by B. Love
She always listens to music as she gets ready, but the song that she was listening to was replaced with ringing as someone sent her a FaceTime request. Now I wasn’t trying to be all up in her business and conversation, but when I heard screaming come out of the phone I had to see what was going on. I had to see what whoever was on the other line was screaming about.
When I made it to the room, Charlie’s back was to me as she laughed.
“You good?” I asked gaining her attention.
She turned to face me, and I saw what the screaming was about.
“I’ll talk to you later, Day,” Charlie said as she ended the call and allowed me to see her.
It was like fate was our DJ and was playing a joke on us because the song that started to play was “Fall for You” by Leela James. Between the lyrics of the song and the monumental moment that was happening before me. Before my very eyes. I was just…
“Here we are together. And everything between us is good. I’m riding this cloud, baby. Ready to fly but before I take another step, would you catch me if I fall for you? Cause I’m falling.”
Her strapless dress was white. It stopped just under her knees and hugged every curve she had flawlessly. The dress fit her so well it looked like it was painted on her. Like it was her skin.
“I’m so used to standing. So used to being on my own. But this thing is new, baby. It feels like I’m losing control.”
Charlie’s face was free of makeup. The only thing on it was what she told me was nude lipstick. I didn’t see the point in it since it was practically the same color as her lips, but she liked that shit. And I loved watching her put it on just so I could kiss it off.
“I’ll take another step. If you catch me if I fall for you. Cause I’m falling.”
Her hair was in its natural curly state. All wild and free how I loved for it to be.
But it was the dress… the dress. The dress is what had Deja calling her and screaming like a maniac. The dress is what had me looking at her speechless. No matter where I looked… my eyes kept returning to the dress.
“Will you promise to be there? Stay by my side always. Whenever I need you don’t let me down. If I give you my all don’t let me fall. Would you do that for me? Hold me. Will you love me?”
Its deep V neck cut stopped at the top of her navel, exposing the sides of her breasts and the scar going down the center of her chest for all to see. She was showing her scar for the first time in years. Here. With me.
And it was beautiful.
Charlie was beautiful.
Charlie was beauty.
She put her phone on the dresser and pulled one of the roses from her bouquet out. Her smile was small and timid as she walked towards me.
“My heart is ready for love and to be loved. And I choose you, baby. That’s the one thing I’m sure of so I will take this one last step. So catch me I’m falling for you.”
“This dress…” she started then stopped. “I bought this dress years ago and it’s always been a joke between Deja and I because we knew I’d never wear it. Every time we would go out she’d try to make me put it on, but I never would. I’d always take it with me when we traveled just in case I had the confidence to put it on, but I never did.”
I looked away from her briefly as she hung her head.
“I know that you brought me here to celebrate my birthday, but I just… I appreciate having you in my life so much, Knight. I haven’t worn anything that showed my scar since my surgery, and I honestly don’t think I ever would have if it hadn’t been for you.”
I returned my eyes to her.
“You don’t realize the effect you’ve had on me. Knight, you’ve done what a real man is supposed to do. You’ve cultivated me and made me better. Because of the way you cherish me… you’ve instilled within me confidence and the ability to accept myself.
I know as a woman I have a nasty habit of seeking my validation in men instead of God, and that’s what messed me up years ago. I gave a man the power to validate me and make me feel good about myself instead of God. Instead of seeing myself as beautiful and worthy of love and respect.
But it’s like… you’ve reversed what he did to me. The insecurity. The fear. You’ve taken it away. So I just wanted to thank you for being in my life. Thank you, Knight.”
Her arm lifted and she held the rose out for me. Instead of taking it I wrapped my hand around hers and pulled her into me.
“You don’t have to thank me for doing what I’m supposed to do, but hearing you voice your appreciation for me… means a lot to me, Charlie. I’ve never cared enough about a woman to invest in her or see to it that she invested in herself, but you’re different. From the beginning I knew you were different. I guess what I’m trying to say is… I love you,” she inhaled deeply and the rise of her chest pulled my attention back to the scar.
Back to the proof of me being as good to and for her as she’d been to me and Harlem.
“I’m in love with you, Charlie. I have been for a while but I’ve been fighting it because it came so hard so fast that I thought it wasn’t real, but it is. I love you.”
She dropped the rose and pulled me into her. Giving me one of those tight signature Charlie White hugs, but she pulled away quickly.
“I love you,” she confessed before hugging me again.
There was something about her not saying, ‘I love you too’ that struck me to my core. Too. Anytime that word was used to convey love it fucked with me. I guess because it meant also. Like… that love was felt or expressed because of the first person who said it. Like… had that first person not expressed or felt it, the second wouldn’t have either.
But she didn’t say too.
She didn’t say also.
She didn’t say it like my love for her was the reason she loved me.
No.
