Symon and he came to terms. Though a hotheaded pain in the arse, Rob was glad he had not been involved in Tyra’s plans after all. The elders seemed pleased with that, as well, and he was welcomed to the council when he returned from taking Tyra to a cousin who was the abbess at a convent. She would be confined there and not able to hurt anyone else.
And, after he exchanged some messages with Gavin MacKenzie, Rob felt certain that the man had played no part in this other than to have treated a young woman kindly. Tyra’s twisted mind had ascribed all kinds of things to that kindness, even forging letters that turned Gavin into her co-conspirator, in her mind.
* * *
Two months after Lilidh left him, his life was back to what it had been before Symon brought her here and the clan was safe. Things had never looked more promising for the Clan Matheson. Or so empty for its laird.
Rob was standing on the battlements in front of the ruined tower when Dougal brought him the letter.
Jocelyn MacLerie had written him once more.
* * *
‘I am just tired, Mother,’ Lilidh explained. ‘I’m afraid I walked too much yesterday and my leg is suffering for it.’
Her mother grew suspicious, she knew, but Lilidh just could not speak to her about her condition yet. After she missed her courses once, she waited for their return. Now, she’d missed twice and, along with other signs and symptoms, she knew there was no mistake—she was pregnant.
And though she’d not confided in Ciara, she knew her cousin had guessed the truth, as well.
‘We will have visitors coming in a few days, Lilidh,’ her mother said. ‘The Murrays from Perth,’
she explained. James Murray’s wife, Elizabeth, was a MacLerie and had grown up as friends with Ciara and Lilidh. After their shocking elopement at the time of Ciara and Tavis’s marriage, Elizabeth and James visited several times a year.
‘It will be good to see Elizabeth,’ Lilidh admitted. ‘I was not here for her last visit.’
Her marriage to Iain had just taken place and she’d left for his lands before the Murrays arrived. Elizabeth could not travel sooner and missed her wedding because of the impending birth of their first child.
Jocelyn emptied the solar with a simple nod of her head and Lilidh found herself dreading the coming minutes. There was no way to avoid it, and, if she was being honest with herself, Lilidh would have admitted she needed her mother’s counsel.
‘So, do you plan to tell Rob you carry his child or not?’ her mother asked.
‘Do I?’
‘Well, the lovely green shade of your skin in the morning nearly matches your eyes and you have been seeking your rest every day after the noon meal.’ Her mother’s eyes narrowed then and Lilidh prepared for the worst. ‘And your monthly courses have gone missing since your return here. Since you mentioned in your letter that you carried no heir for Iain, that means...’ Her mother didn’t finish the rest—there was no need.
‘No, I do not,’ she finally said in reply to the first question.
‘It is his child, Lilidh. He should know.’ Her mother came over to her and knelt down before her. ‘What will you do?’
‘I do not know,’ she whispered. ‘Father will be furious.’ Her biggest fear.
‘You could go to stay with Elizabeth until the bairn is born.’ Lilidh met her mother’s eyes. And return after the birth...alone was the unspoken part.
‘One choice, yes,’ she said.
‘We could arrange a marriage,’ her mother offered another. ‘Many families clamour to align themselves with the MacLeries.’
And would not look too closely at her condition coming to the marriage, also unspoken.
‘Another choice.’
‘If you are certain there is nothing between you and Rob?’ Her mother was relentless when she wanted to know something.
Lilidh pushed out of her chair and walked to the window that overlooked the yard. Watching those who lived in Lairig Dubh go about their day, she shrugged, finally letting the anger she’d felt escape.
‘Why would I want him, Mother?’ She clenched her hands into fists as it spilled out. ‘He humiliated me, not once, but twice, before my family and his. I know he did not plan my kidnapping and he made no promises about a life together, but he did not hesitate to accept my—’
‘Love?’ her mother offered.
‘Favours. Advice. Help,’ she finished instead. ‘He swore that he’d been young and stupid the first time. He said it was not about my...scars. And then he did it again.’ The tears overflowed her eyes and trickled down her face. She brushed them away before looking at her mother. ‘He did it again.’
‘That is more than you’ve said about him since you returned with us.’
‘It hurts, Mother. It hurts.’ Her mother opened her arms and wrapped Lilidh in a hug.
‘Of course it does. Loving someone is not easy.’
She would have argued, but why? She could not deny she loved him—loved him in spite of everything—but that did not mean she would act the fool in this and beg him. Handfasting aside, he did not deserve to know about this bairn. Her hand moved across her still-flat belly.
‘I think you should speak to your father soon about this, Lilidh. He should learn of it from you and not through rumours, as he will if you delay.’
‘I know,’ she said, nodding. ‘I have other questions to ask him, about something Rob said, but I just cannot bring myself to do it.’
‘What about Rob?’ her mother asked. ‘Mayhap I can help you? He was my foster son, too.’
‘Ah, yes,’ she said, laughing softly then. ‘You were in charge of teaching him correct manners.’ She knew her mother remembered her encounter and comment to Rob about remembering his manners and losing his wits. ‘There is something that happened, between him and Father, that he would not speak of. I suspect Father will not, either.’
