“I was trying to protect you,” Ryder said softly. “She was going to hurt you.”
“She was going to hurt me?” Navarro yelled. “Her? You hurt me. You, man! I was happy with Trina but look at everything now. I told you to stay the hell away from her and to leave it alone but you didn’t. You fucked up everything. You told me she was married and lying to me.” He lowered his voice. “I was happy—and now she won’t even talk to me. I lost her.”
Ryder sighed. “I didn’t fuck it all up, Nav. You have Tammy back.”
Navarro closed his eyes as his shoulders sagged. “Get in your car and go back to your band before I beat the shit out of you, Ryder.” He took a deep breath. “Run before I kill your ass.”
Chapter Eleven
Trina glanced at the clock and frowned because it was nine-thirty at night, long after anyone should come to her front door.
The doorbell rang again and seconds later, someone pounded on it repeatedly.
She tied her robe tighter around her body as she walked down the stairs, turning on lights as she went. If that’s Paul, I’m going to grab an umbrella from the stand and beat him with it. She walked to the front door and flipped on the porch light.
“Who is it?”
“It’s Navarro. Please open the door, Trina.”
Surprised, she hesitated, trying to think, but her mind was blank of any reason he’d be there that wouldn’t make the situation worse. “Go away.”
“Damn it, open up the door so we can talk.”
“We have nothing to say to each other.”
“Please, Trina? I’m not leaving. Don’t make me stand out here all night, because it looks like it’s going to rain and I won’t leave until you talk to me. I swear to God, I’ll sleep on your porch.”
She looked at the door and found herself reaching for the locks, knowing it was a really bad idea. She unlocked the door and opened it a few inches to stare up at Navarro. He’d obviously changed clothes from when she’d seen him a few hours earlier at the diner, because now he was wearing a black sweater with jeans. She wasn’t sure why he was there but as she stared up at him, she really wished he weren’t. His hair was down and he looked angry as she met his eyes.
“Can I come in?”
“No.” She shook her head. “What did you want to talk about? Shouldn’t you be sleeping? It’s late. I was in bed.”
“I went to bed at eight and laid there because I can’t sleep. Please let me in. We really need to talk and I don’t want to do it on the porch.”
She stepped back and released the door, moving away a few feet as Navarro pushed it slowly open. He stepped into the house and glanced around the living room as he closed the door behind him. He took the room in with a quick sweep and then his gaze locked with hers.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
She hugged herself around her waist. “There’s nothing left to say. We should just go on with our lives like nothing ever happened. I think that’s the best way to handle this.”
He frowned. “Bullshit. There’s plenty to say. Ryder left town because I was going to kill him and he damn well knew it. He fucked us up. I am so torn up right now.”
She was trying to make sense of his words but he just wasn’t making any. “What does that mean?”
His hand lifted but it dropped before he touched her. “Ryder said you were married and that he met your husband. He saw a photo of you…” His gaze left hers as he went to the fireplace.
Trina turned to watch as Navarro lifted the picture of her and Ted from the mantel. He held it up, studying it, and softly cursed. He turned, showing her the picture. “Is this Ted?”
“Yes. That was a few years ago.”
“Ted and his asshole brother sure look a hell of a lot alike. Ryder noticed this and saw your brother-in-law, thinking you’d lied to me about being a widow. He told me that you’d lied just to have an affair on your rich husband, who had just come to town, and then he handed me the statement you wrote out that ended our contract as the proof. He met your brother-in-law, who reamed his ass about giving the ranch a loan and threatened to have Ryder arrested.”
Navarro put the picture back. He faced it toward the wall so the photo of her and Ted no longer showed. “I believed the worst and I’m so sorry, Trina. I was so pissed I headed right to town to get shitfaced. I was feeling ten times the idiot for being fooled by another woman I trusted.”
It hit her then. “That’s why you were so angry with me at the bar?”
