by Amber Heart
Chapter 16
Rosalie wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but any time that Blaze wanted to come and see Vanessa, she would ask if Rosalie was home. If she was, she would have Vanessa meet her somewhere else. Not that Rosalie was complaining, because she didn’t like the girl, and no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t like the girl. Not after the things she’d said. Vanessa seemed to be fine with it, and would even cancel on Blaze just to hang out with Rosalie. The two girls had gotten pretty close, and it made Rosalie feel more and more guilty. Vanessa was her best friend. The best friend she’d ever had in her life, but she was keeping this huge secret about Eric from her. It killed her inside. She felt like she owed them both loyalty, and she was caught in the middle. Rosalie decided that she was going to have a talk with Eric. Maybe he would let her tell Vanessa the truth. She took out her phone and dialed, heart racing that she was even asking this. He’d trusted her innately with this information, and she had no problem keeping his secrets, but now it was killing her, and she hated that she felt like she was betraying his trust even by asking for permission to tell one person. It rang. Eric picked up on the third ring.
“Hello?” His voice was sleepy, and more guilt weighed her down. She’d woken him up. It had woken her up in the middle of the night, and she’d done her best to wait until a reasonable time to call him, but it turned out that she was still too early.
“Hey, it’s me. I’m sorry for waking you up. Do you want me to call you back later?” Rosalie bit her lip. She was considerate enough to do that if he wanted, but she really hoped that he would just let her talk about it now because it was really bothering her. Eric yawned widely from the other end of the phone.
“No, it’s fine, babe. What’s going on?” Rosalie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Wincing, she launched into the story.
“I, um, I just wanted to ask you something.” There was a serious tone to her voice, and it instantly woke him up.
“Are you ok? Did something happen? Do you want me to come get you?”
“No! No, I’m ok. I just was thinking about something last night, and it was bothering me, so I wanted to call and ask you about it.” Silence on the other end, and it only made her more nervous. “Vanessa is my best friend. I’ve told her everything except the truth about you and your family. I kind of feel like I’m lying to her, but I want to keep you safe and your secret, so I wanted to ask you first if I could tell her.” She said it all in a rush, hoping that he wouldn’t get mad at her. The silence stretched on.
“Can you trust her?” There was a tone to his voice that said he didn’t think that it was a good idea, but if she could convince him, then he would be ok with it. Rosalie swallowed hard. Yes, it had only been a few months since they’met and gotten to be friends, but Rosalie was willing to bet that yes, she could trust her. She swallowed hard, hoping that she was putting her faith in someone she could trust.
“Yes.” There was a firmness to her voice that she was sure would convince him. He whistled low on the phone and the awkward pause made her nervous all over again.
“Ok. You can tell her. I might regret it later, but it’s ok. I’m sorry for putting you in that position. I know that it couldn’t be easy to have a good friend and not say anything about one of the most important things in your life.” There was a smile in his voice, and it set her at ease.
“A very important part of my life if you don’t change your mind in six months.” She’d meant it as a joke, and if he would have been in front of her, she would have winked at him. The silence that came after her sentence was different, tense, and it wiped her smile off her face immediately. He was going to change his mind.
“Look, Rosalie, I know you gave me the six month window to change my mind, but I don’t need six months.” Silent tears slid down her cheek as she thought of something to say. He was going to break up with her. Right before her birthday. This was going to be the worst birthday of her life. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to go.” Click. He’d hung up. No ‘I love you’, nothing. Rosalie stared at her phone like it was a creature from another planet. The dial tone mocked her, so she flipped it shut and threw it across the room with a scream of pain. She burst into tears and threw herself down on her bed, face in the pillow to cry. It hurt. More than she ever thought it would. She’d fallen in love with this bad boy, then found out that he really wasn’t so bad, just putting on an act. Now he was going to break her heart, and she was going to spiral down into the darkness.
“Rosalie! Are you ok?” Vanessa came bursting into the room, eyes wide, chest heaving like she’d just run a marathon. That’s when it hit her that her scream and the sound of the phone hitting the wall could bring someone else running.
“I’m fine.” Her voice was wooden, completely devoid of all emotion, and muffled from the pillow.
“Aw, honey, you don’t have to lie. What’s going on? Talk to me.” So Rosalie sat up and told Vanessa the whole story, from beginning to end of the first time that she’d ever seen Erik, up to and including the conversation that she’d just had with him. Vanessa looked like she was going to cry, too, when Rosalie finished. Vanessa pulled her friend into her arms, rocking her back and forth as she cried. “It’s going to be alright. I don’t know how, yet, but it will be, you’ll see.” Rosalie wanted to believe her friend with all her heart, but something gave her a sinking feeling in her gut, making her think that it was all wishful hoping rather than truth.
