by Amy Sumida
“Maybe,” I smiled sadly, “but a person like me does not go gently into that good night.”
“Who hurt you?” His voice was soft and I couldn’t stand the pity in it.
“Why do you assume I’m hurt?” I felt my jaw clench so hard, I was concerned for my fillings and I backed up to face him better. “I’m not wounded or broken. I’m just smart. I’m wary and cautious but it makes me good at what I do and I won’t stand here and listen to you tell me that I’m somehow less of a woman because I’m too much of a fighter.”
“Vervain,” he reached for me and like I do every time, I retreated. Hell, maybe he was right, maybe I had issues, but I wasn’t ready to admit it.
“No, I should’ve known better than to get involved with a Viking gone soft,” crap, that was unfair and the hurt in his eyes screamed it at me but I couldn’t stop, I was on a roll. “You know what your problem is? I’m more of a man than you are.”
Oh shit. I knew I’d gone too far as soon as the words came out of my mouth. That was it, the moment it always came to. The moment when I fucked up and they bailed.
“Get out,” his voice had gone cold and my gut clenched in response. Some little part of me had hoped it would be different this time but who was I kidding? I had practically pushed him into dumping me.
I nodded curtly and turned to leave. A vase crashed into the wall beside me, showering me with shards of porcelain, and I spun into a wary crouch. He was slumped in a chair, staring into the fire, clenching and unclenching his hands. I shook my head. He sure was proving me right, throwing things are a woman’s way. No offense ladies, sometimes it’s all we can do.
I walked down the hall toward our room. Our room, ha, not for much longer. Oh well, it was good while it lasted. The dining hall was deathly silent as I walked by and I couldn’t bring myself to go in and tell everyone good bye. They’d find out from Thor what a supreme bitch I was, soon enough. What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I say such horrible things? It happened every time a man got close to me. Without fail, I'd panic and find a way to screw it up.
I thought of my friends Jackson and Tristan as I packed. They had no problem keeping it together. It had taken awhile for them to get together but once they had, it was a done deal. I on the other hand, was the exact opposite. I could get men like crazy. They fell for me hard and fast… exhibit A. Thor, but they also got up and dusted themselves off just as quickly. That was really the root of my men issues. I’ve heard proclamations of love followed up by awkward silences too many times. Poor Thor had paid the price.
Nick came up to me and I hugged him. “At least you’ll always love me right?” He purred and I took the small comfort before I put him into his cat carrier.
I was packed and ready to go in fifteen minutes flat. I hadn’t brought too much with me and I wanted out of Asgard as fast as possible. So I went directly to the tracing room and with my luggage in one hand and my cat in the other, I chanted the spell to take me directly home. When I finished, I was in my living room, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Well, I narrowly dodged that bullet,” I said to Nick as I let him out. “To think I could have ended up falling for that giant.”
I thought about the way it felt to be held by Thor, his electric scent, and the color of his eyes when they filled with lightning. His body over mine, the slide of his skin, his hands. The horror of what I’d destroyed washed over me and I sank to the floor amid my luggage. I don’t know when I started to cry but I know it lasted until I was racked with sobs and gasping for air. Nick rubbed against me and I firmly shook myself out of it. He always knew when I needed him.
“Yes, you’re precisely right,” I scratched his neck. “There’s one more thing I’ve got to do before I can wallow in self-pity.”
I stood in the center of the room and chanted the words to ward my house from Thor again. There’s always that one thing a woman does when she’s decided a relationship is over. Some burn their ex’s picture, some trash his letters, some erase his number from their cell phone. I just learned the closing ritual for leaving a god. You had to reset the wards.
“There,” I stripped as I walked toward the bedroom, leaving sad little piles of clothing in my wake. “Now it’s over.”
The really messed up part was, I still didn't know what to do about Blue.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
My life was quieter than it had ever been for about two weeks following my departure from Asgard. None of the gods contacted me and I have to admit I was a little disappointed by that. I thought at least Ull would come by to say hi but then again, Thor was his father. Blood before buds.
