wrapped in the same happiness I was. After a moment, he opened his eyes and smiled, looking down at me and winking.
He rolled off of me, falling into the sheets beside me.
“Oh Sasha, what do you do to me? What do you do?” he said as he buried his face in his hands. I smiled and put my hand on his chest.
“What do you do to me?” I asked teasingly in return. There was so much I wanted to say, but I wasn’t quite sure how to say it. I felt I had won—I had peeled him away from the fate that he was foolishly running toward, and it felt good. I didn’t know how he was going to do it, but he was going to have to tell the world that he had made a different decision, and that decision was me.
“God, I’m going to miss you,” he said suddenly, and I looked up at him with a confused look on my face.
“What do you mean?” I asked. He looked down at me and raised one of his eyebrows, and I could see that he was genuinely confused by my question.
“I mean, I’m getting married tomorrow,” he said with a chuckle. He kissed me on the forehead, but I lifted myself up off his chest and looked at him with amazement on my face.
“You can’t be serious!” I exclaimed, as I partially stood at the side of the bed.
I didn’t know what to say, but I felt sick to my stomach. I was beginning to feel like I was nothing more than an object to this man—something that he could remember as his final conquest.
“Sasha? What did you think? I thought you wanted this,” he said, but I wasn’t going to listen.
“Don’t you try to tell me that this was nothing more than a good lay!” I snapped as I rose from the bed. I grabbed one of his blankets and held it around my body as I turned and hurried out of the room, doing my best to hide the tears that were beginning to form in my eyes.
“You know what my situation is!” Antonio tried to say as he followed me out of the room. He grabbed at my arm, but I yanked it away and yelled at him.
“Don’t! Just don’t!” I snapped. He stopped and I hesitated a moment before grabbing my clothes and putting them on. There was awkward silence in the room, but I had nothing to say to him.
All the wonderful things I had thought about him were gone. He had proven that he was just like everyone else, and I no longer wanted anything to do with him. He could get married, he could live his life, and he could have that woman that he felt was going to be a queen.
I would go to the wedding, but I didn’t want to speak to him. I wanted to get the job done, and I wanted to go home.
Chapter 15
Sasha
The next morning, I woke with a feeling of dread in my heart. The last thing I wanted was to go to the wedding, but there was no way out of it. As a wedding planner, going to the wedding was the crowning point to all my hard work. It was the pinnacle that proved to me and everyone else that I was good at what I did, and I was the one to go to if you wanted your special day done right.
But this wedding was different. I felt so guilty, I could hardly get out of bed. All I could think about was the night before, and how humiliated I was about what I had done. I saw my dress strewn on the floor, still ripped. I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow, thinking about how awful I felt. I had thought that I wanted to sleep with Antonio, but now that the deed was done and he showed me how he really felt about things, I couldn’t think of anything but shame.
How he could go through with the wedding after doing what we had done was more than I wanted to think about. It was as though I was worthless—just someone who to plan his wedding first then satisfy his needs after.
My entire life, I had lived as an empowered woman. Sex was something I celebrated, not something I was ashamed of, and if I wanted to do it, I did, and I did it without another thought. Sure, there had been times when I wished I hadn’t, but those were the times I reminded myself that I did what I wanted to do for the fun of it—none of it had any lasting consequences.
Antonio was different. Antonio was someone I had truly grown to love. I had thought there was a true connection between us, and if I was to just show him how much I loved him, things would perfect. Though I had been more than willing to do what I had done with him the night before, I hadn’t thought it would end the way that it did.
I’d imagined the two of us waking up in each other’s arms, making love again in the morning, and him changing his mind about marrying someone he didn’t love. But here I was, waking up alone in my hotel room once more, having to go to the wedding of a man I had slept with not a full day before.
My phone chimed, reminding me I had a real life that I needed to live, and people who were depending on me. There were those who thought that today was the day I was making their dreams come true.
I sighed as I threw the sheets off and set my feet on the floor. I felt like an old woman, someone who had lived life and was now just a shadow of who I had been. I thought about all the things I had been planning for weeks, and how it was all coming together now.
I thought about Sophia had and how this morning she must have woken happily dreaming of the life she was about to enter into. I thought about Antonio, and I hoped that he would be happy despite the anger I was currently feeling. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get my mind off the couple or the day that lay ahead.
There wasn’t anything in me that wanted to go to the wedding, but I knew I had to be professional. I couldn’t waste my life lying in a bed and thinking about all the things that could have been, or even the things that had been during those few weeks. All I could do was move forward.
And that started with putting my feet on the floor and facing the day head-on.
Chapter 16
Sasha
The sound of the organ drifted through the air as the guests piled into the chapel, each of them taking their assigned seats. In the few weeks I had spent among the rich, I had learned that every event they took part in was directed in some way, and each one of them walked through like sheep. No one seemed to think for themselves.
