Push and Shove

by C. L. Stone

  Nathan’s arms encircled my shoulders, drawing me in. Gabriel and Luke created a path through dancing people. Nathan and I followed.

  The further we moved in, the louder the music got, the tighter the crowd of people around us became, and the more dazzling the lights. I found it easier to focus on Luke and Gabriel and not look right or left anymore. I didn’t want to lose them.

  There was a corner near the stage that was darker where the flashing lights didn’t shine as often.

  As we pushed our way through, Luke’s shirt in front of me started glowing green. It surprised me, and I reached out, touching his shoulder.

  He stopped, turning and looking curiously at me. When I motioned to his shirt, he looked down. He grinned, nodding and then pointed to my shirt.

  I looked down, and the white heart was glowing too.

  Luke did sign language, “Black lights.”

  Other people around us were glowing, too. Most were just people wearing white shirts. A few people had shapes in their clothes, or words, and those glowed. My cheeks warmed. Gabriel had marked me with a heart.

  Gabriel stopped close to the stage. I stood hip to hip between Gabriel and Luke, with Nathan right behind me.

  Gabriel started gyrating his hips with the music. His arms round my waist, and he started pushing and pulling with the beat.

  I followed his lead, feeling awkward simply standing when everyone else was moving.

  When I started moving my hips on my own, Gabriel’s hands slid up my body. He touched my elbows briefly. Taking his signal, I lifted my arms, and he guided me until I had my hands over my head. He leaned in, kissing my ear. “Perfect,” he said loudly in my ear.

  I blushed. He pulled away quickly, shaking his hips and dancing. I watched him, mimicking his movements. He flew through the beats and I was a half-step behind for a while until I got the hang of it. He lifted his arms with mine, until we were dancing together. His arms knocked into mine sometimes, and our hips brushed against each other.

  When the song changed and the music became more intense, the crowd around us started jumping to the beat. Gabriel and Luke turned, focusing on the DJ and started, too. I stood between them at first, just bouncing up and down on my toes. With the guys next to me, I thought I was going to get knocked over.

  Luke grabbed my hand, squeezing and encouraging. I started bouncing harder like he was. Gabriel grabbed my other hand, holding it in the air and we timed our jumping around to the beat.

  My heart was pounding, but it didn’t compare to the thumping rocking through my body along with the music. The dazzling lights and the fact that other than Luke and Gabriel and Nathan, I really couldn’t focus on other faces, made it easier to forget they were there. I could pretend it was just us.

  The crowd got louder, whistling and screaming in excitement. The DJ upped the tempo, and we all started bouncing faster.

  Nathan stepped in. His hands found my hips. I thought he wanted to show me something new, but he kept his hands on me, gripping me. I understood; he just wanted me close. I moved closer to him, dropping a hand on his chest.

  I danced this way with Luke and Gabriel at different times. The music went on for what seemed like forever.

  After a while, Gabriel slowed down, grinning but wiping his forehead. He leaned into me, shouting something into my ear but I didn’t understand what he was saying. I pulled back shaking my head.

  Gabriel snagged Luke’s arm, drawing him in and yelling at him. Luke turned to me, signing, “Water?”

  Water? I hadn’t realized until he said it but my throat was dry. “Yes,” I signed back.

  Luke nodded to Gabriel before signing back at me. “We’ll go get some. Stay here with Nathan.”

  I stepped back, bumping into Nathan. Luke stopped in front of me, leaning in and dropping a kiss on my cheek. Gabriel followed, dropping another one on my ear. They walked off, disappearing into the dancing crowd.

  When I turned to Nathan, he was gazing down at me, his lips tight. His movements had slowed. I wasn’t sure he liked seeing Gabriel and Luke kissing me on my cheeks. Did he think they kept breaking the rules? Is that why he kept telling them not to? Mouth kissing wasn’t allowed, but what about kissing cheeks and other places? He’d kissed my fingers before. I didn’t understand.

  The music’s tempo suddenly changed to something slower. The crowd around us started swaying to the music. I kept my eyes on Nathan, wanting to do something to please him. He hadn’t wanted to come out, but he did because I wanted to go.

