“Yes, ma’am.” I kneel between her spread thighs and stroke my cock along her slit. “You’re so wet.”
“Ready for you,” Marian murmurs. “Take me.”
I plunge my cock into her pussy and watch Marian’s eyes roll to the back of her head. As soon as my cock hits her pussy, I lose her as she’s transported to another world.
She whimpers and moans, sweet sounds that fill me with pride. I love what I do to this woman and what she does to me. We are so right for each other. In bed, that is. I cannot allow myself to think beyond sex. Marian has made it very clear that her only interest is in having a baby. And what do I need? Other than the success of my pizza business, I don’t know what else I need.
Pleasure pulls me out of my thoughts into the sensations whirling through me. I allow myself to drown in Marian’s lush body.
***
Later, we lay in bed with our arms around each other. My phone blares from somewhere on the floor, and I let out a string of curses. I let go of Marian and reach for it in the pocket of my pants.
It’s Ace and late for him to be calling. My insides turn to jelly.
“Ace,” I say, my voice terse.
“Are you watching TV?” he says.
“No.”
“Okay. There’s a huge bush fire, and we’re going in. Just wanted to let you know. Keep an eye on Lexi and Luna, okay?” Ace says, his voice shaky. That’s not the Ace I know. My younger brother is the bravest firefighter I know.
“What’s wrong? You’ve fought fires before?”
“Yeah, but this one’s huge, and it’s unpredictable,” he says. “Have to run. I’ll talk to you when I can.”
“Take care,” I say just before the call is disconnected.
“What is it?” Marian says.
“There’s a bush fire, and Ace’s crew is going in. He sounds worried, which is not like him at all, and that has me worried,” I tell her.
“Let’s go downstairs and see if it’s on TV,” Marian says. “I need to call Brooke as well.”
We dress and head downstairs. Marian goes to the kitchen to make us coffee as she calls Brooke.
I grab the remote and turn on the TV. A reporter comes on screen, and behind him, images of wild orange flames fill the screen. The cameras switch views to images of helicopters rescuing people from homes near the hills. On the ground, firefighters battle the uncontrollable fires, and I wonder if Ace is among them.
Marian returns with our mugs of coffee and places them on the table in front of me. “Jason’s there as well. Brooke is pretty shaken up.”
“It’s frightening. Lives are lost in such fires,” I tell her. We exchange a look as we both know the statistics of the profession our loved ones have chosen.
“Did you attend the funerals last year?” Marian asks.
I nod grimly. “I did, and it was just about the saddest period of my life.”
Our county lost seven firemen in a fire that had engulfed the largest housing estate on a mountain. I feel as if I’m experiencing the same horror again as we watch the fire spread rapidly, moving in the direction of people’s homes.
“It was just so sad, and the guys are so brave to risk their lives all the time,” Marian says.
“That’s always been Ace. He always thinks about other people before himself. He’s happiest when he’s helping.” That’s the difference between us. “He’s always been a greater man than I am.”
“How can you say that?” Marian says. “We can’t all be firefighters or go to war to defend our countries. Look how well you run your restaurant, making sure that you’re serving people the best quality pizza. No shortcuts for you,” Marian says passionately.
Her words touch me. “Thank you.”
“Don’t you ever put yourself down again or compare yourself to your brother. You’re two good men with different gifts and skills to offer.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I grin.
“I always wished I had a sibling,” Marian says, a wistful note in her voice. “How was it growing up with a brother?”
“Complicated,” I tell her.
Chapter 18
Marian
“I don’t understand,” I say. From what I’ve seen and heard, Declan and his brother Ace are very close. Declan was the first person that Ace called to tell him about the bush fires.
“Our parents did this favoritism thing,” Declan says. “It could have created a wedge between us, but we were determined that it would not.”
I slide closer to him on the couch and place a hand on his thigh. “That’s crazy. I don’t understand parents who favor one child and show it.”
“I think that for my parents, it was a game. A stupid twisted game to make us toe the line by using emotional blackmail,” Declan says. His voice is tinged with pain, and I feel at a loss on how I can comfort him.
Before I can say anything, the very person who is the subject of the conversation fills the screen. We both lean forward, and Declan increases the volume. “We want to tell everyone to stay calm and be prepared to follow instructions from the authorities,” Ace says, his tone serious. He explains what they are doing and the unpredictable direction of the wind. Declan’s brother is a lot more serious than Declan and bulkier, and that’s saying a lot because Declan is bulky.
Ace fades from the screen, and the reporter comes back.
“He looks so passionate about his job,” I muse.
“He wanted to be a firefighter,” Declan says.
“Did you know Marvin Foster, Brooke’s brother?” I ask Declan, my heart shrinking as it always does when I think or talk about him.
“Not very well, but I heard what happened to him and his wife,” Declan says. “Were you friends, too?”
I nod. “We met in college. Jason, Marvin, and I were known as the three musketeers. Marvin was the best of all of us.” I get teary.
Declan drapes an arm around me and pulls me close. I lean my head on his shoulder. My chest aches with pain. Declan rubs my arm.
“They died horribly,” Declan says. “I’m glad for their little boy. He got another family.”
