Standing next to Jacob left her skin humming, but if she moved away, that was going to have him focusing that shrewd gaze of his on her. She’d rather not have that happen.
They’d just found another small nest of parasei—it wasn’t a rave this time, but there were still plenty of humans around. Humans for her to use her little mind tricks on, humans to get caught in the crossfire.
Plenty enough to make her jumpy, if he needed a reason. He didn’t need to know she was having hot, sweaty dreams about him.
“Now we kill them,” he said levelly. “Then we find the next nest. And we kill them. Then we find the next one. And so on, until we’ve cleared the city. Sooner or later, we’ll find where they are all coming from.”
Celine rolled her eyes. “I figured that much. What I’m getting at is, we seem to be doing this an awful lot. We’ve been here almost eight weeks. And we’re still going strong. What gives?”
“I’d think you’d like this particular location.” He slid her a look. “Unless you’ve decided you’re ready to move on.”
Going still, Celine caught her hair in her fist. Move on—somehow, she suspected that question was directed at more than just their location.
Move on…away from her life. Farther from home. They’d been in New York, Florida—Finn had tried taking her to Chile and it hadn’t done much good, because her heart, her mind, had always been back there, back home. As often as she could, she’d slipped away. Even if just for a few minutes.
Was she ready to leave this place? So ready to walk away from those empty wishes? Empty dreams?
“Yeah,” she said, her voice husky and raw. “I’m ready to leave.”
She slanted a look up at him. “There’s nothing left for me in that life. I see that. You made sure I saw it.”
The thick fringe of his lashes lowered, shielding unyielding eyes. “Do you expect me to be sorry that I showed you the truth? A truth you couldn’t see?”
Celine sighed. “Even if I expected it, it wouldn’t matter. You do what you have to, Jacob. That’s who you are.” Absently, she combed her hair into sections and started to braid it. Once she’d finished, she pulled a band from her pocket and secured the end, tossing it over her shoulder when she was done. “We all do what we have to, right?”
“We do.”
She nodded. “So let’s do what we have to. Let’s get this job done.”
There was one more thing about her life she did need to do…she just had to figure out how.
The nest was a nasty one—small, but nasty.
The parasei there were old and strong. Usually these demons didn’t cling so well—they grabbed a body, rode it for a few months and wore it out. Some of these, though, Celine suspected they’d had them for years.
That made them even more dangerous.
They were clever. They were strong. And there were a lot of them.
Two of them had her cornered and she didn’t bother using any of the blades she carried. Finn, thank God, had a mad love for firearms and he’d made sure she knew how to use them with more than just passing skill. His favorite weapon had been a pair of good, old-fashioned pistols. He’d even worn them in the same way a sheriff straight out of a western would have—in a set of holsters slung low on his hips.
While she didn’t like the same sort of gun, she’d come to appreciate the damage that could be done. Whipping out a baby Glock, modified with a silencer, she aimed it at one and as he was still gaping at the sight, she killed him by destroying the heart. She killed the other a second later.
She managed to kill three more and seriously wound another couple before they figured out that somebody had changed the game.
Jacob was cleaning house up on the second level, a sword in one hand, a knife in the other. She tossed the gun to her left hand and drew her own blade as one of the parasei rushed for her.
With a smile, she dove into the battle.
This…it was still her favorite part.
It was a good ten minutes later before they’d cleared the nest.
Jacob came up to her, eying her narrowly as she slid the gun away. “A gun. Really.”
“Hey, it worked.” She shrugged at him.
“You spent too much time with Finn. Guns can be tracked.”
“Not if the bullets came from a black market weapon.”
Jacob just stared at her for a long moment and then he sighed. “Even those bullets will have unique markings on them, precious.”
Celine rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I plan on getting caught by the police. And if I do, don’t worry, before somebody from the law offices of the Lord God Almighty gets me out on bail, I promise I won’t crack and start talking about my secret job as a guardian angel.”
“The law offices of the Lord God Almighty?”
“Well, somebody has to pay the bail, right?” She knelt and picked up one of the blades she’d lost in the battle.
“More like Will is going to sneak in and spirit you out, and then he’ll scold the both of us for being so careless. Just spare us both the trouble. I beg you.”
Celine paused in the middle of cleaning the blood off the blade. “You get scolded?”
“Regularly.” He cocked his head and then gestured. “Get up. I hear sirens.”
“Yes, Daddy.”
A faint smile twisted his hard mouth. “You’re turning into something of a smart ass, Celine.”
She blinked as she rose to her feet. Hell. He was right. Well, sort of. She wasn’t turning into one. She’d always been one. She’d just sort of lost it there for a while. That, and the ability to smile.
The ability to laugh.
To care.
To live.
Shrugging, she strode past him. “Don’t worry. I’m sure it will pass.”
Chapter Six
Don’t worry. I’m sure it will pass.
Well, one thing was rather clear…it hadn’t taken long for it to pass.
Celine was gone. Again.
A week had passed since that bloody, long battle. Eight days since that torrid, breath-stealing dream.
And although every day she’d seemed better, Celine was still gone.
