The right side of the space was their kitchen area. It had a quaint little table with three Windsor-style chairs that bathed in the afternoon sun pooling in from the other leaded window. Past that was a countertop with built-in cabinets. On the wall above the counter was more cabinets, a spice rack, and set off to the side was another shelf filled with several bottles and jars of indiscernible items. Past the kitchen was a closed door that led off to another room. The entire place smelled strongly of spices and smoke.
Neepa set me down at one of the creaky chairs at the dining table. She went to the bench and began grabbing things. Eva stood off to the side, staring at me. For once, she wasn't glaring.
“Eva,” Neepa called, drawing her attention away. “Would you fetch some distilled water from the cellar?”
Eva gave me a quick glance and approached the counter. She squatted down and pulled open a floor hatch I didn’t notice before. She disappeared into the floor only to reappear moments later with a clay jug. Neepa took the jug and poured water into a cup she grabbed from the cupboard. Next, she went to her bench and started grinding everything she grabbed with a mortar and pestle. She came back and poured the aromatic powder into the cup and gave it a good stir.
“Here,” she said, offering the brew.
The concoction had a familiar green tint. I knocked it back and cringed when bitterness assaulted my tongue, but, sure enough, the taste subsided and the relief of numbness took over. After she saw my empty cup, Neepa went back to her bench and retrieved a small basket of bandages and other things I assumed were of a medical nature.
“You should take your shirt off.” Neepa blushed as her words came out. “S-so I can treat your wound,” she hastily clarified.
Thanks to her brew, the shirt came off easily. Though I couldn’t suppress a hiss as the wound flexed with my arm.
The bandaged over my shoulder was soaked scarlet and unraveling. Neepa carefully undid the wrappings, then I got to see the souvenir the monster left me. There were two wide, long gashes in my flesh that started near my collar bone and wrapped over my shoulder. Surprisingly, they didn’t look that bad. They were pink and mostly scabbed over as if they were weeks old, only one of them tearing open from the punch.
“Magic, huh?” I mused. “How long exactly did the healers, uh, heal me?” I asked as Neepa dug through her basket.
“A few hours,” she replied, “but you were out for an entire day.”
“That so?” I winced when she rubbed a white paste over the cut. The stinging subsided soon enough, easing the throb of pain. The ointment also had a nice floral aroma, sort of like jasmine.
Neepa peeked at me from under the brim of her hat as she wrapped fresh bandages over my shoulder. She smiled at me warmly and said, “Thank you.”
Her smile was as radiant as a supernova. The earnestness in her voice caught me off guard and couldn’t help but blush as my heart started beating faster.
Eva scoffed. “I’ll start a fire,” she said before she busied herself at the fireplace. She pulled back the screen and loaded in a few logs from the rack on the side.
Forgot she was there for a split second.
I stared blankly at the ground as I slipped into a sudden moment of introspection. Something has been nagging at me since I woke up, but the world’s been moving so fast that I forgot. Everything became clear and I jumped from my seat, startling Neepa and Eva.
“My classmates!” I shouted. Caroline. “I know I said I’d stay for the greater good or whatever, but that’s not for like a week, right? That means I can go home really quick and see if they’re okay. And my parents; I have to see my parents. Do you guys have like a spell or is it like the stargate?” My breathing became frantic as I remembered everyone. How could I be stupid to forget them like that?
Neepa hid her face under the brim of her hat and tugged at her dress.
She didn’t answer.
“Neepa? Can I do that? I know you said they were okay, but I’d like to see them regardless.”
There was a loud thump from across the room. Eva stood in front of the lit fireplace with a log at her feet. Her eyes wide and her mouth slacked. Had I said something wrong, but then I saw that she wasn’t staring at me, she was staring at Neepa.
“You didn’t?” Eva asked slowly. Neepa sank lower into her chair and clutched at her dress until her knuckles turned white. Eva looked up at the ceiling and dragged her hands down her face, letting out a groan.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
Eva cursed something under her breath and scowled at Neepa. “You fucking soft idiot.” Then she set her eyes on me. “Your world is no more. Everyone you knew there is dead.”
Chapter 7
“What?” I breathed out harshly. A queasy stillness overtook my body as my heart ceased beating, blood idle, chilling me. Eva said it so abruptly that I had to have misheard.
“Your world is gone,” she stated again, her voice cold and distant.
I waited for the punch line, hoping she just had a sick sense of humor and wanted to get back at me for whatever it was I did to deserve her bitchy attitude. But no. Silence hung in the air as she stood there, inconsolate.
“How?” I practically whispered.
“Casters are sent all over a world to collect any weapons or artifacts and to offset the balance,” Eva told me. “After they have what they want and corrupt some of the native life, they teeter the forces in their favor to open a door for their main forces. That’s what happened to yours.”
I started shaking my head. “No, no, that can’t be, you can’t know that, there… has… to …” I felt a heat rising behind my eyelids.
“We weren’t the only ones sent to collect artifacts; two hundred went and a little over half came back. All reports concluded that your world was beyond saving. Doomed.”
