”And where was that?”
”Somewhere in the nebula, Cassiopeia.”
”Cassiopeia?”
”Yes, that is very far away. But as my father used to say, out on the distant moon, I come from: 'Far away from what?'.”
Chapter 7
DEMISE
They were on their way to kindergarten. Maja was clearly becoming too big to sit on the back of the bike. But now she had lost her own bike, and she’d only just learned to ride safely in traffic. So, for now, she had to sit on the back.
It wasn’t the first time they were late to school. Her mother got off, and helped Maja take off her jacket, when one of the teachers came out into the entry hall.
”Well, didn’t you get the message?”
”Message? What message?”
”Maja is too ill to come here. And I can hear by her coughs that she has not improved enough. We need to wait until she is completely well. We have to think of the other children.”
”Oh, yes, of course. I didn’t know...”
Despite pleading ignorance, she had actually thought, herself, that it was probably not safe to bring Maja. But these things are never quite certain. She could feel it wouldn’t help to pursue the subject just now.
”Okay then. Come, let’s put your jacket back on.”
”You do know you have every right to take time off from work when a child is ill.”
”Yes, I know.”
They went back home. Fortunately, the traffic wasn’t so heavy as before. When they got up inside the apartment Maja’s mother had to act quickly.
”Look, Maja, I can’t be home with you today. I’ve already taken too many sick days off. And right now, we have some urgent matters at work that need everyone’s help. I think they’re waiting for an opportunity to fire me, and I can’t risk that. But, you can stay home alone today, I think. You’ve tried it before, and Anders comes home in a few hours. I’ll try get into contact with him. Play with some puzzles and look at some picture books while you’re waiting for him. You're not so sick that you need to stay in bed.”
”Yes, it's all right, Mom.”
It wasn’t the time for her to raise objections. Her mother was stressed enough as it was. She had to look at it that way.
”Thank you, honey. You’re always so good.”
On her way out, her mother bent down and gave Maja a hug.
”See you soon, Baby.”
”Goodbye, Mom.”
She hurried down the stairs. A little delayed, but it would be okay.
Maja went into the living room. She sat down and flipped through her picture books. Right now, she was mostly taken by Pinocchio. She recounted the story to herself. She stared a while focusing on the picture of Pinocchio with his long nose. How convenient it would be, if everyone got a long nose when they were not telling the truth. People might not lie so much, then. You could also imagine that, given those circumstances, it would be impossible to lie. Then things would be much easier. Imagine always being able to count on the blind honesty of people.
Still, when most people lied, it was not to be vicious. Not always, at least. Often it was to show people consideration and to keep from hurting them. Or people told ‘white lies’ to help others, if they had come to do something wrong for which they didn’t want to be blamed. The matter of blame was a very important issue. Your conscience is there to point out whether you did something right or wrong.
Everyone could face the situation of wishing that others wouldn’t be so critical when they think such action is undeserved. It was a natural way to defend oneself. People also often overreact. If they notice something that isn’t quite so good, they often make things worse in their minds. Not saying things straight out, or not telling the whole story, is a way to protect oneself, or someone you care about.
Take Anders’ and Maja’s mother, for instance. She felt it was necessary to lie or not tell all the details to others, so they wouldn’t think too critically of her. Maja’s pondered over the difficult question of the long nose punishment for lying.
It was not uncommon for weak people to console themselves from time to time. When Maja was ill, she sometimes had a bag of candy to comfort her. It was important to hold back on the sweets and not eat them all up too quickly. If she was feeling bad about something, that could require lots of sweets to reduce the pain. And the candy bag would surely run out quickly.
Right now, she could use a little piece of candy, but she had none left. It was just like mother's medicine, too easily used up. She had a little left at the bottom of a bottle. She usually became better after taking it, even if the effect quickly ceased, and she soon had to get more. Alcoholic drinks are not for children, however. Even little Maja understood that much. But she couldn’t quite be sure, having never tasted it herself, first. Maybe it was something her mother just said just to keep the medicine all to herself?
It was during recess that his mother got through to Anders. There was a message from the school office when he came back in for another class.
”There’s a message for you, Anders. You’re to phone your mother.”
Anders went to the office and talked to his mother on the telephone.
”Hello, Anders. You'll have to help me today.”
”What's the matter?”
”Maja wasn’t allowed to stay in kindergarten today. She has a little cold.”
”Okay, I thought the same thing this morning.”
”Yes, but I’ve already taken too many sick days.”
”Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll take care of it.”
”Thanks, Anders. Maja is waiting for you at home.”
He hung up and turned to the secretary.
”My little sister is sick. I have to go home and look after her.”
”Can’t your mother handle it? I’m sure she’s allowed?”
Despite the secretary’s question, Anders was not prepared to discuss it.
”Right now, it won’t work. Nor is there anything important I’ll miss in school today. I can handle it.”
”Yes, you are doing very well, Anders.”
