Ellie...
Luke’s mouth suddenly felt weirdly dry. ‘Hey, Ellie...’ was all he could manage.
‘You...um...you gave me your number. The night Jamie was born?’
Luke nodded and then realised how stupid that was. ‘Yeah. I did.’ Something in Ellie’s tone was making coherent thought difficult. She sounded...frightened? No...more like lost...
He could hear a lot of background noise, too. Shouting. And a distant siren. Where on earth was she at this time of night? And what about the baby? A sudden chill ran up his spine. Had something happened to Jamie?
‘You said if I ever needed help...’ Oh, God...she was crying. He could hear the catch of her breath that sounded like a stifled sob. ‘I think...I need help...’
CHAPTER FOUR
‘ARE YOU SURE about this?’
‘Of course. I wouldn’t have offered, otherwise.’
Luke glanced sideways at the passenger in his car. Ellie still had the ambulance blanket around her shoulders. Her hair was a bit of a mess, with those tangled, dark blonde waves framing a pale face that was smudged with dark streaks. He was pretty sure it must have been her tears that had left cleaner patches on the layer of soot from the smoke.
He knew she was only two years younger than his own thirty-four years because he’d seen it written in her hospital notes. But right now, she looked more than ten years younger—almost like the young girl who used to share his school bus, except that he would have noticed her back then, if she’d ever looked this miserable. Ellie also looked exhausted and more than a little frightened and those huge, dark eyes in that pale face were so striking that Luke had to force his gaze back to the road. The expression in them made her look incredibly vulnerable and it made his heart ache in a way that he couldn’t put a name to, with a strength that was oddly disturbing.
‘And are you sure you don’t want to get checked out at hospital? Or have Jamie checked again?’
She nodded. ‘I’ve just got a bit of airway irritation from the smoke.’ Her cough punctuated her words with perfect timing. ‘I’ll be fine. Just a bit shocked, I guess. Jamie doesn’t even have a cough and he’s too young to have been really frightened. He’s fine, too, and that’s all that really matters.’
Luke might have disagreed with that but couldn’t think of how he could say so without it sounding strange coming from someone who didn’t even qualify as a friend. Yet...
He simply nodded and concentrated on his driving, instead. Offering Ellie a place to stay for the night had been the most obvious way he could provide the help that had been requested of him and he had been sure. He couldn’t remember ever having wanted to help someone in trouble quite this much, in fact. Being able to do this had wiped out that unsettling knowledge that had come with that conversation with Sue tonight—the unfairness of life that had him rattling around alone in a huge old house while Ellie was caring for a baby in no more than a bedsit. It wasn’t just for Ellie’s, sake, of course. He still felt that odd connection with the baby he’d thought might be just as unwanted as he had once been.
He turned his head enough to glance into the back seat, now. He could see that Jamie was fast asleep in the plastic capsule with the handle. ‘We were lucky that ambulance crew had a baby car seat they could lend us.’
‘They know where we work. Where you work, anyway...’ There was a note in Ellie’s voice that made Luke wonder just how much she was missing her job in the ED. ‘Any crew will be able to collect the seat and the blanket and return them.’
Luke flicked on his indicator. ‘There’s an all-night service station here. We can go shopping properly tomorrow, but what do you need most now?’
Ellie closed her eyes and Luke caught the tremble of her lips as she obviously started to itemise everything she had just lost. Again, his heart squeezed with that nameless emotion. It squeezed so hard he could feel a lump in his own throat.
Her voice, however, came out with a surprising level of determination. She wasn’t beaten, yet, this young mother. With her first words, he could identify what he was feeling this time. He was proud of her. He’d already known she had guts when she’d embraced the challenge of raising a child she hadn’t intended to bring into the world. Now, she was demonstrating that she wasn’t going to let anything stop her. Even the trauma of watching her home get destroyed.
‘Nappies,’ she said. ‘And baby wipes. Clothes might be a problem but a service station isn’t going to stock them.’ She bit her lip. ‘I don’t have any money with me, though. My wallet got left behind.’
‘It’s not a problem.’
‘I’ll pay you back. As soon as I can sort things. Oh, help...I don’t even have any ID for going to the bank.’ With a despairing groan, Ellie faltered, burying her face in her hands. ‘I can’t believe this has happened...’
Luke pulled into a parking space in front of the service station. He put his hand on Ellie’s shoulder in what was meant to be simply a reassuring touch but when he felt how rigid she was with tension he extended his fingers and gave it a slow squeeze.
‘It’ll be okay,’ he told her. ‘We can sort everything—one step at a time. You stay here with Jamie. I reckon I can manage to find the right sort of disposable nappies and wipes.’
Ellie’s face appeared and the look in her eyes made Luke feel about ten feet tall. A knight in shining armour who still had the damsel in distress on the back of his horse. And he could feel her skin, even through the layers of the blanket and her tee shirt, sending tendrils of warmth that made his arm and then his whole body tingle.
‘New born size for the nappies.’ She was trying to smile but it wobbled. ‘And the wipes with aloe vera are really good, if they’ve got them.’