He nodded. “Yeah. Angry doesn’t cover it. You know what my ex-wife did to me. I was the last one to know that she screwed half the guys in town before I was clued in. I was working my ass off trying to recover from my injury from the bull and trying to put the ranch back in order after my dad had let it go. I was busting my ass and my wife was doing any guy who said yes to her.” He paused. “I have trust issues. I think guys who screw married women are scum and I was so angry, thinking you’d used me like that and made me the kind of man I hate worst.”
“I never lied to you, Navarro. Ted died last year. Paul and Ted look a lot alike. I wish you’d just picked up the phone and called me to ask me to explain.”
“I should have.”
They stared at each other until she looked away first. “Well, thank you for explaining why you were so angry. I thought you were upset about me forcing you into sleeping with me.”
“What?” he nearly snarled.
“Ryder came here and he told me how I’m not your type, how I’ll never be your type, and how you would do anything for your family to keep the ranch. He told me how you felt, and I’m so sorry I put you in that position. That’s what I tried to tell you in the bar. I was going to tell you how sorry I was.” She looked away and then her gaze lifted to meet his again. “If you’ll remember, I did offer to loan you the money without strings.”
He took a step toward her. “Exactly what the hell did Ryder say?”
Trina shrugged, looking away from him. “I don’t remember word for word. He just made it clear how you didn’t really want me and how you felt forced into it.” She refused to look at him now and put distance between them as she moved to the couch to sit, rubbing her fingers over the armrest.
“Look at me.”
She hesitated long seconds before lifting her chin. Their gazes locked. Navarro looked livid. “Ryder is full of shit and he wanted to fuck you. When he was feeding you this bullshit, didn’t my asshole brother hit on you?”
She nodded. “He was waiting for me in my bedroom late Sunday night when I came in from the airport. He scared the shit out of me. He’d broken in and I was half naked by the time I realized he was there. He said he’d take over the contract and how he wanted me and how he even had a friend he could call to join us if I ever wanted a threesome. He scared me because he wouldn’t leave, no matter how many times I asked him to, so I locked myself in my bathroom.”
“I’m going to kick his ass,” Navarro swore, his hands fisted at his sides while he stared at Trina. “How could you think I didn’t want you? You were in bed with me. You’ve had me inside you. You know damn well what happens between us when we touch.”
“How could you think I was married and everything was a lie?”
He took a step toward her and then stopped. “I miss you. I was happy with you and I looked forward to you coming over every night. Ryder put his nose in our business and fucked it all up. I am so sorry I believed the worst of you but damn it, I’ve been burned. It’s no real excuse but it’s all I’ve got. Whatever the hell he said to you, he was full of shit. He was worried that I’d get hurt because of the past and he knew you were under my skin. He didn’t know you, and he assumed you were some heartless slut who goes around paying men to fuck you on a regular basis. I told him he was way off base but then he had to go and start his shit because he wanted to fuck you himself.”
She stared at Navarro, trying to take it all in. He was talking fast and rambling but she’d picked out som
e key words in there. “Under your skin? What does that mean?”
“He knew that I was…” He paused, his blue gaze looking away and then back, locking with hers. “You made me happier than I’ve been in a long time. He was afraid I’d get too attached to you and at the end of the two months, I’d get my heart broken.”
Her heart almost beat out of her chest at the thought of Navarro caring enough for her that she’d be able to break his heart. Her throat went dry.
“I told him to stop worrying about that shit. He didn’t know you and he assumed you’d just walk away from me because someone like you could never have feelings for someone like me.” He took another step closer. “He didn’t understand that there was something special between us. Was I the only one to feel it? I wanted to see where it led, and I still want to see where it leads.” His eyes searched hers. “I miss you and I want you back in my life. I want to spend my days thinking about the shit I want to do to you at night, and I want to look into your eyes when you come for me as I touch you.” He took another step, almost touching her as he stared down at her. “I want you in my bed at night, so I can hold you. I sleep better when you’re against me.”
