by Shayla Black
To top it off, he was punishing her because she knew he wouldn’t do fidelity for long and she’d called him on it. Okay, so she did have residual fear from the divorce, as he’d accused, but that didn’t change the simple fact that Noah wasn’t the marrying sort. She simply wasn’t setting herself up for future failure with a man for whom fidelity was a four-letter word.
So she’d moved her cubicle over to Danson’s part of the building, taking her suburban expansion project with her. She hadn’t seen Noah at all in the last two weeks. Small wonder, given the fact she’d attended all the focus groups during that time, extracting the statistical and empirical data. The results were exciting. Now it was time to present her recommendations to the management team—including Noah.
In the past, Noah had finessed Danson for her. He’d talked to Martin and the others. He’d always paved the way for her success, looked over her presentations before she’d given them, offering suggestions. Like everything, he plotted and planned, never leaving anything to chance or anyone else’s judgment.
Not with her, not this time. Now, she was on her own, the project and its outcome totally in her hands.
It felt good. And scary. Worst of all, knowing she was going to see Noah for the first time since that terrible night in her bedroom made her heart weep with pent up need and regret.
Lauren swept through the double glass doors of the conference room, entering with all her files and equipment. Danson waited at the head of the table with an encouraging smile. She tried to smile back.
Noah, sitting just on the right, distracted her. The pull of his heavy presence hit her. Thick air. Utter silence. She felt his eyes all over her, assessing. Devouring.
Lauren looked away and tried to keep her hands from shaking. There was enough gossip about why she’d switched management teams so abruptly already. No need to feed the rumor mill…even if she was desperate to look at the man. Ached to touch him.
And yearned to believe he loved her.
She had it bad, waking up in the middle of the night in a sweat, body aching for something only Noah had ever given her. Once the dream ended, she just missed…him. His tousled hair, the smile in his blue eyes, the way he’d held her.
It was all gone. It’s for the best, she kept telling herself. If she hadn’t put an end to it, how long before she wouldn’t have been the target of his next planned seduction? That would have flattened her heart.
Still…what if he’d meant what he said that night, for real? What if she wasn’t just a challenge or a check-mark on his list? What if he truly, genuinely loved her and had waited a decade for her?
Lauren stole a quick glance at Noah. She couldn’t resist anymore. And still he stared, unflinching, unyielding—looking deeply unhappy.
Was it possible he’d truly been unmoved by hoards of cheerleaders and models and been utterly fixated on her? God, she wanted to believe…and yet fear swallowed her words every time she thought about telling Noah that she loved him.
“Ready?” Danson asked, breaking into her thoughts.
“Just about.”
Lauren focused on her presentation set up, determined to chase away stubborn thoughts of her former boss.
As soon as they were ready, Danson hit the lights. Lauren started her PowerPoint slides, passed out her materials, and gave her spiel. She believed in this project and how it would help the restaurant chain. Her confidence projected as she fielded questions. A thoughtful expression crossed Martin’s face. He’d always been her big detractor, and so far, he’d yet to utter a single “voice of reason” comment.
She avoided eye contact with Noah. But she felt the heat of his stare.
At the end, Danson asked her to step out. Nervously, she curled her fingers into fists and exited.
The five partners gathered around the table, and she surreptitiously peeked at their interaction. From his expression, it seemed obvious that Martin voiced a concern. Big surprise. Danson countered. Gilbert nodded. Miles commented. Martin shrugged, as if conceding a point. Danson added a few words. A moment later, her new boss rose to call her back in.
Noah hadn’t said a word. Not in the project’s defense. Not to vindictively crush it. Not to plan whatever angle suited him best.
He’d said…nothing.
With her insides jumbled like the contents of a blender, Lauren entered the conference room and sat, nervously folding her hands in her lap. She couldn’t stop herself from glancing at Noah. His face gave away nothing.
“Lauren,” Danson started, “we’ve talked it over as a team. The research is spotless and the results obvious. Your presentation made the uncertain seem inevitable. We’ve decided to go ahead with your full recommendation. We’ll pursue three new sites, two north of downtown, one further west. We’ll go for the print and radio blitz, participate in local community events to spread the word—the works.”
Triumph beat a harder drum in her with every word. She’d done it. Somehow, in the middle of all her tumult and worry, she’d managed to get beyond her inexperience in this business, put together an idea that worked, and persuade five savvy restaurateurs to go for her proposal. And she’d done the last, crucial step on her own, without any of Noah’s interference or planning on her behalf.
“Congratulations,” Gilbert said, offering her his hand.
“Thanks, sir.”
“If you’re ever looking to switch management teams again, call me first next time.”
“Hey, hey,” Danson protested. “No thieving of employees. Back off.”
With a laugh, Danson packed up his stuff and headed for the exit. The others followed suit with a good-natured chuckle. Lauren rushed to get in behind them. Gravity had nothing on the pull of Noah’s presence. With him standing so close, she’d never forget the feel of his mouth on hers, stop aching for the way he made her body feel, cease remembering the shredded torture in his voice when he’d told her he loved her.
What if he really did?