She said it like she loved me just to love me. Regardless of if I loved her in return. Like it had been within her just as it was within me and the only reason she hadn’t said it was because she was being a true woman. Keeping her feelings on lock and allowing me to initiate while she responded. Keeping power over her heart and making sure that I was committed and on the same level as her before she made that declaration.
She loved me.
Just like I loved her.
“Say it again,” I ordered as I carried her over to the bed.
She smiled and sighed as I ran my fingers down the scar. Her hand cupped my cheek, pulling my eyes to hers.
“I love you,” she repeated.
Resisting the urge to rip the dress from her body, I pulled it down carefully before doing the same to her panties.
“Again.”
She hesitated as she watched me spread her legs and make my way between her thighs.
“I love you.”
“Again.”
“I…” her nails dug into my shoulders as I showed special attention to her clit. “Love you,” she moaned as I slid my finger inside of her.
“Again.”
My request fell on deaf ears as her back arched off the bed. The sound of her moaning sounded just as good at this point. I pushed and pulled my finger into her as deep as it could go while sucking her clit. Putting just the right amount of pressure on the top of it to have her coming immediately.
“Charlie…”
“I love you.”
I kissed my way up her stomach. Up her scar. Until I made it to her lips. She kissed me hungrily. Sticking her tongue into my mouth like that was where it belonged. It was. I was able to keep myself under control until she bit my bottom lip and stuck her hand in my pants without even unzipping them.
“You want me… don’t you?”
“Yes, Knight. Take off your clothes.”
Giving in to her request, I stood and undressed completely before sliding back into bed and into her.
“Shit,” I groaned – immediately feeling the difference of her with and without a condom.
With a condom she felt amazing.
Without a condom she felt life changing. Dangerous. Felt like a trap. The kind of good that had me coming to grips with the fact that I would be a father soon because there was no way in hell I was going to pull out of her.
“Don’t stop, Knight,” she pleaded as she wrapped her legs around me. “Fuck it. Fuck me.”
With her permission, I buried myself deep inside of her. Trying to make this moment last. Going as slow as I could. Keeping as much control as I could. Between the feel of her cream, her heat, her walls… her nails digging into me as I dug into her… her legs gripping me tightly as she came, then opening widely to let me go deeper… the sound of her moans and heavy breathing… my name falling softly from her lips… there was no coming back at this point.
“Knight,” she moaned into my ear as I reached between us to reposition her legs from around my waist to on my shoulders.
I didn’t raise up though. I stayed chest to chest with her. Hitting her just as deep. Needing to be just as close. Just as connected. No space. Nothing between us. Nothing could come between us.
“Yes, Charlie,” came out more as a moan than an answer.
“I love you,” she told me again before my strokes combined with my thumb on her clit made her mute.
“I love you.”
I swear I did. And I wasn’t afraid to. I wasn’t afraid to love her. I wasn’t afraid to lose her. I wasn’t afraid to feel. There was no way for me to not feel when it came down to her. So I gave in. I felt… and continued to give her something slow, deep, and tender that she could feel.
Hawaii made real what I already knew – I loved Knight. I was in love with Knight. And he was in love with me. He loved me. Me. The man was gorgeous. Had lived his dreams, made a profit from it and flipped it, and still had goals and a vision for his life. Financially stable. Natural leader and in tune with the Spirit of God in him. I expected him to be a meanie, but one whiff of my scent had him turning to mush. He could have any woman he wanted and he wanted me. Me!
I was definitely riding cloud nine and wasn’t expecting anything to be able to bring me down. Until Harlem called me in tears. Apparently, Tage’s father had planted a seed of doubt into him. Now, it wasn’t enough for him that Tage didn’t have anything to do with her or the baby; he had Tage questioning if the baby was even his!
I tried to explain to her that it wasn’t uncommon for a man to ask for a DNA test, but it didn’t take long for me to realize she wasn’t crying because she was hurt about that. She was crying because she mad. Mad that she’d put herself in the position to have to deal with Tage and his family for the rest of her life.
Five minutes into our conversation she was telling me that her sister was on the other line. When I didn’t answer the first call she called her. I told her to just call me back after she finished talking to her, but I decided to go over and see her instead. To cheer her up, I stopped and got her some cookies from Ricki’s cookies on the way.
By the time I’d made it to her, she was still on the phone with her sister. I tried to motion for her to not get off the phone, but she didn’t listen to me. Carmen hardly ever called either of her siblings. Whenever I was around they always had to call her first. But that was none of my business.
“OK, I’ll talk to you later, Carmen. Charlie is here,” I couldn’t hear what Carmen had said, but she must have asked who Charlie was because Harlem said, “No, Charlie is not a boy, Carmen. She’s a woman. Knight’s girlfriend. You’d know that if you answered our calls or came home every once in a while.”
I always felt awkward being around people when they were having conversations, so I tried to leave her room but she grabbed my wrist and stopped me.