***
Eric hung up the phone. He scrubbed his hands over his face. He cursed himself for being so stupid. Of course she would want to tell Vanessa the truth. She was the only real friend that Rosalie had, and he was getting in the way of her being happy. He’d gotten off the phone because his own guilt had started to worm its way into him. Yes, she’d given him six months. He knew he didn’t need that. He loved her, and he wanted her to be his wife. He’d gotten the idea the night before that he wanted to do something special for her birthday, and now he was thinking that he was going to put a real proposal into it. A sweet and romantic one like she deserved, not a spur of the moment, prove something to his mom proposal that wasn’t even about her. Which meant that he had a lot of work to do. Christmas timeframe would have been better, because he’d thought of a horse drawn sleigh ride to start things off. Now he didn’t want to wait that long, so he would have to adjust his plans. There were horse drawn carriages that ran in the warmer seasons, and he supposed that would be a good substitute. He picked up his phone and started to look around in the yellow pages app.
“Hello? Yes, I was wondering if I could book a horse and carriage? Two weeks from tomorrow. Yes. To pick me up from 8537 Whiteacre Ave.” Everything went well until he gave the address. Now the man was flustered. He started stuttering, saying he wasn’t sure that his humble carriage and his old nag would be elegant enough. Eric rolled his eyes. He really hated his legacy at times. He managed to calm the man down and assured him that everything would be just fine. He gave a wry chuckle. At least his name would ensure that the man wasn’t late. Now, he had to make reservations for dinner in the fanciest place in town. They were a little less surprised at his name, and the waitress even had the nerve to tell him she had to check to make sure that they had a table for him. He knew for a fact that they always had open tables because it was so expensive, hardly anyone ever went there. He swallowed his anger but remained polite in order to secure the reservation. Now, the one thing he wanted to do to make this proposal special, was to book the solarium. It was beautiful during the day, but there were some night blooming flowers that made it stunning, and it was remote enough to see the stars shimmer at night. That was where he wanted to propose. Now, the only thing he had left to do was get her a gift. Shit. What was he going to get her? A lightbulb went on in his head. Vanessa. She would know exactly what Rosalie would like. He got up and got himself dressed, intent on heading over there in an hour or so because Rosalie had a class, but Vanessa was off.
***
Rosalie sat in class, staring at the professor without really seeing her. This woman was married, and she was always disheveled, had too much makeup on, and stains on her clothes. How was it possible for her to find her true love, when Rosalie considered herself much more put together and was now down on her luck? Granted, Erik hadn’t officially said the words that would break them up, but she could feel it coming. That feeling of cold and rejection swallowed her up. Her notebook sat in front of her without a single letter written in it from the lecture. Her eyes were glazed with pain and tears, and she stared off into nothingness. Her hand stayed down where no one would call on her to answer any questions. Had she been more aware of her surroundings, she would have noticed that her classmates were giving her strange looks because of her behavior.
She didn’t even hear the bell when it rang to dismiss the class. It took someone getting up and walking behind her down the aisle, jostling her with a backpack, to wake her up. She pulled herself out of her daydream, mechanically put things in her bag, then walked from the room almost like her body was moving on autopilot. She managed to get out of the classroom and across the campus to her dorm room. She was hoping that Vanessa was going to be there so she could cuddle up on the couch with her friend, watch a movie and eat junk food. Vanessa had told her to just skip class, but that was something that Rosalie couldn’t bring herself to do, even though she felt completely empty inside. When she opened the door, she saw that Vanessa wasn’t home. The dorm was completely silent, no TV, no music, nothing. Looking at the coat rack that sat in the corner by the door, she saw that Vanessa’s jacket and purse were both gone. A fresh wave of tears flowed out of Rosalie, and she went straight to her room, got her bathroom bag and went down to the showers to drown her sorrows in scalding hot water. It was like she was trying to cleanse the feeling of betrayed love from her soul.
Chapter 17
When Rosalie came home from class, she was looking forward to a night of vegging on the couch, watching movies with Vanessa, but Vanessa wasn’t home. A heavy weight settled on Rosalie’s shoulders, and she dragged her feet until she made it into her room, closing and locking the door behind her. Unbidden, tears slid down her cheeks. It made her angry because they seemed to be broken, just leaking whenever they wanted. It made her feel weak that she couldn’t even control her own body. Being weak was one thing, but being unworthy…
That was how Eric had made her feel. No. That was how Eric’s mother had made her feel. All she could think was that it had somehow finally gotten through Eric’s head, too, and he was waking up to see what his mother had wanted him to all along. It hurt, but it made her glad that she’d given him the six months to think about whether or not he wanted to really be with her. Something told Rosalie that this was going to be the deepest cut that she’d ever had, and she didn’t know what to do to try to start healing. She threw herself down on her bed and let all the tears she’d built up come flowing out of her. At some point, she must have fallen asleep, because when she woke up it was dark outside. She saw the clock on her nightstand, and it told her that it was five minutes till midnight. Five minutes until her birthday. She checked her cell phone. No missed calls, texts, or emails. Fresh tears threatened that Eric hadn’t even gotten a hold of her. She was left to assume that he would now never talk to her again, and that she should just move on. Rosalie burrowed down into her blanket and had to flip the pillow over so she had a dry place to sleep.
