by Lucy Coleman
Even in the softly flickering light, I can see Gray’s eyes lighting up at the mention of his favourite dessert.
Eating alone in the cosy shadows and listening to Gray banging around in the under-stairs cupboard as he grabs the small stepladder, I know that I’ll miss this place. Even though it reminds me of my journey from being a petulant teenager into an adult, it really has been my retreat from the world through some very tough years. A part of my reluctance to move has been as much about me as it has been about Tollie, I finally admit to myself. But tonight, I feel at peace with what’s to come. And grateful.
‘Thank you for giving me Gray,’ I say out loud to the emptiness around me. And then immediately feel rather silly.
‘What’s that?’ Gray calls from the hallway, as I savour a last mouthful of tender beef. ‘It’s not the board. It’s a power cut,’ he adds.
Well, there’s nothing we can do about that, so I carefully pile up the plates and carry them across to the sink. Swilling them off, I stack them in the dishwasher as Gray returns.
‘It’s going to get rather chilly, very quickly,’ he points out and I groan.
A huge fork of lightning sees us both running to the patio doors. Instinctively, I grab Gray’s hand and he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
‘I think there’s only one thing that will help take our minds off this storm.’
I gaze up at him, smiling. ‘I’m thinking hiding in the cupboard might be the best option.’
‘A big helping of cheesecake. Preferably in bed, so we can stare out and watch the display.’
Gray is already corking the wine bottle and stowing it under his arm, as he grabs the half-full wine glasses off the table.
‘I doubt this will last for very long before they get the power back on. It probably shorted something at the sub-station. I’ll be back to carry the tray.’ He throws the words over his shoulder as he begins to make his way upstairs.
I do hope this storm eases off before Valerie has to drive back from the brewery. It seems winter just can’t make up its mind what it wants to do this year. It’s not looking good for a white Christmas, though.
We’re in bed by eight-thirty, so it’s no surprise that at just after three in the morning we are both wide awake.
‘I feel like I’ve had a full night’s sleep,’ Gray whispers in the darkness. ‘I wonder if the power is back on.’
When we jump out of bed to stare out of the window, it’s clear that we left the lights on. ‘The garden lights are back on. So, it’s all good. The heating hasn’t kicked in, though, and it’s freezing. Do you fancy a cup of tea?’
Gray eases his legs over the side of the bed.
‘I’ll go and reset the boiler, while you pop the kettle on.’
Grabbing one of my thick jumpers from the chest of drawers, I tug it over my head, reappearing to see Gray staring at me.
‘What?’
‘Very fetching,’ he replies.
Even in the gloom, Rudolph’s bright red nose seems to glow as if it’s lit up.
‘He’s cuddly. I’ve had him for years.’
Grabbing the tray from our evening feast, I make my way down to the kitchen and brave putting on one of the side lights.
I’m so used to living here alone that it’s still strange, whenever Gray sleeps over, to hear someone banging around upstairs. But it is comforting and being one of a couple means that a lot of things are about to change – it’s time to start getting used to that.
‘Heating’s on. It won’t take long to warm it up. Do you have any biscuits?’
I look across at Gray as he approaches and burst out laughing. He brings his usual T-shirt and shorts to sleep in, but it is icy cold in here and he’s grabbed my winter dressing gown. He looks like a hobbit with the hood up and his hairy – admittedly, very muscular – legs exposed, as it barely reaches his knees.
‘Fetching,’ I remark, not even trying to hide my reaction. ‘It’s a no to the biscuits, sorry.’
Instead, he swings open the fridge door, reaching his hand inside.
‘Would you think it awful if I had another slice of cheesecake?’
‘Not if we share it,’ I retort.
‘Ah, a woman after my own heart. Shall I pop up and get a blanket so I can take off this teeny dressing gown and we can snuggle up on the sofa?’
‘Please do and I’ll try my best to wipe the image from my mind.’
I wave him off while I sort everything out. There’s something so decadent about being awake when the rest of Aysbury is fast asleep. A feeling of exhilaration courses through me. It’s not simply the fact that Christmas is looming, we’re engaged, and Gray and I will soon be living together, but the feeling that my life is finally falling into place.
