Push and Shove

by C. L. Stone

  “I don’t think I’m going anywhere,” I said, fully meaning it. My heart raced at admitting it, though. I wanted to stay, with him, with all of them. Maybe he was right.

  His hand drifted out, capturing my chin and drawing my heated face to meet his eyes. “How about a tour of the condo?”

  I perked up at this, but as soon as I started nodding, the sound of the front door opening caught up to us. Dr. Green released me and took a step back.

  Mr. Blackbourne appeared in the kitchen door a moment later. He was back in his dark gray suit, with a crisp white shirt and red tie. He first looked at Dr. Green and then at me.

  I sat up straighter, with my shoulders rolled back.

  A smooth eyebrow lifted slowly on his face. “Miss Sorenson,” he said in a polite greeting.

  “Mr. Blackbourne,” I said softly. I was almost disappointed, though I wasn’t sure why. I suspected it was because we’d shared an adventure together, and he was still calling me by my last name. Even looking at his perfect face, there wasn’t an inkling of familiarity any more than there had been this morning. I wanted a wink. Or that millimeter smile. He was completely unreadable.

  He clutched my book bag in his hand, and held it out to me. “Mr. Lee prepared this for you.”

  I nodded, sliding off the bar stool. I wobbled on the wedge heels as I landed, but quickly corrected myself.

  Mr. Blackbourne squinted at me. “Is everything all right?”

  I nodded and tried to hide embarrassed shaking at doing something so awkwardly in front of him. I moved forward to take the bag.

  “Come on, Sang,” Dr. Green said. He stirred the spaghetti sauce once more before putting the spoon aside and wiping his hands on a towel. “I’ll show you to the bedroom.”

  I followed Dr. Green, skirting around Mr. Blackbourne who took up stirring the sauce and then started opening kitchen cabinets.

  Dr. Green led the way to a set of stairs, his bare feet plodding against the carpet. The second story had a narrow hallway with four doors. He went on to the last door at the end.

  It was a big bedroom, with a queen-sized mattress stacked on top of a short dark wood pallet, and a very low headboard. There were tatami mats across the floor. The far wall consisted of several sliding closet doors. Low side tables next to the bed contained vases with green bamboo inside. Along the other walls were tiny paintings of cherry trees in full bloom clustered together without frames. A wide window looked out onto the front lawn. I imagined during the day, you could see the rose garden.

  Dr. Green motioned to the bed. “Try it out. If you don’t like it, there’s a regular spring mattress in the spare room.”

  I sat on the bed, feeling my body sink a little. It was one of those space foam beds I’d seen advertised somewhere. I splayed my hand across the deep purple comforter, pushing at the resistance of the surface. “This isn’t the spare room?”

  “This is my room,” he said.

  The air stilled and I stared at a bamboo vase, my nerves jumping under my skin. My nose tickled from the ginger and citrus that was from him, but I didn’t get the same scent from the room. He really hadn’t been home a lot. I tried to imagine him in this space. The image was hard to conjure up. Perhaps because I was used to him at the hospital or at school only.

  “Do you not like it?” he asked quietly.

  “It’s nice,” I said, unable to help myself from asking, “You’ll be staying in here?”

  “Did I mention I have a spare room?”

  There was some relief, but only a smidgen. That still wasn’t right. “I can’t take your bedroom.”

  “You just did.”

  I wasn’t just invading his space. I was taking it over. “You don’t have to...” I had a terrified thought of being alone in this bedroom. The other boys were gone. I wasn’t afraid to sleep alone, but to sleep alone in a new space like this made me positive I wouldn’t sleep at all.

  He bent forward at the waist and lowered his head to level his with mine. I caught the light hazel specks in his green eyes near the pupils. “Kota mentioned you didn’t like sleeping by yourself.”

  My lips parted and my pulse quickened. It wasn’t what I’d meant, but now that he mentioned it, I wasn’t often in a bedroom alone any more. Even if the guys had to leave, they stayed with me until I fell asleep, unless there was an Academy emergency. It was usually only for a short time. Someone else was usually on the way back for me.

