‘But?’
‘Look what I did, Nanna,’ Freya said, waving her latest work of art in the air.
When Elaine looked back up, Vikki was shocked to see tears welling in her eyes. ‘Mum? Please tell me what’s wrong.’
‘What’s wrong, Nanna?’ Freya repeated. She had picked up on the anxiety in Vikki’s voice and copied the frown that had appeared on her mother’s brow.
Elaine stroked the side of Freya’s cheek, making the little girl giggle, but the smile on her own face was heavy with sadness. ‘I found a lump,’ she whispered. ‘Under my armpit.’
A cold chill ran through Vikki’s veins, but her expression remained fixed. She wouldn’t let her fear show. ‘Have you seen a doctor?’
‘Yes.’
‘And?’
Rubbing her shoulder, Elaine said, ‘When I went to visit friends last week, I wasn’t exactly being honest. I was in hospital having a biopsy.’
‘Oh, my God,’ Vikki said softly and resisted the urge to put her hands over her ears. ‘It’s cancer, isn’t it?’
‘It’s been caught at an early stage,’ Elaine told her, ‘and it’s nothing I can’t handle, I promise, Vikki.’
‘But …’ Vikki said, looking around the restaurant and wondering why no one else was reacting to this earth-shattering news. She searched for Rob, wanting him back at her side so he would tell her how they were going to deal with this, and that was when a thought struck her. ‘Does Rob know?’
‘Yes, he does. I had to put someone down as my next of kin and we both wanted to spare you the worry until we knew the results.’
‘You should have told me.’
‘I wanted to protect you – isn’t that what every mother does? It was Rob who insisted I tell you today, but I so hate spoiling his birthday.’
Vikki fought off the urge to rush into her mum’s arms and release the sobs burning her throat. ‘What happens now?’
‘I’m waiting on a date for the mastectomy, which shouldn’t be too long. The consultant is keen to operate as soon as possible.’ Leaning over to her daughter, Elaine stroked her cheek as she had done with Freya, but couldn’t raise a smile so easily. ‘It’s going to be OK, sweetheart. I’m going to be fine and so are you.’
Vikki nodded obediently as everything began to make sense; her mum’s reaction to the new housing development; the reluctance to look after Freya; not to mention Rob’s lacklustre response to her ideas about going back to work lately. In the space of one meal, her whole life had been turned upside down, and they hadn’t even had dessert yet. Any minute now, a waiter would arrive with the birthday cake Vikki had ordered as a surprise, complete with the requisite number of candles. Rob would hate the fuss, especially with one of his students looking on. She had made a stupid mess of it all, as usual, and now she couldn’t stop the tears slipping down her cheeks. Her mum was wrong about her being strong. She wasn’t even good at pretending.
Tuesday, 15 Sept 2015
Vikki was kneeling against the back of the sofa as she looked out of the window with her chin resting on her hands. She was peeking through a gap in the vertical blinds so she had a good view of the empty space on the driveway next to her Corsa. From the corner of her eye, she could see Freya mimicking her, although her little girl had to stand rather than kneel to see out of the window.
‘Where’s Daddy?’ Freya said with a whimper. They had been waiting for at least ten minutes and the toddler had lost patience after the first two.
‘He’ll be home soon,’ Vikki said, and not for the first time. She was getting impatient too.
‘No, tell Daddy to come home now,’ Freya insisted as her cupid’s bow lips began to tremble.
Turning her head towards her daughter, Vikki felt some of the tension that had been building over the last week or so slip away. Becoming a mother at twenty-one had been overwhelming and still was, but she would love and protect Freya until her dying day, just like her own mother had always done with her, and please God, would continue to do.
When Vikki’s lip began to quiver too, Freya asked, ‘Mummy want a cuddle?’
‘Yes, please.’
Vikki held back the tears and began blowing raspberries against Freya’s neck.
‘We do tumbles now, Mummy?’ Freya asked when their giggling subsided.
