“You might’ve had an accident. Why didn’t you answer me?”
She blinked. “There was nothing else really to say.”
The hell there wasn’t. “I got your note.” He hadn’t meant to sound so accusatory but couldn’t help it. “You can’t mean it.”
She bit her lip and shuffled in her Hello Kitty slippers. “It has been fun,” she muttered, not looking at him.
Fun?
“Time to move on?” Is she seeing someone else? Was that why she’d run off to this cabin, to meet a new lover? Rage pumped through him, and for a few terrifying seconds he battled the overwhelming need to tear the cabin apart with his bare hands.
You belong with me. It pounded through his head, the only coherent thought. Except she didn’t belong with him. She deserved more than him.
Not yet. I can’t let you go just yet.
“I don’t know what you want from me.” She folded her arms and gave him one of her glares. But it didn’t look nearly so fierce without her usual makeup and striking hair—what’s she done to her hair? It was light auburn without any vibrant streaks running through it. “It was okay for a while, keeping everything a big secret. But why does it have to be a big secret? Are you ashamed of me or something?”
He stared at her. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You don’t want anyone to know about us. Why not? Aren’t I good enough for you?”
Any other time he would’ve laughed. Was she serious? “You know that’s not the reason. You’re way too good for me. I don’t—I can’t do relationships. I don’t know how. All I can give you is what we have already. Can’t that be enough?”
It’s got to be enough. Just because he couldn’t get the idea of a real future with her out of his head didn’t mean shit. He was toxic. This was all he had.
Her frown faded. “I’m not asking for the world. I just want something outside of Excalibur.”
His gut knotted. Excalibur was safe. For her. Why couldn’t she see that?
“How much do you want outside of the club?”
“I don’t know.” She dropped her gaze and nibbled on her lip. Don’t do that. He wasn’t a saint. Even his wet clothes weren’t doing much to kill the burn in his blood. “Let people know we’re together. Go out on dates.” She glanced up at him. “We can keep the sex at the club if you like.”
Relief punched through him. Is that really all she wants? It wasn’t much different to what they did already. Except everyone would know they’d crossed the line from friends to lovers.
His brothers might not think much of him dating her, but it was none of their business. If this was all the compromise she wanted in order to stay with him, he could do that. Hell, he wanted to do that.
“Okay.”
She stared at him as though his answer made no sense. “You—you’re fine about that?”
“Sure.” It was well worth the day of worrying and driving through a storm.
“Oh.” She still sounded kind of shocked. “Well, hang on a sec, I’ll get you a towel. You’re dripping all over the floor.”
He dragged in a deep breath as she darted off. Every instinct hammered for him to follow her, swing her around, and kiss her until she swore to never leave him again. But he’d never be able to stop at one kiss. Not tonight. Not when he’d come so damn close to losing her.
“Here.” She handed him a towel and watched as he rubbed his hair dry. “You need to get out of those wet clothes. Luckily Paris has a dryer.”
He draped the towel around his neck and gripped the ends before he was tempted to pull her into his arms and to hell with the consequences.
Never forget the consequences.
As if he ever could.
“There’s no need for you to stay up. Go on back to bed. We can talk in the morning.”
“I don’t mind. I can put the coffee on if you want.”
Just go to bed. He was too close to the edge to trust himself much longer. She looked too damn tempting in that old fluffy dressing gown and with her gorgeous freckles not covered by makeup.
“It’s fine. If you can leave out a spare blanket, I’ll crash on the sofa when I’m done.”
“The sofa? What’s wrong with my bed?”
You’ll be in it. He couldn’t imagine a worse form of torture than being in the same bed as her and not touching her.
“We’ll go to the club Saturday night.”
For a moment she stared at him as though she didn’t know who he was. Then she took a deep breath and smiled. It looked strained, but at least it was a smile. “You obviously haven’t seen the sofa. If you want to get any sleep you’ll have to use the spare room. It’s the second door down the hall.”
Ella stared at up the ceiling, but sleep was no closer than when she’d first climbed into bed a couple of hours ago, after Alex had appeared at the cabin like some kind of ancient water god.
And now, finally, he’d gone to bed. In the spare room.
When she’d kissed him good-bye last night, it was like her old world ended. She had to move on, and the only way she could to do that was without him. Spending a few days at the cabin, away from everyone, she’d planned to focus on a new future. One where she didn’t need to hide behind orange mascara and blue hair just to get through the day.
Been there, done that.
While it had gotten her through some horrible teenage years, it was time to accept that she no longer needed that crutch.
And then he’d turned up and knocked everything inside out.
She rolled onto her side. I just don’t get it. He’d driven through a storm to make sure she was okay. He’d looked as though the thought of losing her devastated him.
But he still wouldn’t sleep with her outside of his club.
He won’t have sex with me. Sleeping didn’t come into it.
Maybe she should’ve told him there was a great iron bedstead in here, ideal for bondage. Except that wasn’t the issue. He just didn’t want to have sex with her unless they were in Excalibur.
