by Ann Charles
Now, as I sat at my desk waiting for five o’clock to roll around, I was wishing I’d grabbed some brownies for the road and was contemplating taking Harvey to Mexico with Doc, me, and the kids so that he could cook for us. He’d certainly enjoy the bikini-clad babes on the beach and might find himself a sexy señorita to take Beatrice Geary’s place in his heart.
I was also currently staring at the names of troublemakers I’d listed on a sheet of paper and wondering how I was going to eliminate each one. As much as I wanted to run away from my problems, I couldn’t. For one, Doc would probably drag his feet, being that his mode of operation tended to lean toward doing the responsible thing in life, damn it. For another, I had a feeling my problems would follow me wherever I went, so the smarter road would be to stay in the Black Hills and work with Prudence and Aunt Zoe, checking off the troublemakers on my list one by one … starting with the first one: lidérc.
The sound of sirens wailing made me look out the front plate-glass windows. A Deadwood police pickup raced past, heading toward Lead.
Ah hell, what was that imp up to now? Maybe I needed to move it to the top of my list before it burned down the whole darn town of Lead and half of Deadwood.
I grabbed my coffee cup and headed for the bathroom sink to clean it. A quick wash and rinse later, along with a long glower in the bathroom mirror at my colorful face, I headed back out front to close up shop.
The sharp smell of markers made me look over at the whiteboard … and stop in my tracks. My coffee cup slipped from my fingers and clunked on the wooden floor.
“Jane?” I whispered my old boss’s name, staring at the words scrawled in all caps over the top of the month-to-date sales numbers Jerry had updated earlier.
NOT ALONE!
Was this message from my long-gone ghost-boss supposed to be for me or Mona? Usually Jane’s ghost communicated with Mona, who’d been her best friend for years and years. She would type messages on Mona’s computer while Mona used the restroom, or carve notes in her laptop case, or scratch words in the small Zen sandbox on her desk, or write words on the whiteboard—like now. This was the first time Jane had ever reached out to me.
What did she mean by not alone?
Was she telling me I wasn’t alone in this fight? No, it couldn’t be that. I hadn’t been talking to myself out loud this time, and so far Jane wasn’t able to read minds like Prudence could. At least not as far as I knew.
Wait! Hadn’t she left something before on the whiteboard about Ray not being alone? It was the day after several of us had been here late one evening. We’d had plans to hold a séance in order to get Jane to talk about why she was keeping us from going down into the crawlspace in Jerry’s office. The crawlspace where there was a locked gate covering what Cornelius called a Hellhole.
Did this message today have something to do with Ray again? I hadn’t seen the horse’s ass since he’d threatened me in the parking lot behind Calamity Jane’s last month.
The bells over the front door jingled as it slammed open.
I jerked out of my frozen state and turned with a welcoming smile … which died on my lips at the sight of Rex stomping inside carrying a white trash bag.
He wore his expensive wool coat, Italian leather shoes, and Gucci aviator sunglasses in spite of the spitting sky and slushy sidewalk. The money trees were growing in abundance apparently in his world.
Christ on a cracker. What did the bastard want now?
“What are you doing here?” I asked warily.
I moved behind my desk, using it as a barrier in case he tried to get handsy again. To be doubly safe, I palmed my stapler and shot a wrinkled brow toward the video camera Cornelius had installed in the upper corner of the room to watch Jane’s ghost. If Cornelius was keeping an eye on his monitors over in Doc’s back room, I hoped he could read my red-alert expression and would hightail his ass over here to help me.
“What the hell happened to your face?” Rex asked. “Is your loverboy beating on you now, or are you two just into really rough sex?”
“My face is none of your damned business. What do you want?”
“What the fuck kind of game do you think you’re playing, Violet?” Rex sounded nasally, like he had a cold. He slammed the trash bag down on my desk, sending several papers flying.
I glanced at the bag and then back at him, noticing that there were red blotches all over his face and down his neck, especially where he was scratching at the moment.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Rex.”