Carrying the tray into the sitting room, I find Gray is now assembling an array of candles on the coffee table. The moment our eyes meet my heart begins to thud in my chest. He is my soul mate, there’s no mistaking that. And I’m his.
‘You spoil me,’ he says.
I hold out a plate and he grabs one of the two forks in my hand.
‘Everyone deserves a little spoiling now and again. You surprised me this last week.’
I sink down next to him and he covers us both with the blanket, tilting his head to look at me and give me one of his loving, radiant smiles.
‘How?’
‘I thought you’d be angry about this thing with your father. Poor Rona was so anxious about it.’
His smile fades away and his discomfort is tangible as he shrugs his shoulders.
‘We fly out on the twenty-eighth of December, which is annoying to say the least. I wanted to be around to savour our engagement celebration and spend a little time here with you. Plus, Valerie invited Mum to stay with her for a couple of days over the new year period, which was very thoughtful of her. It would have helped to cement their friendship. Now, instead, we’ll be heading off to sunny California and it’s not exactly going to be a holiday, is it?’
He sounds gutted and I feel for him.
‘No. It’s not, Gray. But you’re lucky, in a way.’ The look he gives me is one of empathy and guilt. He knows I’d give anything to meet my mum face to face. Even if the result was that it made me realise my dad and I were nothing to her. At least I’d know for sure.
‘I’m sorry, Immi. You’re right. Do you know something? You make me a better person just because your take on things is honest. Your gut instinct isn’t to be resentful, but to live in the hope that eventually even the worst of us will do the right thing. But some people don’t deserve a second chance, or even forgiveness for what they’ve done. I don’t ever want anyone to take advantage of your good heart, my love. That’s why Tollie worries about you and from here on in it’s my job to be your protector so he can relax a little.’
Am I that fragile? I feel like a warrior most of the time, but inside – well, Gray is right. There’s that piece of me at the core that I keep hidden for fear it will break as easily as shattering a glass.
‘How long will you be gone?’
Gray expels a deep breath, which indicates reluctance, more so than resigned acceptance. He just wants it to be over.
‘Ten days. Ten lonely, wasted days without you. I have no intention of interfering between Mum and Grayson. I’ll just do my bit as requested and leave them to sort themselves out. It’s utterly ridiculous that a few forms are stopping Mum from moving on. This is where she needs to be. Aysbury is the perfect place to encourage her back out into the world and she’s crazy if she allows him to stand in the way of that.’
‘Let’s hope for the best, Gray. I doubt that either of them are happy with things as they stand,’ I reply encouragingly. His frown reflects his annoyance.
‘It’s my father’s fault that they’re still in this situation after all these years. Considering that Mum talks in rather reverential tones about him being an astute businessman, he’s demonstrated a total lack of responsibility. Mum might not have had the money or the access to a
solicitor to help her sort it out, but he most certainly would have done. But why on earth did she let him get away with it? It was a big mistake letting it slide and now he expects everyone to jump because the timing is right for him.’
I scoop up a large forkful of cheesecake, placing my hand beneath it as I offer it to Gray. He rolls his eyes and duly opens his mouth.
‘Well, all you can do is be there for your mum if she needs a little support. I feel rather useless not being able to help you at all on this. But I’m here to make you cheesecake whenever you need a bit of cheering up, as at least that’s one thing I know how to make.’ I brush off the guilt of whipping the box straight into the bin as I empty out the two sachets to make him his perfect treat. ‘And before you jet off, we have what promises to be one awesome Christmas Day engagement celebration. This time next year everyone’s troubles will, hopefully, be a thing of the past. And you and I will be living in the cottage. Keep holding onto that thought and grit your teeth while you’re in Los Angeles. Just savour the sunshine while you’re there.’
Gray stares down at the plate, impatiently awaiting another forkful.
‘Maybe I’m being a little unfair,’ he reflects, sounding rather mellow now as the sugar kicks in. It’s amazing what cheesecake can do.