Vikki narrowed her eyes. ‘Let’s see if you can do this,’ she said and shuffled backwards to give herself enough space. In one flowing move, she was standing on her head, her back brushing against the sofa cushions and her legs pointing to the ceiling. Using one hand to keep her balance, Vikki helped Freya into a vaguely similar position.
Despite being out of practice and out of shape, Vikki held her position with relative ease while the little girl toppled over and tried again. There had been a time when Vikki thought she might have made a half-decent gymnast, but her dad had convinced her that her greatest potential lay in academia. She had achieved success in neither, and as Vikki considered what a disappointment she would be to her dad now, she failed to notice Rob’s old Ford Focus pulling up outside, or hear the clatter of keys being dropped on the radiator shelf by the door.
‘Don’t you think you’re a bit too old for that?’
‘Daddy!’
Freya tumbled off the sofa, tipping Vikki over in the process as she ran into Rob’s open arms. Vikki got to her feet and waited patiently with her arms behind her back until Rob had balanced Freya on his hip and beckoned her towards him.
‘I’ve missed you,’ she said, stepping over so he could wrap his free arm around her. ‘And I’ll have you know there are top gymnasts who are my age and still winning gold medals.’
‘For balancing upside down on the sofa? I dread to think what Freya will be telling her nursery teachers about your antics,’ he said, before giving her a curious look. ‘And what’s with all the makeup?’
‘I’ve got to keep up with the other mums on the school run.’
‘Don’t be silly, you don’t need to compete. You’re leagues above them all.’
Vikki wasn’t convinced. She might be younger than a lot of the other mums, but for the last three years she had felt frumpy. She didn’t know any of the others particularly well, and she desperately wanted to fit in. ‘I wanted to make myself feel good, that’s all,’ she said.
He kissed the top of her head, ‘Especially today of all days,’ he said. ‘How are you doing?’
She could only shrug. ‘How was your day?’
‘Still getting to know my new form,’ he said, scrunching his nose. ‘It’s not easy when most of them are counting down to leaving in the summer. I would have much preferred Year 7s.’
‘It only proves what faith Mrs Anwar has in you,’ she said. She would never get used to calling the head by her first name; Nadia Anwar had been deputy head when Vikki had attended Sedgefield High, and she still felt like a student whenever she was in her company.
‘I suppose,’ Rob said. ‘She’s certainly set me a challenge, although I think I’ve got a couple of allies in class who will keep the rest in check.’
‘I bet you have them wrapped around your little finger.’
When he kissed her again, his daughter demanded attention. ‘Frey-ya too,’ she said and planted a sloppy kiss on her daddy’s lips.
‘Hmmm, blackcurrant-flavoured.’
‘My juice!’ Freya cried and began wriggling until Rob put her down. She raced back to where she had abandoned her sippy cup on the windowsill.
Rob took the opportunity to pull Vikki closer. ‘If you won’t tell me how you’re doing, maybe you could tell me how your mum got on.’
‘The operation went well,’ Vikki said, surprised that her voice could sound so matter of fact. Everything had happened in a blur and Vikki almost wished Rob and her mum had kept their secret that bit longer. She would happily trade blissful ignorance for sleepless nights and restless days, and today had been the worst so far. ‘I’ll find out more later, but the nurse I spoke to said something about the su
rgeon taking more surrounding tissue than they were planning.’
‘That might be a good thing, less chance of leaving anything nasty behind.’
‘But longer for Mum to recover from the operation,’ Vikki said. ‘She’s going to struggle on her own for a while.’
‘Is there any chance Lesley could help out more?’
Lesley was a friend of her mum’s who helped out with the holiday cottages during the busy season. She would do all she could, but it wouldn’t be enough. Besides, it wasn’t the suggestion Vikki had wanted Rob to make.
‘I doubt it, she has so many other jobs to juggle.’ Vikki clung tighter to Rob, as if it would squeeze the correct response from him.
When she bit her lip, he must have guessed what she was after. ‘If you’re asking if you should stay with her when she gets out, then say it, Vikki.’
