by Roxie Spears
She thought about it for a second. “That’s okay, I have my car,” she said before stepping a bit closer to him. At that moment Colt thought she would kiss him, but despite how much he wanted her to, he became relieved when she never did. “It was great seeing you today.” Instead, she gave him a hug. Maggy’s body was warm and her hair smelled like coconut. Colt’s arms loosened as he pulled away, smiling at her. “I had a lot of fun tonight. And that mattress story killed me.”
“Well, I’m glad I was of some entertainment to you,” he said, his pearly teeth showing through his smile. He watched Maggy hurry away, her heels clicking against the concrete.
Colt sat in his car for quite some time, praying that the wind sobered him up. Eventually he decided to take a cab home.
Jasmin couldn’t sleep. She had been sitting in bed for hours now, not feeding herself, not bothering to. She thought about her argument with Colt, how harsh she had been. Strangely enough, the house felt lonely without him.
Jasmin pulled the covers up to her chin as the weather grew colder. It was approaching nine pm, and Colt still wasn’t home. Finally she made the decision to close the lights, basking in darkness, letting it surround her. With her fingers clasped over her belly, she felt like she was sinking. She imagined ferns growing all around her, covering her, holding her in place. Jasmin felt suffocated, and so she yanked the covers off her and closed her eyes again.
Some light struck her eyes, which shot open and darted back and forth. Jasmin realized it was her phone.
Jasmin, hi! It’s Kyle. I got your number from Tina, if you don’t mind.
She picked up the phone, wondering if she was in fact dreaming. She rolled onto her stomach, thumbs hovering over the keyboard indecisively. Hi, Kyle. Of course I don’t mind. What’s up?
She waited. Kyle didn’t reply for another thirty minutes, during which she paced her room desperately. Just like any sixteen year old, Jasmin over analyzed the implications of her own text. Too dry? Too empty? Perhaps a little bit uninterested? Maybe add an emoji or two? It’s too late now, it’s been thirty minutes!
I’m doing pretty great.
Jasmin jumped in her place. “What the hell am I supposed to say to that?”
I was wondering if you’re free tomorrow after school? Kyle added.
She felt radiant. That text had provided her with the affirmation she needed. All she needed to do now was answer.
I am! What do you wanna do?
Well, since I’m new in town, I was gonna ask you if you wanted to show me around?
She was quick to answer that question in her head. Jasmin was elated, like she could jump off a building. Her whole life she had never felt this excited.
I’d love to, she texted back. “What else? What else do I wanna say to him? Wow, I did not think this through.”
Jasmin sighed loudly. Hope you’re into bike lanes and burger places.
Content with her reply, she put her phone away and went into the kitchen. She made herself a sandwich and eyed the tupperware Colt had left behind. She prayed he would come back, already.
He had left the house on an empty stomach, visibly and inconsolably angry. She thought he had every right to feel the way he did. Meanwhile, her phone was lighting up with messages from Kyle. She had to admit, it added some spice into her life. She couldn’t wait to tell Tina.
I love cycling, he said. I’d love to go biking with you sometime.
Question is… do you love burgers?
Well, both of my parents are vegan hippies, so I was sort of conditioned to hate meat.
I’m disappointed. Jasmin wondered how different she and Kyle really were. From afar he just seemed like the cool city kid, shy but fairly sociable with a fascinating taste for oversized jumpers. Everything about him screamed interesting to her, but she could tell he was a bit peculiar.
Colt’s voice rang in her ears, telling her to be careful. For once, she was tempted to listen to it.
Even though going to house parties and staying out late entailed the typical teenage dream, deep down Jasmin knew Colt was right. She had missed him, but she was still angry for no reason. She knew she had hurt him, but she didn’t have the guts to apologize or even call. Her only distraction for the night, her only consolation was Kyle, the new kid, the one who was going to make it all better.
She stayed up texting him, smiling wide at her phone. Kyle was a smooth communicator, full of life and things to say, utterly adamant to keep the conversation going, yet not imposing. He was pretty mature for a highschooler, and Jasmin could clearly see that. She couldn’t wait to brag about it to her friends, well, Tina.
