by Lucy Coleman
As Tollie reappears clasping a handful of photos, I glance at Fisher and he’s deep in thought. Loneliness is an awful thing and my gut instincts are telling me that he, too, is tired of being on his own. I’m so glad now that Bernie and Yvonne will be joining us the day after tomorrow and, when we’re all sitting around the table in The Retreat, maybe Fisher and Valerie will be inspired. It’s a brave thing to take that next step but maybe they’ll find the courage to take it.
‘Success, I found a few. Some with your grandma in them, too, Immi.’
As Tollie lays the photos out in the middle of the table, Bernie stabs a finger at one of them.
‘There they are. That’s my Claire and there’s Nell, all dressed up and with Ayesbury Manor in the background.’
Leaning forward to take in the detail, I’m sure I’ve never seen Grandma looking quite so glamorous, wearing a long, sparkling evening dress.
‘When was this taken?’
‘That would be what… December 1993. Everyone was invited, includin’ the local kids, as it was a joint celebration – Christmas and young Anthony’s fifth birthday on Boxin’ Day that year. Thinkin’ back, I’m pretty sure it was the last of the big parties. They’d bought this place up in London a few months prior, as Anthony was being schooled there. For the first few years they often came back at weekends, but that gradually tailed off.’
Tollie grabs his coffee mug to join us at the table.
‘The house is much bigger than I’d realised,’ I reply as Bernie picks up one of the other photos and leans into me.
‘This is young Anthony.’
The little boy in the photo is surrounded by a group of other children, but he stands out because he’s the only one not wearing a knitted jumper. He’s wearing a pair of dark trousers and a white shirt with a tie. Oh dear, the poor lad. Anthony looks ill at ease, when he should have been the carefree birthday boy.
‘Are any of these his siblings?’
‘No. He’s an only child and heir to the estate. I doubt he’ll ever come back here to live permanently, even when it falls to him. Everything is run by their agent now, who manages the estate and the house.’
As I gaze at the group photos, both Tollie and Bernie point out people Fisher and I might know. Except that none of the names mean anything to me. Gray just looks on, bemused.
‘So, they don’t put their hands in their pockets when it comes to raising money here at Christmas for charity, then?’
Tollie shakes his head. ‘They all live a different life now. The old days are long gone.’
He doesn’t sound sorry about that and I know that while Grandma might have enjoyed dressing up for the occasion, Tollie most certainly wouldn’t have done.
‘Well, maybe if we spot one or other of them over the holidays, we ought to mention it. And point out that next year there’s going to be a big party to celebrate the tenth anniversary of Santa Ahoy. After all, it’s on their doorstep while they are still the owners of the biggest house in the area.’
Tollie stares at Gray, a slight frown creasing his lined forehead at that thought. I suppress a sigh, as I compare him now to the vibrant man he looks as he stands next to Grandma in the photos.
‘It’s worth a shot, I suppose,’ he replies. ‘That money does a lot of good and not a penny of it is wasted. Maybe it’s something I should have thought about. What do you think, Fisher?’
Fisher nods in agreement.
‘It could be a nice little boost. All the local businesses make donations in one form or another. And the playground idea of yours to mark next year’s event will require extra fund-raising on top, so every little bit will help.’
‘Guess I’d better keep an eye out, then, and dig out a shirt and tie from the back of the wardrobe in case the opportunity presents itself.’
At that, we all begin laughing. I hold up one of the photos showing Tollie with his arms around Grandma, either having just kissed her or about to. They smile at the camera, eyes bright and happy.
‘Bet that was the last time you wore a dress tie, Tollie.’
‘You could be right, Immi. But didn’t I look dapper?’
Some memories will always raise a smile, even though there is a sense of sadness attached to them that never quite goes away.
The day after tomorrow my engagement to Gray will be official. Tollie will be there wearing a happy, and no doubt somewhat relieved, smile and I like to think that Grandma, too, will be looking down on us as Gray slips her beautiful, and much treasured, ring onto my finger.
