I could hear her walk into the room and stand there in front of me, but I tried not to meet her gaze. I had come to a revelation about her today, and I really didn’t want anything to ruin it. I had a feeling, though, from the way she had her arms crossed in front of her, I wasn’t getting out of it without a confrontation.
“What are you doing?” she asked coldly.
“I’m going to cook your dinner,” I smiled cheerfully. “I don’t know if you’ll like everything, but if you trust me, I think you’ll find I’m pretty talented.”
I laughed to myself and looked up when I didn’t hear a peep from her. She stood there staring at me, and for a moment, I really thought she was going to stop me. But, she turned, not saying a word and walking over to the kitchen table and sat down. I went through the kitchen pulling out the pots and pans. I got the water boiling, the pasta in there cooking, and started the meat sauce. The smell was amazing. Once that was rolling on its own, I wiped my hands and walked over to the table, pulling out the chair and sitting down in front of her. Sara was just sitting there, looking down at her phone, not saying a word. I cleared my throat and sat back, waiting for her to initiate a conversation. When she didn’t, though, I knew I was going to have to bite the bullet and ask her what was going on.
“Sara,” I said, reaching my hand out and touching her arm. “What’s wrong?”
She looked over at my hand and then slowly raised her head, staring at me as if I had two heads. I retracted my hand very slowly and put it in my lap, sitting up straight in the chair. From the look on her face, I instantly knew it was way worse than I had originally thought. Whatever it was, it wasn’t looking good for me either.
“Okay,” I said. “It is obvious something I should know about, and I’m definitely not picking up on anything right this second. Can you give me a hint?”
She didn’t say a word, didn’t even crack a smile at my humor. She reached down to the table and pulled up the picture of us kissing and slid it across to me. I sighed and hung my head, figuring she would eventually bring it up.
“I saw it,” I said. “I found out about it from a group of journalists I was interviewing with today. Honestly, I knew you might be a little upset, but I really didn’t think that much of it. The articles by CNN and Newsweek and all the major publications talk about you in a very positive light.”
I had been in the news plenty of times, so many, in fact, that I rarely even noticed when something came out about me. The only reason I had noticed that was because we had been on high alert ever since the Natasha thing. Sometimes, paparazzi followed me around. It was part of my life, and I had explained that to Sara, not that it was her fault. I thought that all the way out in Central Oregon wouldn’t be something that was worth the big-time reporters’ time, but apparently, from the look of the picture, I had been definitely wrong.
“I’m sorry, Sara,” I said. “I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable with the photo. I would have never taken you there if I thought there was any chance the press would pick up on us being together. You have to know I would never put you in a situation like that on purpose, especially after you told me how you feel about your privacy. I’ve talked to my PR people. I made an express wish to the press in front of me to please let me have some privacy, and now I know that, apparently, there isn’t any place too remote for them. We’ll definitely try harder next time to avoid the press altogether.”
She pulled the phone back across the table and looked down at the screen. I could tell she was thinking, and I really hoped it was for the better. She took a deep breath and looked back up at me.
“I don’t think there will be a next time,” she said coldly.
“What?” I said, sitting up. “You don’t mean that. It was just one picture.”
“Today, at work, I had a woman come in claiming her dog was sick,” she said. “Turned out the woman was really a journalist trying to get close to me. She wanted to know about us, what we were to each other. I was angry, so I told her it was none of her business. But then she asked me how I felt about your latest scandal, and I was perplexed. So, after she was gone, I did some research of my own, and I figured out what she was talking about. What I found out shook me to the core, and I realized the little story you told me about your ex-girlfriend was total bullshit.”
Immediately, my stomach dropped, and I felt my heart shudder in my chest. She had found the story about Natasha and the Russians. Not only had that story almost killed my company, it now looked like it was going to be my and Sara’s complete demise. I knew I had to at least try to explain. I couldn’t just let it go.
“Look, I know those stories look bad, but when I told you about Natasha, I didn’t want to get all crazy into the Russian oligarchy, the money, and all of that,” I said. “Natasha only said those things because she was mad about the breakup.”
“Don’t you understand anything?” she said, shaking her head. “It’s not about the scandal, and really it has nothing to do with the actual scandal. I know you aren’t working with the Russians. It’s about more than that. It’s about who you are as a man. I’m upset about the way you treated Natasha and all the women who came before her. I’m a simple woman. I told you that from the very start. I’m a hometown girl who has a simple life and likes it that way. I’m not ready or interested in a sophisticated billionaire who uses women like they’re toys and tosses them away when he gets bored.”
“Sara,” I said feeling hurt by her words. “That’s not at all what happened with Natasha, and that is definitely not what’s happening between the two of us. You have been there with me this whole time, and you’ve seen the bond and connection you and I have. You can’t really believe I would do something like that to you, that I could fake those kinds of feelings and affections for a woman.”
“Usually, in my life, I base everything on actions and not words,” she said. “But when you lie to me about something important, something that ultimately made me feel comfortable enough to open up to you about my own relationships, it definitely makes me not want to trust anything about you. No words, no emotions, no actions seem real to me at this point. How would I ever be able to look you in the eye and actually trust you again?”