Anders left the office. Situations like this could be avoided had he only had a cell phone at hand. Then she would have called him directly, and he could pretend that he’d become sick, and had to go home, without anyone becoming critical about his mother not doing what was expected of her.
It would also be different if they had other family members to step in when needed. Most families had that. But not his. Good friends were in short supply. The children’s mother had had some friends once. But there had been confrontations, and their mother failed to straighten things out. That sort of situation requires that the offender regrets what he or she has done, and apologizes for his or her poor behavior. That was something she could not bring herself to do. She couldn’t cope with the humiliation. The relationship with her own mother was bad, too. Therefore, things had to stay as they were for the time being.
An alcohol problem also contributes to one’s vulnerability. It produces a vicious cycle, making the user more sensitive. One has to protect what little self-respect he or she has left. Being able to admit a mistake takes energy. If one has that, then it’s not difficult to admit that she regrets something, so why not try to forget and move on? People usually can, but you must meet people with some regret, and it’s not so easy when one’s self-respect is not very high and she has some pride, too.
Anders was on his way home on his bike. Fortunately, he had more backbone than his mother had. Therefore, he could walk up to the man who took back the kids bike when he noticed him somewhere in the neighborhood the day before. He apologized for having taken the bike earlier. The man smiled.
”Don’t think more about it. I had left it there for too long and not locked it. Actually, I neglected to fix it. But you repaired it. So I didn’t need to. You know what. Here’s money for the repairs you made. I hope it helps you towards getting another bike.”
”It’s for my lit
tle sister. She’s just the right age now. And she was very disappointed.”
”I understand. You should check the police auctions. You can find a bikes quite cheap on them. Little kids outgrow their small bikes quickly, so there’s no reason to buy her a brand new one.”
”No, that was what I was thinking, too.”
Anders reached home and hurried up the stairs. When he opened the door, he called out immediately.
”Maja! Are you here? I’m home now. I hope you haven’t waited too long?”
He walked around the apartment.
”Where are you, little Honeybunch? Are we playing hide and seek? I'll end up finding you anyway.”
Anders searched, but in vain. Maja was nowhere, and he became apprehensive; perhaps it was not hide and seek? Maja could usually not keep quiet when not being found. She would begin giggling, so he could make out where she was. Not this time.
Then he saw the bottle on the coffee table. It was empty with the lid unscrewed. There was definitely something wrong. Their mother would not leave an empty liquor bottle visible, and when he’d left home this morning, he was sure there’d been no empty bottle on the coffee table. She never drank in the morning before work.
Could it be Maja? She had never done that before. Perhaps she had found the bottle and emptied the contents as a precaution? The lid was on the table beside the bottle. Could she have drunk the contents? Shouldn’t it have been too strong for her? Perhaps she had diluted it? She wouldn’t like the taste. But then, some medicine never tasted good, either. Maybe she thought it could comfort her, as their mother said her 'medicine' did for her?
”Maja, you might just as well show yourself. This isn’t fun anymore. This hide and seek has gone far enough. If you need consolation, I’ll give it to you. Come out, Maja. I don’t want to wait any longer.”
It was then that he noticed the door to the balcony. It was ajar. That never happened when no one was home. And when airing out the apartment, precaution was taken to close it again. Had Maja gone out there?
Anders went out onto the balcony, but Maja was not there. He made sure, quickly, as it was quite small. He looked around. No, she had not fallen down.
Then he looked up along the roof and was horrified. At the end of the balcony, a small metal ladder led upwards along the roof tiles to the chimney on the roof’s edge, used by the chimney sweeps when they had to get up and sweep the chimney, or rather, when they used to do that in the old days. In fact, this chimney had been out of use for many years.
Maja sat completely still close to the chimney, up on the roof’s edge, with her back turned, and looking the other way, out over the city. Why on Earth did she do that? Oh, maybe because she could find out when he’d approach, riding from school, as Mother had told her he was on his way.
Why had Maja not come down to the street and met him there? It would be much better, and a lot safer. Yet, there’s no point in disputing children's logic.
What should he do now? If he were to call her, she might lose her balance when she turned. It wasn’t exactly a summer day, so she could freeze up there if she were still there for some hours. Indeed, the wind was blowing hard. It would not be good for her to get cold; and sitting in the cool weather, the body gets rigid. If she’d turn suddenly when being called, she could easily lose her balance, and fall.
All these thoughts ran through Anders' head during the few seconds when he became aware of the seriousness of the situation. Then he came upon the most important and frightening aspect. It was the emptied liquor bottle. If Maja had emptied the bottle, she would be drunk, maybe quite seriously so. God knows how she had managed to make her way all the way up there. But the most difficult part would likely be coming down again safe and sound.
Not knowing what was the best thing to do was frustrating. To wait to do something, and maybe call the fire department might be a mistake. It might very well be too late before they’d show up with a jump safety net on both sides of the house.
