We walked hand in hand into the school amidst the awkward stares and whispers as we made our way down the hall.
Some students took pictures, others pointed and laughed. In all reality it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
“Security?” Nat asked, once we reached the lockers. I was busy texting Alec to see if he’d run into oncoming traffic yet.
I almost ran into Bob. “Sorry, guys, didn’t see you.”
Nat gave me a look that said, ‘how could you not see them, they’re huge!’
“Bob.” I smirked and motioned to the security guard with the prison tattoo on his head. “You’re going to shadow Nat for the remainder of the school year.”
Bob nodded. The man took his job so seriously that even I was freaked out a bit when he was with me.
“Why am I getting shadowed?” Nat asked in a pleading voice.
“Because.” Damn it, I knew it wouldn’t bet this easy. I reached into my pocket for my phone, pulled up the latest headline that read ‘Local Girl Bags AD2’ and held it up for her to read.
Nat’s face flashed with anger as she slammed the phone back into my hand. I sighed. “Nat, it’s going to be fine. Even if it means I need to run through the streets screaming and drunk so they don’t focus on you.”
“Wouldn’t you do that normally?” she asked.
“Hilarious.” So what if I would? I rolled my eyes. “Now, Bob has been instructed to keep tabs on you all day, especially when I can’t, oh and here…” I almost forgot about the phone I had for her. “You’ll need this.”
“I have a phone.” She mumbled.
“You have a dinosaur. Take the phone, Nat.” I dangled the phone in front of her.
“Since when are PDA’s dinosaurs?” she snapped.
“I thought you had computers here?” I looked around trying to appear genuinely confused. “People don’t use crap PDAs anymore, not when they can have an iPhone. Don’t be mad, but I programmed some numbers in there in case of emergencies. You’ll have to add the ones you need too, and you’ll also have to text the friends you trust and give them your new number.”
She took the phone, though I could tell she wanted to shove it up my ass, said a ‘thank you’ then walked towards class. Bob followed close after her. It was kind of a funny sight. Sweet little Nat getting tailed by Bob.
A few hours later I found her in the lunch line talking to Evan.
“How goes Hell day?”
Evan answered for Nat. “A girl called her a bitch behind her back, another called her a whore, and I could have sworn someone just pushed her.”
“Thanks, Evan.” Nat saluted him and rolled her eyes. “He’s being dramatic.”
Evan lifted his eyebrows. “Me, dramatic?”
“See?” She pointed at him and gave me a very fake reassuring smile.
I didn’t smile back; I was still trying to process the fact that someone would call her that. “Who do they think they are? They can’t treat you like that! You’re my girlfriend!”
“Yeah, I don’t think they really care.” Nat picked up her tray, balancing it with her water bottle. “And to answer your question, they’re high schoolers. Imagine Hollywood only the drugs are cheaper, the women are looser, the men are hornier, and everyone’s hormones are spiked like they’re high on ecstasy.”
“Wow, Nat,” Evan said behind us. “That was actually quite accurate. I’m impressed.”
I hated that she was right. The sick part? Any one of those girls would take her place. If I jumped on the table and said ‘hey I need a few volunteers for later tonight.’ I’d have endless girls throwing me their bras. People could be such hypocrites. It pissed me off.
“What can I do?” I asked.
“Other than threatening everyone in school?” Nat eyebrows shot up. “Let it blow over. They’ll have to give up after a while.”
Bob followed us to the table.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Alec
NAT SAT AT the table with Bob, Evan, and Demetri. My eyes followed her the entire distance from the lunch line to the table.
And when she sat. I still stared.
So many emotions raged through me that I didn’t know which one to pick. Should I be pissed that I freaked out and let Demetri make everything better? No, because funny enough, he did a good job and he was right. Ugh, that was a bitter pill to swallow. And yeah, I got the irony about pills.