‘No, I don’t want to leave you. Unless you could come with us …’
‘The three of us in one bedroom and your mum in the room next door? What do you think?’
‘If I did go, it wouldn’t be for long, maybe just a week,’ she said.
Rob didn’t look completely convinced. ‘But are you sure you could cope with looking after your mum, and Freya too?’
‘I … don’t know. But I’d hate to look back and regret not helping her more.’
The only time Vikki and Rob had spent apart since they were married had been following her dad’s death. She had gone to stay with her mum for a couple of weeks under the guise of offering support, but it had been Vikki who had needed her mum as much as anything, and Rob had probably been relieved that someone else had to cope with her bawling her eyes out every two minutes. Vikki wasn’t so sure she would cope any better now, and from the look on Rob’s face, he was thinking the same.
Rob’s body sagged a little when he sighed. ‘Yes, of course you should stay with her.’
His answer should have made Vikki feel relieved, but she burst into tears. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, burying her face in Rob’s shoulder. ‘I’m a rubbish wife and a rubbish daughter.’
‘Of course you’re not. You’re doing amazingly well,’ he whispered. When her sobs subsided, he lifted her chin so she was looking directly at him. ‘I won’t say I’m not going to miss you, but stay as long as you need. Don’t worry about me.’
‘Are you sure?’ she asked, and with one small hiccup, swallowed the last of her tears.
‘Yes, Vikki, whatever you want. You’re the boss as always. I’m yours to command.’
She gave him a tentative smile. ‘In that case, do you think you could do something else for me?’
‘Hmm,’ he said, raising his eyebrows. ‘What are you after now, Victoria?’
‘I’ve had a go at writing something and I need you to check it for me.’
Rob laughed. ‘That wasn’t exactly the suggestion I was expecting,’ he said. ‘What is it?’
‘An objection to Sarah Tavistock’s planning application,’ she said, and then, seeing Rob’s expression, added, ‘Will you look at it? Please, Rob.’
‘But why bother? Elaine doesn’t think it’s worth it, especially now you know all the details.’
Vikki’s original assumption had been that the land in question was in the green belt and should be protected. She had been dismayed to discover that it was classed as a brownfield site and had been in industrial use up until fifty years ago. It had been an old pottery and when the buildings had been demolished, the land had been soiled over rather than cleared, which explained why it had been left fallow for so long. The new plans included the removal of all the industrial waste, which would actually improve the land.
‘I still want to try. It’s what Dad would expect one of us to do, and obviously Mum’s not up to it. So will you?’ Vikki asked again.
‘OK, OK, if it keeps you out of trouble.’
When Vikki hugged Rob tightly his hands moved gently over her hips and bottom.
‘So there was something else you were after,’ he said in a hushed tone.
Sex couldn’t be further from Vikki’s mind, but she responded by pushing herself against him. ‘I love you,’ she told him.
‘And I love you,’ he replied, before pulling away with a groan. Freya had been watching them quietly. ‘But I’m afraid some of your particular gratifications are going to have to wait until bedtime, or this one’s bedtime at least.’
Despite the shadows hanging over her, Vikki felt a small sense of victory as she watched Rob scoop Freya up into his arms.
Scarlett
I remember the first time I realized exactly what effect I had on him. No way was I expecting him to, you know, get excited and I swear I didn’t know what to do. When I think back, it was so embarrassing. I was such a child.
Mum had dragged us out for Sunday lunch with her friends Sarah and Miles. I didn’t want to go, but sometimes it’s just not worth the argument. I was the youngest there, so obviously they all treated me like a kid. Miles actually asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up.
When – I – grew – up?
I’d already grown up, for God’s sake, and I’m pretty sure he’d noticed. Sarah definitely had. She made some comment about everyone looking while I was putting on my lip gloss in the restaurant, as if I hadn’t worked that out for myself.
Anyway, after our main course, I sneaked off to the Ladies so I could put on more lip gloss without Sarah’s bitchy comments, and after that I went outside to escape for a while. The restaurant backed on to the canal and had an outdoor dining area, but it was teeming down so luckily it was deserted.