I sank into a depression deeper than I'd ever experienced before. I never left the house. I couldn't even paint. Thankfully, I'd already finished the commissioned portraits and was able to deliver them on time or I'd have had some very upset customers. My altar was neglected and so was my garden. The herbs I grew for eating and witchcraft were probably overrun with weeds. I didn't really know for sure since I only went outside to get the mail. My phone went unanswered until Jackson and Tristan stopped by to check on Nick and found me sleeping in the middle of the day. They held me while I cried, Tristan giving Jackson accusing glances the entire time, like it was all his fault.
But no one can be sad forever. I finally got up one day and decided I'd had enough of pizza and Chinese food. I needed to go grocery shopping. I also needed to clean. I looked around my disgusting house and felt the first pangs of renewed vigor. I'd get some food, cook myself a nice meal, and while it was cooking, I'd clean up my life. Or at least my house.
So I drove down to Safeway, squinting in the afternoon sunlight like a bear coming out of hibernation. I'd forgotten my sunglasses, dammit. My eyes were a little watery by the time I pulled into the parking lot. I blinked rapidly and left the car with my purse tucked under my arm. I'd worn my gloves as well. I was depressed, not stupid. So I wasn't scared when I spotted Trevor. I was shocked as hell though.
“Hey, Trevor,” I called as he pushed himself out from the wall he was leaning against. I cast a wary eye around the parking lot.
Trevor gave me a lopsided grin as he stepped up to me, his stride casual but smooth. Animal smooth. He was wearing a black T-shirt that showed off his thick build, a pair of worn blue jeans, and black work boots. His eyes were warm honey peering out from behind the unruly locks of his black hair. Too bad Persephone wasn’t there, she would’ve been in werewolf heaven.
“Hey, Vervain,” he leaned in to rub his face along the side of mine. His nose traced my chin and then he withdrew.
“Uh,” I cleared my throat, avoiding the looks I was getting from passerby. “Thanks for that. Now, is there a reason you’re here or is this just a coincidence?”
“It’s no coincidence,” he looked around, sniffed the air, then continued. “I followed some of my brethren here and sent them back. The contract is still valid. I’ll defend you to the death, even against my brothers, but I still can’t betray the confidence of a customer. It’s bad for business.” He smiled and half-shrugged.
I shook my head, “Trevor, I told you, you owe me nothing. Please don’t endanger yourself anymore for me. I can take care of myself.”
He shuddered and his eyes closed for a moment. “I can’t give you a name but I can give you a hint,” he leaned in closer to whisper. “How do you think we found you?”
“I don’t know,” I said, “that’s one of the things I can’t figure out.”
“Then let me just say that it’s not you we followed, Vervain.”
“Then who?” I frowned and looked pointedly around at my lack of companions.
“We only needed to catch your scent,” he stared at me like he could will me to understand. “All it took was one time.”
“So I guess it's a good thing I haven't left my house in weeks.”
“Definitely,” Trevor looked a little unsteady. “Stay inside. Your home is well warded and I can't be here 24-7. I have other obligations.”
“To your Froekn?” I felt a little dizzy for a second and he caught me. I looked up into his warm eyes. They seemed closer than they should be, bigger, more intense. “What does it mean, Froekn?” For some reason, it seemed supremely important to me.
“It’s the name my father gave us,” he smiled at me, the honey of his eyes darkening to caramel. “We are the Froekn, his valiant ones, children of the Great Wolf.”
“Valiant,” I whispered reverently. I felt drugged, blissful. Tingles were spreading along my skin.
“Godhunter,” he took me by the arms and pressed his forehead to mine before drawing his face up, inhaling and keeping contact with me with the tip of his nose as he went. “Call my name into the wind if you ever need me and I’ll be there.”
