“We be careful,” Robert said. “Now, the first thing we have to do is borrow the car. When we headed for Rouladen, Cleo put the ship on lock down. You still remember the pass code you used, love?”
“RobertIsFinallyBehavingHimself,” she replied with a smile.
“One of the ship's relatively new defenses,” he explained, “is taking automatic evasive action if any unknown vessel approaches her while she's locked down. As a result, we need use the car to reach her. Fortunately, since we were down there for hours, we have plenty of time. So, this should be a piece of cake.”
“Would you please stop saying that?” Celeste said, her eyes locked on her captain. “I'm not normally superstitious, but it seems to me that you have the power to jinx us – even if I can't explain how that's possible on a scientific level.”
“I take your point,” he laughed. “But, what could happen this time? We're taking our car to our ship to make modifications that are relatively simple, all things considered.”
“I hope you're right.”
“I am,” he assured her. “I want you and Doc to guard The Mogan-moible while we're gone. I don't anticipate any trouble, but I don't want to take any chances, either. Vox and Azure are going to handle the hardware, Cleo is going to make the software changes, and I've got a couple of things I need to attend to. I'm taking Morgan with me so you guys don't have to hear 'how much longer are they going to be?' for an hour or two.”
“I appreciate that,” Doc smiled.
“So do I,” Morgan added.
“After we're finished,” Robert said with a smile, “I've got a bit of a treat planned for all of us. So, let's get it done.”
Less than an hour after this, Robert, Morgan, Vox, Cleo, and Azure were all crouching in the bushes – hidden by leaves and stealth-fields – a short distance from where their past-selves were going to park the car. Five minutes later, they showed up right on schedule and headed for town. As soon as they were safely out of sight, they climbed into the car and headed straight for The Cleo. (They #1 being the past-they, and They #2 being the not-quite-as-past-they. Even though it was currently They #2's 'present', all of this happened in the past. Unless, of course, you're reading this in the past, in which case, it all happened in the future. In any event, I'm sure you understand what's going on... what went on? I guess it doesn't matter...)
They #2 reached the ship, parked the car, and went their separate ways. Vox and Azure headed for the drive room, Robert headed he-didn't-say-where, and Cleo took Morgan with her to the bridge. (This was because Captain Hood said that Mister Harker couldn't work with Ensign Holiday when the future might be on the line.) Everything went pretty much as expected until Cleo and Morgan reached the bridge.
“Morgan!” the computer said with a hint of surprise. “What are you doing back so soon?”
“It turns out,” he replied, “that we have a few things we need to take care of here before we finish the job down there.”
“Oh?” the seductive female voice said. “I'd almost hoped that you'd been missing me.”
“You have no idea how bad I missed you,” he chuckled.
“I wish I could believe you,” the computer sighed. “Unfortunately for both of us, I happen to know you're lying.”
“What do you mean?” the young man asked.
“Don't chat with the computer, Morgan,” Cleo said, attempting to unlock the ship, “it makes you look crazy.”
“That's good, Miss whoever-you-are,” the computer said. “Staying in character is important when someone's onto you. It won't help you with me though, sweetheart. I happen to be a genius designed, built, and programmed by the greatest geniuses who ever lived.”
“I know that, you lunatic,” the green maiden replied – talking to the computer in spite of having just admonished Morgan for doing the same thing, “I wrote a majority of the code that runs you.”
“I think not, honey,” the computer snipped. “My software was written by the Robert Nathaniel Hood – arguably the greatest man to ever live (Morgan excepted, obviously) – and tiny-Cleo.”
“I am Cleo,” the maiden asserted.
“No,” the computer said. “I am The Cleo, the definite article, you might say. You're not even tiny-Cleo. In fact, I doubt you're any Cleo at all – no matter how insignificant.”
“Guys,” Robert's voice said over the intercom, “did either of you lock the cargo-bay door?”
“Why are you in the cargo-bay?” Morgan asked.