He handled it so well — everything. I was the one that was a mess. Because I knew deep down, it was my fault. Demetri was finally turning into the guy I knew he could be. Slowly, he was changing and I had Nat to thank for it.
But here’s the thing about liking someone — having such a strong pull to them that you can’t eat or sleep or even function throughout the day. Even though you know it’s a shitty idea to involve yourself, you can’t help it. Eventually you will justify your actions in order to get what you want. I hated my lack of self-control. What’s worse? I think Demetri knew. How could he not? After how I acted last night and this morning? Damn I didn’t want to hurt him. Maybe it was best if I left. Maybe I should just — go back to LA, let him do rehab here. It’s not like I was the one with the drug problem. I quit cold turkey; hell I could even drink still and be totally fine.
See? Justifying again.
Helllll… I groaned and stole another glance at Nat. She looked really pretty today — tired — but pretty.
She laughed at something Demetri said, then looked across the lunchroom, locking eyes with me.
My mouth went dry as we held gazes.
It wasn’t just me
And that’s what made it so hard. Yes, she liked Demetri, but she was curious about me, which almost made it worse.
I didn’t even realize someone had sat down next to me, until a girl reached out and touched my arm. I jumped a foot and swore.
“Sorry.” She smiled. “You just seemed like — stoned or something.”
“Hah.” I cracked a smile. “Nope. Just fine.”
“Good.” She shrugged. “I wasn’t hitting on you or anything.” She blushed.
I barked with laughter. “Thanks for the heads up.”
She blushed a deep red. “I just… you looked lonely.” She bit down on her lip. “And there was no where else to sit.”
I returned her smile. She was sweet — nice — not salivating over me and definitely not stripping so I could get an eyeful of her goods. I liked it. But she wasn’t Nat.
Damn it! I stole another glance at Nat’s table. She was watching me, glaring more like it. My smile fell. Holy shit was she mad at me? Because I was talking to another girl?
Screw that.
“Thanks for sitting by me, I gotta run.” I whispered to the girl and stalked out of the lunchroom, nearly throwing the door off the hinges. Where the hell did she get off being mad at me? When she was kissing my brother?
I leaned against the wall and cursed, just as the lunchroom doors burst open revealing a panic-stricken Nat.
My brain said ‘no.’
My heart said ‘no choice.’
I grabbed her from behind and tugged her into the janitor’s closet. Thank God it was open. “Don’t’ scream,” I whispered. “It’s just me.”
“What was that about, Nat?”
“What do you mean?” She twirled a piece of hair between her fingertips.
“Don’t play dumb,” I said. I really didn’t have the self-control to stay inside a small space with her that long. But we needed privacy. It needed to end. Now.
Nat’s lower lip quivered, then she bit down on it, sucking it with her teeth. She may as well have kissed me for as violent as my body responded to that one little image.
“Don’t do that anymore, please,” I begged, my voice raw.
Nat stopped sucking her lip and looked up. “Do what?”
“Bite your lip, it’s distracting as hell.”
“Okay.” It looked like she wanted to do it again, nervous habit I’m sure, one that would e
ventually be my demise. And then she put her hands on her hips drawing my attention to her body. I almost groaned out loud.
“Yeah, like that’s better.” I pushed her a little so we had more space between us and sighed. “Now, are you going to tell me why you were trying to kill me with your mind in the cafeteria?”
Nat looked down at her feet and mumbled, “You were smiling.”
Silence.
“And” — she continued looking at her shoes — “it wasn’t at me.”
I exhaled. My body started to shake.
“I know it’s stupid. I know how ridiculous I sound, but you were so angry this morning in the car and you never smile at me at school, and now it’s even worse because you said you’re going to try to stay away from me, and I really don’t want you to. I want you to be… close.”
Escape. I needed to escape. I tried to lighten the topic. “You talk a lot when you’re nervous.”
“A habit I’m trying to break,” she retorted.
Her body was like a magnet, drawing me towards her. I couldn’t’help it. I didn’t want to help it.