“Yeah, they would be so proud of Liam,” I say and chuckle softly as I remember how much he lords it over his younger sister. “He’s the best big brother.”
We watch the news and talk more than we ever have.
“Do you want just the one baby?” Declan asks out of the blue.
I inhale deeply. “That’s an odd thing to say.” I inch away from him, and his hand falls off my shoulder. “I’m ovulating this week.”
“Oh,” Declan says. “You realize that when you conceive, our deal will come to an end?”
“I know.”
“Doesn’t that bother you the slightest bit?” Declan says.
It is so tempting to allow myself to go down that road, but I’ve given my heart away before, and it was crushed and trashed. “Why should it?” I ask flippantly. “That was our deal.”
“I guess what I’m trying—”
“Declan don’t.” I stand up. “It’s late, and I’m working tomorrow and so are you. I’ll keep up with the fire news on my phone. Goodnight.”
He stares at me for a few moments without speaking. “Goodnight.”
My heart pounds hard as I flee upstairs. It’s for the best. We have to stay on course, live up to the terms of our deal. I want a baby, not a man. Guilt floods me as it hits me that I haven’t thought about my baby in a long time. All I think about is having sex with Declan and not for procreation purposes.
I shut the door, lean on it, and inhale deeply. Okay. I lost my bearings for a while there, which is understandable. I haven’t had sex for years. I hooked up with a guy after Leonard but realized I’d picked yet another person who liked to boost his ego by putting down the woman he was with.
Sex with Declan feels as if I’ve come back from months of hibernation. He makes me feel alive in ways I haven’t experienced. Even when I was with Leonard, I never felt like that. Sex with Leonard had been
okay. Nothing earth-shattering and certainly nothing to write home about. Bland is the right word for it.
Sex with Declan, on the other hand, is not just one part fitting into another. It’s an experience. It transcends the physical. And the pleasure is out of this world. I’ve never been so aroused making out or so utterly satisfied as after sex with Declan.
***
The first thing I do when I wake up the following morning is to check my phone for the latest news on the fires. Then I see a message from Brooke confirming the news that the winds have changed directions and the fire is under control.
Relief surges through me. I jump out of bed and hurry to Declan’s room to share the good news. The door is open, and when I peer in, the bed is made, and there’s a note on it.
Filled with curiosity, I go and pick up the note.
I have to dash to Santa Monica to sort out a few things. I’ll be back in the evening if that’s all right with you. Oh, and the fires are under control. Have a nice day.
Why does the impersonal nature of the note leave a bad taste in my mouth? It’s the kind of relationship that I want. Conflict tugs at me. I want the easy flirtatious relationship that Declan and I have.
I glance at it again and crumple it up. I can do it too. I can be distant and focused on what I want from this relationship. With that in mind, I march back to my room, make the bed, and prepare for the day. Twenty minutes later, I’m in my kitchen seated at the island, sipping deliciously hot coffee. The same routine I’ve followed for years. I should be focused on the day ahead, planning and thinking out my day.
Except I can’t. A longing so intense and powerful comes over me. I miss Declan. It’s so strong that it becomes physical pain. My kitchen feels like it’s lacking something or someone to be precise. A stab of fear sliced through me. I need to get control of my life back.
My life is just fine without a man. The only thing I need is a baby. That’s all. I’ll get all the love I need from my baby. I just need to keep myself busy until this wave of longing for Declan and things I can never have, go away.
Resolutely, I get up, rinse the cup in the sink, and leave for work. I love my job, and at times such as this, it becomes my sanctuary, and I can lose myself in it.
Brooke texts me at eleven to ask if I’m free for lunch, and we make a date to meet at our usual meeting place. A sandwich place on Oak Street.
Brooke is already there when I walk in. She stands when I approach, and we hug and kiss. She looks a little pale.
“You don’t look so hot,” I tell her as she sits back down. “I’ll go get our sandwiches and coffee. What do you want?”
“Just coffee, please,” she says, and when I raise an eyebrow, “okay then, bring me a ham sandwich, mother hen.”
The queue is long but moving fast, and a few minutes later, I’m carrying a tray to our table.
“Okay, dish out. What is it? You said that Jason is home safe, right? And I know the fires have just about died down.”
She nods as she sips her coffee. “I’m just being a baby. I don’t know why this time I felt so frightened. Almost as if I was sure I was going to lose him.” Tears fill her eyes.
I can’t imagine living with that kind of anxiety, and I find myself feeling grateful that Declan’s work is not dangerous. And then I remember that Declan is not my real husband. We are nothing to each other.
“I think that’s a natural worry,” I say, choosing my words carefully. It’s easy to talk and dish out advice when you’re not the one wearing those particular shoes.
“Yes, but this time it was like a premonition.” She sniffs.
“Maybe it’s the time of year.”
She stares at me uncomprehendingly. “What do you mean?”
“We lost Marvin and Ellie in May,” I say gently.
Her eyes widen, and she drops her cup back on the table with more force than necessary. Some coffee spills on the table. “Oh my God, how could I have forgotten? I’m such a bad sister and sister-in-law.”