Sometimes Jasmin wished she had more friends. It was true her friendship with Tina sufficed most of the time, but what did it feel like to have a whole group of friends? The concept was utterly alien to her.
Well, what d’you like to do in your free time? She sat up in bed, waiting for a reply.
Go skating. Back in Boston, all my friends were skaters. Now I sort of just… cruise by myself. You wanna come with me sometime?
Sure, but you’re gonna have to drag me along with you. For clarification, I don’t know the first thing about skating.
That’s alright, I can teach you if you’re open to it.
I would like that, yeah. Jasmin hoped he’d forget. There was nothing more humiliating than falling over in front of the new kid, especially when he was as cute as Kyle.
Well, it looks like I’ve booked you for the whole week.
He sure did know how to talk to a girl. Elated, Jasmin went to sleep happy, but it wasn’t long before the nightmares crept up on her, mingling with thoughts of Kyle and his oversized hoodies and the look on Colt’s face before he left the house. Her thoughts were as nonsensical as dreams were, plaguing her, menacingly, fueling her insomnia.
The night dragged on and flinching awake became frequent. Jasmin was only met with darkness complemented by haze, and a spirit so heavy it weighed her down like an anchor wedged under the bed.
Chapter 6
Jasmin stared up at the clock. Only ten minutes away from the freedom of Friday nights. She could feel Kyle’s eyes on her, but she didn’t turn to look at him. Tina smirked at her every now and then, referring to a conversation they had earlier over lunch.
If anything, Tina was happy for her. Envious was far from what she was, and Jasmin was grateful to have a friend like her.
Maths classes weren’t Jasmin’s favorite, either, but she wondered what those were. When she stared up at the clock a second time, her lips twisted into a smile. Five minutes. Her leg bounced up and down and her heart beat faster than usual. The whole room couldn’t wait to burst through that door and jump out in the sunlight. They all had their reasons. Some couldn’t wait for a home cooked meal and some just wanted McDonald’s. Some wanted to walk their dog. Some couldn’t wait to get home just so they could sneak back outside later.
But Jasmin, Jasmin had a date. The vast majority of her class was single, just because they were naive and inexperienced, and knew nothing about high school love. She, on the other hand, was getting quite acquainted with the subject, staying up well past her bedtime to text a boy she had only met a few days ago, and exchanging brief, but telling glances with him by the lockers.
The bell saved her. Immediately Jasmin jumped to her feet, suddenly overwhelmed by the onrush of people hurrying past her. She stood steady as a rock, though, waiting for Kyle’s gaze to meet hers.
“Hey.” She read his lips. He walked towards her and stood there, a smile plastered to his face. He was wearing a snapback this time, which he had taken off during Ms. Campbell’s class. She was a stern woman, but he also had the tendencies of a gentleman. “You ready to go?”
“Uh-huh,” she nodded, leading the way out. The pair walked side by side, standing out in the cold, staring at each other only occasionally.
“So, what’s there to do around here?” Kyle asked, stretching his arms out to his sides.
“Well, we
can go to the museum of natural history or, you know, something more exciting and age appropriate.”
Kyle chuckled. If anything, he seemed amused by how nervous she was. Jasmin swallowed and looked straight ahead. Tina was fetching her bike now; she had forgotten to bring her helmet that day.
“Wanna go for a bike ride?”
“I’m really not amazing at this,” Kyle said, lingering half a block behind Jasmin. The wind pushed her forward, yet she pedaled onwards, her eyes bathing in the passing scenery, ears straining for Kyle’s voice. Eventually she pulled herself up, raising herself a little bit and straightening her neck. Jasmin caught a glimpse of pastel rooftops and solar panels; she was so dazed by the onrush of scenery, that for a moment she forgot Kyle was even there.
“You’re definitely better at this than me,” he said, catching up to her.