* * *
He came back with his arms laden with what looked like enough nappies and wipes to last for at least a week and a smile that suggested triumph.
A smile that made him look like that teenaged boy she could remember getting onto the school bus—with the kind of swagger that told everybody there wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle and he was going to have fun with whatever challenge got thrown at him.
A ‘bad boy’ kind of smile.
And it was impossible not to smile back.
Impossible not to feel as if, with this man’s help, Ellie could face anything. Even when she was feeling as if she were falling into a black hole in her life that she’d never seen coming.
He’d already brought her through the worst moments of her life when she’d been afraid that she could lose the lives of both her baby and herself.
Maybe that was why she hadn’t even thought to call Sue or another friend to ask for help tonight.
She’d felt so lost, sitting there in the back of that ambulance with Jamie in her arms, knowing she had lost her home and all her possessions. Even her car had been parked in the basement of the apartment block and had undoubtedly been buried under the collapsed building.
And she’d remembered that moment when Luke had crouched beside her in the emergency department to ask for her consent to let him take charge of her assisted delivery. When she’d looked into his eyes and found hope to cling to.
And when, in that grim time of the pain and the pushing, he had called her ‘sweetheart’...
So she had to smile back now. He was doing exactly what she’d hoped he would. Taking charge of an unexpected and horrible moment and giving her the confidence that she could, actually, cope with this.
‘Step one sorted,’ he said with satisfaction as he started the car again. ‘Now let’s get you home.’
Ellie had to swallow a big lump in her throat.
She didn’t have a home any more.
But, weirdly, as they left the motorway and headed west, it felt as if she were heading home. She knew this country like the back of her hand, with its rolling hills and paddocks s
haded by so many trees and the small village with its town hall and war memorial and the pub on the main street.
‘I haven’t been out to Kauri Valley in years,’ she murmured. ‘There didn’t seem any point after Mum died.’
‘Same.’ Luke nodded. ‘It was five years ago that my dad died and when it became obvious that Mum needed full time care, I moved her to Sydney so she’d be close enough for me to help take care of her.’
Ellie was struck by his choice of words. And the tone with which he used them. If you didn’t know, you’d never guess that he’d been adopted so late in his childhood. He was talking about his family, here. A family he had loved very much.
And lost.
Ellie had lost her family, too.
She had lost her best friend.
She had lost her future as she’d envisioned it.
Now she had lost her home.
It was all too much. And hearing that note of such caring in Luke’s voice brought tears to her eyes again. She sniffed hard as she tried to blink them away.
Luke’s glance was swift.
‘You okay?’
Oh, man... He still sounded as though he cared so much, but this time it was on her behalf. Ellie had to close her eyes. Just for a heartbeat, she wanted to feel as if that concern were genuinely personal. That someone really cared.
‘Mmm. I just...I can tell how special your mum was to you. And...I was missing my mum tonight. And now, it feels like I’m heading home, even though that’s crazy.’
Luke was silent for a moment. A moment of empathy for someone else who had no family?
Or maybe he understood how weird it felt to be entering such an old stamping ground again.
‘It hasn’t changed much,’ he said. ‘Kauri Valley, that is. Mr Jenkins still runs the general store.’ His tone was cheerful now. Was he trying to distract her from thinking too much about her current problems? ‘Do you remember him?’
‘But he was ancient twenty years ago! And so grumpy. He thought that kids only came into his shop to steal lollies.’
Luke’s mouth twitched. ‘Maybe some of them did.’
Ellie’s jaw dropped. Okay. She had been very effectively distracted.
‘You didn’t...’ But then she bit her lip. ‘Actually, Ava and I did, once, too. Just to see if we could... And because he was shouting at someone’s dog who’d snuck in the door and the poor dog was cringing as if it was getting beaten.’
‘Did you get away with it?’
‘Yes...but we felt so guilty we never did it again.’
‘Mmm.’
There was a world of understanding in that sound. Had it been guilt that had finally put Lucas Gilmore on a straight and narrow path? Did you only feel guilty when you were scared of being punished? Or was it because you cared about what other people thought? That only mattered when you cared about those people, didn’t it?
Ellie stole a sideways glance at Luke. It wasn’t the first time she had wondered about what life had been like for him as a child. How he had ended up hiding in the forest behind the Gilmores’ place. Part of his charisma had come from the shroud of mystery he’d brought with him into a very ordinary New Zealand high school, but after Ellie had eavesdropped on that conversation between the group of local women, something else had captured her imagination.
How he’d come to look as if he’d believed there was no hope in the world.
Forgetting her own worries for a moment longer, Ellie felt something in her heart squeeze very tightly, as if she could see that young boy looking so desperate that he had touched Dorothy Gilmore’s heart enough to make her change her life for ever. And then she had to twist her head to look at Jamie, asleep in the car seat. She would never let anything bad happen to him.
But it almost had tonight...