“They’ve been together for months, Carmen. I don’t know. He shouldn’t have to text you to tell you something like that. Answer your damn phone! I had to call you three times before you answered! That shit ain’t cool! You dan got out there in Atlanta and forgot all about us,” Harlem smiled and nodded at whatever Carmen was saying, and just like that her anger had dissolved. “Fine. I know he wanted you to meet her. He said he was just waiting for you to come home again. So this weekend would be perfect. You better come too. Hold on,” Harlem looked at me and asked, “Charlie, do you have anything to do Saturday? Carmen says she coming home and wants to meet you.”
I shook my head and shrugged. Meeting their sister was even more nerve racking than meeting their father. Because of the strained relationship they had with him, I didn’t feel too much of a weight to get him to approve of me. But Carmen… they actually cared about her opinion.
Even though they didn’t talk much, she had a way of handling them that no one else could. She had a way of getting them to eat out of the palm of her hand. Like her answering their calls and talking to them for a few minutes at a time was a blessing to them. I was surprised she’d been on the phone with Harlem for as long as she had been. She must not have had anything else to do.
“No. That’s… fine,” I agree unwillingly.
“Great! If you don’t come, Carmen,” Carmen cut her threat off and once again said something that made Harlem smile. “Fine. I’ll see you then.”
Harlem disconnected the call and I suddenly felt unneeded. Not that I was trying to take Carmen’s place, but Harlem seemed to be in a better mood because of her sister. Her real sister. Was I jealous? No. Couldn’t have been. Maybe possessive was a better word. I hated seeing anyone pull on Harlem’s emotional strings; her sister included.
Harlem was like… an egg.
Hard exterior that was meant to protect the softness that was inside, but that hard exterior was way too fragile and easily cracked. She needed to be handled carefully. I understood that. Knight understood that. But Carmen and Princeton… even Tage… they couldn’t. Yes, she was outspoken and seemingly rebellious and uncaring, but at the end of the day… she was a little girl. A little girl with a big belly and big responsibility.
She was an egg.
Hard. Fragile. Soft.
I was on my way home from the gym when Carmen called me. That in itself was a surprise. She didn’t call me unless she wanted or needed something or was returning my phone call. But when she told me that she was coming home this weekend I knew something was up. I pulled over onto the side of the road and said…
“Spill it, Carmen. What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t bullshit me. I know something is up. What’s going on?”
“Just… call me when you get home.”
“No. Tell me now.”
“But you’re driving…”
“I pulled over. What happened?”
She released a hard breath and remained silent until the noise that was around her ceased. She must have gone outside. That was confirmed when I heard a dog barking.
“Harlem called me in hysterics, but when I called back she’d calmed down some because she was talking to a Charlie?”
A smile immediately spread at the sound of Charlie’s name.
“Yea. That’s mine.”
“Since when?”
“Few months ago. Close to four maybe.”
“And she’s that comfortable with you that she and Harlem are talking?”
It kind of pissed me off that she had the nerve to be calling and asking about Charlie when Charlie was doing all of the shit that she should’ve been doing with and for Harlem. But whatever.
“Charlie is the one that’s been helping Harlem. The girl she was telling you about that we met at Bundled. The one with the bedside service.”
“Oh right. Right. The one that works for you. So how did that turn into a relationship?”
“She doesn’t work for me, Carmen. She’s working with me. Helping me. With your baby sister. You need to be thanking her cause you for damn sure haven’t shown an interest in helping her with the baby.”
“I didn’t call you to be reprimanded about not being around.”
“Then what did you call for, Carmen?”
C
armen sighed into the phone and what little patience I had was beginning to fade.
“Carmen…”
“There’s something you should know about her. I could be wrong. This could be a coincidence. But Charlie isn’t a common name for women. Definitely not women in Memphis.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’d feel a lot more comfortable talking about this face to face, or at least when you’re home, Knight.”
“Cut the bullshit and tell me what you have to tell me.”
“All right. All right.”
She inhaled deeply and cursed under her breath.
“Knight, you know when mama got really sick towards the end I started going with her to her appointments and emergency room visits because she didn’t want daddy to worry about what the doctors were saying?”
I nodded and leaned my head against the headrest.
“Right.”
“Well, you remember when I had to take her to the emergency room and we found out that her kidneys were failing and that she needed dialysis?”
“Yea.”
“Well… when we were leaving… she saw someone in ICU that made her feel as if God dropped in her spirit that she should help them. She stared at the girl for I don’t know how long before the girl’s doctor came and asked mama what she needed. Mama went to his office and they talked about what was wrong with the girl. By the end of their conversation mama decided to give the girl her heart when she died.”
“What?”
Give her her heart? She was talking about Charlie. She couldn’t have been talking about Charlie. Charlie couldn’t have had my mother’s heart. This had to be a coincidence.
“Mama felt attached to her for some reason. She said she had been looking for a way to find some good coming out of her death, and Charlie was it. Mama ended up meeting with Charlie’s parents to get a better understanding of what was going on with her, and after having lunch with them a few times she decided not to do the dialysis and let things happen naturally.
