by Angela White
“What if…” I grew flustered, still not completely sure that I could trust this drunken, bitter man.
“Spit it out, boy,” Larry stated grumpily. “Ain’t no one here but me and I don’t care about your mother and her damn rules.”
I wanted answers and decided to take the risk. “She’s too young, the one I want.”
Larry grunted, “Keep going.”
I opened my mouth to give him the barest details, “Mother hates her. I have to sneak out.”
Ashamed of myself for revealing too much, I dropped my head, but Larry sat up all the way to stare at me in surprise.
“Really?”
I nodded, cheeks on fire.
“Well, you got more balls than I thought you’d have before you got here, I’ll tell ya that,” Larry remarked. He stared at me for a moment longer and then gave me the best advice of my life.
“Ain’t nothing wrong with a younger man or a younger woman. People get old, Marcie. We age and grow bitter. Go after your younger piece of ass, but be sure you really like her first. You’ll be together a long time in this family.”
I stared at my uncle, a bit relieved. “You mean that?”
Larry sighed, head going back to the chair, eyes shutting. “More than you can understand yet, boy. But you will. Guard those secrets more carefully than you did today. No one else here would hesitate to tell on you.”
I knew that and I added another vow to do as he’d said–on both subjects.
“Sounds like your momma comin’,” Larry grunted as crunching gravel echoed. “Best go meet her.”
I ran for the front of the house in a blur, not wanting Mary to catch me spending time with my uncle. I didn’t know what she might make of it and that was reason enough to hide the behavior. I didn’t see much of her out here now and that made me rusty at reading her and reacting correctly.
Mother ignored me until she was out of the car and settled on the porch with a cool drink. When she finally spoke to me, the words were not what I wanted to hear.
“You have your first date tonight, Marcus. You’re having dinner with Jeanie and her parents. You’ll clean up first, of course, and then Douglas will drive–””
“Do I have to?”
Mary stopped talking to gape at me as if I were an alien that had landed on the porch in front of her.
“Marcus, is something wrong?”
Now, I gaped. She actually sounded as if she cared!
“I’m sorry, mother. It’s just that we’re baling hay tonight and tomorrow, and I’ll feel bad for missing it. They need every hand.”
Did she know I was laying it on thick to skip the dinner in favor of the barn dance tonight? Was she intentionally keeping me away from what Rodney and Scot had called the grooviest gig all year?
“Georgie already has the reservation.”
Those words delivered panic and joy that I did a decent job of controlling. I might get to see Angie, but it would be while I had an unwanted girlfriend with me for our first date. “I really don’t want to, mother. Is there something else we can do?”
I’d heard her use that line on people, and I waited politely, as she usually did. When confusion came over her wrinkling face, I discovered a weakness. Mother thought I would jump at the chance to visit with Angie, so it was a test. That meant she hadn’t forgotten about Angie, but she was trying to find out if I had. The weakness was that she couldn’t understand how embarrassed I would be to take Jeanie there and put us all through that uncomfortableness. My mother had no empathy. She couldn’t examine a situation from someone else’s point of view and understand their actions.
“What did you have in mind?” Mary finally asked, staring in suspicion.
“Can I bring her here, to the dance?” I’d chosen honesty and cleverness over lying. I was glad that I had when she slowly agreed.
“I don’t see the harm in that. You’ll call Georgie and cancel the reservation.”
“Okay.”
When mother left an hour later, I was relieved and proud of myself. I thought I had handled that well. Then I remembered I had to call the restaurant. What if Angie answered?
I decided there wasn’t anything I could do about that. I went to the area in the hall that held a rickety table and the phone, and dropped down onto the rough stool while I dialed. The farm and the restaurant were the only numbers I knew.
“Hello?”
I winced as Angie’s pleasant voice rang in my ear. With all the people around the house, there was no way I could spend a few minutes talking to her.
“Hello? This is Georgie’s Diner.”
“I have a reservation that I need to cancel.”
Stunned silence came from the other end of the line for almost a full minute. It made my stomach ache as I imagined Angie freezing at the voice and then finding my name on the sheet.
“Uh, yeah. I’ll mark it off. Thanks for letting us know.”
I could tell by the tone that she had figured out I would be with Jeanie tonight. I expected an angry click in my ear.
“Thank you,” Angie whispered.
I heard the pain but also her gratitude that we weren’t coming.
“Sure.”
I hung up before my mouth could get me in trouble. I hoped Angie didn’t dwell on it. As far as I was concerned, Jeanie Hoffsteader was just another of my mother’s hoops that I had to jump through. I didn’t think for a minute that I would like anyone Mary approved of.
I prepared for my date by going swimming with the other kids. My mother could set out all the honey traps she wanted. I was smarter than that.
2
Jeanie climbed from her parent’s shiny Ford and conversations around the party fell into forgetful pauses as everyone stared in surprise. Platinum hair hung to her shoulders in a soft wave that glinted with the fire as she spun around to talk to the man driving. I assumed it was her father from his matching shade of hair, but that was all I noticed about her parent.