‘Why not ask him?’ her father said from behind them. How could so large a man be so quiet when he wanted to sneak up on someone? He kissed her on the forehead and rubbed her back. ‘What is it you wish to know?’
Did she dare? Did she want to know the truth, no matter what? Yes, she did.
‘What happened when Rob came to you for permission to marry me?’ she asked.
Her mother gasped and turned to her father. ‘Connor? Pray tell me he did not!’ Her tall, dangerous father wore a sheepish expression now and Lilidh knew she would find out the truth. ‘Rob asked for her hand?’
‘Aye, he did.’ Her father looked from her to her mother and back again. ‘I said no.’
‘When? You never told me he had,’ her mother asked now. When her father hesitated, her mother grabbed his arm and tugged on it. Deciding that her mother could wring more truth from him than she could,
Lilidh waited silently for it to be revealed.
‘He came to me after I’d heard talk of what you two were doing together. Running wild, being seen together too much, then he was overheard boasting about...’ He paused and met her gaze then. ‘Enjoying your favours, Lilidh. He boasted of what the two of you did together.’
‘We were pledged!’ she cried out.
‘Pledged? I gave permission for no such thing. He overstepped the boundaries I set for him.’ He crossed his arms across his massive chest and glared at her. ‘He was too low for you to consider as a match.’
‘Because he is a bastard?’ she challenged.
‘Because he is unworthy of you!’ he yelled back. His words surprised her, partly because of the word but more so because of the vehemence.
‘Unworthy? He came to you as a foster son and you accepted him. You trained him as a warrior and as a man. He would not take my honour, Father, before our marriage. I offered, he refused! Then he came to you, seeking the honourable way.’
‘And when I refused it, he left.’
‘He did not simply leave, Connor,’ her mother said softly. ‘Please tell me you had nothing to do with the manner in which he...broke from Lilidh.’
<
br /> No words were needed, for the guilt was written boldly across his face. Lilidh gasped, feeling sick and faint. ‘You made him do that? How? Why?’
‘I challenged him. I told him he had disobeyed me and my orders. I’d told him you were no bitch for him to sniff after. But he disobeyed me and broke our bond.’ His voice quieted then for the rest of it. ‘I told him it would be war if he did not break things cleanly and completely with you. In a way that would guarantee you would not want anything to do with him again.’
‘Oh, dear God in Heaven!’ her mother cried.
‘And he did it, did he not? If he had been worthy of you, he would have told me to go to hell and claimed you. But he didn’t.’
‘Connor, he was just a boy.’
‘Old enough to be involved with my daughter,’ he said.
‘He would never have stood up to you. Your men fear you. He was too young.’ Even she could hear the sadness in her mother’s voice. Sadness and disappointment, not in Rob, but in her father. Lilidh understood she was witnessing something between them she’d never seen before.
‘He had another chance and, once more, he did not choose you, Lilidh. He chose his clan and my gold instead of you,’ he explained. ‘He is still not worthy of you.’
Her stomach rolled then and she knew she was going to be sick. Whether the bairn or the facts she’d just learned, it mattered not the cause. Without a word, she raced from the solar and sought her chambers.
Lilidh discovered that her chambers were the worst place for her to seek relief from the pounding in her head or the piercing pain of her breaking heart. Something she’d not thought possible since that terrible day long ago—carrying Rob’s child—was now a reality and was now her responsibility to handle. To her shame, part of her would have taken Rob back this moment if he returned to her and asked. Another warring part made her spine stiffen and her chin tilt up and want to refuse him no matter her condition. But now, now there was a bairn to consider, another life—her child’s—to care for and that put this in a different light for her.
Walking to the battlements above her chambers, she stood, eyes closed, allowing the winds to buffet her along until she reached the corner. The fact that it was her parents’ favourite place to stand and watch the yard below was not missed by her and she waited for some idea, some plan, to strike her.
* * *
Hours later, her head was clear but her heart was no less heavy than before. But since Rob had had two months to come back to her, if he was going to do it, she had little choice but to look elsewhere for solutions to her dilemma.
And once more, her heart would bear the cost of giving her love to a man who wished it not.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Silence surrounded them for several minutes. Connor went and poured himself a large cup of whisky and, after offering it to her first, drank it down. He sat down on one of the benches there. She was so angry at him that she could not even look at him.
He’d always been overbearing and controlling and a hard man, a beast, but this was worse. This was...hateful. And Jocelyn just could not understand why. If he objected to Rob because he was baseborn, so be it. But he’d accepted Rob and brought him up as part of their household and never treated him as such. At this moment, though, she cared not. She was so angry that she wanted to...
‘Do you think she’ll ever tell me about the bairn?’ he asked in a low voice.
Somehow he knew. It should not surprise her, but it did. Was that what had brought him to the solar in the middle of the day?
‘I doubt it,’ she said, still not meeting his gaze.
‘Did you speak about what she can do about this?’ She heard something creeping into his voice then—pain? Doubt?
‘Yes. I gave her several things to think about. The Murrays’ visit might be fortuitous for her.’
