“I’m not sure, sir,” the receptionist said cheerfully. “If you’d like, I can leave a memo in his office for him to call you back as soon as he’s in. Usually, his afternoon meetings conclude around two. Will that be all right?”
“Sure,” I said, knowing full well it would not be all right. I’d left several memos with Mr. Lawson and had heard nothing back. He was a poor businessman.
“Wonderful. Can I get your name and the number for him to call you at?”
“Tell him it’s Brayden Hennie. He already has my number.”
“May I have it just in case he has misplaced it?” There was a hint of nervousness to her voice. She knew who I was, and she knew how much her employer had been wasting my time.
I paused and considered her question. “If he’s misplaced my contact information, I have no interest in doing business with him.”
“Oh.” She sounded put off. Flustered. Annoyed. “Okay, then.”
I didn’t give a shit. I hung up the phone and pushed my chair away from my desk, turning in a half circle to face the windows looking out across the street at the adjacent office building. More windows, concrete, and people milling about in suits and ties. How utterly mundane.
There was a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I called.
I heard Drew enter and knew it was him based on the routine. He opened the door and closed it softly behind him. I heard his shoes on the tile floors as he took two steps to turn around, where he stopped and stared at my back for a decent five seconds. He was likely assessing my mood and deciding whether he should stay or go.
“What do you need, Drew?” I asked without turning around.
He stepped farther into my office and stopped a few feet from the back of my chair. “I don’t need anything, actually.”
I spun my chair around and leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees. “Then why are you here?”
Since returning from Valdez two weeks ago, I’d noticed a change in Drew. For the first few days, I wasn’t quite sure what to think about said changes. He was more direct and assertive. I found that it suited him more than it suited me. He opposed my suggestions and decisions with open criticism. He was never rude, as it wasn’t in his nature, but he had somehow come into his own during my time in Valdez. Perhaps having to run a multibillion-dollar company on his own had instilled some good old fashioned discipline in him.
Drew met my eye and his jaw hardened. “I’m here to tell you that I think you need to take some more time away. You haven’t been yourself since your mother passed.”
“It’s only been a couple weeks. Give a guy a break, will you?”
The hardness in my friend’s eyes softened. “I’m not trying to give you a hard time. I’m trying to help you see that you aren’t firing on all cylinders right now. You’re tense, and frustrated, and agitated. The staff doesn’t want to be around you. There’s no shame in taking some time for yourself. You’ve suffered a great loss.”
I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “I’m all right.”
Drew smirked and shook his head. “You are anything but, and I say that as a friend, not an employee. You should take next week off. I can hold down the fort until then.”
“I don’t need—”
“Yes. You do. You’re not fooling anyone here, Brayden. Take some time off. Spend it with Bella. It will do you some good.”
With that, he turned and left my office, leaving me to stew in my own thoughts.
Maybe he was right. One week wasn’t all that much time in the grand scheme of things. I trusted Drew to run a tight ship in my absence, as he had done when I stayed with my mother. A little bit more time away from the office and the clients and the stress would be a pleasant change of pace.
Maybe it would help me think of other things beside the raven-haired girl from my hometown who was setting up shop in my brain.
***
I picked Bella up from school later that afternoon. I stayed in the car and watched her march down the path across the yard toward me. Her pink backpack jostled on her back, and I wondered what sort of craft Mrs. Jasmine had sent her home with this weekend. Something bright and colorful that would get glitter all over my floors, no doubt.
Bella got into the back seat, and I made sure she had buckled herself into her car seat by leaning back and grabbing the belt and buckle.
“How was school, kiddo?” I asked as I righted myself in my seat. Then I pulled away from the curb.
“Good. We tied bows and practiced writing our names.”
I checked my rear-view mirror to look at my daughter without her knowing. She was staring out the window, watching the trees and lampposts of the residential area go by. She looked sad in a disenchanted sort of way, like everything she used to find joy in now offered her no such thing.
“Did you like tying bows and writing your name?”
Bella shrugged without looking away from the window. “It was okay.”
The car was filled with silence for a couple minutes. When I took a right turn on our street, I cleared my throat. “You okay, Bella?”
She looked up, and her eyes met mine in the rear-view mirror. “Have you talked to Rein?” she asked. The question was innocent coming from a child as young as her, but it packed a punch regardless.
“No, kiddo.” I fixed my stare on the road before us. She had asked me the same thing every day after school since we got back to Florida. My answer never changed, but she remained ever hopeful that Rein and I would resume talking. I couldn’t think of anything that would piss Rein off more than hearing from me.
“I miss her,” Bella said, as she said every day.
“Me too.”
“Then why don’t you call her?”
I sighed and tightened my grip on the steering wheel. “It’s not that simple. Rein and I have history. There’s a lot that happened between us that I can’t change.”
“Why?”
I licked my lips. “Because sometimes people make mistakes that don’t deserve to be forgiven.”
Bella was quiet as she mulled over my words. She was a smart girl, and I knew she was trying to make sense of what I was saying. After a few minutes, she continued talking. “Did you make a mistake, Daddy?”