  I wanted to offer to sleep in the spare room, but I sensed there would be a fight about it, and I wasn’t likely to win. Then I realized we’d shared a bed before. I don’t know why, but I wanted to play it off as a joke just in case he wanted to reject the idea. “Yours is bigger than a hospital bed. I think I can keep my hands to myself.” I wasn’t going to be comfortable no matter what, so might as well let him have his own bed.

  The curve of his smile broadening did a number on my heart. “Relax,” he said. “And scoot over.”

  I leaned back, dragging myself to where there was a pillow and laying down. He crossed around the foot of the bed and crawled up. He sprawled out next to me on his side, his head propped up on his hand. I turned on my side, facing him, with my head against the pillow.

  His eyes settled on my face. “I suppose this will do. The view is nicer.”

  I cupped my palm around my cheek, pressing the other to the pillow to hide my blushing. “Dr...”

  “Sean,” he said.

  “Sean...” His first name still felt foreign to my tongue. “Dr. Sean.”

  His smile lifted. “Just don’t start calling me Doc.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it makes me think I’m a dwarf. And don’t do it just to get under my skin because I’ll start calling you something weird. Like Tweedle Dumpling or Pookie.” His green eyes lit up. “Wait. I take that back. I like Pookie.”

  I sunk my face into the pillow, covering my eyes with my fingers. The nickname made me want to squeal for some reason. I think it was just that he was a good looking guy, and he was saying something so cute. Strong and smart Dr. Sean Green didn’t match with voicing the word Pookie.

  I reveled in the name and him saying it. I started giggling.

  Fingertips brushed at the back of my hand. “No, don’t you start that giggling.”

  I tried to smother the urge, but it was like an infection spreading. The more I tried to suppress it, the more it bubbled just under the surface.

  “You think Pookie is funny?” he asked.

  I peeked out from between my fingers, hiding my goofy grin with my palms. “Maybe.”

  “You’re doomed now, Pookie,” he said.

  I snickered. “Doc.”

  “Don’t start.” He reached out for my forearm, tugging it. When I relinquished my hand, he took it, drawing it close to his chest, grasping at my palm. “And don’t hide your face.”

  The giggling bubbles stilled, soothed by his touch and gentle expression.

  His smile remained and he started to scoot closer, until he was sharing my pillow with me. There was barely an inch of space between us.

  His eyes traced over my face. But his lips betrayed him, and the curve of his smile tightened so much that it was clear he was holding back.

  The face he was making was too much. My lips split open and I started giggling.

  He let a couple of giggles spill out but caught himself. “Sang,” he said in a warning tone. He squeezed my hand in his.

  It was the craziest moment. He wasn’t even saying anything now, but no matter what, I couldn’t escape his face and the giggles that wanted to come out. I was nervous, and the only way to soothe it was by laughing.

  He breathed in deeply, letting it all out slowly but then he studied my face and the end of it caught in a laugh. “Sang,” he said sharper, louder.

  “You started it.”

  “I only showed you my bedroom. You started the giggling.”

  “You called me Pookie.”

  “And you like Pookie.”


  I rolled away on my back a little, laughing.

  His hands tugged me until I was facing him again. His shoulders shook and his eyes glistened and giggles erupted at every other word. “We need to stop.”

  “You don’t have surgery, do you?”

  “No, but if we’re going to be eating dinner with Owen, he’ll throw a fit if we’re sniggering at the table.” He swallowed, took in a breath and let it out in a laugh. He groaned. “Oh, god, Sang. Stop. I can’t.”

  I tried holding my breath, but I made the mistake of looking at him and the moment our eyes met, we nearly spit on each other as we cracked with laughter. He rolled into me, and I snuggled back into him.

  Dr. Green sucked in a breath and pulled his head back a bit. I lifted mine and then our noses were an inch away from each other. It made me want to start giggling.