Jeanie was wearing a short blue dress with red and white lace that accented her legs and the low cut front of her top. The amount of makeup she wore was also surprising, considering that my mother had set this up, but I wasn’t upset over that. It was the striking contrast to Angie that I instantly resented. My mother had sent this girl here to remind me of what an acceptable female looked like. I think I hated Jeanie from that minute on.
Jeanie and I shook sweaty hands when Larry introduced us, and I tried to play the perfect gentleman for my audience, certain my mother had requested a full report. Jeanie didn’t say much, but she did stare at me with brown eyes I found dull as mud.
“Do you like dancing?”
Even the sound of her squeaky voice was wrong. “I can dance with you, if you want,” I turned it around, too used to my sneaky mother’s manipulations to be led into asking her to dance like a trained monkey.
Jeanie flushed, drawing more attention. “I’d like to.”
I stood up and held out a hand, making us the center of the circus.
Her skin met mine in the normal boredom of a sticky handshake and I sighed heavily as I led her onto the hastily nailed together platform where a few other couples were trying to keep up with the off-pace music. It was going to be a long night.
Angie
It was hard to act as if I wasn’t hurt. I led people to their table and I smiled, but all I could think about was my Brady being out with a girl. I wondered what she looked like, if she was as old as he was. I’d spotted the name Brady on the reservation sheet this morning, but I’d thought it was Marc’s older brother, who brought guests to the restaurant a few times a month. I wasn’t allowed to take reservations yet, so I hadn’t spoken to whoever had called it in.
Knowing Marc was dating was one thing. Having to seat them and wait on them was another. Now that I was eleven, Georgie wanted me here after school to help with the evening rushes and I liked it so far, but I would have taken off the instant I’d seen them come through the door together. I was grateful t
hat Marc had cancelled before I gave us away.
“Did he say why?”
“No, but I heard there’s a barn party tonight,” I answered Georgie quickly, pretending my stomach didn’t ache. “Maybe they went there.”
“Yeah. Makes sense.” Georgie did a quick scan, but there were already too many customers for him to have a minute alone with me. Despite the pain of knowing where Marc was, I couldn’t help but feel like it might be a lucky day for me. Two ugly scenes had been avoided. If the luck held, I would have an hour left after the shift to go the clubhouse and do some work while I cried.
Ding!
The door opened with the next large party of customers ready for Georgie’s cooking and we stayed busy all day and into the night–long after the time I thought the barn dance should have ended. I was too occupied to worry if Marc was kissing his date goodnight. That would be later, the reason for the crying.
Ding!
Ding!
Two more groups came in half an hour before closing and even Georgie frowned a bit. He was usually very generous and stayed open late, but tonight he informed them the menu was limited, claiming the crowds had wiped him out.
“How about a burger and coke?”
Marc’s voice stunned me and I stood by the grill without moving. He’d brought her here anyway?
Suddenly angry, I did what Georgie had told me not to and layered burger patties over the patches of browned onions. He didn’t let me handle the grill yet.
I cringed away as Georgie came over, remembering that I wasn’t allowed, but he only nodded tiredly, swiping sweat from his meaty neck with a faded dishtowel. “I didn’t think you could reach it yet. Guess you can. Be sure to flip them when the timer goes off.”
Relived, I hurried to set the timer. Georgie was careful about letting me do things because of my size. This restaurant was the one thing he protected.
Georgie vanished through the double doors and I read the order ticket slowly, not wanting to get it wrong when I was just being given a new job. Sweeping and seating was boring.
As I gathered the tray and began to fill the glasses with ice, I tried to listen to the conversations taking place, but there were too many voices to separate from the din. Too curious and upset to wait, I shoved into Marc’s thoughts.
She looks tense. At least I got rid of Jeanie before Larry decided to come here.
I instantly felt better as I put the napkins and condiments on the tray. When the timer dinged, I was right there to stop it and flip the sizzling patties over. It was a nice moment for me that was ruined as I heard a voice that I’d missed earlier.
“Where are our drinks?! The service here got worse when he put little miss goodie out front.”
It was Marc’s sister, Tracy. She was big and loud, with brown hair that she’d bleached blonde and forced into curls. I always thought she looked like Miss Piggy from the Muppets. We hadn’t ever had a good moment.
“Take ‘em over, girl,” Georgie instructed as he came out with his arms full of buns to restock the shelves for tomorrow.
I reluctantly picked up the tray and walked into the main dining area. I remembered to sit the tray on a nearby table instead of serving one handed and spilling. I kept my attention on the drinks, and it helped that they were all the same. I didn’t have to talk to anyone. I also didn’t have to look at them, but I couldn’t help the fast sweep of Marc as I finished.
He’d been waiting for me to look at him and he flashed a brilliant grin that stole my breath.
I hurried behind the counter to finish the order, heart pounding. He’s so cute!
The school films on puberty hadn’t even gotten close to the way I felt for Marc.