Baby steps. He’d agreed to let people know they were together. He’d been more than fine at the thought of them dating. She was still reeling from just how quickly he’d agreed to what she wanted. And although his easy acceptance should’ve thrilled her, unease wound through her—not that she could pinpoint why, exactly.
He was coming around, wasn’t he? This was what she wanted. He’d compromised a whole lot more than she had, so why did she feel as though this was only a temporary calm before the real storm hit?
Chapter Fourteen
Ella shoved her feet into her slippers, opened her bedroom door and sniffed. It wasn’t her imagination. The scent of coffee and toast wafted along the hallway and her stomach growled. Was Alex making them breakfast?
She made her way to the kitchen and saw him place a couple of plates of scrambled eggs onto the table.
“Morning.” He shot her a grin before he poured the coffee. She licked her lips, and it wasn’t the eggs making her mouth water. It was because he hadn’t tucked his shirt into his pants, the buttons were half undone, and he was barefoot.
He looked thoroughly at home. More than that, he appeared totally relaxed, the way he did after they had sex.
She sat down before she fell down and forked her fingers through her hair in a vain effort not to feel so rumpled next to him. “Hey,” she said, abandoning her hair to wrap her hands around the mug he offered her. “I didn’t expect this.” She took a reviving hit of caffeine while she tried to work out what, if anything, this meant.
Because it sure as hell feels like the start of a relationship to me…
He sat next to her, and his knee nudged hers. It was both strangely comforting and oddly exciting. “I’m trying to make up for waking you last night.”
And keeping me awake half the night? She tasted the scrambled eggs. “Mmm. You’re forgiven. I was only planning on having toast this morning.”
He jabbed his knife in the direction of the batt
ered old stove, which was wedged between mismatched kitchen units. “I’m surprised Cooper hasn’t ripped all this junk out and remodeled the kitchen already.”
“Give him a break. Poor guy hardly gets any free time anymore.”
“I don’t see him complaining.” He offered her a filthy leer, and it was so unexpected she snorted with laughter before she could stop herself. “Do you want more toast? There’s plenty.”
“Sure.” Not that she really wanted more to eat, she just wanted to savor the moment of having Alex wait on her. The trouble was, her conscience kicked in. “You need to let Meg know you’ll be late into work this morning. I mean I know she’s good, but she’s still new.”
“Already called Jackson while you were still asleep. He’ll be in the office today to make sure everything’s okay.”
She frowned as she processed that. Was she jumping to conclusions? “Are you taking the day off?” He never took random days off.
He turned from where he’d been putting more bread in the toaster and leaned his butt against one of the units. “Yep. I thought we could see if we could spend a couple of days together without killing each other. What do you reckon?”
I think the world’s about to end. She shrugged, as though this were just a regular conversation and not one that was twisting her mind inside out. “Not sure. It’s a big thing to ask.”
Does that include spending tonight together? She wasn’t going to ask him that.
“I know. Is that a yes?”
“Why not? It’ll be more fun with two of us.” That sounds really dirty…
“Got anything special planned?”
She refused to think about the iron bedstead. If that kind of fun was in the cards then he was going to have to ask her. “I was going hiking.”
The expression on his face was priceless. “Hiking?”
She smothered a grin. “You should try it. It’s real relaxing.”
“Tramping through the mountains is relaxing?”
“Beats sweating it out at a gym.”
He still didn’t look convinced. “Sounds like hard work to me.”
“No harder than your treadmill. And a lot more interesting, trust me.”
“I’m not dressed for it.” He waggled his toes at her and she shook her head in mock disgust. “I guess I could buy some running shoes.”
She snorted. “You can if you want. But I won’t be running anywhere, that’s for sure.”
Three hours later Ella parked at one of the easiest hikes. Not because Alex didn’t usually go native, but because she didn’t want to end up too sweaty and flushed by the end of it. Vain? Yep. Absolutely.
Alex got out of the car and swung her backpack over his shoulder. They’d stopped off at the nearest town where he’d bought some jeans and sneakers and damn, that man looked hot no matter what he wore.
Or didn’t wear.
For God’s sake behave.
“How long does this torture trail go on for?” He shot her a grin that had her rethinking the whole behaving idea.
“I can manage it in a couple of hours. But with a novice like you we’d better give ourselves a good three hours.”
“You plan on giving me a hard time all day?” He pushed his shades down his nose and gave her a mock glare. “Payback’s going to be a bitch, you know that.”
“I’m counting on it.” She laughed as they hit the trail, which bordered a wide stream under a canopy of live oak and alders. “That’s if you can still stand up at the end of it.”
“Want to bet on it? Loser buys lunch.”
She scoffed. “Hope you brought your credit card. I’m going to be starving by then.”
“Yeah, keep dreaming, babe.”
She had a crazy smile on her face, but couldn’t help it. They weren’t holding hands but in every other way this was just like a dream date. Even the weather was perfect after the storm yesterday, with clear blue skies and a fresh earthy scent in the air.
Finally they reached the waterfall at the end of the trail. She stood on one of the rocks strewn by the water’s edge, and lifted her face to the spray on the wind. When she turned to Alex he was pointing his cell at her.