Noah stopped her with a hand on her arm and whispered for her ears only. “Wait.”
“You lucky bastard,” Gilbert murmured to Danson as he approached the double glass doors. “Noah’s loss is your gain.”
“Absolutely true,” Noah called, wearing a plastic smile.
She barely heard with her attention so focused on his fingers wrapped around her arm. Even that seemingly casual touch burned. What the hell would she do if he kissed her? Burst into flames?
“Better luck next time,” Danson joked, pushing the heavy door wide.
Within moments, they were all gone, leaving Lauren and Noah alone in the conference room. She squirmed under his intent stare, wishing he didn’t look so beautifully familiar and she didn’t know how wonderfully pleasure-filled and full of feminine power he could make her feel. She looked away. It would be so easy to touch him, confess her feelings to him… But unwise.
“How are you?” she asked to break the silence as she pulled discreetly from his grip.
He let her go without a fight. “It was a great presentation, Lauren.”
Noah sounded like a colleague. Nothing more. And she hated that professional note in his voice. It was stupid and contrary, but she wished he hadn’t let her go so easily, that he would go caveman and demand her response… Or tell her one more time that he loved her. Even if it wasn’t true, the words made something inside her sing.
When she looked at him again—really looked—Noah appeared exhausted, with dark-smudged and hollowed eyes. And, despite his professional voice, he looked resigned. Dismal.
Was he…upset about things between them? Noah never mourned the end of a relationship; he just moved on. Most likely, she was reading too much into it. Maybe something else was bothering him.
What if he really loves you? a pesky voice in her head asked.
“Thanks. I learned a lot about preparing and making these presentations from you.” It was the truth, and she owed him a lot for her success today.
“You pulled this one off all by you
rself.”
“Yes,” she whispered. “I noticed that you didn’t participate in the group decision.”
“I didn’t plan or strategize. I understand that you needed to complete this on your own, without my interference.”
He’d figured that out? And acted completely against his own instinct just to make her happy? Wow. Why would he bother to curb his instincts, unless…
What if he actually does love you? There was that little voice again.
“Thanks. I’m happy about the outcome.”
He nodded, but pain laced his expression. “That’s all I ever wanted, for you to be happy.”
Really? Then why lie to her about his identity when he was buried deep inside her body? Why manipulate? Why not just shoot straight?
After years in business, the strategizing came naturally to him. Soul-baring honesty didn’t.
Maybe he’d been telling the truth, that he simply hadn’t known another way to make her see him as something other than a boss or Tim’s buddy. Maybe he looked so very unhappy now because he’d gambled his heart…and lost.
Maybe he really does love you.
The very thought made her tremble, weak-kneed. Her belly fluttered, her breathing tight. If he really loved her and she’d turned him away…
Lauren swallowed. Oh God. “Let’s just…leave it.”
“All right.” His voice sounded like sandpaper on gravel.
Stupid, irrational disappointment hit her like a punch to the belly.
He raised a hand toward her, then curled it into a fist and dropped it to his side. “Can I say just one thing?”
“Yes.” Please do!
But what if he started talking? What if he had some new plan and she fell for it and then, once she was settled and trusting, used his lies to cheat on her with Miss Decade Younger and—
What if he really loves you?
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. If my attempts to bring you closer hurt you, I never meant for that to happen. I spent so many years in love with you, and I was afraid you never saw me as a lover. I wanted you to experience me, us, without preconceived notions. I wanted you to have the kind of love and passion I know you didn’t get in the past. You deserve all that with someone who cares about you more than…” He frowned, his jaw hardening, as if he was having trouble getting his words out. “More than his next breath.”
His speech cut her off at the knees. Despite her confusion and self-talk, Lauren felt her insides melt. Her eyes welled with tears. His words implied he was that someone. He cared that much. He’d devised a whole new person, probably spent hours deciding how to approach her, persuade her, seduce her. He’d sent her tantalizing gifts, notes that revved her libido. He’d made love to her like a man with nothing but her on his mind.
None of that would have ever occurred to Tim. Ever.
The reminder that Noah had done it all just to win her knotted in her belly, wrapping dangerously with her heart. And maybe…she could have him back, if she just had the courage to say three little words.
Lauren opened her mouth—but fear silenced her.
“I went about everything the wrong way, and I’m sorry.”
Again, he lifted a hand to her as if he wanted to touch her. Again, the fist curled, his jaw tensed, his brows drew down in a pained frown. He dropped his hand.
Her heart broke with how badly she wanted him to touch her. And how much she feared losing herself to him, only to lose him to someone shiny and new. And it hurt. Better to hurt a little now than have a gaping wound that would slowly bleed the life out of her later.
“Apology accepted. I’m sorry, too. I didn’t handle the other night very well. I never meant to hurt you, and I realize the things I said probably screwed up our friendship forever. I hate that.”
“Just don’t hate me.” His voice cracked, and he swore.
Grief hung on his heavy expression. Her heart flipped at the sight, and she reached out, despite the voice of caution screaming at her, and took his hand.