  “You know,” he said in a quiet voice. “There’s only one cure for giggle fits.”

  My lips trembled with holding back another laugh. “What’s that?”

  One side of his mouth lifted higher than the other. His eyes drifted from mine down my face and toward my mouth.

  There was a pause, and somehow I was sure he was going to make a joke. My lips parted, ready for another laugh at whatever it was.

  As he leaned his head in, I thought he was teasing.

  It all slipped away the moment his lips touched mine.

  It took a long moment before I realized this was a kiss. My eyes closed on their own. His lips moved against mine in ways I wasn’t expecting. I felt a little out of place as I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. He captured my lower lip between his. He pressed our lips together tightly and then slowly pulled back.

  In the split second my eyes were still closed, it felt like the world stopped. My mind was blank as I tried to register what had just happened. My heart throbbed and swelled to double its normal size.

  As my eyes fluttered open, I found his were fixed on me. His lips were parted and it looked like he was holding his breath, waiting for me to say something.

  “I...” I started to say. He kissed me! And it had been so unexpected because the boys had started and teased, and backed off so often. But here, Dr. Green just up and did it. “You,” I breathed out, but what could I say?

  He grinned. “Did it work?”

  I mumbled again, not remembering what he was talking about.

  “Well,” he said, the playful glint in his eyes returning. “Just to make sure.”

  His palm cupped my cheek to still me and then he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine again. Longer this time. His head tilted so our lips weren’t so aligned. His thumb slid across my cheek, massaging my cheekbone.

  I moved my lips against his. I was eager, hungry for it.

  And then I realized how unprepared I’d been for any sort of kiss from anyone. I didn’t know how to hold my lips, where to turn my head, or what I was supposed to do. His lips were moving against mine, sliding across. When I thought I could move my lips like his, he changed and went another way.

  I was chasing him.

  Everything slowed down. Forever in a moment. My heart felt like it was curled up in warm furs and he was snuggling it.

  His lips released me and he snuck another light, closed mouthed kiss at the corner of my mouth before he backed his head up. When I opened my eyes again, he was beaming. His cheeks bunched up close to his eyes and his grin looked like it’d never leave his face.

  “Something tells me you’re still new at this,” he said in a low voice.

  The feel and taste of his lips still lingered and for a moment, I didn’t want to speak. I was terrified that feeling would go away and I wanted it to remain. “I haven’t... I’ve never...” I tried to whisper without moving my mouth much. I couldn’t find the right words.

  His eyebrows furrowed for a brief moment like he was having trouble understanding, but then his whole face opened in a stunned expression. “Don’t tell me this was your first.”

  I ended up biting my lip because I didn’t want to admit to anything.

  “Oh shit,” he said, but the grin returned. He readjusted himself until he could slide his arm around my neck and cushion my head along his bicep. He drew me in. His other hand held mine, palm to palm, between us. He snuggled so close that his chin met with my forehead. “Guess I was right about the destiny thing after all. I thought for sure someone else had already done it by now.”

  I studied the dip in the middle of his collarbone and the start of the white shirt. The cotton relaxed against his chest, nearly outlining the shape. I found it easier to talk to him without looking at his face. “I thought you’d get in trouble if you did.”

  “Who said that?”

  “No one. Not really. I mean Gabriel kind of. But then Luke...” I didn’t want to plant blame on one of the boys, just in case they did get into trouble over it. “But I got the impression you guys weren’t supposed to kiss anyone. Or me specifically. I don’t know why.”

  His cheek puffed out against my forehead. I imagined he was grinning again. “How in the world did you come up with the idea that we weren’t allowed?”

  “Some acted like they wanted to but never did. A couple said they shouldn’t.”

  Dr. Green backed his head up and then looked down at me, although he was still really close and it almost hurt to look at his face. “Exactly how many of the boys have been trying to kiss you?”

  I couldn’t tell by his face how he might react to the truth, but I couldn’t lie. “Most of them. ... All of them. Except maybe Mr. Blackbourne.”