‘It’s easy to look at things as an outsider and be both judge and jury, isn’t it?’ I conclude.
Loading up the fork once more, I pop it into my own mouth and Gray feigns a look of disappointment.
‘All right, I’ll try my best to be a little more understanding. And now I think I’d better grab another forkful pretty quickly, before this is all gone.’
16
Christmas Panic Sets In
First thing in the morning, Tollie and I head into town to do a special food shop for the Christmas Day party. It means leaving our trusty crew to get everything set up for the last day of Santa Ahoy cruises, but with less than three full days now until Christmas Eve, I’m beginning to panic. Tollie usually does most of the cooking and I have no idea why I told him he could leave it to me. What was I thinking?
‘You’re drivin’ a bit fast, m’dear,’ Tollie points out.
Easing up on the accelerator to appease him, I know I’m distracted. There’s still so much to do. The spare bedroom in the cottage needs a good clean ready for Rona’s stay and I have so many different lists with things still to be ticked off that my head feels as if it’s about to explode. And I’m already stressing over the thought of taking delivery of the turkey. It’s the first time I’ve cooked a full Christmas dinner, let alone catered for eight people.
‘Um—’ Out of the side of my eye, I notice Tollie is staring down at the fistful of paper I thrust at him before we jumped into the car. ‘Is there any particular order to these lists?’
My hands grip a little tighter around the steering wheel.
‘I’m not sure. I can’t remember. I just keep writing things down.’
Tollie drops them into his lap and reaches forward to turn on the radio.
‘What are you doing?’ My tone reflects a sense of irritation. I need peace and quiet to process my thoughts, not a cacophony of sounds.
‘Immi, you seriously need to relax, m’dear. Do me a favour and turn the car around.’
Immediately jumping on the brakes, I pull into a little passing area off to the side of the narrow lane. Is Tollie feeling unwell?
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothin’. We’re goin’ back to pick up Valerie.’
I look at him, unable to hide a sense of confusion. Did he offer her a lift and he simply forgot?
‘Valerie? Why?’
‘Just do as I say. Trust your old granddad. If we’re goin’ to avoid major stress we need someone with a cool head who knows what they’re doin’.’
I breathe out slowly. He’s right. It’s time to take a little diversion.
‘What on earth? Did you buy up the entire supermarket?’
Gray stands in the kitchen, surveying the mass of carrier bags and looking most concerned. I notice Tollie giving him a warning glance, accompanied by a little shake of the head. I went too far, and I know it.
‘It’s all under control,’ Valerie replies calmly. ‘We could do with a little space, though, to get this lot sorted.’ Her voice is firm, and the two men quickly disappear, throwing me a rather sheepish look.
Leaning back against the countertop, I feel myself sagging ever so slightly.
‘Thank you, Valerie.’
‘Look, Immi, that got a little out of hand. As Tollie and I tried to tell you, it’s one day, that’s all. You picked up enough stuff to feed the entire village. There really is no need to panic. But it’s simply too much for one person when they aren’t used to entertaining.’
She’s right. I swear I’m seconds away from hyperventilating and now tears are beginning to sting my eyes as I try hard to blink them away.
‘Come here.’ Valerie stands in front of me, holding out her arms. I step forward to accept her hug. She’s not quick to hug people, but it’s nice to see she’s feeling a lot more confident about getting closer to people who are her friends.
Suddenly, I’m sobbing my heart out.
‘What’s brought this on? It isn’t like you.’
I’m a blubbering mess and as I step back, she grabs a handful of kitchen towels, which I accept gratefully and use to blot my face.
‘I want it all to be perfect, but what if I mess up? It won’t just ruin our engagement celebration, but everyone’s Christmas dinner,’ I blub.
Valerie places a hand on each of my shoulders. This diminutive woman certainly has a strong grip.