“You lying shrew! You’re behind this and I know it.”
He pulled a crumpled-up piece of paper from his pocket and threw it at me. The wadded paper bounced off of me and landed next to my coffee cup.
While Rex scratched at another red spot on his neck, I picked up the paper and smoothed it flat. There was a note spelled out with cut-out letters that said: Sorry you lost the big promotion.
I frowned up at him. “I don’t understand what’s going on here, Rex.”
He snarled and pointed at the note. “You had flowers delivered to me at work with this note and don’t even try to deny it.”
“Why on earth would I send flowers to you, of all people?”
He grabbed the bottom of the bag and dumped its contents on my desk. A bouquet of flowers fell out, made up of purple aster, white daisies, and loads of baby’s breath. Or rather, on closer look, a half-dead bouquet, as the flower petals were browned at the edges and the stems limp. A small cloud of pollen and dust wafted up into the air between us before raining down on my desktop.
“You,” he said and then sneezed three times in a row. Wiping his nose with the back of his hand, he screwed up his face and started again. “You know how allergic I am to all of these damned flowers.”
Actually, I’d forgotten all about his allergies. If I’d remembered, I might have started carrying sprigs of baby’s breath with me in my purse to keep him at bay like garlic around vampires.
“Rex, I didn’t—”
“Don’t even try to deny it!” he yelled and yanked off his sunglasses. “I’m going to make you pay even more now, you cold-hearted cunt!”
I took a step back at both the spittle flying from his lips and the sight of his bloodshot, oozing eyes. Hell’s bells! And I thought looking into the whites of Prudence’s eyes was hair-raising.
Now that I thought about it, I sort of recalled Rex talking about being allergic to certain flowers and trees, but I’d never witnessed the effects that pollen had on him.
“Rex, calm down,” I said, holding up my hands. “I swear I had nothing to do with this. It was probably just a coworker of yours who didn’t know any better.”
Who else would have been so diabolical as to …
Natalie!
Hot damn.
I tried not to smile. She’d been there with me the day Rex told me about his allergies. Where my memory was splotchy, like Rex’s face, thanks to the stress of raising twins mostly on my own for the last ten years, Natalie’s retention of Rex-related details appeared to be wicked sharp.
He leaned over my desk, his red, drippy eyes looking dark and menacing. “Do not stand there and lie to me, you vindictive bitch!”
I recoiled another step. “Calm down, Rex,” I said again. “And stop scratching your face. You’re only making it worse.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down!” He reached for me.
I dodged his hand, scooping up the half-dead bouquet and holding it between us like a shield. I gripped the stapler tight in my right hand, wishing it was my mace instead. “You need to leave.” I looked up at the camera again, willing Cornelius to get his skinny ass over here pronto.
“I’m not leaving until you agree to go to the police station with me and turn yourself in for trying to kill me.”
“You’re overreacting, Rex. It’s just an allergic reaction, and I had nothing to do with this.” I pointed the stapler at the door. “You should go to the hospital now and get a shot
or something for …” I made a face at the ugly-looking belt of welts now spreading along his jaw. “For that rash.”
“If you think you can—”
The back door banged open, cutting him off.
Cornelius to the rescue! Relief washed over me.
“Parker!” A voice that I’d already listened to several molar-grinding times today called out.
Not Cornelius.
“Out front,” I hollered in return. Oh well, I’d take Cooper over Rex any day … I thought about the night when I’d broken Cooper’s nose in the Mudder Brothers basement. Okay, maybe not any day, but most of them.
The back door slammed shut, followed by the thud of footfalls on the creaking floor.
“I need you to come with me,” Cooper said, striding out front.
He had on the same clothes as this morning, same coat and scruffy face, too. Cooper looked at Rex and cringed, cursing under his breath. “What in the hell happened to you?”
Rex pointed at me. “She did. Arrest this … this …” he paused for another round of sneezes. “This evil witch, Detective, and burn her at the stake.”