  He huffed and then released my hand to shove his palm against his cheek. “I’ll admit, I haven’t been able to keep up with everything going on, but I thought for sure one of them would have had the guts to do it by now.”

  “Huh?”

  “I mean it wasn’t like you were going to jump out and start kissing who you wanted. You’re not the type.” He eased himself over until his head was near mine. “You’re one of those traditional girls, I can tell. Always wanting the guy to do things first. It’s part of what makes you so adorable.”

  I averted my eyes and my cheeks warmed. “Dr...”

  “Sean.”

  “Sean,” I said softer. “I don’t want to get you into trouble with the Academy.”

  “A first kiss with you is worth a little trouble.” He drifted his palm across my cheek. “Listen, sweetheart. The Academy isn’t that controlling. They didn’t make this rule. We did.”

  “What?” I whispered. “Who did?”

  “The boys and I,” he said. “We promised each other not to bombard you with any sort of kissing or more than that, when everything has been such a mess lately. But it’s cruel to hang a kiss in front of your face when it was clear you wanted it, and not give it to you.”

  “They promised each other?” I asked. I’d heard him before, but the realization struck hard with me. It wasn’t the Academy keeping them away. They did it to themselves. “For how long? Why?”

  “They weren’t supposed to until you kissed them first. Or you told them outright you wanted a kiss. Something like that.” His palm smoothed over my cheek again, drifting along until he caught my jaw line and his fingers traced it. “But you were never going to jump in and kiss them. And look at what happened? You thought the Academy was some mean organization that didn’t allow kissing.”

  “I wasn’t sure what it was,” I said. “But I did think the Academy didn’t want you to. Or didn’t want you to with me.”

  “It was about you, but it wasn’t what you thought. None of us wanted to confuse you or scare you off. But you’ve stuck with us this long.” He moved his face and planted a thick kiss on my forehead. When he released me, he kept his lips close and they traced along my skin as he spoke. “I mean it would have been really weird having you sleep in my bed next to me without having kissed you. That would have been agony.”

  “The other boys do it.”

  “The other boys have more will
power than I’ve ever given them credit for. You are the perfect torture training tool. I, however, have absolutely no will power at all, so I fail. But now you have to get them to stop because I know how much this is killing them.”

  I had my palm on his forearm and I clutched it tighter. Silas had said the same thing. “Killing?”

  “We were all worried you would be really traumatized by what happened, but you’ve got a pretty happy disposition, and you bounce back quickly. You’re a happy person in general, so we were a little overzealous making the rules, but with good reason. We meant well at the time, but it was ridiculous. No wonder they’ve been so distracted lately.”

  “I haven’t noticed,” I said.

  “I have,” he said. “That debacle with Volto, for instance. That would have never happened if they’d not been distracted.”

  “So ... I am a problem.” I didn’t mean to sound like that, but I was worried about being in the way.

  His fingers captured my cheeks, and squeezed until I was making a fish face. “Don’t give me that. We did this to ourselves. I did agree with it then, but I don’t think we have much to worry about. Everyone’s got some mental issues when dealing with traumatic events, but you’re pretty happy and healthy, so you’re fine. I mean you didn’t run screaming from the room when I kissed you.”

  “Is that an option?” I asked, teasing. I don’t know why I said it. I didn’t mean it at all. Of course I didn’t want to run. They’d been so worried about me that they thought a kiss would make me run away? Maybe I could understand. If it had been weeks ago, perhaps I would have been way more confused. I was still uncertain about things, especially about how he so easily implied that I should be getting the others to break this rule like it wasn’t a big deal.

  And then suddenly everything the boys had been doing made so much sense; the way they avoided my lips, how Kota shoved his fingers at my mouth, getting me to kiss them.

  It struck me then what Kota had been doing that all along. Telling me without telling me that all I had to do was do it once. I had to show him I wanted to kiss him, and he would have replied instantly. He was trying desperately to keep his promise. The others, too. They did what they could to get me to do things first.