‘Listen to me, Immi. It’s going to be fine. Perfect is what you expect from a hotel, or a restaurant. A dinner for family and friends is about food cooked with love, burnt bits and all. It’s about the laughter around the table and guests feeling special because they appreciate the effort involved. And the fact that they will be here to raise their glasses in honour of two very special people making a firm commitment to each other. There will be a lot of love around the table on Christmas Day and that’s what’s important, not serving up a five-star, gourmet meal.’
I nod, still hanging my head.
‘You are putting undue pressure on yourself, Immi. And no one wants that. It’s time to delegate. Get out those lists and we’ll run through them quickly.’
Rather miserably, I dip into my handbag and thrust the sheath of crumpled notes in Valerie’s direction.
‘Okay. It’s time for some straight talking. We’ve more than covered the shopping lists.’ She gazes down at the mountain of shopping and then glances heavenwards.
As I pulled things from the shelves my lists were the last thing on my mind, and it was like a supermarket sweep. I kept insisting that I needed… everything.
‘Yes, well, it’s time to calm things down a little now and get this lot put away.’
I’m embarrassed by the inordinate amount of time it takes to find room for everything. We always stock up for winter, but this is crazy.
‘Right.’ Valerie begins folding up the empty shopping bags. ‘Let’s sort out those to-do lists next. I’m guessing that you’re fretting over the fact that, in your eyes, the cottage isn’t ready for guests. As it will be Rona’s first time staying in Aysbury, I understand you want everything to be just right.
‘However, what did strike me was whether she’ll feel a little awkward sharing a bathroom with Tollie, when they don’t really know each other that well. Rona is also unlikely to want to stay in one of the two spare bedrooms in The Retreat with you and Gray, is she? So, what if I invite her to mine? I’d enjoy the company and my study has a folding bed, which is very comfortable indeed. I’ve already extended an invitation to stay with me over the new year period, but Rona says she’s going away. I didn’t give the Christmas Eve arrangements a thought.’
I flash her a grateful look as I search around for a pen. Valerie throws the shopping lists into the bin
and then straightens the remainder of the crumpled papers. She takes the pen from me, with an encouraging smile.
‘Iron the new bedding for the spare room – tick. No longer necessary. Right. Starters. Tick. I’m sure Rona and I can cope with that. We can make up platters and bring them with us on Christmas morning. What did you buy?’
‘Mushrooms, garlic and herbs for crostini and the ingredients for goats’ cheese and shallot tarts.’
Valerie raises her eyebrows and begins laughing.
‘Okay. I think the two of us will be able to get our heads around that. What if we also prepare a large dish of cauliflower cheese and red cabbage with chestnuts? Those can be quickly reheated in the oven on the day.’
Already I can feel the pressure beginning to lift a little. Valerie is turning out to be a saviour.
‘You’d do that?’
‘Of course. You can focus on the turkey, gravy, stuffing and roast potatoes. You were sensible enough, thank goodness, to buy frozen peas and sprouts. To be honest, they’re the best option, anyway. What else is there on these lists?’
She trawls through the various sheets, randomly crossing things out.
‘Did you say Ethel is bringing Christmas pudding and Christmas cake?’ Valerie asks, getting me to focus.
‘Yes.’
‘Well, I have a big batch of mince pies sitting in the freezer. They’re fine from frozen and much better than the shop-bought ones, anyway. But cheesecake? Is that really necessary?’
A little smile creeps over my face.
‘It’s Gray’s favourite.’
‘Oh. Fine. That’s a priority, then. One piece of advice, if you don’t mind me poking my nose in.’
I look at her, shaking my head. ‘No. Please do; I can’t pretend I’m not a little overwhelmed right now. Christmas just seems to have snuck up on me quicker than I anticipated.’
‘Well, you’ve been rushed off your feet, Immi, so that’s understandable. Anyway, have a back-up plan for the turkey. Things go wrong, they always do. Not least the odd power cut. Ring the farm shop and ask them to deliver a joint, as well as the turkey. Cook it on Christmas Eve and, whatever happens, you’re covered. And, Immi, don’t forget that you will be surrounded by people who care about you and the last thing they want is for you to be worrying unduly. Right?’