“Nat…” My hands moved to her shoulders, she felt so damn good underneath my hands. So precious. This was it. It was time for honesty. I needed to clear the air. “We both know I can’t be close to you.”
“They’re just pictures,” she grumbled.
“It’s not about the pictures,” I said quickly.
Her head snapped up.
Our breathing was mingled — labored. I swayed a bit on my feet, swayed directly into her space; my mouth was so close to hers, so damn close. I couldn’t. I seriously couldn’t. I needed to leave. My brain screamed at me, my heart pounded against my chest, wrong. It was wrong.
“Nat…” I groaned, the pain of being so close but not touching her was killing me inside — ripping me to shreds. Nat was shattering me with her presence.
She reached up and touched my face. I closed my eyes and cursed under my breath. Her touch would always be my undoing.
“We can’t,” I croaked.
“Can’t?”
“Us, we can never happen, Nat.”
She jerked back. “Why?”
Why? WHY? I wanted to scream at her. Or maybe I wanted to scream at myself. “I promised someone a long time ago that I would never get in the way again. He really likes you, Nat. Possibly loves you. I won’t do that to him. I can’t do that to him, regardless of how I feel about you.”
“How do you feel?” How did I feel? On fire. For her.
That moment defined me. For the rest of my life, I would always think back to the moment when I betrayed a person I loved the most. Where I was almost responsible for his death. Where I was responsible… for both of our lives. Because it wasn’t me. It was us. Alone. In that closet. And Nat wasn’t choosing Demetri; she was choosing me. She wanted me. Girls have no idea what that does to a guy, when they finally let us see a part of their soul, when they expose the most private part of their emotions and ask the question, “Will you love me?”
So how did I feel? Really? I felt a lot of things. But I chose the feeling that out-ruled them all.
“Guilty,” I growled just as my mouth pressed against hers. A small gasp escaped between her lips just as my tongue pushed its way into her mouth. My kiss turned aggressive way too fast. Like I hadn’t actually kissed a girl before and was experiencing a first kiss all over again. Everything felt new, exciting, overwhelming. Her taste intoxicated me, made me want things I shouldn’t want. I moaned into her mouth, then took that lower lip captive, the same lip that had been taunting me for weeks.
I kissed her harder; I prodded. And then I pulled back. Wrong. I had been wrong. That wasn’t the kiss to start all kisses — it was the kiss to end them.
It was goodbye.
I stumbled back, my breathing ragged. “Goodbye, Nat.”
Her eyes pooled with tears as I opened the door to the closet, looked up and down the hallway, and fled the scene.
I was officially the brother who had lost it.
Forty-five minutes later I was returning from the parking lot — I’d left my phone in the car to charge and wanted updates on the whole scenario regarding Nat.
Nat. Ugh. Someone run me over with a car, please. I’d even pay someone at this point.
As I got closer to the main doors to the school I saw two figures. One was Nat, the other my brother. He was kissing her — quite aggressively. Which I should have been used to by now, but it still stung.
And then Nat wrapped her arms and body around Demetri like a freaking pretzel.
Right. So that’s how things were going to be.
I kissed her less than an hour ago.
My tongue was in her mouth.
That’s what happens when you let someone go — they latch onto whoever’s close by, who just so happened to be her boyfriend.
To say it was the worst day I’d had in a long time would be a hard-core truth.
“Skipping school?” I interrupted.
“Nat wasn’t feeling well.” Demetri pulled away and shrugged. Hmm, wonder if guilt did that to a person. Ate them alive from the inside out. Oh wait, yes, yes it did.
“I wonder why. She looked fine in your arms a few seconds ago.” I made eye contact with her. Steely brown eyes met my gaze. Yeah, I’d totally just pissed her off.
Cool so maybe she’d run me over with the car. One could only hope.