Maybe it was delayed shock that was making her shiver as they finally pulled into a driveway that was so overgrown, the hedges scraped the sides of the SUV. The screeching sound woke Jamie, who began to whimper as Luke unbuckled the plastic capsule. The shivering was almost shaking by the time she had followed him up some wide steps, across a veranda with creaking boards and through a front door that led into the widest, longest hallway Ellie had ever seen. Finally, having led her into a kitchen that was probably bigger than her entire apartment had been, Luke put down the pile of nappies and wipes he had under one arm, and carefully put down the baby seat containing Jamie he’d been carrying in his other hand.
One glance at Ellie and he frowned so deeply he almost looked angry.
‘You’re frozen... Here...’ He was stripping off the woollen, ribbed jumper he was wearing. ‘Put this on.’
It was massive. And still warm from his body.
It felt like a hug.
And it smelled...delicious. Ellie couldn’t help crossing her arms and bringing them up to her face so that she could bury her nose in the scent for a moment. She was watching Luke at the same time, as he dropped to a crouch in front of the baby seat and rocked it a little.
‘It’s okay, little guy,’ he said. ‘Do you want to come out of this? Do you need your mummy?’
He had been wearing a black tee shirt under the jumper and, right now, it was stretched against the muscles of his back and shoulders.
And, suddenly, Ellie remembered what she had been dreaming about when she’d been shaken awake by her neighbour. Worse, she could actually feel fingers of remembered desire curling themselves into a tight fist somewhere deep in her belly as her gaze travelled down his bare arms to those large hands with long, artistic looking fingers.
Why had her subconscious chosen to give her a sex dream about Luke Gilmore, for heaven’s sake? Had it become bored with the smudged features of the purely fantasy partners that had entered her dreams on the odd occasion during more than a year of celibacy?
Oh...help...
It wasn’t just the new item of clothing making her feel so much warmer. Her cheeks felt as if they had started glowing. At least Luke had his back to her so he couldn’t have noticed anything and she had to make sure he never did. He would be horrified. She had been on another planet at school as far as his sexual interests were concerned and there was no reason to believe something that fundamental would have changed. How embarrassing would it be if he thought that was the reason she had called him tonight?
It wasn’t.
Or was it? Trusting someone, not to mention liking how they could make you feel by simply looking at you, had to be a big part of attraction.
But feelings that were unmistakeably sexual were on a whole different—and very inappropriate—level. She was just exhausted, Ellie reminded herself. She’d been through an emotional mill tonight. And it was probably far too long since she’d had a man in her life.
With an effort, Ellie got a grip.
‘I’ll get him,’ she told Luke. ‘He probably needs feeding again.’
‘Oh...of course... What do you need?’ He looked around. ‘Those kitchen chairs aren’t very comfortable but the living room will be pretty cold—I don’t use it much.’
‘That couch looks perfect.’ Ellie unbuckled Jamie’s safety belt and picked up the baby, supporting the back of his head with one hand as she lifted him to her shoulder. It was automatic to turn her head enough to kiss the soft fluff of his hair. ‘I’ve never seen a kitchen big enough to have a couch in it before.’
‘It’s always been the heart of the house.’ Luke spoke quietly. ‘My favourite room. I used to do my guitar practice on that couch while Mum was cooking dinner. She said she liked to have music while she worked.’
Ellie didn’t say anything. Maybe because she was trying not to picture a teenaged Luke, with even longer, shaggier hair and a guitar in his arms. He would have totally owned a rock star vibe. Trying to distract herself, she focused on the room, instead.
Luke noticed what had caught her attention as she was sitting down. He walked towards the window and ran his fingers over the tape.
‘The place is a bit run down still. The rental firm I was using let me down and I arrived back to find a complete mess. It’s clean now, though. The commercial cleaners I got in even washed all the linen and aired mattresses.’
He had his hand on the door knob now. Turning it to check that it was locked. ‘It’s safe, too. I had all the locks changed. Someone’s coming to fix the windows and some other stuff soon. I just need to find a gardener that doesn’t take one look and either say he’s too busy or give me a ridiculous quote because they don’t actually want the work.’
He turned just in time to see Ellie guiding Jamie’s gaping little mouth to help him latch on to her nipple. She could feel the way he seemed to freeze for a heartbeat. And then another.
‘I...ah...I’ll put the kettle on, shall I? Would you like a cup of tea or coffee or something?’
‘A cup of tea would be awesome. But don’t let me keep you up. It’s the middle of the night and you’ve got work tomorrow.’
‘I’ve got a day off tomorrow.’ He filled an electric jug and switched it on and then, without looking in Ellie’s direction again, he hurried out of the kitchen, muttering something about finding linen for her bed.
Anyone would think he’d never seen a woman breastfeeding her baby before, Ellie thought. For heaven’s sake...he’d told her that he’d done a long stint in obstetrics. He must be more than used to the sight of a woman’s breast, not to mention every other part of their anatomy.
Or was he uncomfortable because it was her breast he had glimpsed?
Because he saw her as a woman and not a patient?
The Surrogate's Unexpected Miracle Page 6