“Sara, please, I know it seems like that now, but I swear it wasn’t,” I said. “Give me a chance to prove it, to make all of this up to you.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t want to live like that, and I don’t want to live in the public eye like that. I already told you that from the beginning, that I wasn’t cut out for a life in the media like other women might be. That’s just not me. Besides, you’re going back to New York City soon, right? It’s not like you’re going to settle down in Bonanza, be a small-town billionaire or anything. We might as well give into the inevitable now and stop dragging this through the mud.”
“I’m not ready,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t want to end this. It’s too important to me. You’re too important.”
“It was bound to happen anyway,” she said. “We both knew that. We knew it from the beginning. I think you should just leave. I appreciate the dinner and everything, but I’m not hungry.”
She stood up and walked over to the island, and I followed her, looking at the food bubbling on the stove. I wanted to rush over to her, pull her into my arms, and never let her go. I wanted her to see how much I cared about her, but as I took a step forward, she turned away and switched off the burners. I nodded my head, getting the hint. She wasn’t going to reconsider this, and it was probably best that I leave. I reached over and grabbed my keys, stopping for a moment to look back at her and see her turn her face away from me. I hung my head and left the house, so disappointed that I could barely think. This was not at all how this ending was supposed to go.
Chapter 24
Ryan
To say that I’d felt like shit the past three days would be a complete understatement. Life had flipped completely upside down on me, and I couldn’t get my head straight t
o save my life. Things had ended between Sara and me, but it wasn’t what I wanted, not in the least. I had made a plan that would take Sara and me to the next level, but before I could do it, my past had come knocking on the door, ruining everything. Taking care of myself was pointless, and the depression and anxiety had gotten the best of me. I looked like hell, not having shaven in a few days, my clothes not pressed and perfect like normal, and my outfit of choice being two-day worn jeans and an old sweatshirt that had stains from working outside in it. The ranch was dusty, and there weren’t any interviews to be done, so I really didn’t give a shit what I looked like.
Things had come to a head, and I was unhappier than I had ever been in my life, and that was saying a lot considering my past. I had thought things with Natasha and the allegations had finally run its course, but I was so wrong. I had lost the first woman I truly ever cared for, and I had no idea how to change that. Sara was not the typical rich New York City girl. She was simple, grounded even. She had put roots down in her small town with a vet practice and an organization that wouldn’t know what do without her. I, on the other hand, had a life back in New York, a life that I had worked really hard to build for myself with a company and a fortune that wasn’t going to wait around for me to figure out my heart.
My PR rep was all about me and Sara dating because it was doing wonders for my reputation, but I didn’t care about that when it came to Sara. I cared about her and her feelings and making sure I did everything I could to make things work. Dating a squeaky-clean small-town vet had done wonders for my tattered reputation, but it could never last. It could never be for the long haul, could it? I shook my head and looked out the office window at the ranchers walking by. I was living in a dream world, and I needed to wake up, but I didn’t want to.
The last few days had drawn out, and I did everything I could to get my mind off things. I spent the time either hold up in my hotel room or working at the ranch, trying to move the project forward. Sara had been very clear the last time I saw her that she wanted me to leave and that there was no future for us. I didn’t agree, but I didn’t know what to say or do to change that. I had been avoiding her at every cost, knowing if I saw her, I would have to put on a brave face. I had done a pretty good job at it, too, until that morning.
I had actually woken up to my alarm that morning, grabbing some coffee and a muffin from downstairs, and getting myself ready for work. I had even considered shaving, but the hole in gut made me lazy, figuring it didn’t matter anyway. I was going to be in an office all day fielding calls and then working in the field at the ranch. I finished my breakfast and sighed, figuring it was about time I headed over. I grabbed my keys and walked out to the SUV, not really paying attention to anything around me. I put my keys in the door and glanced around before climbing in, stopping when I saw Sara’s little car in one of the parking spots outside of the general store across the street. My heart palpated in my chest, and I could feel the energy start to pump through me for the first time in three days.
I put my keys back in my pocket and turned toward her car, trying to figure out what I should do. I could stand there looking like an idiot just staring, I could get in my car and drive to work, which was probably the best choice, or I could give in to my urge and go inside the store and pretend to bump into her. It was a hard choice, and part of me knew I should keep avoiding her, but the other part of me was drawn to her like a magnet. Before I could decide, though, she came hurrying out the door and to the back of her van popping open the back doors. She rummaged around the through the bags in the back like she had done when she was at the ranch taking care of the elk. I watched her for a second, wondering what she was so frantically looking for.
Finally, she grabbed a huge bag and groaned as she slid it toward her. She unzipped the bag and grabbed a white handle, tugging hard to release whatever was inside of it. She was really struggling, her face turning red and her little body using all of its might to get whatever it was out of that bag. Without thinking, my feet started to move quickly, jogging me across the street. Every time this girl was in trouble, I couldn’t help but try to make it better. It was like a blessing and a curse at the same time. I helped a beautiful woman, but that help had created a situation that was tormenting me.