Instead, I played indifferent. I smirked at them both. “Whatever, I just came outside to grab something from the car. You kids have fun.”
My entire body was shaking as I made my way back into the school. I almost stumbled a few times. Legs like lead, I finally made it to class and stared numbly at the teacher.
I’d officially pushed away the only girl I’d come to really care for.
It would be worth it though — right?
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Demetri
“COME ON.” I unlocked the car and got in.
“How’s Alec going to get home?” Nat asked, staring back at the school like Alec was going to magically come bursting through the doors.
Her kiss was different.
She kissed me hella hard. Not the type of kiss I was used to from her. It wasn’t shy it was — angry.
But the anger? Not directed at me. Otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten in the damn car.
I started the car and sighed. “I left Lloyd with him, he’ll catch a ride. Don’t worry, my brother is very capable of taking care of himself.”
“Right.” She flashed a grin.
“So…” I put the car in reverse. “I have all afternoon and then I need to go to your mom’s for an appointment.”
“Do you guys go every week?” Nat twisted a piece of hair in front of her face and didn’t make eye contact.
“Yup.” I watched her. Watched her and she wasn’t even aware I was watching her. She was… somewhere else.
Her cheeks turned pink. “You and Alec.”
Silence and then, “Of course.”
She huffed and rolled her eyes. “When are you going to trust me?” The car stopped at the stop sign leading out into traffic.
“When I know I can.” I looked into her eyes — guilt was written in every feature on her face. She may as well have a sign on her head that said ‘I’m sorry.’ What the hell happened this afternoon? The way I saw it, we had two choices. I could stick my head in the sand or I could put it all out there and hope that in the end, I was enough for her.
I cursed and pulled the car over to the side of the road. “Wanna tell me right here and right now so we can get this over with?”
“What do you mean?”
I laughed and looked out the window. Wow. She was going to play totally innocent. “I think you know exactly what I mean.”
Her breathing picked up as she looked away and swallowed then pressed her hand to her chest as if she was trying to calm herself down.
I cursed. “My brother is off limits. I don’t share.”
Been there. Done that. The toy broke. And my heart was lost in the process.
“And I do?” she blurted. “What about the cheerleader you were making out with at the party?”
I hit the steering wheel and cursed. “I thought you were over that! It was a mistake! Alright? Besides this is different.” And it was different. Girls didn’t understand how guys worked. I don’t even remember the chick’s name. I didn’t care then, don’t care now. It’s possible for us to be just… physically all over someone without having an emotional attachment. That girl meant nothing — while Nat meant everything.
“It’s different how? You want me to trust you? Then you have to trust me!” Her voice shook.
“He’s my brother, Nat. There are things you don’t know. It wouldn’t be the first time a girl had the hots for both of us and went for it, okay?”
“I’m not that kind of girl.”
“You sure?” I snapped, mainly because she was about as unconvincing as a person could get.
“That was uncalled for.” Hands shaking, she opened the door to the car, climbed out, and began walking up the street in the opposite direction.
“Nat, stop!” I ran after her and pulled her into my arms. “I’m sorry, I just get so damned jealous. I see the way he looks at you. The way you look at him.” I was fishing for information — for anything that would tell me which direction her thoughts were heading. I was already sunk — in way too deep. If she pushed me away now — well, how could I survive it? When my heart had just started to heal? When my soul still felt so fragile I wanted to sob like a little kid? Hell, maybe I still was that lost little kid, needing acceptance, needing someone to tell me that it was okay to cry, that it was okay to be sad, that it was okay to feel.
“It’s not like that.” Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “It won’t ever be like that. Believe me, he’s made it very clear where his loyalty lies.” Well shit. He rejected her. My brother went and fell on his own sword.
I sighed, looking away from her so I could process the information. “But have you made your intentions known? Have you made your choice, Nat?” When she didn’t answer I tilted her chin towards me and whispered against her cheek. “Because up until now, I’ve had my doubts.”
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