‘Jocelyn,’ he began in that tone that would tear out her heart. She shook her head and walked to the door.
‘I am so angry with you that I cannot speak about it now. I will see you at dinner.’
Jocelyn left him in the solar and went to find Lilidh.
The only thing that lightened her mood was knowing that she’d already sent her note on its way. If she was not as furious, she might have explained her reasons to her husband. But not now—she was that angry that she decided she would not tell him at all.
* * *
Connor sat back and watched Jocelyn leave. She was right—damn her!—too much of the time and this was another of those times. He’d thought about his actions those four years ago and realised he was wrong.
When the first rumours were reported to him, he’d had a long talk with Rob about Lilidh’s future and his own and how they would go along different paths. Mostly because her marriage would be used to make or strengthen political alliances and he would not rise to that level as the illegitimate son of the Matheson with others ahead of him to inherit and lead. But Connor understood the passions of youth and had hoped he impressed on Rob the boundaries of his behaviour.
Then more specific things were reported back to him—Rob’s lewd boasts to his friends about the way it was between him and Lilidh. The boundaries were being pushed and so Connor spoke to him again, talking about honour and loyalty and obedience. He’d even spoken to Lilidh about the same matters, but he knew she was attracted to the young handsome boy in their midst. Connor had recognised, as a father and a man, the glimmer of first love in her gaze and it had scared him.
So, when Rob came to him to ask his permission to speak to his father about a betrothal, Connor exploded with an insulting challenge to see if he would rise above himself and stand up for what he wanted, for who he wanted.
Instead, Rob did every outrageous thing he demanded in trying to pacify him into not starting war with his clan and to save himself from the humiliation of being disgraced as the cause of it. When Connor told him to make it look as though he was rejecting Lilidh, the boy did it.
Worse, the terrible mistake escalated and there was no way back from it. It caused a break in the long friendship Connor had had with Angus and left them both bitter and angry over it.
Now, four years later, there were even more repercussions from his stupid decision and actions.
Now, Rob still believed himself unworthy because of his actions. Connor just prayed the boy would see the truth before it was too late.
* * *
‘And what exactly do you think is going to happen?’ Dougal asked him as they walked up the steps to Rob’s chambers.
‘I will not repeat the past, Dougal. I have lived as though Connor’s words to me were true. I will not do it any longer.’
‘So,’ he asked as they entered the bedchambers filled with thousands of memories now for Rob, ‘you think the MacLeries will just let you ride off with Lilidh? Do you think she will even speak to her after what you said? What you did?’
Miserable after two months without her, Rob knew he had been a fool. And he had been as unworthy of Lilidh as her father had accused. He’d let Connor scare him off four years ago, doing the laird’s dirty work for him on the way out, but no more.
These last two months had been hell.
So many times he returned here to share something with her or to get her opinion or to discuss a plan, only to realise she was gone. He’d chased her away in spite of the love she had given to him.
Because of his fears.
What the hell kind of laird could he be if he was ruled by fear?
‘Rob,’ Dougal said, grabbing his arm to make him stop packing, ‘the elders are not in favour of this either.’
‘I do not give a damn whether they like it or not. If I am laird, I will decide. If they do not want me as laird, there is always Symon.’ He stopped a moment or two later when he noticed the horrified expression on his friend’s face. ‘I ask you again—will you come with me?’
‘And do what?’ Dougal crossed his arms and glared at him.
‘Pick up the pieces of my body and bri
ng them back for burial?’ he asked. Though he said it in jest, it was one possibility of what could happen to him at the hands of the MacLeries. ‘Guard my back.’
‘If I was guarding your back, I would convince you of the folly of such an action. Let some time pass before approaching them. Send a message or two to gauge their willingness to talk. Use an intermediary to establish talks.’
Rob held out the parchment then, letting his friend read it. It was similar wording to the one from a year ago, but this time he had received it.
My husband is seeking an appropriate match for
Lilidh’s hand in marriage.
‘There is no time,’ Rob said. ‘I leave at first light.’
Dougal looked from the message to Rob and back again before letting out a loud sigh. ‘You know he’ll send Rurik up against you first. Can you defeat him in battle?’
Could he defeat the MacLerie’s champion? The largest and strongest man he had ever met? Could he?
* * *
The answer, as he discovered just a week later, was no.
Rurik was as unbeatable now as he’d always been. As Rob forced himself up from the ground for the fourth time, he reminded himself of why he was doing this.
For her. For Lilidh.
Yet, he had not seen or heard her. Barely through the gates of Lairig Dubh, Rurik had charged him. Dougal had been dragged aside and now the battle went on through the yard. It was hard to see who observed them since one eye was swollen closed. It was hard to breathe with the broken ribs Rurik had caused with the first punch delivered. The blood streaming down his leg from the gash there made the ground underneath it slippery.
He’d begun fully armed with his sword, targe and dagger. As Rurik circled him now, only the sword was left. When those in the yard stopped cheering for Rurik and taunting him, Rob knew that Connor had arrived.
Terri Brisbin Highlander Bundle Page 40