“I’ve been doing this my whole life,” Jasmin bragged, her hair fluttering in the wind. She gripped the handlebars and made a left. Startled, Kyle skidded at the curb, falling to his side, the roughness of the frosty surface biting his jacket.
Jasmin braked. “Oh my God, are you okay?” she asked, running back towards him. Kyle quickly jumped to his feet and dusted himself off.
“I’m fine, wow, way to embarrass myself on the first date,” he said.
Date? Did he just say, date? Jasmin felt the blood rush to her cheeks. It was true Kyle’s face was scrunched up with pain, but she couldn’t resist smiling. “Come on, let’s get you some ice from that vegan burger place over there.”
“Ah, this is where I’m meant to be,” he said, pushing his bike slowly along the sidewalk.
The pair sat at the window table, talking about all sorts of things. “I’m really comfortable around you, is that weird?” she said, taking the last bite of her burger.
“No, it’s cute. You know when I came by the lunch table, it was you I wanted to talk to.”
“Really? Because you seemed pretty invested in your conversation with Tina,” Jasmin said with a raised eyebrow.
“Nah. All I could see was that Chet Faker phone cover hovering around in my periphery.”
“What, you listen to Chet Faker?”
“Definitely. Wanted to point it out the entire time.”
Jasmin shook her head in disbelief. “Maybe we’ve got more in common than I thought.”
The pair dined, their chatter extending for hours until the sun seemed to set outside. “Shit, it’s my, it’s my uncle,” Jasmin said suddenly, pulling out her phone. “Can you just give me a minute?”
Kyle stared at her curiously.
“Hello?” Jasmin said, cradling the phone to her ear. The other day, she had been tossing and turning in bed when Colt came back. All those hours spent worrying quickly dissipated as soon as she heard his keys rustling in their lock and his footsteps coming down the hall; Colt had a habit of popping his head in through her bedroom door to make sure she was asleep. Even though Jasmin was terribly mad at him, and mad at herself, his presence brought her great relief.
She went to sleep happily that night, undisturbed, her nightmares turning into wishful dreams about Kyle. One of Jasmin’s favorite feelings, she thought, was going to sleep with Colt awake still, slipping into a semi conscious state while he watched TV and fixed himself a late night meal. Jasmin just loved the company, and despite everything, she knew she loved her uncle.
“Jazz, where are you?” his voice came through like a low gurgle. Immediately Jasmin clenched her jaw, jumping to the defence, forgetting everything. Forgetting that comfort, that security. Everything felt like an interrogation, an ambush. To Jasmin, Colt pretty much resembled a cop, or at the very least, an annoying family member.
“Why do you wanna know?” she said after a pause. Of course, Jasmin didn’t really know how to pick her words. She was quick to bite back and then regret it later, quick to hurt then retreat. “I’m at Gringo’s with a friend.”
“Alright, when are you coming back? It’s getting late.”
Jasmin let out a low grunt. In the corner of her eye she could see Kyle still staring at her. He looked a bit concerned, if anything. As she paced back and forth, she flashed him a reassuring smile, followed by a thumbs-up.
Is everything okay? he mouthed to her, but she turned back around.
“You know how I feel about you staying out so late,” Colt said.
“But it’s ten!” she stomped her foot against the floor, later realizing how childish it all seemed. Something was boiling up inside her, but for once, she let it die down. “Alright, I’m coming home now,” she murmured before hanging up.
“I need to go back home.”
“Oh,” Kyle said, seemingly disappointed. He rose to his feet and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Well, I had a great time today.”
“Me, too,” Jasmin said, her gaze fixated on his. Despite all the happenings, she still felt content with how the day went.
“Let me walk you home.”
“Didn’t you just get into a bike accident?”
“I feel better now,” he flashed her a smirk. The pair walked quite the distance, pushing their bikes down a never ending stretch of sidewalk, laughing along the way. A strange feeling manifested in Jasmin’s gut, one that she’d never experienced before. She recognized how young and inexperienced she was, and wondered if Kyle was the same. The truth was that she couldn’t tell.
Any red flags that I should be aware of? Tina texted her.