  I drifted a hand up, my finger poking at his lips. His eyes widened but his mouth opened. I slipped a finger in and he bit gently. He took my hand, drawing it back out of his mouth, kissing my fingers.

  I smiled. I was really starting to like the kissing. That small touch from his lips sent waves of fluttering right through me.

  From behind me, another dancer bumped into me. At first I thought it was an accident, and I dismissed it.

  The second time, I got a hip bump. A hand smoothed over my back, while a body moved close, close enough for me to smell an unfamiliar, heady fragrance.

  “Fuck off!” Nathan shouted. He leaned over me, shoving at the shoulder of the guy behind me.

  The guy released me, moving away to dance with a couple of girls nearby.

  Nathan encircled my waist with his hands, picking me up and moving me until we were facing away from the guy who had grabbed me. I hugged his neck, drawing myself in close.

  My face was close to his. He was glaring at the guy, his blue eyes intense. With my body pressed close to his, I could feel his hard muscles.

  My heart was knocking hard against my rib cage. Nathan was looking out for me. He was always there for me, saving me. Now that I’d met his father, too, I thought I understood him more. I knew he’d never hurt me, but he was even more concerned that no one else ever hurt me, either. He was more cautious, because of how his mother had been treated, and now with me, he was doing his best to make sure I was safe.

  I was breathing in the Cypress and leather from his skin. My fingers drifted up to his neck. I wanted to distract him from the guy. He didn’t matter. Nathan was all there was now. His serious blue eyes were fixed, his jawline firm as he stared off. The stubble of his unshaven face matured his features. I couldn’t resist.

  I leaned in, planting my lips on Nathan’s cheek, close to his mouth. I kept my lips there for as long as I dared. I could feel the light moisture of sweat against his skin, and the coarse hair scratched at my mouth. My heart fluttered.

  When I pulled back, Nathan turned his head, his eyebrows up in surprise, his mouth open. His fingers moved to the spot near his mouth where I’d kissed him.

  I held my breath, feeling shy again. Did he not want me to? Was I breaking the rules?

  He stared down at me. His lips moved, as if saying something, but I couldn’t hear him over the music.

  Slowly, his hands found my face, holding me still. His eyes gazed over me. He lowered his head, his lips meeting my cheek in the same spot as I’d kissed him.

  I closed my eyes. His lips moved slowly at first, trailing to my cheekbone. His mouth traced up toward my brow, across my forehead.

  The club disappeared around us as Nathan’s lips claimed me. He didn’t stop. It was as if that one kiss unleashed something inside and he wasn’t holding back now. His hands moved up, until his fingers mixed up in my hair, and he tilted my head, kissing along my jawline. We weren’t dancing anymore. The best I could do was hold onto him as he kissed my face.

  A warmth spread through me, flickering from his lips. My eyes opened, and I was gazing over his shoulder. There was another couple not too far from us. The guy’s hands groped the girl’s chest, and their lips met. I bit my own lip, feeling a sudden need to feel what that girl was feeling. I loved that Nathan was kissing me, but it wasn’t enough. Something inside of me wanted more, and I didn’t know how to do it.

  Without thinking, when he got close to my mouth, I turned my head.
/>   Nathan’s lips met the corner of my mouth. He was mostly on the cheek, but I felt it. Just a little along my lips. As close as anyone had come to kissing me at all.

  My eyes closed and all I could feel were his lips. My heart fluttered hard, pounding into my rib cage. I didn’t move, unsure of what else to do, too dazed to think.

  A panic swept over me. I’d tricked Nathan. Even if it was just the corner of my mouth. It was something even North avoided. My mind shut down as I realized I might have gone too far. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know anything about kissing, and then there were Academy rules I hadn’t been told about. All I knew was how I felt about him. Suddenly I was ashamed and sure that Nathan would say something. A kiss on the cheek was one thing, Gabriel had said. Even he knew there were boundaries. Who was I to challenge them?

  Nathan pulled his head back, his eyes wide, searching my face. I blushed, feeling nervous now. This was it. He’d tell me off like he did Gabriel. Or maybe he thought he’d hit my cheek instead. Maybe he didn’t even notice.

  But his eyes suddenly softened. His hands cupped under my jaw and he tilted my head up and toward his. He gazed down at my face, stopping short of my lips.