“Yes. More than one.”
“What did you do?”
I scratched my neck as we came to a stop at a red light. I believed in honesty, but I wasn’t sure how best to explain my situation with Rein to Bella. I wanted it to make sense without having to explain the intricacies of our relationship.
“I let Rein believe something about me that was never true. Then I did the same thing to her all over again. I would be a hard person for her to trust.”
Bella scrunched up her nose as she pondered these words. This was even more confusing for her. “I think if you just called her and talked to her, you would be happy.”
“I am happy, kiddo.”
“No, you’re not. You’re sad.” Bella looked out the window. “Everybody is sad.”
Her words bounced around in my skull like a pinball. Was I sad? I wasn’t the kind of guy who ever confronted how he was feeling. I never even really thought about it. That was part of what was so great about my life in Florida. I was so busy with work and making sure Bella had everything she needed that I never had to think about how I was feeling, or what I wanted, or what was missing.
I simply worked, and then when I was done, I worked harder.
Going back to Valdez had ruined that for me. I couldn’t stick my head in the sand anymore and enjoy this routine I had created for myself in a city of sunshine and beaches and nightlife. It didn’t hold the same appeal that it once did.
A place with three restaurants and one grocery store held more appeal for me than Florida did now.
But that wasn’t my life. Not anymore. My life was here with my daughter, running the company that she would inherit and run one day. My legacy.
I parked the car in the garage a few minutes after our conver
sation died down and then helped Bella out of the back. She walked quietly into the house and went to her bedroom. I decided to give her some space.
I knew she missed Rein terribly. She also missed her grandmother. Everything she knew had been turned upside down.
Maybe I should call Rein and see if she would be willing to talk to Bella on the phone every now and then. I was sure it would be good for her. But it might not be good for Rein. I couldn’t take advantage of her anymore. I couldn’t keep interfering in her life with no intention of sticking around.
I had to move on and forget all about her.
But how could I forget the woman who made me feel whole? She reminded me of who I was, who I used to be, and I felt more present with her than I did with anyone else. She grounded me and kept me sane in a time of complete and utter turmoil in my life. My hardest days somehow held happy memories of lying in bed beside Rein, the smell of her shampoo filling my nose as she laced her fingers between mine to comfort me and to tell me she was there if I needed anything. She had always known that I wasn’t a talker, and she managed to make me feel better without asking me to say anything.
She understood me better than I understood myself.
So had my mother, who had spent her last days pushing me back into the arms of the woman I loved.
Chapter 28
Rein
The knock on my gallery door made me feel instantly nauseated. I rested my paintbrush across the top of the paint pallet and untied my apron. I tossed it on the hook as I passed the kitchenette and hurried up the steps to the door, which I tugged open to reveal an immaculately dressed Gracie. She smiled at me with purple lips and dramatic winged eyeliner, and then she swept past me into the gallery.
She had a grocery bag in one hand that was emitting the most wonderful smell of baked bread. She brought it to the counter in my kitchenette as I closed the door and went to join her. I watched her pull out two sandwiches wrapped in foil. She slid one to me across the counter and began unwrapping hers.
“I thought you might be hungry,” she said before taking a bite. She closed her eyes and nodded. “So good.”
I set to unwrapping mine as Gracie passed me a can of soda. I took a bite of the sandwich and then popped the tab open on the can and drank thankfully. “This was nice of you.”
Gracie shrugged. “You’ve been holed up in here for the last couple weeks, and I figured you were probably neglecting your tummy.”
“Thank you, but I’ve been eating.”
“Glad to hear it. How have you been holding up?”
“Good. Getting a lot of paintings done and stuff.”
“Stuff?” Gracie put her hand on her hip and arched an eyebrow at me. “Stop beating around the bush, Rein. You called and asked me to come by. What’s up? You sounded stressed.”
Now that Gracie was here, I wasn’t sure I wanted to share the reason I had called her earlier. In a moment of weakness, I had reached out, desperate for someone to confide in. Now I was having doubts. It might be easier to keep things to myself for a while.
“Spit it out,” Gracie said as she sensed my hesitation.
I bit my bottom lip and put my sandwich down. “You have to promise not to freak out, okay?”
“Freak out?” Gracie’s eyes widened. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and fixed me with a hard stare. “If you make me wait any longer, I will do just that.”
I took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. Then, when I was as ready as I could be, I looked my best friend in the eye. “I’m pregnant, Gracie.”
“Wait, what?” Gracie shook her head like it might make what I had just told her less true. Her eyes flicked back and forth between mine as she digested my words. Then she sputtered for a minute, trying to find the right thing to say. Instead, she simply asked, “How?”
“How?” I surprised myself by laughing and took another massive bite of my turkey sandwich. I chewed and washed it down with a mouthful of soda. “What do you mean, how? He put his—”
“You know what I mean,” she said defensively, holding up her hands to stop me from finishing my sentence. “Is it…” She trailed off like she was afraid to utter his name in my presence.