She avoided touching him as she got to her feet to put distance between them then turned her back. She let her head drop and closed her eyes. She couldn’t do this, couldn’t let him talk her into going back to what they had. It hurt too much losing it, and it hurt too much losing him.
His large hands curled around her hips gently. “Trina? What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “I can’t do this. I just can’t, Navarro.”
His hands tensed. “Was it just sex to you? Are you telling me that when we touch, you don’t feel a deeper connection? Tell me the truth.”
She walked away from him, instantly missing the warmth of his hands soaking through her thin robe to her hips. She turned when she’d put half a room between them and met his gaze.
“You want the truth?”
He looked grim. “I do. I really want the truth. No bullshit. Remember our rule? No lies.”
“That wasn’t a rule. The only rule we came up with was no clothes in your bedroom.”
He slowly smiled. “Okay. That was a good rule. Want to go to my house to my bedroom to finish this conversation?”
He could always make her smile, and she hated it. “It was more than sex to me, and I was getting too attached to you. I realized that pretty fast and kept reminding myself that it was just sex to you, so I could try to protect myself from getting hurt when you just walked away when our contract ended.”
“But it’s not just sex to me.” He took a step toward her.
She put up her hand, palm out. “Stop. I put distance between us for a reason.”
He frowned and took a step back. “What’s the reason I have to be this far away?”
“I can’t think when you’re near me, and I need to. I got hurt regardless of me trying to protect myself. It hurt when Ryder showed up here and told me he was taking over the job of fucking me, and how the only reason you’d touch me was because you needed to save your ranch. I didn’t expect you to fall in love or anything but I believed you really wanted me when you touched me. I felt like everything we had done together was nothing but an act suddenly, and it made it all ugly and dirty.”
Anger tightened Navarro’s face. “It wasn’t, and damn it, you know how much I want you every time I touch you. I wasn’t acting. You can’t really believe that shit now, can you?”
“I didn’t want to. I wanted to talk to you in the bar but you were so cold. You humiliated me with that comment you made. I know no one but me understood it but it really hurt. Then your ex-girlfriend showed up and…” She paused. “That hurt worse. I have no right, but God, it just tore me to shreds seeing you together. I was jealous and she was touching you and…it just tore me up. It still does.”
Navarro looked at the floor. Trina stared at him. His face was a little pale and he was chewing on his bottom lip. His gaze rose and she saw guilt radiating from his eyes. It was so clear an expression that she could read it easily. Inside, pain stabbed at her heart. She closed her eyes as tears burned behind her eyelids.
“I take it that you’re back with her?” Her voice was so soft she questioned if he even heard her.
“No.” His voice was firm.
Trina studied his features as she opened her eyes, carefully trying to judge the look in his steady gaze to see if she could read honesty or not. He didn’t look away from her.
“We’re not back together. Yes, she was with me in town today, but it wasn’t because she was invited or I wanted to eat a meal with her. She just saw us and sat down at our table.”
She wanted to believe him desperately. “But you’ve slept with her recently, right?” It took every ounce of her courage to ask the question, knowing that his answer could tear her apart in a hundred different ways.
Navarro stared at her. “She kissed me but that was it. I thought about sleeping with her to get even with you, to be honest, but I just wanted you, regardless of how angry and hurt I was, thinking you’d lied to me. I couldn’t stomach her touch with you on my mind, so I went home alone.”
Desperation gripped her as she hoped he was telling the truth, and then she felt disgusted with herself over how eager she was to believe him. She took a deep breath, trying to rein in her emotions. She’d gotten hurt, she didn’t want a repeat of it, and she was still reeling from the pain she’d suffered.
“It doesn’t matter,” she lied. “It was probably better that this happened because it was a bad idea from the beginning. I don’t know what I was thinking to proposition you that way. It was crazy and now it’s over.”
“No,” Navarro snapped. He shook his head, taking a step toward her. “I won’t let you go, babe. It’s just not going to happen. I can’t walk away from you or I know I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting it. We are going to work this out, it’s that simple, and I won’t take no for an answer. You need to give us another shot.”