19
Santa Claus Is Coming to Town
After the impromptu little gathering, Gray and I finally make our excuses and get back to The Retreat to begin the makeover. It isn’t long before Valerie arrives with a car boot full of boxes, after a run up to the nurseries. She kindly offered to collect the list of items I gave Martin over the phone yesterday.
‘Crikey, Immi,’ he’d remarked after I’d finished reeling off more than a dozen items. ‘Are you sure you need everything on this list? Who’s giving you a hand to pull it all together?’
‘Don’t worry, Valerie has volunteered.’
I know that if he weren’t heading off with the family to his in-laws for the Christmas holidays, then he would have dropped off the order himself and insisted on helping out. The upside is that I’ve cleared out some of his seasonal stock and he’s given me a big discount to save putting the items in the end-of-December clearance sale.
‘I’ll bring the boxes in, Valerie,’ Gray insists, and she duly hands over her car keys. It’s a fair old walk down from the car park, even if you aren’t lugging boxes.
‘Martin put in a few extra things he thought you might be able to use. We ended up having to lay the back seats down, as he had some small potted Christmas trees left over, and he thought you might want to put them out on the patio.’
‘Why don’t you see if Fisher is still around, Gray, to give you a hand? It sounds like Martin has gone overboard, but it’s very kind of him. I really want everything to look magical and if we aren’t going to have real snow, then six cans of the fake stuff should at least set the scene.’
I noticed that when I mentioned Fisher’s name Valerie’s eyes instantly lit up, but she says nothing as Gray nods his head on his way out.
‘Right, what can I do?’ my more-than-willing volunteer asks, slipping off her coat.
The dining table is covered with a dust sheet and on it is a huge mound of greenery from the first of the sacks of cuttings.
‘We’re making a garland to string along the wooden beams. Gray rather cleverly suggested buying this drum of jute rope. The span is too great to have garlands made up entirely of greenery, so we’re tying bunches together with this florists’ wire and hanging them at six-inch intervals.’
I hold up one to show Valerie and it’s the size of a small posy. With a collection of holly, trailing ivy, and an assortment of evergreens including sprigs of fir, it looks – and smells – gorgeous.
‘We have another large sackful once we’ve worked our way through this lot.’
Valerie picks up a small pair of scissors, as she begins working away alongside me.
‘So, Fisher was here this morning?’
‘He was visiting Tollie earlier on. Bernie was there, too.’
‘Ah. I don’t really know Bernie to talk to, although I know him by sight. He lives on his boat, doesn’t he?’
‘Yes, but he’s coming back to live in Aysbury with his lady-friend, Yvonne. We’ll meet her for the first time on Christmas Day, as I’ve invited them to join us. He owns Turnpike Cottage.’
Valerie nods, her fingers nimbly assembling a handful of stems, and she holds them up to me for approval.
‘Perfect! Hopefully Martin found a suitable country-style ribbon we can tie around these. Some of the Christmassy ones are a bit too gaudy for my liking, but maybe I shouldn’t have left this to the last minute.’
‘Hey, you guys have been rushed off your feet. Judg
ing by the size of the boxes, I’m sure there will be something in there you’ll love. That’s wonderful news about Bernie and I’ll look forward to getting to know them both a little better.’
Goodness. I get moments where I’m unable to see any of the old Valerie in the new version standing alongside me.
As I reach out to grab a piece of ivy some prickly holly hiding behind it sinks into two of my fingers. ‘Ouch! Maybe Gray and I should have gathered the holly separately,’ I comment, wiping away the little pinpricks of blood that are forming. ‘Take care, Valerie, that stuff is lethal.’
The door behind us opens and we both turn around as Gray appears, half hidden by a large box, and behind him, to my delight – and, I’m sure, Valerie’s – is Fisher. The smile on his face just keeps on growing as the two of them catch sight of each other.
‘It seems we have a production line going on here,’ Gray comments. He dumps the box back against the wall. ‘This is going to take a few trips, Immi.’
‘Just stack them up and I’ll sort them out in a moment. Thanks for helping out, Fisher.’