Not Antonio, not anyone.
So, as I walked into the sanctuary of the church, I made a point of not looking at anyone, taking a seat near the back of the room. I was there in case something went wrong, but I wasn’t there to support the groom. He had made his choice, and as far as I was concerned, he was going to have to handle it all on his own.
As he had said, he was going to marry this woman to get his hands on the throne, and I figured if that was what he wanted to do, he was fully within his rights to. I kept my eyes on the pew in front of me as the procession started, not wanting to so much as glimpse Antonio, but in the back of my mind, I was proud of what I had accomplished in such a short amount of time.
From the flower girl and the ring bearer, to the petals that fell from the ceiling, everything was perfect. The guests murmured enthusiastically among themselves, each one anticipating the arrival of the bride.
Though I hated the thought of losing Antonio to another woman, I had to admit that I, too, was eager to see how she looked in the dress. It was all on the makeup artist and hairdresser to make the bride look perfect at the last minute, and I couldn’t wait to see what they had come up with in their combined efforts.
The wedding march began, and everyone rose from their seats, all waiting for her to appear from around the corner.
I felt something drop in the pit of my stomach, and I couldn’t help but feel sick. I didn’t want to excuse myself from the room, but I feared that as soon as Sophia came around that corner, I was going to have to. But the music chimed on, and Sophia didn’t emerge.
She should have come around the corner and started walking up the long aisle toward Antonio, led by her father and followed by her maids. She should have held in her hand a glorious bouquet that I had handpicked and arrange
d especially for her, and she should have had a veil that masked her features until just the right moment.
They were all the details that I had been so careful to work out. They were the magical things that I knew were going to wow the crowd and make both the bride and groom feel amazing. Even now, now that I was losing the love of my life to another woman, I couldn’t help but wonder how Sophia was going to look.
The music continued, and still no bride appeared. The guests began to look around the room, exchanging concerned glances, wondering where she was. Though my heart began to pound, I couldn’t help but feel a level of disappointment. It wasn’t that I wanted her to go through with the wedding, but at the same time, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was something wrong with the ceremony that sparked her change of heart.
I glanced up toward the front of the room, and I could see Antonio looking embarrassed and horrified. It was clear he didn’t know where to turn, and the others who were at the front of the room with him were in the same predicament.
Though it was a somewhat triumphant feeling for me, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. It was clear Sophia must have gotten cold feet about the ceremony, and she wasn’t going to show up. Even for a prince who didn’t want to marry the girl in the first place, that had to be a difficult thing to deal with.
I watched as the crowd began to slowly rise from their seats and one by one make their way toward the door. It was evident some felt they ought to say something to Antonio, but in a situation like this, there really was nothing to say. I waited as the crowd grew thinner, then I myself prepared to leave.
I would normally have stayed to help take things down and put things away, but I wasn’t going to do that this time. This time, I was going to leave Antonio to clean up his own mess. He was the one who had created this disaster; he could be the one to clean it up.
But I wasn’t going to walk out of the church without telling him how I really felt. I had come too far, and I was leaving for good the next day. I was going to let him know that I was still taking my pride along with me.
I slipped into the aisle and began making my way toward the front of the room, pushing past those who were filing their way to the back. Antonio was looking around, exchanging a few comments with his father every now and then, but mostly looking confused. I walked up to him with a smile.
“Well, you win some, you lose some, I guess,” I said with a snarky tone to my voice. He turned and looked at me in surprise, and I could see that he had no idea what to say. His father, the King, looked startled, too, but I wasn’t interested in exchanging pleasantries with the royal family. I had seen enough of them, and all I wanted to do was get as far away as possible.
“I have a word of advice for you, in case you’re interested,” I said coolly. He regarded me with the same look of embarrassment in his eyes, and I crossed my arms and glanced over at his father, then back to him. I had no idea where his mother was, but it didn’t matter.
All that mattered was that I got to say to him what I needed to say, that he was going to hear what he needed to hear. For too long, he had been allowed to treat women however he wanted with no repercussions, and it was time that Prince Antonio learned some respect.
“I’m going to go back to New York in the morning—flying out bright and early. I wish you all the best, I really do, but know this. If you ever want to do anything in your life, if you ever want to amount to anything, you’re going to have to stop thinking only of yourself.”
I hesitated, but I could see that he was too dumbfounded to speak. Feeling a surge of courage run through me, I rose up to my full height, showing him that I wasn’t scared of him or his position, and looked him square in the eye.
“Oh, and next time you get married, why don’t you do yourself and everyone else a favor and do it for love?”
I didn’t wait for him to reply. Instead, I turned on my heel and walked down the aisle and out the church. I hadn’t needed a man my whole life, and I wasn’t going to start needing one now.