“Whoa there, Mr. Conner,” Cooper said, his hands dropping to his hips in a typical cop stance. “We stopped burning criminals at the stake a few years ago. The damned EPA got involved, citing us on a lack of filters to capture the carbon dioxide being released into the air.”
I gaped at Cooper. Had he just made a joke? I glanced out the window. Were pigs flying around today, too?
“Oh, aren’t you just a comedian,” Rex snarled, sounding extra nasally after that last round of sneezes. One of his eyes was swelling so much now that it would only open halfway. “I’m sure your boss will love hearing how you were making fun of a crime victim.”
Cooper shot me a narrowed glance. “What exactly did Parker do to cause this,” he held his hand out, circling the air to indicate Rex’s face, “plight of yours?”
“She sent me flowers!”
To give Cooper credit, he kept a straight face. I, on the other hand, snorted with laughter. Turning away from both of them, I tried to get my giggles under control.
“Did you send him flowers, Parker?”
I shook my head, still choked up. Unfortunately, my giggles were turning into full-on laughs as the stress that had made my chest tight since leaving Prudence’s place started to melt away, coming out in big guffaws.
“Parker,” Cooper said, thumbing toward the back hallway. “How about you go in the restroom and get hold of yourself while Mr. Conner and I hash out this complaint of his.”
I nodded, wiping at the tears running down my cheeks. One belly laugh after another kept rolling through me.
“And toss those flowers while you’re at it,” Cooper added.
“Wait!” Rex suffered another volley of sneezes before continuing. “Don’t you want to keep those as evidence?”
Cooper shook his head. “I think we need to get them away from you for now.” He pointed at the front door. “Maybe we should step outside, Mr. Conner.”
Rex nodded, his shoulders slumped as he trudged over to the door with Cooper in his wake.
I headed to the bathroom, dumping the flowers in the trash and locking the door behind me. Then I laughed and laughed until my gut ached and the tears dried up. After I’d caught my breath, I washed my face, grimacing in the mirror at my eyes, which were red from all of the tears of laughter. I almost looked as bad as Rex when he’d first yanked off his sunglasses.
“God, I love you, Natalie.” One last giggle escaped, and then I straightened my sweater and opened the door, shutting off the lights in the bathroom and hall behind me.
Out front, Cooper stood next to my desk, frowning at the whiteboard.
“Where’s Rex?” I asked, walking over to peer out the front door. There was no sign of the rotten bastard up or down the street.
“He’s heading to the hospital to see what they can do for his allergy attack.” He sniffed. “Did you notice his eyes?”
I turned back to Cooper. “You mean the weepy redness or the puffy skin around them?” I cringed at the memory alone.
“Neither of those things. There was something else going on. His eyes seemed darker. Dilated, maybe. Makes me wonder if he’s on something.”
I had noticed that. “Like drugs?” I would be surprised if Rex was taking anything stronger than an antihistamine. He’d been pretty particular about his diet when he was younger, eating to stay fit, avoiding anything that might dull his big science brain.
“Yeah. Did he seem different from usual?”
“Not really. He was his usual egotistical prick self.” Although, he was certainly more aggressive than usual, a little rabid even, but I chalked that up to all of the snot pouring out of him. A snort of laughter leaked out before I could stop it. “Sorry,” I said, returning to my desk. “I seem to be de-stressing in ‘Cooper’ style.”
“Real funny, Parker,” he said, but a hint of a smile crossed his lips. “Did you send him those flowers?”
“Is this off the record?” I asked.
“Sure.”
“No. I had nothing to do with that.”
He sighed. “Natalie did it, didn’t she?”
I shrugged. “No comment.” I grabbed my purse from the desk drawer where I kept it. “Thanks for rescuing me from the jerk. Did you know he was here or was it just a lucky coincidence?”
“I was heading out to my SUV and saw him on the sidewalk coming your way with a full head of steam. I decided to come in through the back door just in case.”