I shivered under his intense wolf gaze. “Thanks,” I tried to shake off the strange way his stare made me feel. I hadn't moved much from my bed in awhile. Maybe I was just overtaxing myself. Maybe it was the sun, I hadn't really seen it in quite a bit. “I’ll remember that.”
“You’re welcome, Lady Hunter,” he smiled his lopsided way again and suddenly the world was back to normal. He loped off before I realized that I still didn't know who was after me.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
The one thing I couldn't avoid was sleep and the one god who wasn't avoiding me was always waiting in my dreams.
“Have you decided yet?” Blue asked as he escorted me through a garden.
“Why do you always start with that?” I couldn't bring myself to care about anything. I knew I'd have to decide soon but for the first time since I started godhunting, I didn't care. Let the world fall down around me if Thor didn't want me anymore. Thus are lovers selfish bastards.
“It's all that matters to me,” he said simply. See... selfish.
“No, I don't want you,” it was the first time I'd answered him decisively.
“Not even to save your people?” He stopped and faced me.
It was mid-day in my dream, the sun glinting off his hair like an obsidian helmet. His eyes were open wounds, his lips pressed into a thin blade. He was battle personified, completely out of place in the garden he'd brought me to. I looked around at the delicate flowers scenting the air with fragile perfume and felt only frustration.
“Why do you want a woman who doesn't want you?” I shot back. “I can't even understand why you'd want me in the first place. No woman is worth this much trouble.”
“My life has become one long, blood-drenched, dream. Even attraction is centered around blood for me. I wake up in the morning, I consume blood, I make my plans of bloodshed, and I speak only to people who help me toward these ends. I feel a measure of happiness only when blood fills my mouth or stains my hands.” He looked down at his hands as if they were still stained. “Then in the midst of the dream, you surfaced. You challenged me, you tore at my perceptions and beliefs. You drew from me more than bloodlust. Then you left and I was alone in the dream again.”
He ran an immaculate hand through his thick hair, rubbing at his scalp like it was an annoying barrier to the thoughts he wanted to share. For a moment, I forgot about Thor. I let go of my anger at myself for ruining the best relationship I'd ever had. I let the bitterness over the shackle my life had become fall away and thought about how equally trapped Blue may feel.
“It wasn't the same though. You had changed the dream with your presence. I began to think of things other than blood and I began to remember things I used to want.” He took my hand. “You are my equal, my balance. You are courage and humor, beauty and ferocity. You think me cruel but you know deep down that you kill as easily as I. We do it to protect what we believe in. In that, we are the same.”
“No,” I pulled my hand out of his. “We're nothing alike.”
“The truth can be harsh,” he turned and sat down on a stone bench I hadn't noticed before. “You think you love the Viking because he is so honorable but he only seems honorable to you because he fights on your side. Thor deserted Odin when his father needed him the most. He leaves him to support the humans while Odin is ridiculed for Thor's desertion. Where is the honor in betraying your father? As in all things,” he spread his hands out, “it is only perspective.”
“Thor did not desert his father,” I swallowed past the lump that formed in my throat every time I thought about Thor. “Odin deserted him. Don't talk to me about perspective. Either way you look at it, you're trying to kill as many humans as possible for nothing more than power. I kill to prevent that.”
“We shall agree to disagree,” he patted the bench, his mood shifting like the wind. “Why don't we talk about something else for once? Come, sit. I won't bite.” He laughed warmly. “Come, I'll tell you of my childhood.”
I couldn't help it, I was intrigued and frankly, I was tired of fighting. I went to the bench and sat down, the full red skirts I was wearing spread out around me to drape into his lap. He stroked the fabric, pulling it through his fingers gracefully. I continued to watch his hands while he spoke.
“My parents, my baby sister, and I became gods in the valley of Mexico,” he began. “I found a wandering tribe of nomads. They were a strong, resilient people who I knew would serve my family well. So I decided to become their patron. I led them to an island, telling them to build on the spot where they found an eagle perched on a cactus, devouring a snake.”