  My heart broke into another wild fluttering, knocking against my ribs. He was going to break the rule! North’s warning came back to me. You could only push a guy so far before he does something stupid. Was this stupid?

  Did I want to be stupid with him?

  “Sang.” Nathan’s lips moved, speaking my name. I couldn’t hear him well, but I managed to read his lips enough to understand what he was saying.

  “Nathan,” I replied, more than sure he couldn’t hear me.

  He ducked his head down, his nose meeting mine. He stopped, hovering his lips over mine. I could feel the warmth from them, his breath, as close as he was.

  An arm hooked around my waist, tugging me back. Gabriel tightened his hold on me, drawing me away from Nathan. My heart dropped into my shoes, my eyes wide as Nathan’s as the moment was broken.

  “Trouble,” Gabriel called in my ear. “I leave you for five minutes and he’s got his hands all over you.” He dropped me until I was standing, but kept his arms around my waist. He grinned. “Can’t leave you with anyone.”

  Luke handed a bottle of water over to me. I shifted it in my hands, feeling the cool condensation and using it to help clear my thoughts. I’d tricked him. I broke the rules.

  When I caught another glance of Nathan, he was turned around, downing one of the waters and avoiding me.

  ♥♥♥

  It was well after eleven before we left the club. I didn’t see Mr. Morris’s car in the lot; maybe he gave up.

  My legs were sore and my ears were ringing. I was hanging off of Luke because I was so tired.

  When we were out in the parking lot again, he caught my thighs and picked me up. I was going to tell him I could make it to the car, but my legs didn’t want me to.

  At the SUV, to my surprise, Nathan got behind the wheel without a word. I hadn’t been able to talk to him the rest of the night, and when I caught his eye, he was quick to look away. He stuck the keys into the ignition, turning the engine over before anyone else had gotten in.

  Luke pushed me into the back seat and then climbed in after me.

  Gabriel slid into the front passenger seat. “Whew,” he said, slumping and rocking his head back and forth against the headrest. “Pretty crowded tonight. That DJ was good.”

  “Kota’s going to be after us,” Luke said. He sat back after he put his seatbelt on and then encircled my shoulders with his arm. “We’re supposed to be taking it easy. What do you say, Sang? Have a good time?”

  “Yes,” I said, though my voice was croaky. I swallowed to try to clear it. “My legs hurt now though.”

  “Yeah,” Luke said, grinning. “We’ll be in trouble.”

  “My Trouble needed a night off,” Gabriel said. “Dance all the stress out Saturday, sleep it off on Sunday. By Monday, she’ll be ready to go.”

  “So we’re sleeping tomorrow?” I asked.

  “We’ll be lazy shits,” Gabriel said. “Kota can’t yell at us if we do.”

  Gabriel and Luke started talking about other people at the club, what they were wearing and the crazy light show. I was mildly paying attention and gazing out the window. It was dark inside the SUV, and the times I glanced at Nathan, he was focused on driving.

  But he never joined in the conversation. Maybe he was tired. I tried to tell myself that this was why he was so quiet, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was probably the kiss. I’d tricked him into breaking a rule and now he was mad at me.

  But he had kissed back in the first place! But did it even count? It was on the edge of my mouth. Closed mouths. It was a moment. He wasn’t even aiming. I’d turned my head.

  I wished I could take it back. Luke had said it before that he didn’t want to steal a kiss from me. And now I realized what he meant. That had been a stolen moment. It wasn’t the right way.

  Maybe if I didn’t talk about it, he’d forget it ever happened.

  As he drove, I tried to laugh and smile with Luke and Gabriel about whatever they were saying, but most of it was forced. When Luke asked me what was wrong, I claimed to be tired. He snuggled up to me and I relaxed against him, but my mind was wound tight. I doubted I could sleep if I wanted to.

  We pulled off of the highway and found the main road that led to Sunnyvale Court.

  “Hey,” Gabriel said, pointing out the window toward Nathan’s house. “Is your dad gone?”

  The house appeared to be dark, locked up. The garage door was open, and there wasn’t a car in the driveway.

  Nathan squinted at the house. “Looks like it.”