Trembling fists formed at my sides. “Why? Why didn’t you warn us?” I screamed.
“Your world knew nothing of the war, knew nothing of the One. Not only do we not have the resources, but it would’ve been impossible to convince the natives of a world such a thing. Perhaps over several decades, but we can’t, we couldn’t. Maintaining the balance of allied worlds is taking everything we have and then some. We can’t help natives of oblivious worlds when we can barely protect our own allies.”
“Then why me?” I exploded, feeling hot tears pouring down my cheeks. Eva tensed and squared herself, adopting a ready stance in case of an altercation.
I turned away and looked at Neepa. Her face still shrouded by the brim of her hat, mute with quaking shoulders.
“Is that it?” I asked. “Because of the rock, or remnant or whatever the fuck? Am I the chosen one as foretold by your fucking ‘ancient scriptures,’ the one destined to banish darkness, huh?”
Neepa refused to meet my gaze. I took a step towards her and yelled, “Is that why you lied to me? So I’d agree to this?” In my fit of rage, I flipped Neepa’s hat off her head. She flinched and dipped her head lower, her long black hair veiling her face.
“I-I-I,” hic, “I-I,” she said through sobs.
“WHAT!” I roared into her face. Eva brandished a knife and took a few paces closer, the firmness in her face told she was willing to use it.
Neepa looked up, her face scrunched up with heavy tears rolling down her cheeks. “I didn’t want to hurt you!” Neepa’s composure crumpled as she sobbed. “You helped me when you didn’t even know me.” She rubbed her eyes profusely with both her hands, but the tears just kept pouring. “I only told Sigemond about the stone because that would’ve been the only way they’d treat a native; I wanted you to live. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she apologized profusely before her voice shattered and gave in to her cries.
There was a horrible sinking feeling in my stomach when it finally stuck. I recalled the dream from before I woke. The dream of Caroline, her parting words: goodbye. As soon as the memory passed, something within me snapped, and my body went limp. I clutched my head to keep
my mind intact, my thoughts discordant and messy, each pulling me in different directions that threatened to tear everything apart.
“Al, I’m sorry,” Neepa whimpered. I felt her hand brush along my arm, but I slapped it away to stare at her, seething. “Al,” she whimpered as she clutched her hand.
“If you didn’t want to hurt me, you should've let me die,” I said balefully.
I turned and left, not bothering to grab my shirt; anywhere but here. Neepa called after me, the pain so clear in her voice, but I didn’t look back. I left their yard and continued down the road until it curved into the forest. I left the packed trail and walked through knee-high grass until reaching the tree line, moving in as straight of a path as possible while emotions warred for dominance within me.
Piercing sadness, bottomless rage, putrid disgust, fear, confusion, all crashing into each other like head-on collisions over and over and over.
As I stomped over the uneven dirt, rocks, and roots, the sinking, stabbing feeling formed in my chest. The feeling filled me with panic that made me want to go away.
But where?
I walked faster.
No home existed for me; no friends, no family. There was nowhere, nowhere for me to retreat to. Everything was gone.
I broke out into a full sprint. The pain in my midsection and shoulder was there, but the feeling in my chest took precedence. Sprinting helped alleviate some building pressure. Small branches and bushes slapped and cut at my skin, but it didn’t slow me down as I continued my sprint deeper into the forest.
I ran through a wall of thick brush and skidded to a half when the ground abruptly ended just a few feet away. I stood atop a bluff that overlooked a river some sixty feet down. Forced to a stop, fatigue caught up with me, sending me to my knees while fighting for air in wheezing gasps. Then, I fell to my side and sobbed like the first day I was born.
The realization that I was never going to see anyone ever again struck me harder than any fist. Getting stabbed in the gut felt preferable to the piercing sensation in my heart. Like some benevolent demon of despair was slowly driving a stake into my heart, twisting to work it deeper. Wave after never ending wave assaulted me. The agony was crippling, all I could do was cry, soaking the dirt below my face with a river of tears.
There was a time when I hated my world; the old me would’ve reveled in the fact that the world and everyone in it was gone. The nihilistic mindset set in when I was cognizant to understand that my own flesh and blood abandoned me. And all that was left for me were abusive men and women who took in brats like me as a meal ticket. They set the standard, they made the world look like an ugly, irredeemable place. A place that deserved to burn.
But then there was Martina and Ricardo Engel; Mom and Dad. They took me in at the ripe old age of seven, far past when I was a cute and innocent baby. No, I had enough time to ferment into a real little shit. But they still took me in. I was a horrible, rotten little brat with simple assualt in his record, but they still loved me. Even when I broke things, fought other kids, stole from the corner store, they never gave up.
Mom, was firm, but loving; she’d always know how to comfort me. She’d always sit down and read me old fables from her books, educating me and issuing wisdom. No matter how cruel I was towards her in those early years, her patient was limitless and she always forgave. No matter how conflicted or confused I got, she’d always have an answer for me.