Not at all, Jasmin wrote back, reflecting on her friend’s inquiries. On the surface, Kyle pretty much seemed like the perfect guy, quite unconventional for a sixteen year old. All the eleventh graders that Jasmin knew barely knew how to speak to a girl, had little talents and only wore sweats. Kyle on the other hand, had the conversational skills of a college sophomore, knew how to color coordinate and ate with his mouth closed. The more she thought about it, the more Jasmin became convinced that she was falling for him.
Any weird shit? Tina asked again, as if fishing for flaws.
Nothing yet, Jasmin replied, content. He even paid for dinner.
“This is where it happened,” Kyle said, pointing to the curb where he had crashed earlier. Jasmin chuckled and marched on, amused by his presence, wishing it would last forever. As they neared her apartment building, Jasmin felt the need to stop.
Kyle didn’t kiss her that day, but she wished he had. She wondered if that made her easy, or a slut or any of those things they talked about in high school. A part of her didn’t care. She hurried up the stairs, wondering if Colt was mad at her for being so late. It was almost eleven and Jasmin was breathing heavily, overcome by that last flight of stairs.
She rang the doorbell but no one answered. She rang it persistently, tutting her tongue before opening up and looking around. The lights were off, which could’ve only meant one thing: Colt had gone out.
“Are you freaking kidding me?” Jasmin said, throwing her bag to the floor. She went around the apartment looking for him, and when she didn’t find him, she collapsed on the couch. The anger boiled deep inside her, but there was little she could do.
In the distance she noticed Colt had left her a note on the fridge. Went out to buy some things from the store.
“Alrighty, then,” she said to herself. “Let’s see if he comes back before midnight.”
Chapter 7
Colt pushed the shopping cart down the aisle, taking his time, scouting for almond milk. He inspected each box carefully, narrowing his eyes at the names, being more meticulous than usual. He wondered if, on some level, he was avoiding Jasmin; just the thought of it made him feel like a terrible person, one that couldn’t handle confrontation. All that supermarket music wriggled into his ears, surprisingly calming him.
As Colt compared milk cartons he saw a familiar face. Maggy was standing by the cheese fridge, squinting at something, her arms folded across her chest.
“Hey,” Colt went up to her, softly placing a hand on her shoulder, so as not to s
tartle her.
“Colt!” Maggy said, spinning around suddenly. Her face broke into a smile and her eyes glimmered like tiny Christmas lights. She wore a sweater with gingerbread men on it and a pair of uggs. Colt figured she had gone out in her pajamas. “This isn’t how I usually dress…”
“You think I care about that?” he snickered. “What are you doing here?”
“Well actually, I came over here to buy a new mattress. Mine is killing my back.”
“In that case, I may be of some help.”
“Listen, I know you’re the mattress expert, but I really-”
“Don’t feel like talking about mattresses at eleven PM and would prefer to get a drink with me instead?”
She smiled. “Yeah.”
“Well, I’d love to. But let me be the first to tell you that soft mattresses will hurt your back. In that case, you might want to go for a hard one… it’ll keep your back straight.”
“Great tips from the mattress expert,” Maggy said with a raised eyebrow. “But how about that drink?”
“Coming right up,” Colt said, pushing his shopping cart down the aisle. Suddenly he stopped, considering. “You know what, I can come back and pick these up later. Let’s get out of here.”
“What, are you sure?” Maggy asked, her eyes wide. Colt had already taken off, strutting down the aisle with a determination she had never seen on a man before. He had abandoned his shopping cart by the cheese fridge when he turned to look at her.
“To be honest, I just came here to buy milk. I can buy milk anytime. Now, care to walk with me?”
Maggy smiled again. “Sure,” she said joining him as the pair strode towards the automatic doors. Arm in arm, they strolled down the street, making their way to a nearby pub.
“You know,” Maggy said, inching forward in her chair. She played with the red and white checkered tablecloth, a look of remorse in her eyes. “I really didn’t mean to appear uninterested back there.”
Colt shifted in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”