“Yes.” I nodded once. “It’s Brayden’s.”
Gracie put her sandwich down on the counter and blew out a long breath. “Wow. Okay. You’re sure? How many tests did you take?”
“I saw my doctor. I’m sure. I’m four weeks along already.” I put my hand absently on my stomach. “It’s so weird. I knew something was up last week. I felt off somehow but couldn’t put my finger on it. We were both so safe, I didn’t even entertain the idea that I might be pregnant. I mean, you know me, Gracie. I’m a careful person. I can’t believe I’m—” I broke off and shrugged one shoulder. It was done. Set in stone. “But I am. And now, here we are.”
“Have you told him?” Gracie asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Why the hell not? He has a right to know you’re going to pop out his baby in eight months, don’t you think?”
I shrugged again but said nothing. In my mind, Brayden had given up his right to know anything about my life. Screw him.
“Rein, come on. You have to tell him eventually, right?”
“Honestly, I really wasn’t planning on it. He made it quite clear that I wasn’t his first choice when he packed up and left again. As soon as he had the chance, he was out of here, and he didn’t look back.”
“You still haven’t heard from him?”
“No, and I don’t expect to.”
Gracie leaned on the counter and stared at her feet as she thought things over. I knew I had just dumped a lot of information on her head, and I saw no harm in granting her some uninterrupted time to get her thoughts in order.
“If you told him, things would be easier. How are you going to afford this, Rein? You’re barely making ends meet now. Add a baby to all this, and you’re going to be eating ramen for every meal for the next decade.”
“Thanks for reminding me.”
“You know what I mean,” Gracie said empathetically. “You have to consider the practicality of all this if you’re going to have a child. Jesus. You’re going to be a mom.” She pressed her hand to her forehead. “I think I’m going to cry.”
“You haven’t cried in three years,” I pointed out.
She shot me a warning glare, and I could see the glossiness in her eyes. She was actually getting emotional about this. “How the hell am I supposed to move to California when my best friend is going to have a baby? I want to be here for that. I want to be an auntie.”
I smiled and took her hands in mine. “Gracie, it’s all going to work out. I promise. I can handle this. And you’ll be an auntie regardless of where you live. Don’t be so silly.”
“You shouldn’t have to do this by yourself.”
“No, I shouldn’t, but I won’t be by myself. This town has a way of gathering around those who need a little extra help. I’m not ashamed to ask for it.”
Gracie sighed and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. “If you told Brayden, you wouldn’t have to ask. You’d be rich, just like that.” She snapped her fingers.
“Gracie, if I tell Brayden, he’s going to feel obligated to move back here.”
“As he should.”
“Hang on,” I said as I held up a hand. “I don’t want him to come back because he feels like he has no other choice. That’s a sure fire way to breed resentment. This isn’t his problem. I made my bed, and I can handle this on my own. I’m not what he wants, and I’ll be damned if I force him to come back and share his life with me all because of one mistake.” I shrugged. “Maybe it isn’t even a mistake. Maybe this is what I need.”
“You need to be a single mom?”
I rolled my eyes. “I need something to worry about that isn’t just myself.”
“Okay,” she said slowly. “But you’re wrong.”
“About what?”
“About this
not being Brayden’s problem. It takes two to make a baby. Maybe if you tell him, he won’t come back here but he’d be able to help you out financially. Isn’t that something worth discussing with him? He could make sure you live really comfortably. Not only that, but think of the things you could have for your baby. The things he or she could do when they get older that might not be an option for them without Brayden’s money.”
“I don’t want to share my child with someone who lives all the way in Florida. It’s not worth whatever kind of cash he’d be willing to give me.”
Gracie blew out a deep breath, and her cheeks puffed up until she had fully exhaled. “Okay.” She nodded as she came to the conclusion that my mind was made up. I was in this alone, no matter what she said to try to change my mind. “Okay,” she said again, a little more firmly this time. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. “You’re a badass, Rein. I have no doubt that you’ll be an amazing mom. But you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here for you always.”
I pressed my cheek to hers and inhaled her sweet perfume. “Thank you,” I whispered, and for the first time in a week, I did feel less alone.
I was lucky to have Gracie. She was the one person I could depend on time after time.
***
Later that evening, I found myself at home, suffering from grease and cheese cravings. I decided to indulge myself and called to order a vegetarian pizza with extra black olives. I was eating for two now, and I deserved a little treat for the week I was having.
Finding out I was pregnant had been a hard pill to swallow. It had taken me a few days to come to terms with it and to stop being angry. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t see past how furious I was.
He’d betrayed and abandoned me, and now, I was alone in Valdez with his child inside me. What a cruel punishment to suffer.
Telling Gracie had been good. It alleviated the weight of the burden from my shoulders to share the news with my friend, and I knew I would have her support through this whole thing. But I did feel a little bit guilty at the prospect of her staying in Valdez to help me instead of leaving for California. When the dust settled, I would have to talk to her again about it. She couldn’t put her dreams on the back burner because of me. She had to pursue her own vision.
My Last First Kiss Page 17