He decided that the best thing would probably be to call out to Maja, so he did. But carefully.
”Maja. Sweet little Maja. I’m back. Your brother is here. I’m standing right here. Down off the ladder. It’s me, Anders. Turn around, Maja, but gently. Quite gently now.”
It didn’t help, so he repeated it a little louder. No luck the second time. But he also had the wind against him. Maybe if he’d climb a little up the ladder? Then she might be able to hear him.
Anders climbed a few feet up and called out again. She didn’t respond. Why not? Then it suddenly hit him. Maja was asleep. She simply sat and slept it off, up beside the chimney, where the chimney sweeps used to stand while working. Still, that was long ago. Now, the metal ladder was rusty everywhere, and there was no indication that the steps had been used for years.
Anders had to continue, and hope that Maja wouldn’t be frightened when she woke up. If she continued to sleep until he was all the way up, he might be able to reach out to hold her and prevent her from falling when he very gently woke her. Then she would have forgotten everything, and believe that she was in bed, with Anders using his gentle voice to try to get her awake in the morning to get up for school.
”Little sweet Maja. Can you wake up? Time to get up now. You need to be in kindergarten and I’ve got to go to school. Mom is ready with breakfast. Come on, you little tiddlywink...”
Then he’d take her arm, and maybe brush his hand through her hair. Then she’d slowly say goodbye to her dream world with its funny creatures, the dangerous monsters or the teasing peers, and the better judgment from adults. It might also be the gray kitten she’d seen the other day, or the longhaired pony she’d ridden out in the county fair, or the little kangaroo baby in her mother's pouch at the zoo?
”Now please wake up, Maja. We’re waiting for you and we can’t do without you at breakfast. Your place at the table is so empty when you’re not there, and the plate with the farm animals at the bottom must be emptied, and you need to have your lunchbox and your apple and your carrot...”
Then she’d slowly open her eyes, rub them slightly with the back of her hands, yawn loudly and stretch her arms to either side, first one, then the other...
”Are you there, Anders? I thought we were heading with the coachman to Pleasure Island, and that we should try it all, but not so much that we were turned into donkeys...”
”Have you felt your ears this morning?”
She did that, a little worried. Then she laughed.
”They’re completely normal. It's not donkey’s ears.”
”But what about the tail?”
Then she would feel for it down there and shake her head.
”Well, it may come tomorrow when you get into mischief...”
Then Maja would put her arms up and grab Anders’ neck, and he would lift her out of bed, and maybe give her a swing before they went over to the more serious part with dressing and breakfast.
However, this did not happen and it would never happen again, for before Anders reached Maja, indeed fast asleep leaning against the chimney’s side, Anders lost his grip, or rather, the rusty steps gave in. Anders had to compensate by moving his feet. But then he stepped so hard that the second step also gave way and Anders crashed from the roof, far down to the tiles that waited for him many stories below. Still, he said nothing, as he’d rather not have Maja be alarmed, and end up falling down as well...
Chapter 8
TRANSITION
Anders still felt like he was hovering in the air in the split second before he hit the tiles. But, by now, it shouldn’t it be over already? He looked around. Yes, he was still in the air but he was also down on the tiles. People flocked to see what awfully had happened.
He looked back toward the chimney. Maja was awake, but apparently she had not noticed anything. She climbed down and came to touch the bent rusty steps, but she was not so heavy, so they did not give way any more. She reached down onto the balcony, to safety. That was good. Fortunately, she didn’t
look down towards the street. She was probably still confused, if she really had drunk the rest of the bottle of liquor.
Then a patrol car and an ambulance arrived. Anders' dead body was put onto a stretcher and pushed into the van. Then it drove away in silence. The police officers stood talking to the assembled people. Then they also drove away. There was surprisingly little blood on the tiles. The janitor would probably get it washed off easily, so it wouldn't become a spot drawing attention, at least for a while. Though some people would surely come and lay flowers there and light candles in the coming days.
The new etheric Anders came with Maja into the apartment. She looked at the empty bottle and then went into the kitchen and put it away with the other empty bottles under the kitchen sink behind the garbage bag. Then she went out and opened the front door. She apparently still hoped for Anders to show up, but he would not, not ever again...
The police patrol having taken note of the witness’ statements, drove back to the station. There, they looked up, and contacted the the closest relatives, carried out by personal appearances. Delivering that kind of news couldn’t be delivered over the telephone. However, they could call one’s workplace without stating their reason, to ask whether the deceased’s mother was present.
The phone rang in the workroom where the children’s mother, along with a dozen other textile workers, sat and sewed applications used for some dress models. Of course, sewing clothes on a large scale could not be profitable in this part of the world with wages too high, but they would still create design models and proposals for new creations or if there was talk about designing unique and original dresses. Certain clients were willing to pay extra for that. Although that part of the market was also about to shrink.
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