Lauren fought against tears. “I could never hate you.” Not when I love you so much… “For what it’s worth, if you truly love me, then I’m the biggest idiot in the world.”
He threaded their fingers together and squeezed her hand like it was a lifeline. “You still doubt that I love you?”
She sucked in a harsh breath. How did she answer him? Put her feelings into words? She could hardly sort through the tangle in her head.
At Noah’s belt, his cell phone rang, shattering the quiet intimacy of the moment. He swore in an ugly four-letter word that told her in one succinct syllable the depth of his frustration.
At the moment, she didn’t disagree.
“I think you mean it today. Tomorrow…?” She sighed and shook her head. “Let’s not put ourselves through this.”
Noah turned off the ringer without looking at the caller ID even once, something else Tim would never have done. He focused on her. Nothing but her.
He sighed and nodded, both heavy with resignation. “If that’s what you want. But I do, you know. Love you. No matter what you think, I always will.”
* * * *
“He what?” Kat screeched through Lauren’s car speakers.
Lauren sighed as she navigated through dicey traffic on Central Expressway as she left downtown Dallas. “Don’t make me repeat it all because I know you heard me. The CliffsNotes version is that Noah was Mr. Mysterious. And there is no other woman. He was just pumping me for information. He lied to me about the whole thing.”
“All this happened two weeks ago and you’re just now telling me?”
“I was trying to figure it all out in my head. Sorry. What am I supposed to make of it? On the one hand, I felt lied to and manipulated…and even though it’s probably stupid, oddly flattered. On the other hand, I just don’t see him as a suburban husband and father, not when he’s used to a new model every month. But what if he really does mean it?”
Kat hesitated. “He said he did all this because he loves you.”
“Yes.”
“And that doesn’t faze you at all?”
“You mean like make me ooey-gooey inside? A little.” Okay, a lot.
“But you don’t believe him?”
“I don’t know what to believe. But even if he does, given half the chance, Noah would barge into my life with all the subtlety of the bulls charging at Pamplona. He plans everything, and that would include my life.”
“No offense, hon, but you could use a little help in the planning department. You don’t even make plans for Christmas until the week before. Maybe you could…um…balance each other out.”
“Kat…”
“I’m being serious. Is that really your hang-up here? His planning fetish?”
The way Noah did things, all dominant male, take-charge attitude, turned her on. A lot. She got wet just thinking about the sensual plans he had made when he seduced her, his elaborate plans to drive her to the edge of her self-control and push her over while she screamed his name. That totally turned her on. Everything about him did…except when he was lying.
“No, that’s not my biggest fear. He’d plan stuff in my life, yes. And maybe I could use that, provided he wasn’t lying. But how would I pick up the pieces after he planned the seduction of his next girlfriend?”
Kat sighed. “Okay, look at this objectively. He lied. That’s a pisser, but he didn’t do it to hurt you. He did it to win you.”
“That’s his side of the story.”
“Why would he lie about that? Noah might have a reputation for being a playboy, but he’s never been a deceitful jerk. He must have known how anti-relationship you’ve become. If he loves you and wants to marry you, what sort of options did that leave him? Sounds like he was desperate for a way to convince you to see him as your lover.”
“You’re taking his side?” Lauren felt her jaw drop. Wasn’t Kat her sister? Didn’t blood give her some advantage here?
“Just think about his choices before yo
u get all high and mighty. You wanted him, but you were willing to let it go, right?”
“Yeah. It was awkward. He’s my boss and Tim’s friend and… It seemed like there were too many obstacles. I didn’t think he’d be interested, and I didn’t want to be hurt.”
“Noah wanted you so much, he worked around awkward, got up off his ass, and put himself on the line to be with you. He risked his pride and his pain to lay his heart at your feet. Think of everything this man did to get your attention, just to touch you…”
Lauren had thought of it. Repeatedly. The reality swam in her head, drowning out anger, leaving her with nothing but a hollow ache. Giving in…it was so tempting. With a few words, she could have that amazing man in her bed, his eyes gleaming blue fire, charged by wicked lust.
But… “That doesn’t excuse lying.”
Kat scoffed. “It goes a long way. Stop being righteous. You hate the fact he was more clever and outmaneuvered you. But his lying isn’t really the issue.”
Frowning, Lauren gripped her steering wheel, wishing for a moment it was her sister’s neck. “Maybe not, but—”
“You’re scared of the lengths he’d go to in order to win you.”
“A little,” she admitted. “It’s like a terrifying thrill ride.”
“I’m sure, but I think the thing that’s really got your panties in a twist is the fact he’s making you confront your fears about the future. You’re afraid that if you give him your heart, he’ll leave you someday.”
In stop-and-go traffic, Lauren stopped and chewed on a ragged nail. An uncomfortable resonance in her brain and tightness in her stomach told her that her younger sister was right.
Discomfort at facing those very fears warred with guilt in her belly. She’d rejected an, intelligent man with deliciously sexy intentions to avoid facing her own demons. She’d hurt him, desolated him, if she could believe his expression after this morning’s meeting.
Damn, she felt like a coward. But that didn’t make the fear go away.