  “Let’s go in and get some of that food we left there,” Gabriel said.

  “I don’t know,” Nathan said. “We need to stay away until we can confirm. If he went back to work, I need to find out before we go back.”

  “Let’s just get all the stuff we got for Sang,” he said. “And maybe even grab the Xbox. Real quick. He won’t know we’ve been there. If he went to the bar again, he’ll probably be there for hours.”

  Nathan sighed and then turned the car to pull into the driveway. “Let’s make it quick. I don’t like going in when I don’t know where he’s gone or how long he’s going to be.”

  When Nathan stopped the car, Gabriel jumped out, fishing his keys from his pocket and unlocking the front door.

  Luke and I started to follow. Nathan put a hand over and snagged my elbow.

  “Nuh-uh,” he said. “You should stay out here.”

  For a moment, I blinked at him, surprised that he’d said something to me when he had spent most of the night avoiding me. “Can’t we go in and help?” I asked.

  Nathan started to shake his head but Luke eased Nathan’s grip from my arm. “Let’s all go in,” he said. “It’ll make it faster. Open the back. Sang, you go snag any clothes you want. I’ll grab the Xbox. Nathan, you help Gabriel grab what he wants and we’ll meet back here. We’ll dump everything in and head to Sang’s.”

  Nathan’s mouth tightened, but he nodded.

  I made sure to hurry. I didn’t want to be there any longer than necessary.

  Walking was difficult with sore legs, but I found some energy in knowing this was the last stop before I could curl up in bed.

  Nathan’s bedroom was dark so I flicked the light switch. His bed had been made up with the maroon blanket. His stereo on his dresser was silent and the CDs that had once been stacked next to it had disappeared. A weight set in the corner was in line from largest to smallest barbells. The scent of cleaners filled my nose. It caught my attention because Nathan was never this neat when he was relaxed. He wasn’t dirty, but I couldn’t imagine having to be this neat and tidy. My stepmother had been a stickler for clean, but not this nitpicky.

  I stared at my clothes tucked away in the back of Nathan’s closet. I scooted a few hangers over, dawdling,
tired having no idea what I needed.

  I found a particular set of clothes sitting on top of the shelf inside. These had been folded and set into a neat stack; jeans, tops, skirts, and hoodies. There were even a few pairs of pajamas sitting there. Did Gabriel do this at some point, leaving them so I’d know which ones to grab quickly? It seemed likely. The top shirt still had a tag on it. Perhaps he was trying to hint that I needed to wear some variety.

  “Sang?” Luke called from the kitchen.

  I grabbed the clothes and followed Luke’s voice to the kitchen.

  Luke stood with a box under one arm. He held the box out, encouraging me to place the clothes into it. “Did you grab enough?” he asked.

  “I think so,” I said. “Gabriel set them out.”

  Luke nodded, not seeming too surprised by this. “Do me a favor? There’s a couple of kits below the sink in the bathroom. Go grab the ones that have mine and Gabriel’s name on them.”

  I nodded and went for the bathroom. I locked the door to quickly use the restroom and wash up. After, I opened the cabinets, along the back there was a line of blue zipped pouches. I hadn’t noticed them before, but then I didn’t really go poking around in Nathan’s bathroom.

  I pulled one out, spotting Silas’s name written in black marker across the top. I put that one back and shifted through the others looking for Luke’s and Gabriel’s.

  A door slammed deeper in the house. I stilled, listening.

  Footsteps. A muffled voice. Other voices started up. I could hear Gabriel, but then he quieted. Were they just being noisy?

  I ducked my head under the sink, reaching for Gabriel’s pack when a loud boom erupted against the bathroom door, causing it to vibrate against the frame.

  “Who the fuck’s in there, then?” Mr. Griffin bellowed.

  Startled, I cracked my head on the wood of the cabinet. I gripped the packs to my chest, staying absolutely still, afraid to make any noise.

  The doorknob rattled hard.

  “Stop that,” Nathan said. “No one’s in there.”

  “The door’s locked. Someone’s in there.”

  “I must have locked it by accident.”

  “Don’t fucking lie to me!” Mr. Griffin bellowed. “I’m not an idiot. Get those two dingbats out of my house.”