When the sun came up, Rosalie had tossed and turned until she had bags the size of golf balls under her eyes. Her pillow was wet on both sides from her tears, and she felt like she weighed five hundred pounds. She didn’t want to move, didn’t want to get up, didn’t want to live. She rolled over and the sun hit her in the face. Rosalie hissed and rolled the other way, trying to find comfort in her blanket by wrapping herself in a cocoon. It was around ten that there was an insistent knock on the door. Rosalie groaned.
“Go away.” The knocking resumed. Rosalie just wanted to be left alone, and this person wasn’t getting the hint. She popped her head out from under the blanket and growled audibly. There was a chuckle on the other side of the door, muffled by the wood, then more knocking. “I said go away!” Her voice was raw from crying, and she buried her head in the blanket again, letting a single tear slide down her cheek. The handle of the door rattled, then turned. Vanessa came in, grinning like an idiot and holding up a bobby pin.
“You know, it’s not hard to get in if I really want to. I was just making sure that you were decent.” The lump of blankets moved just enough to let a hand come snaking out. That hand promptly gave Vanessa the finger, which only made her laugh. “Oh, come on, you. It’s your birthday and we’re going to do it right.” She seized the blanket and gave it a might tug. Rosalie was shocked, but she kept her senses enough to grab the blanket before it was completely gone.
“I don’t care that it’s my birthday. It’s the worst day in the world. Please just go away.” She tried to get her blanket back, but Vanessa wasn’t giving it to her.
“Well that’s just too bad because you have somewhere to be.”
“Yeah, here, under my blanket, in peace and quiet so no one can see me cry.” Grumbling wasn’t getting her anywhere apparently, so Rosalie decided to try sympathy. “I just want to be left alone, ok? I’ve lost the most important thing to me right now, and I just want to sulk until I can find a face that I can put on in front of other people. I can’t face anyone else right now.” Vanessa’s face was impassive, and she just stared at Rosalie.
“Like I said, you have somewhere to be. Get up, or you’re going in your pajamas.” Rosalie didn’t doubt that Vanessa would drag her out in her pajamas, so she decided that even though she might have lost this battle, she wasn’t down and out yet.
“Fine. Get out so I can change.” Vanessa pumped her fist in victory and was made to leave. She paused in the doorway.
“And don’t think that you can just lock me out. We already know that won’t work.” She giggled as she waved the bobby pin at Rosalie. The latter was trying to come up with a way to snatch it and lock the door anyway. “Stop looking at me like that. Even if you get this one, I have plenty more.” Damn. There went that plan. Rosalie just waved an irritated hand at Vanessa, who ducked out and closed the door behind her. Why did the world have to be against her today? It was the one day out of the year when things were supposed to be going her way, and the world decided it was going to have a little fun and do the opposite. Rosalie stalked over to her little window and looked out. Everyone looked happy. The quad was full of people laughing and talking, hanging out between classes. She hated them. She hated them all. The light had gone out of her own world, and the tiny pinprick that was Vanessa couldn’t be found unless you knew exactly where to look. She spared it a glance, seeing that it was doing its best to burn brightly and illuminate the area around it, but Rosalie was still lost in the darkness. She walked over to the closet and absentmindedly flipped through her clothes, coming up with a pair of jeans and a sweater. She didn’t even care if they matched or not, she just couldn’t be bothered. She ran a brush through her hair and threw it up in a ponytail. Opening the door to her bedroom brought her face to face with Vanessa.
“I’m going to brush my teeth. Give me some space, sheesh.” Vanessa was indeed looking like she was about to go running after her to make sure that she didn’t just disappear. To her credit, she left Rosalie alone. Apparently, seeing the jeans and sweater made her trust Rosalie enough to brush her teeth. She was dressed, so she must be cooperating, right? Wrong. Rosalie was dressed and she was going to brush her teeth, and Vanessa was going to take her wherever they were supposed to go, but she was bound and determined to be sullen and unhappy through it all. Whatever it was. When she got to the coed bathroom, she saw a guy standing in front of the mirror shaving, and it made her heart skip a beat. Rosalie froze in the doorway. The guy looked like Eric…a little anyway. The pain came slamming back, threatenin
g to spiral her down into an abyss, but then the physical pain of the door closing on her heels snapped her back to reality. She steered for an open sink as far away from him as she could possibly get, then got very interested in the preciseness of putting toothpaste on her brush. She stared at herself, into her own eyes actually, the whole time she was brushing her teeth. When the door opened and closed again, she used every ounce of willpower in her not to turn around and see if the boy had left. She finished up and left the bathroom, coming back to see Vanessa waiting by the couch with her coat and keys. Rosalie rolled her eyes.
“You really can be annoying sometimes, you know that?” Her voice came out a little gruff, but she couldn’t help it. Part of it was still raw from all the crying, and the other part was irritated anger. Whether it was righteous anger or not, it was still there. Vanessa gave her a mock bow, acknowledging that yes, indeed, she was irritating, but that she was damn proud of it, too. “Why are you so intent on dragging me out today? You know that I feel like crap already. If you were really my friend, you would let me wallow in pity in my own bed.”
“Nope. I’m not a pushover girl, I’m a delivery girl. Let’s go.” That made no sense to Rosalie at all, but she didn’t want to expend the energy it would take to figure it out.