“Seriously?” I shook my head. “Why’s it always have to be so complicated? Why couldn't you have just said Build it there?”
“Humans expect it to be complicated,” Blue chuckled. “You don't believe anything great is possible without conditions and we wouldn't want to disappoint.”
“How kind,” I grimaced.
“I could have let them wander,” Blue shrugged. “Instead, I led them to the perfect place and they built Tenochtitlán which means near the cactus.”
“Creative,” I smirked.
“Another thing humans are good at,” he shot back with a twinkle in his eye, “stating the obvious.”
“Oh, nice comeback,” I laughed. Was I actually enjoying this?
“To this day, Mexico uses an image of the cactus-perched eagle devouring a snake as its National Emblem.” Pride oozed from his voice.
“Thanks for the history lesson,” I was so unimpressed. Wasn't I?
The story did more than impress me though. It brought home how large a role the Atlanteans had played in the lives of humans. How much they’d altered our existence, placing their mark on my race like a brand. The gods had twisted us for their amusement and selfish purposes, playing with us without a thought to how their actions may alter mankind. These were all things I already knew but the fresh reminder was a bandage torn off a wound. I felt the rage rise up like fresh blood but Blue started to speak of his chosen people before I could vent.
He spoke so warmly of their skills, their strength, and their love of beauty, that my anger melted away. There was love in his voice, a deep endless admiration, as he told me about the ingenious way they expanded the island. How they made land from marsh with retaining walls and willow trees to prevent erosion. How they loved games and flowers. How they celebrated life with feasts and dancing. He was like a proud parent when he told me how his people had made their little island into one of the greatest cities of their time. Home to over 50,000 Aztecs.
“Is it true you had four hundred brothers?” I remembered what the God Squad had told me about Blue’s family.
“My father was a very virile man,” he smiled, revealing the tips of his fangs. “There weren’t quite that many of them but it was close. They were all through my father, from numerous women. We have long lives as you know, and Father wasn’t monogamous until he met my mother.”
“She had you and your sister,” his face fell and I instantly regretted prying. “I’m sorry. I heard also that she died.”
“My father’s other sons were angry with him for settling on my mother and naming me as his heir. He acknowledged all of them but it wasn’t enough. T
hey wanted to be the greatest of the new gods. They craved the power he passed down to me.”
I suddenly remembered why he’d killed his brothers and I blanched. “They murdered your mother didn’t they? That’s why you killed them.”
“They attacked my father’s temple. This was before gods began to create homes in the parallel, and we had lived in the pyramid complex of Teotihuacán. My brothers had brought armies and although they didn’t overtake us, they were able to break through. I… I was too late… too slow to save them.”
I was shocked to see that he was crying. His broad hands lifted to spread over his face and I wasn’t able to withstand those silent tears. I reached out to him and he flowed into my arms with a sigh. He rested his head on my shoulder, shuddering as he let go. A tide of misery left him as he clung to me, carrying me out to deeper waters with him. My own father’s death paled in comparison to Blue’s loss but it linked me to him nonetheless, a shared pain reaching through my mind to his.
It was a tenuous touch. At first I hadn’t even realized I’d done it. I just felt the need to comfort him and my subconscious responded. Touching him in the dream created a closer link to his mind and I felt myself slipping into his thoughts. Blue looked up at me in shock and when he did, the link widened and I rushed through. I fell through the blood pools of his eyes and surfaced in his mind, in his memories.
I broke the surface straight into the memory he was experiencing. The sound of rushing blood gave way to the blaring confusion of battle. My vision sharpened to reveal a glimpse of Hell. A vicious war spread out at the base of the small pyramid I stood upon. There were hundreds of men in little more than paint and feathers, fighting beside warriors in golden armor, glowing with magic. Men fought beside gods and they were all coming for me. They pressed up against my own warriors, throwing spears, swinging ancient swords, and shouting battle cries. My fragile humans couldn’t hold out against my brothers without my magic supporting them. They needed me behind them.