The next hour was slow torture. Marc’s group was the last to leave, and they lingered, forcing Georgie to stay open until they were done. He believed in the customer being happy and wouldn’t tell them to go. I, on the other hand, didn’t need to be there and he sent me home with a warning to stay on the main road. I didn’t need the reminder. I hated the dark and the report of an attack on a woman last week had heightened my worry. I didn’t know exactly what it meant to be attacked, but I knew I didn’t want it to happen to me.
I got my coat from the rack where customer coats also hung. I caught a whiff of Marc, of his smell, and spotted his leather jacket on the far peg. For a brief second, I let my fingers caress the material and then I left before anyone could try to talk to me. At this moment, I was glad I was the pariah that they ignored. It made hiding my emotions easier.
Instead of going straight home, I enjoyed the fall evening and took the road that would lead me by the new fountain. I didn’t want to make a wish. I wanted to enjoy the water shimmering at night in the streetlights.
“Got a minute?”
I spun around to find Marc behind me, but fear was my first reaction. Were we alone?
“I have to get Larry’s pipe from the car,” Marc stated.
“Oh.” I calmed down a bit and let him see how much I still cared.
Marc shivered as my heat flew over him. “I miss that when I’m away.”
I smiled. “Really?”
“Yes. Did you have a nice birthday?”
I shrugged. “It was okay.”
The small talk and desperate stares continued until Marc looked toward the restaurant door and I knew our time was up. After a fast scan to be certain we were still unobserved, I rushed forward to hug him.
Marc held me tightly and then shoved a small box into my hand before hurrying to collect the pipe and go inside. I could tell he was embarrassed by the gift, but I didn’t understand why.
I stuffed the box into my pocket and left it there until I reached the fountain, thinking the night couldn’t have gotten any better. So what if Mother Brady forced Marc to date? In a few years, I would put a stop to that. Until then, I knew he didn’t want a girlfriend. He wanted me. I longed for the day when he would say it, but knowing the feelings were there was almost enough.
I opened the box under the street lamp and had to fight the tears. Marc always knew exactly what I needed to get me through until we could have time together.
Marc
I hoped she liked the little locking diary that I’d picked out for her birthday. I’d heard Judy say every girl should have one. I was reasonably sure that Angie didn’t. Her parents weren’t able to give her things like that, but even if they could have afforded it, I doubted they would have. Angie was more like some kid who spent the night a lot, as compared to being their daughter. At least that’s the way I’d begun to view Frona and Georgie.
The diary also held a surprise for her. I’d included our hand code on the last five pages of the small book. She could practice while we were apart, like I did at night. I hoped she would be pleased, but I also hoped the gift didn’t make her cry. I still wasn’t okay with that, even when the tears were happy.
Larry wanted to leave soon after I came back in and we all piled into the car that smelled like his pipe. As I sat in the rear corner, squeezed against the door handle hard enough to leave the bruise that I found later, I realized Larry hadn’t lit the pipe once I brought it in.
Larry dropped people off on a long route and the car slowly emptied. As we got rid of the last relative who wanted to stay but not work, Larry waved me to the front seat.
I took it quickly and we rolled toward the farm with the October moon hanging low in the purple sky. It was a nice night and we kept the radio off in favor of the cooling wind coming through the rear windows that had been left down. Over the ride, I had figured out that I owed this odd man a thank you, but I didn’t know how to say it. He had sent me outside to give me time alone with Angie.
“Did she like your present?” Larry asked, surprising me again.
I shrugged slowly, smiling. “I didn’t stick around to find out.”
Larry steered the car down the next road with views of farms and vast fields waiting to be farmed. “She’s a good girl. Always liked that one.”
I instantly wanted to know more and again, didn’t know how to ask.
Larry glanced over at me. “She’ll make a man happy someday.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at his observation. I’d had the same one, but I wasn’t allowed to say it. I still wouldn’t, but he had given me the courage to ask a burning question.
“Why do you stay anyway? You’re miserable.”
Larry grunted. Quiet fell for so long that I was sorry I’d asked. Then he gave me the answer I was afraid of.
“I’m broken, boy. They used me up, took all my give a damn. I’m too tired to fight and too old to start over. When you get there, might as well give in and try to die in some sort of peace.”
I gazed out the window instead of shouting that I would never give in or be used up. I liked Larry too much to disrespect him that way.
“I didn’t approve either, son, when I heard those words from my old man, but over the life we were handed, I came to understand. I pray that you never do. That’ll mean you managed to escape.”
I couldn’t help feeling sorry him, but I also couldn’t help the contempt that came with it. We finished the ride in silence that was no longer sweetly pleasing. I wasn’t going to settle for the future my mother wanted to force on me. I would die first and it pained me that Larry couldn’t have the same strength. He claimed youth was blinding, but I thought his bitterness had crippled him even more than the unhappy life he was leading. He had given up. I would never do that. Angie and I would have a great life together. I would be a Marine who could protect her and provide for her.
“I asked your momma to let you come along for the big tour. She said yes.”
I would finally get to tour those big cities and I thanked him. It would mean another year before I could see Angie again and I told myself it would be a good for us in the end. It would be hard to be apart, but mother wouldn’t discover my plans this way. I was taking the smart line and doing it all right. I would try to be satisfied with that.