The Deadwood police station sat sort of kitty-corner from Calamity Jane Realty. Some days that was a good thing, while other days I did all I could to keep my head low and sneak out the back.
“Is Rex pressing charges?”
“I talked him out of it.”
Well, there was a rose after a day of thorns. “Thanks.”
“No need to thank me. He has no evidence.” He pointed at the wrinkled note on my desk. “Natalie used cut-out letters to cover her tracks.”
“She’s always been a smooth criminal.” I grinned wide. “The best kind to take on a bristly law dog.”
He sighed. “She’s messing with my head.”
“Good. Our evil plan is working. We’ll bring you to the dark side yet, Detective.”
We stared at each other for a beat or two. Something else was on his mind besides Natalie, I could see it in the way his shoulders were hunched. “What is it, Cooper? Is there a new crime Hawke is trying to pin on me? Or has something even worse happened with the imp?”
“You didn’t call me after you left the Carhart house,” he said, looking at the whiteboard again.
“Oh, shit. I forgot about that.” That was the truth. I’d been so wrapped up in what I’d learned from Prudence and Mr. Black that I’d completely spaced on Cooper’s request for a phone call.
“What happened?” he asked.
I tried to come up with something flippant as an answer, but there was nothing funny or glib about this caper-sus trouble. “It’s a long, weird story.”
“Did anyone get hurt?”
“No, but your uncle got tipsy.” At his raised brows, I explained, “He chose to use a glass of whiskey for some liquid courage. He must have had an empty stomach because it hit him fast while we were there and pretty much knocked him out as we drove back to Deadwood.”
“That’s odd. Uncle Willis can usually hold his whiskey.” His gaze narrowed on me. “What about you?”
“I didn’t drink anything.”
“I meant what did you use for courage?”
I shrugged. “Your uncle.”
He crossed his arms. “Are you going to tell me what in the hell happened up there today, or make me wait until Nyce is in the room?”
“I think Doc needs to hear this. Aunt Zoe, too.”
His face lined at my answer. “So, it’s that sort of bad news, huh?”
“Let’s just say I’ve spent the last few hour
s trying to pull myself up by the bootstraps, but I keep falling back down time and again.”
“Fuck.” He pointed at the whiteboard. “What’s the story with that?”
I looked at Jane’s cryptic message. Cooper had the memory of an elephant. He must remember those two words from before and know Jane did it. “Why do you ask?”
He nudged his head toward the hall. “Because Jane is standing back there in the dark watching us.”
I whirled around, seeing nothing in the hallway but thick shadows and a red exit sign over the back door.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“I don’t joke about ghosts, Parker.”
Crap. I’d just come out from back there. Had I walked through her ghost? Chills peppered my arms.
“She’s just staring at us?” I asked. At his nod, I explained, “Before Rex showed up, I was in the bathroom washing my coffee mug. When I walked back out here, I could smell markers and those words were written on the board. I was trying to figure out why she’d written them when Rex barged in.”
“So you don’t know what she means by it?”
“Nope.”
He stiffened, his gaze widening. “Any guesses why she’s decided to step into the light now and show herself to me?”
Yikes! I scurried around my desk, hiding behind Cooper’s shoulder. His coat smelled like the police station—burnt coffee, old linoleum floors, and law dogs—along with a hint of his usual spicy cologne. For once, it was comforting.
“Ask her what she wants,” I whispered.
“She’s looking at the board. Maybe she’s trying to show us—wait!” He tipped his head slightly. “That’s weird.”
“What’s weird?” He’d been seeing ghosts for months now, so what could be weirder than that?
“It’s like she keeps glitching.”
I still couldn’t see anything, so I took Cooper’s word for it. “You mean like fading in and out.”
“No. I mean switching back and forth between the bloody version of Jane that I’ve seen here before and a version of herself pre-death that’s much easier on the eyes.”
Why would a ghost glitch? And how?