I shake my head. “I wouldn’t say that, Brooke. You gave up your own life in Minnesota to move here permanently and give Liam a home. I wouldn’t call that selfish.”
Brooke was the kind of sister that I wanted to have. She would have done anything for her big brother, and she did. She gave her nephew home and made his world secure again. Liam was a well-adjusted little boy. Brooke and Jason had done a good job ensuring that he knew that his parents were in heaven.
“Yes, but to forget the anniversary of their death?” she says.
“It’s probably your brain’s way of giving you a break. Besides, it doesn’t matter if you forget. Your heart will let you know.”
Her face softens, and she smiles. “You’re right. My heart won’t let me forget.”
“I’m surprised Jason didn’t make the connection,” I say.
“I never told him. He came home exhausted last night, and it wouldn’t have been fair to dump my worries on him.” She gives me a guilty look.
I laugh. “I don’t mind being your dumping ground. I welcome it. That’s what friends are for.”
“Best friends,” Brooke says.
I reach across the table, cover her hand with mine, and squeeze. “You and Jason and the kids are my family.”
“Thanks,” Brooke says. Her glance bounces around the café, and she giggles. “I never told you this, but the first time I saw you, you and Jason were having lunch here.”
I search my memory for the period she’s talking about. “I remember. Jason wanted to surprise you with a grand proposal, then something happened, and he backed off. I suspected a lover’s tiff, but he wouldn’t admit to it.”
She laughs. “It was, but that’s not the embarrassing part.”
“Go on,” I tell her, already chuckling because I have a suspicion about what she’s going to say.
“I thought you and Jason were dating,” Brooke says.
I laugh. “Marvin would have laughed to death at that. They were both the brothers I never had, from day one.”
“I know that now,” Brooke says. “So, how are things with your husband going?” She makes quotation marks in the air when she says, ‘your husband.’
“Better than I hoped or expected,” I tell her.
“Do you think it will work?” she says.
“Who can ever tell with relationships?” I say. “But I’ll tell you this; it’s the best one I’ve ever had.”
Brooke squeezes my hand. “I hope it works. You’re the best person I know, and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Jason says that if Declan is as good as his brother, then you’ve found yourself a winner.”
My throat closes up, and I can’t speak. I nod and squeeze back Brooke’s hand.
Chapter 19
Declan
I won’t be home for dinner. See you at nine.
I read the message that I’ve just typed out, and fight the urge to add something else. I can’t think of anything. It sounds cold, but that’s how Marian likes it. I hit send and slide it back into the pocket of my pants.
“Why didn’t you come with Marian because you miss her?” Ace says.
I am dining with him, Lexi, and her sister, Vanessa at their place. Luna fell asleep hours ago.
“She was busy,” I mumble.
“Now, that was a surprise,” Vanessa says. “I couldn’t believe that you were married, Declan. What happened to your promise to marry me?”
I laugh. Lexi’s sister and I have always had a playful, sibling-like relationship. She’s a nurse and a very caring human being. She’s loving to everyone who comes into her life, and though she tore into me the first time we met, we became good friends afterward.
“I surprised myself too,” I tell her. “And hey, we can move to a state where polygamy is allowed.”
We all laugh.
“And where there are no fires,” Lexi says and shudders.
“Was it as bad as it looked on TV?” I ask Ace.
“Worse,” he says
. “There’s nothing as bad as a fire in the wild. It spreads faster than anything you’ve ever seen, aided, of course, by the wind. Thankfully, no one lost their lives.” Ace entertains us with tales of their escapades while they were out fighting the fires. “People are crazy,” he says. “Some simply refuse to leave their homes. And guess the reason for that? Their belongings.”
“That’s crazy,” Lexi says.
As we relax after dinner and sip wine, my mind meanders to Marian. My family would think we were insane if they knew the details of our deal. I keep thinking about what will happen when Marian becomes pregnant, which she invariably will, considering how often we’re having sex. At first, it was about the baby, but now I find myself thinking about Marian as well. I’m feeling things for her that I shouldn’t feel in a fake marriage. I want more from Marian. Fear courses through me, but it’s not strong enough to dissuade me from thinking it over. Can I convince her to give us a chance? To try and see whether our marriage can work in real life?
Suddenly I can’t wait to go home and talk it over with her. Ace offers me a second glass of wine, but I say no. I know better than to drink when driving. Vanessa yawns and begs to be excused as well.
We say goodnight in a flurry of hugs and kisses, and then Vanessa and I leave.
“Want a ride?” she says.
“I’ll get an Uber,” I tell her. “I can’t let you drive all the way to Pine Place.”
“It’s fine; I don’t mind the drive. It gives me time to think,” Vanessa says.
I glance at her in amusement. “What does a pretty girl like you, with her life just about perfect, have to worry about?” I ask her.
She unlocks the car, and we enter. She doesn’t answer my question, and I feel bad because I seem to have said something that hurt her.
I make small talk as she drives me home, but she’s not as cheerful as when we were having dinner. I know I’m responsible for her change in mood. I wait until she stops the car outside Marian’s house.
“What is it, Vanessa? And don’t say ‘nothing’ because I know something is,” I tell her.
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