Dad was a stern hard-ass, but trusting and protective. He was always around and there for me, even when I didn’t want him to. The example he set with his attitude and work ethic was the foundation on which I learned how to be a man. Ironically enough, when my habit of picking fights got too severe, he took me to a boxing club where he told me, “If you felt like fighting then do it here.” He was a retired boxer himself and he’d train me. We bonded over combinations, bloody knuckles, and black eyes. He shared with me his passion for boxing and he’d nurture me into a strong man. Yet he made it very clear that I could so much more than just punching things.
Together, they gave me the opportunity that they didn’t have when I was their age. They were the first decent people I met, and the love I felt for them could never be matched, not even by my birth parents. I worked hard to make them proud. Though I would experience some problems later in life, especially when I had to kill my dream, I would never let it deter me from being successful. Even if I got a boring, cushy desk job, I would’ve been happy enough knowing that I was supporting myself and my loved ones. When they got older, I would take care of them as they did me; maybe even share my life with someone else.
Caroline entered my mind, her memory adding another gruesome depth to the pain. I felt so cheated because I hardly got the chance to know her. She may have been another woman who hated my coarse personality and my flippant outlook on life. But, maybe, she might’ve. Now I’ll never know.
I promised her everything was going to be okay. I lied to her. I lied to everyone.
Finally, my tears dried up, and I just lay on exposed dirt in the fetal position for an indeterminate amount of time. I rose to my feet and stood at the edge of the bluff. It was a breathtaking view. Further away on the other side was a gentle waterfall that sparkled in the waning day. The waters far below were an unnaturally clear, pristine blue; perhaps it was natural here. Water was never clear like that back home. Down below was a shore of large, sharp rocks. And I just stood there, staring down.
I want to see them. I want to see them so bad.
There was a snapping of twigs from behind. I looked to see Eva emerging from the brush. She had a longbow in hand with a quiver of arrows on her back along with a satchel.
She paused, taking in the scene, then looked out to the river. I turned my gaze back to the boulders below.
“Are you going to jump?” she asked indifferently. Her question didn’t seem to carry anything more than mere curiosity.
“Thinking about it.”
Eva sighed and I heard her approaching from behind. I was half-expecting her to yank me away from the ledge, or push me over. Instead, she plopped down next to me and let her feet dangle off the edge.
“I won’t say I’m sorry or pretend to understand what you’re going through. Never had a family. I can’t claim to feel loss when I never knew them. But let me ask you one thing, Al.” I looked at her. That was the first time she’s used my name. “If your loved ones knew that you still lived, would they want you to kill yourself?”
The faces of my parents and friends flashed before my as she said that. My clenched fists trembled at my sides as I imagined them watching me. What would their eyes look like?
Eva continued. “You did technically save my life, so I can’t tell you how to live, or end, yours.” She scratched her hair furiously in frustration, and then let out a sharp breath through her nose. “I knew you were going to be nothing but trouble, too,” she grumbled. “But Neepa was the one who convinced everyone to treat you, so your life is hers now. If you want to be selfish and kill yourself, then go ahead and defile her generosity. But also understand that you’ll bring her nothing but trouble if that happens. Don’t be an inconsiderate ass.”
She folded her arms in a huff and stared at the waterfall. I stared back at her with a bemused look on my face.
Just a little lean and I’d be over. Probably the easiest thing in the world. And my body refused to teeter even an inch closer towards the edge.
I eased myself down and sat next to her. “You’re not very good at this,” I said.
Eva growled. “I’m just stating the fact you can’t be miserable without making others pay for it. You’re alive, live with it.”
I covered my face with my hands and sucked in a long, slow breath through my nose before exhaling it slowly from my mouth. “I… I just don’t know what to do with myself now.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s up to you to figure out how to live. But you got a second chance. You can curse your life and suffer, or you can be
grateful and carry on. So don’t throw it away.” She grabbed a stone and flipped it into the river below. “A life slips away faster than a thought. Don’t let yours go so easily.”
If my parents saw me, they’d be so disappointed. Mom would’ve quoted Jung or Emerson for the beauty of life, and Dad would have smacked me so hard that the thought of suicide would’ve flew out of my ear. They worked so hard to give me a life. Throwing it away for a selfish whim would've desecrated their memory.
And my scrape with Felix confirmed that I was to be seen to the Grand Mage. If I were to up and die, the blame would’ve fallen on Neepa.
While Eva’s approached was a little bearish, it was enough for me to slow down and think.
“So, are you going to jump?” she asked again, her voice softer this time.
Everyone was gone, and I desperately want to see them, to feel them. A heavy sob escaped my throat and tears flowed.
“No,” I answered aggrievedly. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. The view on the bluff was beautiful, and I’m alive to enjoy it.
“No,” I said again, my voice stronger. “I still don’t know what to do, Eva.”
She sighed. “You have to meet with the Grand Mage, you’ve already agreed. Focus on that for now, then figure things out as they come.”
Eva watched me with her mint-colored eyes. Even though she was being very crass, she was making an effort to make me feel better; well, not better, more like sucking it up, but it was the gesture that counted.
“Thanks, Eva.”
Heart of the Resonant: Book 1: Pulse (Resonant Series) Page 10