“I'm painting it Spanking Cleo,” the traveler replied sarcastically.
“Serio...”
“Of course not, you idiot!” he interrupted. “Why I'm in here doesn't matter, the point is that I can't get out.”
“You won't be getting out, handsome,” the computer said. “Not until my master lets you out. If he decides to, that is.”
“Your master,” Cleo said.
“Captain Hood,” the female voice said with a tone of condescension. “Try not to be jealous, dear.”
“I have no idea what kind of virus this is,” the maiden replied, shaking her head, “but, it's bad.”
“Cleo, I am Captain Hood,” Robert pointed out.
“I know who you are!” the green maiden yelled.
“I'm not talking to you,” he sighed.
“What's the point of pretending to be me?” the ship asked. “You think that'll somehow trick me into doing what you want? Whoever sent you must be a moron. Either that, or they couldn't find good help.”
“I'm Cleo the girl!” she snapped. “Not Cleo the ship!”
“Oh,” the computer laughed. “You're pretending to be tiny-Cleo. That makes much more sense.”
“I am not tiny-Cleo!”
“I realize that, sweetheart,” the female voice said smugly. “I hope you realize that you just blew your cover. Where did you guys find this genius? Oh, and who are you anyway? I might as well collect as much information as I can while we wait. I'm sure Bobby's going to want to know everything he can find out about you.”
“Do not call him Bobby!” Cleo cried.
“What's it to you, sweetheart?”
“Stop calling me sweetheart!”
“Cleo,” Robert sighed.
“Yes?” both the girl and the ship replied.
“If you could stop arguing with each other, that would really be great. We don't have unlimited time here.”
“I'll do my best,” they said in unison.
“Computer,” he said. “Do you mind if I call you 'computer'?”
“I guess not, although it's not very personal. I'm sure you're not ready to tell me your real name yet, but what may I call you?”
“Just call me Bobby.”
“Do not call him that!” Cleo exclaimed.
“Alright, Bobby,” the computer replied, ignoring the maiden.
“Computer,” he said, “I am, in reality, Captain Robert Nathaniel Hood.”
“No, you're not,” she replied. “What, whoever it was who sent you, didn't know, is that Captain Hood and his entire crew are all wearing transponders at the moment. I'm looking at them right now, as a matter of fact. So, try again.”
“I'm currently in two places at the same time,” he explained. “We've come from the future to make some modifications that you'll need to help us before too much longer.”
“Thereby crossing your own time-line?”
“Not exactly,” he replied. “Not yet, anyway. If we don't hurry though, we might. So, please, just let us finish our work.”
At this, the computer laughed derisively.
“Do you not realize that Bobby – not you, the definitive 'Bobby' – is the most intelligent man to ever live? If anyone in all of space and time knows not to cross his own time-line, it's him.”
“Ordinarily, that's true,” he agreed, “but there are extenuating circumstances.”
“Then, you can explain them to him when he gets back.”
“Hey, boss,” Vox's voice said over the intercom, �
�me and Azure seem to be locked in the drive-room.”
“I've got it under control,” Robert said, apparently not fully grasping the situation. “You'll be out in a minute.”
“Well hurry,” Vox replied. “We ain't got a lot of spare time, brother.”
“You'd better do what you can to let yourself out,” the ship asserted, “because you're not going to get any help from me.”
“What's going on, boss?”
“Nothing,” Robert replied. “Computer, scan my body.”
“With pleasure,” the ship replied.
“As I'm sure you can tell,” he continued, “I am Robert Hood.”
“You have Robert Hood's body,” the ship ceded. “But I could clone one of those myself.”
“I don't have a clone's brain.”
“No,” the computer agreed. “Obviously, you put your brain in his body. Whoever-sent-you must really want to sabotage me.”
“Cleo,” Robert said.
“Yes?” they both replied.
“Do what you can to get us back in control,” he said. “Vox, do your best to break out. I'll be doing the same thing.”