Chapter 17
Sasha
“Yes, of course! Thank you, yes, thank you, talk soon. Goodbye.”
I hung up the phone and sighed with relief. I had been back in New York for a week, and it felt good seeing things come together. I had had to let three projects go by the wayside while I was planning for the Prince’s, but now that I was back in town, I knew it was time to get back to business.
I was finding it remarkably easy planning these weddings, but then, I wasn’t romantically involved with the groom. I was happy to see the way the bride and groom treated each other. Once again, I was thrilled to be doing things that I knew would make the bride smile, and I was happy to work with the groom to pull off a few surprises for their big day.
There were times when I ran into a client who asked how things went in Italy, and there were a few who asked why I had stayed so much longer than planned, but each time I was careful to pass it all off without providing many details. I didn’t want anyone to learn of the Prince or of the things that we had done together, and I certainly didn’t want to have any of their pity.
My life was my life, and I wanted to leave the mistakes that I had made in the past where they belonged. I didn’t think I would ever see Antonio again, and in my mind, that made him a mistake.
The days were passing quickly, and I busied myself with work, work, and more work. The more I could keep myself occupied, the less I had to think about the things that were taking place overseas. Sure, there were times when I wondered if Antonio missed me, and there were times when I genuinely did miss him as well, but when it came down to it, I couldn’t bring myself to actually talk about it.
Of course, there were plenty of times when I would think about the one night we had shared together. Now that I was far enough removed from the pain and embarrassment I had felt that night, I was better able to think about what happened with fondness. He had been one of the best lays I had ever had. I did my best to focus on the fun of the night only, then spend the rest of my time thinking about the tasks I needed to complete for the weddings.
I knew how to keep busy, and I was more than happy to. The busier I was, the easier it was to let the time go by, and the less I thought about what was and what could have been. Though I was good at keeping my wits about me, it was also easy to slip into a fantasy world of sorts—a world in which I could think that Antonio cared for me more than he did—and there was a different reason as to why things didn’t work out.
But my delusions could only last for so long, as I couldn’t help but keep up with the news. I shouldn’t have been reading the newspapers as I was, but ever since I had been in the country, I couldn’t help but follow what Prince Antonio and his family were doing.
And it was the news of his new engagement that nearly brought me to tears that morning. I had gotten my morning latte and settled in at my desk, ready to get started on another day of work. As usual, I checked the news in spite of myself, and that was when I saw it. Antonio was engaged once again, to another woman—this one, a European princess.
The newspaper was vague about who she was, refraining from mentioning even her name. I wanted to know her. I wanted to know everything about her. But perhaps the only thing that I really wanted to know was whether Antonio was in love with her. It had only been two months since he’d been at the altar at his last wedding, so I could only imagine what the answer must be.
I knew the truth—Antonio really wanted the throne, and that was it, but I hated to think that he had given up on the one thing that I really wanted him to care about, and that was love. I wanted more than anything for him to fall in love and be happy, to give up on the political power that he was so strongly attached to. But the newspaper in front of me told me the truth—it showed me that there really was only one thing that he was after and that was the throne.
I threw away the paper in disgust, no longer wanting to see anything Prince Antonio said or did. I no longer cared when he took the throne, and I
certainly didn’t care about any of the children he was going to have with this new woman. I wanted to go back into my fantasy world and think about the things that made me happy—the life that I might have had with him.
Of course, it was nothing more than the delusions of a girl who wished for a prince’s love, and the only way I could find any real consolidation was in the fact that he really didn’t love any of the women that he wooed. It was clear by the way he was so fast to ask them to marry him, and how he had treated me.
It didn’t matter what had happened, and it certainly didn’t matter what happened now. I knew that we had a connection, and it didn’t matter who he married, got engaged to, or who he took to the Coral—none of that mattered.
All that mattered was that he and I had had a connection. We had felt for each other, and we had both acted on that. Sure, there was a part of me that knew we shouldn’t have done it, but I was glad that we did. Though I felt the pain that was only normal when finding out someone you love is engaged to someone else, I refused to believe I was only a one-night fling for Antonio.
He loved me. I didn’t know how much, and I certainly didn’t plan on ever getting to see him again, but that no longer mattered. All that mattered was that he loved me, even if it was only for that one night.
Chapter 18
Sasha
I felt a sudden twinge of nausea when I rose from the table and I looked accusingly around the coffee shop. I had been smelling the breakfast of the person sitting at another table a few rows away, and I couldn’t believe they were having scrambled eggs at this time in the morning. Of course, the fact that it bothered me so much did strike me as somewhat odd—it wasn’t like me to be so offended by what someone chose to have for their meal, but today, it was overwhelming.
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