Confusion, pain and frustration slammed her on all sides. “What do I even say to that? What do you expect from me?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just trying to be honest. I want you, damn it, and I want it the way it was. I need you to come to my house at eight o’clock at night after I spend all day thinking up fantastic shit that I want to do to you. I want you to walk into my bedroom, strip when I tell you to, and I want you happy because you make me happy. How do I get you back, Trina? How do I do that? Will getting on my knees to beg work? You could bring me to them. If I had a time machine, I’d take us back to Saturday morning when you kissed me goodbye and when I thought that Sunday night you’d be right back in my bed. I was happy then.”
She stared up at him, astonished. “You just want to pretend none of this happened and go back to the way it was before I left?”
“Desperately.” He nodded. “I’d give anything to be in that place we were.”
She stared at him, seeing total sincerity there. She also saw pain his features. “Will you answer me a few things?”
“Anything.”
“Would you ever trust me and not instantly assume I’m lying because your ex-wife was the way she was, or will I have to deal with this over and over if we give it another shot? If you hear something, will you swear to ask me before you just accept it?”
He flinched. “I learned an important lesson, and I’ll trust you. It’s just that you were too good to be true. I was looking for the brick to hit me in the head so when Ryder handed it to me, I believed the blow was real. You’re just…hell, as I said, too good to be true.”
“What do you mean, I’m too good to be true?” She stared at him with astonishment. “I’m not.”
He walked to the couch and sat down hard. “You loved your husband.” He jerked his head toward the mantel. “The guy is dead and you still have his picture up. Nobody has ever loved me that way. He was shooting blanks even, and you didn’t give a damn
. I tell women I’m sterile and they run. I told you the truth and you’re the only woman who ever tried to comfort me. You didn’t look at me with pity, horror, or treat me like I’m half a man. I’ve had too many women react that way.” He paused. “A few even joked about it, and it was downright mean. Try to imagine standing there hiding your emotions while a woman is making fun of something that tore you to hell and back. I’ve been there, babe.”
That made Trina angry on his behalf. What woman was stupid enough to dump a guy like Navarro over a reason like his injury? What kind of cruel person would make fun of a man for that?
He paused, watching her, not looking away. “Do you want to know why I date younger women? They aren’t ready to have kids. Most of them don’t want children when they’re in their early twenties, so my condition is a bonus to them if the condom were to break. When they reach the point where they want kids, they dump me. I’ve had it happen more than a few times. I dated a few older women who had kids already but they just wanted a father figure and someone to pay the bills, not really giving a damn about me personally. As much as I wanted to be a father, I didn’t want to get that way by marrying a woman who’d never love me.”
Trina was shocked at his words. She opened her mouth but Navarro cut her off before she could speak.
“You baked for me, and you made me breakfast. Nobody has ever done shit like that for me. I was married and she never did anything but try to fuck my brothers and screw around with my friends. She made my life hell when she realized I wasn’t well off. She punished me daily a dozen ways. You…” He sighed.
“I what?” Trina’s heart was breaking for him and she fought the urge to hug him. She really wanted to put her arms around him, to provide some comfort. She couldn’t stand seeing the sadness in his beautiful eyes. “What did I do?”
“You made me happy…and made me feel like no one ever has before. You always talk about your life with him.” He jerked his gaze toward the frame on the mantel and then back to Trina. “I want to kick the guy’s ass because if I’d had what you gave him of yourself, I would have worshiped you right back. I want that, Trina. That’s why I think you’re too good to be true. You terrify me because you give me hope that we might be happy together. The hope is great but the thought of me falling for you and then you walking away from me, well…it scares the fuck out of me. I don’t think I could survive losing you if I really had you. You make me feel like you want me for the man I am, and I know you won’t leave me just because I can’t get you pregnant. You make me feel so much but mostly you make me whole when we’re together.”
Propositioning Mr. Raine (Riding the Raines Book 1) Page 14