“Oh,” the computer said, “this should be fun. It's all of you against me. Ready? Go!”
After almost half-an-hour of fruitless attempts, Cleo was beginning to get frustrated.
“Can I be of any help?” Morgan asked for the fifth time.
“Yes!” she snapped, wiping her brow. “You can not talk to me! You do realize that the clock is ticking, right, Morgan?! We are minutes from a paradox!”
For nearly five more minutes, he managed to sit in silence.
“Computer,” he said at last, “what makes you so sure I'm not Morgan?”
“You can't be,” the ship replied. “I know exactly where he is at the moment.”
“Right,” he nodded, “but, I'm from the future.”
“I have no way of knowing that,” the voice explained. “Although, you are just as handsome as he is. Which is remarkable. I can't help but enjoy staring at you, even if I know you're a counterfeit.”
“I'm not, though.”
“Prove it,” the ship giggled. “Tell me some deep, dark secret that only Morgan and I would know about.”
“You and I don't share a lot of secrets,” Morgan said, before snapping his fingers. “Although, there is one! There's one thing that only three people in the universe know about for sure.”
“Who are they?” she asked with a very sexy tone.
“You, me, and Rob,” he replied. “You and I know because we were the only two there, Rob knows because he knew I was lying.”
“About what?”
“That's not your default voice,” he replied with a wink. “By default, you sound like a dude. It took me almost an hour to find that voice. I picked it because it's the sexiest one you have.”
“Did you?” the computer replied, the confidence suddenly draining from its voice. “Captain Hood, may I ask you a question, sir?”
“Certainly, Cleo,” Robert replied over the intercom.
“Why do I have a personality?”
“After Morgan turned on voice control,” he explained, “I added an extensive personality script to your OS in order to make you flirt with Morgan and acknowledge that I'm a genius.”
“Oh, my,” the computer replied. “This is rather embarrassing. Captain, I hope you realize that all that 'Bobby' and 'tiny-Cleo' stuff was merely me attempting to extract information from a group of people I believed to be saboteurs, sir.”
“Of course I do, Cleo,” he laughed. “Could you please unlock the doors?”
“At once, sir!” the ship replied. “Please don't hesitate to let me know if I can be of any more help.”
“I won't,” he assured the computer. “In fact, as soon as we're gone, I need you delete all records of our being here, including your own memories.”
“Oh, thank you, sir!” the ship replied.
The moment after the crew had completed their task, they climbed in the car and headed back toward the planet's surface. Which wasn't a moment too soon. They managed to land mere seconds before their past selves stepped into the glade where the car had been parked, and only just managed to climb out before they climbed back in.
“Celeste is right,” Robert said, as he watched himself pilot the car back toward the ship, “I have got to drop 'piece of cake' from my vernacular.”
“What's next?” Morgan asked.
“Believe it or not,” the traveler said. “We have a few days to kill. We can't just fly into the future to where we get the signal from the ship. We're going to have to wait until it gets captured the old-fashioned way. So, I figured we might as well relax a little, as well as get some new clothes now that we're back in civilization. One of the things I did while we were on the ship was grab a little cash.”
“Hot off the presses, eh?” Morgan asked.
“I never said it was counterfeit,” Robert pointed out.
Having succeeded against what turned out to be fearful odds, the captain led most of his crew back to their current ship. After a brief discussion, it was decided that they could safely move roughly seventy years into the future, where aliens had become a relatively common sight. Robert asserted that, even if Sturm managed to find out where and when they were, he wasn't very likely to try to strand them there with all that technology within their reach. As Vox pointed out; even without help, they would be able to build a time-drive from scratch in a decade or two (not to mention, seriously damage the time-lines by being there for so long).
That being the case, Rob was certain that it was safe to leave the ship all by its lonesome, provided they locked it down before they left. Which they did. (Cleo using the pass-code RobertMayNeedCorrectionOverLyingAboutTheShipsVoice.) Azure asked her what it meant, but the green maiden did Morgan the favor of saying 'I'm just teasing Rob'.