He’d been planning on them being able to leave soon—he’d finally found the main nest and once it was eradicated, what few parasei survived would scatter. They could move on, away from here.
But Celine wasn’t ready to move on, it seemed.
He’d come back to the house they were using in Cincinnati—not their house, he couldn’t think of it in those terms—to find it empty. Since he couldn’t sense her, he already knew where she was.
A whisper of sound echoed behind him and he whirled, blade already in hand even as his instincts whispered who it was.
Will stood in the doorway, eyebrows lifted, his gaze on the weapon. “A bit jumpy there, Jacob.”
Sliding the blade home, he grunted in response and dumped the cloth bags of food on the table.
“She’s not here,” Will said, casting a look around the house.
“I noticed.” Jacob smirked. “I leave to buy food and I come back to find her gone. I should chain the woman in the basement.”
“Hmm. I’d rather not hear about whatever unusual proclivities you have.” Will sauntered forward and started poking through the bags. “I keep hearing about this thing you have for chains, but I’d rather remain in the dark.”
Jacob shouldered him away from the bags and pulled out the scant supply of groceries he’d picked up. Neither Jacob nor Celine tended to eat much, perhaps a meal every other day unless they’d been injured, but they were going to have to do a heavy hit soon—that nest he’d found would leave them both bloodied, he suspected. It was more of a colony than a nest, and it was going to take some doing to clear it out.
A hard, fast hit, he figured. In all likelihood, one of them would end up hurt. It was entirely likely both of them would end up hurt. If not worse. They needed to eat well before they headed out, and they needed to eat once they retu
rned if they wanted to be in top form.
“You’re doing what needs to be done with Celine.”
“Apparently not.” Jacob pulled out eggs, cheese, bacon and tomatoes, stacked them on the table. Then he glanced at Will. “She’s gone back home again. I know it.”
“She’ll have to. She has to say good-bye. There’s a difference, you know, between letting go and… clinging. You’ve seen what happens when you cling.”
Something old and painful twisted inside Jacob.
Then…
“You need to enjoy your life.” Jacob lowered himself once more to sit across from Ben. “You never know how much you have left to do that.”
In the harsh, thin lines of his friend’s face, Jacob could see the echo of the man he’d been. But there was little laughter left in him. There had been…once. Laughter, even if Ben had been something of a stingy, greedy bastard.
They’d both been. Two of a kind, Jacob and Ben. Ever since they’d met at nineteen. They’d been the best of friends. Until Jacob’s death, and even that hadn’t completely separated them.
“Let’s not start with this again,” Ben said, his voice dark and dreary. “Did you come to visit or to nag? If it’s to nag, then just leave. I’m tired, Jacob.”
Nag… Jacob bit back a smile. He came because he worried for Ben. The old man had such precious little time left. Months at best. Probably less.
“Have you ever thought about trying to find her?”
Ben frowned. “Find who?”
“Victoria.”
Dark brows lowered over Ben’s eyes and he looked away. “Oh, that. No. Nor do I wish to. Let it go.”
“You never did,” Jacob said gently.
And because he couldn’t continue to watch his oldest, his only friend suffer so, he rested a hand on Ben’s arm and gave in to the call of the strange power that had been emerging over the past months. He’d only given in to it when around those mortals who were close to succumbing to the demon’s call. It let him peer into the present, let him travel back into the past—where he could show them things. He’d only used it with guidance. But he could do this alone this time. For Ben.
If he felt this calling around Ben, though, perhaps there were things Ben needed to face as well, his ghosts he had to deal with…
Ben stiffened.
And time fell away.
Hours later, Will found him.
Jacob held the dead body of his friend in his arms.
The trip through the vortexes of time hadn’t killed Ben. It was a hard journey, but Ben had survived it.
No, the man’s life had ended at his own hand after they’d returned…and he’d staggered away, grabbing a silver knife from his desk and plunging it into his own chest.
Jacob had stripped away the walls Ben had kept around him, revealing a closely guarded secret. One that Jacob had never even guessed at.
“I killed him,” Jacob said quietly.
Will sank to the floor, sitting across from Jacob, his eyes resting on Ben’s old, time-ravaged face. “You did not push that knife into his chest. It was his fault. And you…” Will sighed, lowered his head. “You didn’t know.”
“There was no woman.”
“No.”
Jacob closed his eyes, still struggling to accept the fact that Ben had been harboring feelings for him all these years. “I was the reason he never found anybody.”
“He never let himself look,” Will said, his voice flat. “You have never been attracted to men—you never will be. That is who you are. He was attracted to men. That is who he was. But he never let himself look because he couldn’t stop hoping that one day you might see. And then you died. He might have let go and moved on, but…”
“I kept coming back. And that made him cling even tighter to those dreams.” Jacob closed his eyes. “He wasted his entire life. Because I couldn’t let go of the life I had, the one friend I had.”
His only answer was silence.