‘My pleasure, Immi. I’m at a loose end today, anyway, so I’m delighted to lend a hand.’
I think what he’s really delighted about is the thought of spending some time with Valerie, but I’ll take any offer of help I can get, as the clock is ticking.
‘Well, there is a little task you could help with. There’s a stack of boxes with china and cutlery in them from the days when this place was rented out. Tollie did a bulk-buy and it will mean I don’t have to worry about washing dishes up in between courses. They can be stacked in the utility room until I can run some of it through the dishwasher.’
Fisher gives me a thumbs-up. ‘I can do that, too. It’s one job less on that list of yours.’
‘In that case, I’ll pop the kettle on,’ I call out as they both disappear out through the door.
‘Leave it to me,’ Valerie insists. ‘It won’t take a minute and then I’ll empty that box. We can use it to store the bunches of greenery. It should clear a bit of space on the table.’
It strikes me that both Valerie and Fisher are people who prefer to be kept busy. I think it’s the company they enjoy, as much as anything. It must be difficult going back home at the end of the day when you live alone.
As I plod on, Valerie soon has a tray loaded with mugs and I direct her towards the cupboard and a box filled with home-made mince pies. Not made by me, I hasten to inform her, but the lovely Ethel.
By the time the guys have done another three trips, everything is ready, and Valerie and I pop on our coats to join them out on the patio. It’s time to place the miniature Christmas trees and there’s a lot of ‘left a bit, back a bit, to the right…’ before we are all happy.
‘These are lovely,’ I remark. ‘It was really kind of Martin, because I’m sure they would have been snapped up in the sale.’
‘Yes, well, having lured you away from me, he’s keeping you sweet. Turns out your replacement is equally capable, so I won’t hold it against him.’ Fisher inclines his head towards Valerie, hardly lowering his tone. ‘That sounded convincing, right, Valerie? You’re much better, in my opinion, and there’s no Monday-morning moaning to put up with.’
Valerie purses her lips together, trying not to laugh out loud. I give him my best attempt at a disparaging frown. Valerie’s cheeks are glowing.
‘Well, I didn’t intend leaving you in the lurch. Anyway, fingers crossed I can find some small outdoor lights to make these trees look festive once I’ve sprayed them with fake snow. I’ll leave you to sweep the patio clean, then.’
Even without lights, they certainly brighten up the patio, which is sheltered by a large concrete canopy. It juts out about ten feet from the back wall of the property. The large dark grey rattan chairs are the sort you can comfortably lie back in or sit in with your legs curled up.
It is a little warmer than first thing and the frost has melted, but it’s still chilly and already I’m thinking about going in search of my gloves.
‘Fisher, fancy giving me a hand to carry the fire pit across?’ Gray turns to look at him.
‘Great idea! Afterwards I’ll sort that little task for Immi to keep in her good books. Never cross a busy woman,’ Fisher jokes.
As I root around in the box of lights, I glance up as they ease the large circular metal base down onto the patio.
‘We could have lunch out here, what do you think, Immi?’ Gray enquires. Glancing at my watch, I had no idea that it was already half-past twelve.
‘Hmm. We could do.’
‘I’ll get the fire going, if you can pop something in the oven, then.’
Gray leans in to plant a kiss firmly on my mouth and as he looks down at me there’s a sparkle in his eyes. He’s happy and that makes me happy, too.
‘Breakfast already feels like a dim and distant memory. I do love a woman who knows how to rustle up something appetising just like that.’ He clicks his fingers and stands there grinning at me.
Handing him a huge ball of tangled lights soon wipes the smile off his face and I leave him to it. But not before I catch him scratching his head in dismay.
Heading indoors, I’m relieved when Valerie grabs her half-full mug of coffee and follows me inside. As soon as she slides the glass doors shut, I turn to her, frowning.
‘What on earth am I going to rustle up? I’m not a rustler-up of food. I’m more of a “take the cellophane off a pizza and slap it in the oven” type of girl. Gray doesn’t even know the cheesecake I make him is from a packet mix,’ I admit, shame-faced.