I stayed close to a wall that had an overhanging roof to give me some shelter, and the sound of the rain hammering against the tiles was so loud I didn’t hear him come outside, not until he’d sneaked up next to me.
‘Looking for an escape route?’
I was looking out over the canal, watching it trembling in the rain. I was trembling almost as much, if I’m being honest, and I wouldn’t look at him when I said, ‘You too?’
‘Yeah, this kind of thing is my idea of hell. I could do with a stiff drink.’
‘So could I,’ I said. OK, maybe I was only trying to sound older, but I really could have done with a drink.
‘It’s school tomorrow.’
‘Don’t remind me.’
‘Your schooldays will be over before you know it, Scarlett. And in spite of all the stress with exams, I bet it’ll be one of the best years of your life. It was for me.’
‘You can remember that far back?’
He laughed. ‘You’re growing up fast, aren’t you?’
It was a comment I’d heard loads of times, usually from older men who were staring at my boobs, but he just looked out across the water. I can remember wanting him to look at me. I took a deep breath so my chest would stick out more, and made a pout. ‘Who says I’m not already?’
‘Fed up being treated like a child?’
‘Or ignored completely. Everyone’s too busy worrying about Liam.’
‘Oh, you’re not ignored, Scarlett.’
‘You think? For the last hour it’s been all about Liam and how he should get out more. I’m sure Mum thinks he’s going to hack into some government network from his bedroom and bring the country down. Either that or she’s worried he’ll never leave home and she’ll be stuck with him for ever.’
‘He’ll be fine.’
‘I know he’ll be fine,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘The point is I don’t care.’
‘So what do you care about? What would make you happy, Scarlett?’
I liked the way he talked to me, like he was really interested in what I had to say, like I had an opinion that mattered. I could have told him that what I wanted most was to be noticed instead of gawped at all the time, but I’m pretty sure he knew that.
I didn’t actually get the chance to say anything because just then a gust of wind caught the rain and blew it towards us. I turned to the side but he stepped in front of me, like he
was protecting me. When I turned back to face him, I was too scared to look up.
‘Are you getting wet?’ he asked, whispering the last word.
He’d put his hand on the wall next to me, blocking me in and I had no idea what to do next. I’d had boys making crude comments before, but this was way different. For one thing, I most definitely wanted the attention this time. OK, I knew it was bad and Mum would be horrified if she knew, but I’d been dreaming of being this close to him. And in my fantasies we’d gone way further. But I wasn’t expecting it to happen for real and that’s why I panicked. ‘I’d better go,’ I told him.
‘That’s a shame,’ he said. ‘I thought we were kindred spirits for a moment, Scarlett. My mistake.’
He lowered his arm and trailed a finger down my arm, which sent this weird electric current through my body. It felt so strong that it seriously made me flinch.
‘Sorry,’ he said quickly. ‘You should go.’
I didn’t move, and I suppose I was curious more than anything. It was like I had this power over him. He was tempted to do something he shouldn’t, something that was very, very bad, and it was all because of me.
I looked up and whispered, ‘Or I could stay.’
I was actually daring him to move closer and I couldn’t believe it when he did. He pushed against me and it wasn’t the first time I’d felt someone with a hard on, but that had only been Linus and I don’t think he had a clue what to do with it. This was a man and he definitely knew what to do. He took hold of my hand and later he told me exactly what he had been tempted to do, but at the time he was being the perfect gentleman. He kissed my palm. ‘Run away, little girl,’ he said.
And I did run away, but I can’t tell you how much I regretted it. I played that scene over and over again in my mind afterwards and I swore that next time, I wasn’t going to let him off so easily.
5
The Accusations
Nina’s head was throbbing but she didn’t have the energy to move from the breakfast bar to search out painkillers. Rubbing her temples, she suspected the intense pressure around her forehead had been caused by all those months of sticking her head in the sand. How had she not seen this coming?
The Affair Page 4