Now…
“She doesn’t have the bitterness in her heart that you had. Doesn’t have the guilt.” Will looked away from Jacob, a distant look on his face. “Perhaps she clung very tightly, but I…I think perhaps the past few years, seeing him mourn, seeing how the grief wore on him, how it tore him down, perhaps it’s been the right way for her to let go. It’s been a slower process for her. She just had to see that the love they shared was gone. She’s done that. She’s accepted it. Now she just needs to say good-bye. To move on.”
“He didn’t deserve her.”
Will lifted a silvery brow, a knowing look in his eyes. “He’s part of her past—he’s part of who she has become. Carrying that bitterness inside you will not help your cause now.”
“My cause?” Jacob turned away. “I have no cause. I was to help her move on. She’s doing that. She’ll be able to settle into the life she has before her. Whatever cause you might think I have doesn’t exist.”
“Stubborn bastard, aren’t you?” Will smiled. “But then, you always were. Maybe I’m wrong. I just look at you and see something…new. I haven’t seen it before. At least not with you. If you’ve got a chance to reach out and grab something, Jacob, you should take it. Don’t let it slip away.”
Chapter Seven
When Jacob suddenly appeared, Celine wasn’t surprised.
She was sitting crossed legged in an older section of the cemetery this time, no longer keeping vigil at her normal spot. She’d always loved older cemeteries. Some people found them creepy. She thought they were soothing. There weren’t any ghosts here that could haunt her.
The only ghosts that could do that were actually still alive…and she suspected he’d lost the ability to haunt her in any way.
Her particular ghost, Gavin, still had kept his favorite vigil. Standing over her empty grave. Hands jammed into his pockets, head bowed, eyes locked on the stone.
Staring at him still brought an ache to her chest. It was a dull ache, almost bittersweet, and now, as she stared at him, she found herself thinking about things besides that last night.
For so many months, so many years, that night had tormented her. Now she was able to think past it. Perhaps they had drifted apart.
But there had been good times before that. She needed to remember those times, and stop letting that night hurt so much.
She needed to let go.
“You’d be proud of me,” she said as Jacob sank down to sit beside her.
“Would I?” His tone was careful and measured, almost too careful.
Slipping him a look, she smiled a little. “Yeah. This is the first time I’ve seen him that I wasn’t tempted to let him see me. Even if just for a second.”
“That’s progress, then. Maybe if you can stop coming out here, it would be easier in time.”
Plucking up a dry, brittle blade of winter grass, she shrugged. “I don’t think that’s going to be so hard. I just…I had to come back this time. It’s not finished. Not yet.”
“Not finished?”
“Things. Between me. Him. He’s…” She blew out a breath, looked back to see Gavin still doing the exact same thing. He hadn’t moved, didn’t even seem to breathe. He’d been there, in that exact same position for nearly an hour. “How long until he lets me go?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t looked at his path beyond what might have happened if you’d chosen differently that night. His life isn’t my concern. Yours is.” Jacob continued to stare at Gavin, his cool gaze emotionless. “He has a long time to convince himself that you might still be alive. They found the car. Blood. But without a body…? You aren’t quite ready to give that body up, are you?”
She swallowed. “I don’t think I am.” Sighing, she shifted around, drawing her knees to her chest. “You can see it, right? How things are unfinished? Part of this is because of me. Because I kept coming back. If he can feel me, then I kept giving him a reason to hope. Whether I realized it or not, I gave him a reason. He needs to let me go, so he can move on.” Closing her eyes,
she whispered, “I won’t have him spending his life waiting, hoping for something that will never happen. Can you understand that?”
“Better than you would imagine, sweet.” He rested his hand high on her back, close to the nape of her neck. For some inexplicable reason, that touch felt far too intimate. He’d touched her before and it hadn’t affected her quite like that. Even after that kiss.
No. She couldn’t think about that kiss. Especially not after the dream.
It was too comforting to pull away from, though. And she needed it, that steadying touch that told her she wasn’t alone.
“And are you ready to let him go?” Jacob asked gently.
Something sad and wistful twisted inside her. “Ready? I don’t think it matters if I’m ready or not. It has to happen. But yeah. I’m ready. Guilt isn’t tying me to him the way it’s tying him to me. And I won’t have guilt choking him. I can’t do that to him. No matter how awful things were that last night, no matter how bumpy things were the last few weeks between us, we were happy together for a very long time. And he did love me. Whether he was in love with me or not, he did love me. I loved him. I want him happy. Part of that means letting him go…and saying good-bye. I need to do that. For both of us.”
Tears burned her eyes but she blinked them back. She’d clung to her grief too much over the years. It was time to let it go.
“How do I make him let me go, Jacob?” Turning her head, she stared at the man at her side, at that aristocratic face, into those powerful, unsettling eyes. He was so close, so close…close enough she could see the darker slashes of near black in that dark gray gaze. Close enough that she could feel the warmth of his body. There was a knot in her throat—she had to clear it twice just to speak. “Is there any way to tell him good-bye? Would he let go then?”
“If he sees you, he’ll never move on.”
“I don’t mean as in me walk up to him.” She made a face. “I don’t know, maybe…shoot. Forget it.”
She went to rise, but the expression on Jacob’s face made her pause. “What?”
Grimm Tidings: Grimm's Circle, Book 6 Page 6