‘I saw the look that came over you out there. Well, your fridges and freezers are brimming with food, so there must be something that won’t take too long to prepare.’
We quickly slip off our coats and I swing open the fridge door to peer inside. It’s so stuffed full of items that it’s a nightmare to see what’s in here.
‘I picked up some thick-cut fillet steaks, but I’ve never cooked them before. I’ll read the instructions and see how long it takes. There are some wholegrain rolls in the cupboard over there, if you can grab them, Valerie.’
Gingerly extracting the vacuum-packed steaks, I begin reading the label on the back as Valerie comes up behind me.
‘In my opinion, the best way to cook those is to make up a rub and quickly fry them off, then ten minutes tops in the oven will do. Wrap them in foil to keep in the juices and they will melt in the mouth.’
I look at her, gratefully.
‘I know you bought onions and garlic, if you can dig some out,’ she adds.
‘The intention was to buy a little of everything, just in case,’ I declare, swinging open a door beneath the island unit and pulling out the plastic veggie box.
‘It’s not just nerves over hosting your first ever Christmas dinner, is it? This runs deeper than that.’
I close my eyes for a second, trying my best not to dissolve into tears.
‘The truth is that I’m trying hard to take all this in my stride, but I have no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never taken care of anyone, not really. And now I’m supposed to step into the role of cook and homemaker, as if it all comes naturally – which it doesn’t.’ My chin slumps down onto my chest as I heave a sigh.
‘I didn’t realise, but now the mad dash around the supermarket is beginning to make a lot more sense. It was rather bizarre, as you’re usually so calm and organised. You poor thing, you should have said something.’
‘I was too embarrassed. Red or white onions, does it even matter? Because I have absolutely no idea.’
‘Not really. Either will do. I’ll get chopping and you can make up the rub.’ Valerie rolls up her sleeves, ready to do business.
‘Have you explained to Gray how you feel?’ she asks. As I watch, Valerie expertly peels the onion and begins chopping. She’s acting as if she isn’t shocked, but I’m feeling uncomfortable now. I can’t suddenly clam up and ignore her question, as that would be rude.
‘No, because what would I say? That I’m scared?’
‘Of what?’
Even formulating the answer in my head, it sounds pretty pathetic. ‘That grabbing my dream will make it all fall apart, as it did for my dad.’
Valerie stops what she’s doing, her face stony. ‘Immi, you more than deserve to have everything you want. Gray is so obviously in love with you, we can all see that. You’re not saying you have any doubts, are you?’
I shake my head, miserably. ‘No, no. But what if when we’re together all the time he discovers that I’m not the person he thinks I am? What if I’m not enough?’
I can see Valerie is visibly shocked by my reply.
‘Why would you even think like that?’
‘What if I take after my mother and not my dad? Dad and I muddled through, which was fine because it’s all we knew. But Rona is a loving and capable mum, and Gray is going to expect me to have the same qualities because that’s normal, right? I can’t cook, and what do I know about family life and raising kids? I can clean and decorate, but it takes a lot more than that to turn a house into a home, doesn’t it?’
Valerie stops what she’s doing and turns to face me.
‘You are a very capable young woman. What is it you’re really afraid of, Immi? Gray loves you the way you are and together you’ll work it all out, one step at a time. It’s new territory for him, too, remember.’
‘Gray has coped with everything life has thrown at him in this last year, without flinching. Physically I’m strong, but emotionally it’s another matter entirely. What if I, too, end up running away because I can’t cope?’ My words seem to shake us both, as my tone makes it sound like a confession.
‘Oh, my dear. Your mother let you down and that’s her failing, not yours. Those around you see a strong, vibrant person who attracts people to them because you are caring and giving. Don’t turn your back on your chance to grab a happy future with the man you love because you are afraid something might go wrong. There are no guarantees, Immi, for anyone. Life isn’t a rom-com, it’s full of ups and downs, and tears and laughter – but loving someone means you face things together, whatever happens.’