“Are you taking a photo of me?” She forked her fingers through her hair, even though it was too late now.
He shrugged and looked vaguely guilty. “I was taking one of the waterfall.”
“Yeah, right.” She flapped her hand at him. “Come here, I want to take a selfie.”
He grimaced but did as she asked, and even wrapped his arms around her as she took a photo. For a few moments they stood there, his chest hard and warm against her back, protecting her from the chilly spray.
This is all I want. It could work between them. Surely he must see that, now?
Ella jerked awake, heart thudding. The room was dark, and a blanket of silence cocooned her.
Something wasn’t right. Something had woken her. She held her breath but nothing stirred. Slowly she relaxed her tense muscles. Maybe she was just still wound up from today.
Despite the fact she was alone in bed, she couldn’t stop a satisfied smile. Today had been awesome. Alex had been everything that she’d ever dreamed and more, and she wasn’t thinking about sex, either.
Even though he obviously hadn’t lost their bet by the time they reached the car, he’d insisted on buying her lunch. They’d spent the afternoon hanging out in the local town doing…nothing much at all, really.
It had been perfect. Even if he hadn’t suggested they sleep together, that was fine. This was what she’d wanted. They could work up to having a full blown relationship—
An agonized groan echoed through the cabin, freezing her thoughts. Goose bumps prickled along her arms. What the hell? Is he hurt?
She was out of the bed and by the door before she had time to think. Slowly she edged out into the hall. A floorboard creaked beneath her foot and she froze. Suppose there was an intruder? I should’ve grabbed a weapon. Not that she had a weapon. How much damage could she do with a well-aimed sneaker?
Hands flat against the wall, she shuffled along the hall toward his room. Where’s the light switch? She couldn’t remember.
Her fingers grasped the doorknob. “Alex, is everything all right?” Her whisper sounded horrifyingly loud, and she glanced over her shoulder at the looming shadows. There’s nothing there.
Stealthily she opened the door and peered inside. He hadn’t pulled the drapes across the window, and a faint gleam from the moon was the only illumination. I miss streetlamps.
She tiptoed across the floor toward the bed. He was flat on his back, the covers tangled around his naked legs. His breath rasped, and he tossed his head as though he was in the grip of some unimaginable nightmare.
Was it dangerous to wake people up in the middle of a nightmare? She chewed on her bottom lip and gently stroked his brow. Is he feverish?
His hand clamped around her wrist and she gasped in pain. She braced her weight on her other hand before she fell on top of him. “Alex, it’s me.”
He didn’t answer. Is he still asleep? Half afraid she was doing the wrong thing, she gently kissed his lips.
“Ella.” His voice was husky. He forked his fingers through her hair. “Don’t go.”
Something cracked deep inside her chest. “I won’t go,” she whispered, stroking his head. “I’m right here.”
He pulled her toward him without releasing his grip around her wrist and she snuggled close. Should’ve taken my pjs off first. But it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except for the fact he wanted her to stay.
With a groan that made her heart ache, he pinned her beneath him. His kiss was savage, desperate, and she wound her arms around him to keep him right there. I’ll never let you go.
He grasped her pj top and she wriggled out of it and flung it onto the floor before he had the chance to change his mind. His powerful shoulders flexed beneath her fingers as he bent his head and sucked her nipple. That’s so good.
She tugged at
her pj pants and managed to push them over her hips before he got the message and ripped the damn things off her. He kneed her thighs apart and she wound her leg around him, pinning his weight against her sensitive core.
I want you so much. But it was more than want. It’d always been more than simple lust and need and sex. Right here, right now, he was giving her everything she craved, even if he couldn’t ever say the words.
His hands were everywhere, cupping her breasts, teasing her nipples. Then he speared his fingers through her hair, forcing her head back onto the pillow, and thrust into her.
A sob tore from her and she clutched his shoulders as he pounded her into the bed.
His hot breath seared her throat. The stinging pain of his mouth and teeth as he marked her flesh pushed her right to the edge. There was no control, no holding back. It was raw and brutal and hot.
His body went rigid and then he came, hard and furious. She wrapped her legs around him, holding him tight. No barrier between them. She could feel everything. Best ever. She was so close, so close…
He collapsed on top of her, his heart pounding and breathing harsh. Her orgasm drifted just out of reach, elusive and fragile, and she buried her face against his shoulder.
Every nerve in her body quivered for release, but at the same time a strange sense of fulfillment threaded through her. For the last five weeks she’d never been in any doubt that Alex wanted her. That he desired her.
But until now he’d never really needed her. Not the way she needed him. He’d given her countless orgasms and pushed her boundaries until her body fell apart with pleasure. And he was always in control. Not just of the scene. Of himself. As though he could stop and walk away at any point if he decided to.
Not tonight though. Tonight he’d really given her everything that he was.
She squeezed her eyes shut and tightened her grip around him. He might never admit it, might never want to talk about this night, but she’d remember it forever.
Hold Me Until Forever Page 12