“Hey,” I said. “I saw you struggling from my car at the hotel. Do you want some help?”
“Ryan,” she said, looking completely surprised. “Um, yeah, actually, if you could pull this out of the bag, that would be great. It’s really heavy and awkward but too big to keep open all the time in the back.”
“Sure,” I smiled. “No problem at all.”
With her help untwisting the bag it was in, I pulled out a folded, wheeled transport and a hard board that an animal could be strapped to. It looked like something that would go in the back of an ambulance. I popped it open and latched the legs, handing her the hard board.
“Thanks,” she said gratefully. “Thanks a lot.”
I nodded and watched as she started back into the store. I figured I was already there, so why not follow her inside and see if there was anything I could do to help? When we got inside, there were a couple of people standing around an old hound dog ailing on the floor. I could see the worry in Sara’s eyes as she bent down next to the dog and gently stroked its fur. She looked up at me, putting her hands under his head and shoulders.
“Would you help me lift him?”
“Sure,” I said, lurching forward and pushing my hands under his hind end and back.
She counted to three, and we carefully lifted the dog and laid him down on the hard board. I grabbed one end, she grabbed the other, and we lifted him up on the transport, gently tightening straps over him to keep him firmly in place. I watched Sara’s hands move over the dog, making sure everything was secure and that he was comforted by her touch. She leaned forward and shushed the pup, whispering comforting thoughts in his ear. The scene moved me, warming my chest. I took the back of the transport and pushed as she pulled the dog back through the store and outside to her van. She put the locks on the wheels, and I stood there gently petting the dog as she loaded her other tool back up into the truck. When she came back, I helped her move the hard board into a cage, to keep him safe during the drive.
I folded up the transport and carried it around, putting it back in the bag in the back and securing it tightly. She got the dog situated and came around, watching me finish up. I closed the doors and turned back to her, putting my hands in my pockets.
“Do you want me to follow you back to your practice to help you?”
“That’s all right,” she said. “I have my part-time assistant there, and she can help me,” she said. “But thanks.”
“No problem,” I replied, standing there awkwardly in silence for a moment.
“I got to go,” she mumbled. “Thanks again.”
I walked up onto the sidewalk and watched as she backed out into the street and headed toward her practice. Sighing, I grabbed my own keys out of my pocket and headed back to the SUV, pulling out and driving the opposite direction toward the ranch. I had thought seeing her would make me feel better. I thought that knowing she was okay, surviving, and happy would make me okay with the situation. I was glad she was okay, but seeing her and not being able to touch her or kiss her was pure and total torture. It made me feel even worse than I had before, which I didn’t think was possible.
I brought myself back to the present and out of the memories of earlier that day. I sat back in my chair and bobbed back and forth, staring blankly at the darkened computer screen in front of me. I felt numb almost, like there was no glimmer of hope, no feelings, no emotions anywhere inside of me. That morning had taken a serious toll on me, and I was sure it had done the same thing to her. She was as surprised to see me as I was to see her. The inevitable was floating through my mind, something I had done my best to avoid up to that point. It was time to face the cold, hard truth, though, and stop hiding behind hopes for the future. It was time to
go. I knew it, no matter how much I wanted to deny it.
I had spent the last three days biding for time, making up excuses in my head as to why I wasn’t preparing to go back to the city. I kept thinking that any minute, I would come up with a genius plan to get her back, but nothing ever came. There was no reason to drag things out like I was doing. It wasn’t healthy for me or for her. Staying in town would only bring terrible things, and I had to see that. Things had dissolved as quickly as they had started between Cassie and me. It was terrible, and not in any of my plans, but that was life. I hated to leave things like that, leaving her here wondering if I ever cared about her, thinking I was some womanizing rich guy, but what could I do? Begging hadn’t worked and trying to explain myself had become nothing more than a reason for her to doubt me more. I just had to face the music.
I turned in my chair and leaned over, picking up my office phone. If I was going to go, I just needed to do it, and the pilot was going to need some advance notice. As I started to press the buttons, though, I froze, getting an absolutely brilliant idea. I put the phone back down and sat there for a second making sure it was even a possibility. I might need to go, I might need to let Sara go, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t leave a souvenir of my presence behind for her and for the town. I turned my computer back on and did a little research, grabbing the phone to make the calls. A smile moved across my face for the first time in days, and I felt hopeful that I could at least do one positive thing for Sara before leaving her behind forever.
Chapter 25
Sara
The stables were the only place I could think without much distraction, so on Monday afternoon, I headed over there, finding myself in the stalls brushing one of the horses, my mind centered around Ryan again. It was like he was imprinted in my brain for some reason. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, and it was driving my heart and my mind completely nuts. It was almost worse than when we were at the height of our relationship, or whatever we had going on. Seeing him on Saturday didn’t help in the least. It had completely caught me off guard, and I had been so focused on the call when I pulled up, I didn’t even think about the fact that he was staying right across the street.
My Last First Kiss Page 39