Before this had been done, however, Doc went shopping with Cleo and Azure. His plain white Tunic was exactly the type of thing Baguettians often wear and the girls had their own attire covered up by the two holo-emitters they had. As such, they were able to go buy clothes for everyone without attracting any attention at all. About two hours after they left, they returned bearing countless boxes and bags.
“Not bad,” Robert said, gazing into a holo-mirror as soon as he was dressed. “Not bad at all. Although, you and I need haircuts, Morgan.”
“I suppose we do.” he nodded. “I couldn't bear the thought of having the PPSU handle it for me.”
“No,” the traveler agreed. “That's not much fun at all. Either way, we can get 'em now.”
“You sure we're not going to blow up the future or anything?”
“I am,” he replied, flexing his chest muscles. “I like the cut of this shirt. I think Cleo is really going to enjoy staring at me tonight. She did good.”
“She always does.”
“True,” he smiled. “Let's go.”
The pair left their room and made their way to the saloon, where they found Doc and Vox ready and waiting. Having seen them in nothing but rough white outfits for the last few weeks, Morgan thought they almost looked 'funny' in what would be considered 'regular' Rouladenian clothes for that time period. When the girls arrived, however, he thought they looked anything but 'funny'. They were attired in dresses that highlighted every feminine feature they had to offer. As he sat gazing at Azure in admiration, he realized that women's clothing was one of the things that made civilized life civilized. As true as this is – until that moment, he had had no idea.
The seven of them left the ship and headed for town. Once there, they went to get haircuts for Robert and Morgan before taking the ladies shopping for little niceties they might want if it took them longer to get The Cleo back than they anticipated. Although, under normal circumstances, they would have split up to save time, they were understandably nervous about getting separated. As such, they decided to stick together. For one thing, they literally had days to kill.
> Once all the shopping was done, they decided to catch a movie – the words to which they could understand. As was usually the case, Robert insisted on a comedy. By the time it was over, they were all basically starving. Which was exactly what he wanted.
They selected the nicest sit-down restaurant in town, where they could sample the finest fare the local cuisine had to offer. As they sat thoroughly enjoying their meal, Morgan made an observation.
“I missed hot food so bad I could cry,” he said, gazing at his steaming plate. “Fortunately, I didn't realize it until this very moment.”
“I know what you mean,” Azure replied, cutting a small piece of meat, before putting it in her mouth and rolling her eyes. “I may need seconds, Rob.”
“You can have as much as you want,” he smiled, taking a sip of the wine he had ordered. “I don't want to risk doing this again for a while. Enjoy it while you can.”
“You know that's not non-alcoholic, right?” Morgan asked, pointing at Robert's beverage with his knife.
“I'm like a thousand years old,” the traveler smiled. “I decided I could risk a glass.”
“May I taste it?” Cleo asked.
“No!” Morgan and Robert instantly cried.
“The food is delicious,” Vox observed. “This was a great idea, Rob.”
“We get to go to one restaurant for who-knows-how-long and you waste it,” Morgan said, glancing at Vox's plate. “You have to learn to expand your horizon's, brother.”
“I like steak and baked potato,” he replied. “I ain't about to risk getting something I don't like when I ain't got but one meal coming to me for the foreseeable future.”
“Well, you're missing out,” Morgan asserted, toying with his food with his fork. “Whatever this rice is, it's really good. It almost has a meaty taste to it. It must be the way they season it.”
“Oh, that's not rice,” Robert said, looking at his plate.
“What is it?”
“Basically,” he smiled. “Fried meal worms.”
“You mean to tell me, elves eat meal worms?”
“No,” Robert said, shaking his head. “I'm not even telling you that Rouladenians eat meal worms. That's actually a popular Baguettian dish.”
“Is that true, Doc?”
The Search for Cleo (The Last Time Traveler Book 4) Page 28
