by Robin Janney
A t the sight of Doc Maynard, Angela hopped to her feet. The veterinarian was smiling and had a twinkle in his eye.
“Princess will be just fine. Your first assessment was on target; however, the ribs were only fractured. The internal bleeding was minimal. It’ll probably be a few weeks before she’s back to normal, and she’ll need to spend the night here. Maybe tomorrow as well.”
Angela beamed at the doctor. “You’ll call if anything happens during the night, won’t you?”
“Anything for my girl,” Doc said, reaching out and ruffling her hair. “I’d let you see her, but she needs to rest. You know how I feel about that.”
“I do. I can see her tomorrow.”
“Good girl. Now go on home and get some rest.” Doc ruffled his girl’s hair again and was gone.
Angela turned to look at Craig, thinking he was standing next to her. But he wasn’t. She looked around and spied him across the room talking with the receptionist. She started to cross to him, but he was apparently done and met her halfway.
“The bill’s taken care of. Let’s go.”
“Uhm, okay.” Angela followed him, uncertain of what she had done wrong. He wasn’t looking at her again, and his voice was tight. He sounded almost angry. And if she wasn’t mistaken, he’d almost kissed her a moment ago. Had she appeared too willing? She climbed into the passenger side of his truck this time, fastening the seat belt. Following his lead, she remained silent.
As he pulled out of the gravel parking lot, he asked, “Do you want to go home, or do you want to finish the night out?” He sounded almost like his usual self again.
“I think I’ll finish the night out,” she decided, her voice quiet. She felt, rather than saw his smile. He was pleased with her answer. It was enough to encourage her to try to make conversation. “You didn’t really talk about yourself a lot.”
“Not much to tell,” he said after a moment. “Grew up in New York City, college in Boston then came here.”
Perhaps she had shared too much. Had that been her mistake? Maybe she should have kept quiet about her gifting of prophecy, or whatever it was. She sighed. “In other words, you don’t want to talk about anything from your childhood.”
“It was far from a happy childhood.”
“I guess that’s fair.” He had respected her boundaries earlier, and she should respect his. Their boundaries were just so limiting to a relationship…friendship…whatever it was they were having. But still, she couldn’t stop herself. “Just remember, you’re not the only one.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
How was what she said confusing? “Exactly what you think it means! You’re not the only one in this world to have been hurt. Bad things happen every day to everyone.”
“Sounds like you would do well to remember that yourself.”
His harsh tone caused her face to sting like she’d been slapped. Angela crossed her arms, trying to hold back the emotions she could feel hammering at her insides. Now was not the time. She could even feel the hitch in her breathing, which was one of her earliest warning signs.
“Angela, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right.”
“No, don’t apologize.” Anger tinged her voice, and she couldn’t stop it. Oh God…it was starting, and the emotions triggered by his tone rammed through her walls and angry words began to pour out. Even though she wasn’t angry, she was hurt and confused, but she couldn’t stop them. “You’re right. Who am I to preach to you about it? You respected my wishes when I drew lines in our friendship and I should do the same with you.
“It’s fair, right? Goose and gander, all that.” She needed to shut up! She wasn’t making sense. If she wasn’t careful, the word salads were going to start. Her eyes closed, trying to calm herself. But it wasn’t working. “I mean, if I can’t get a handle on my own pain, then why should I expect anything different from you? I’m the one who should be apologizing, I’m sorry for expecting too much.”
“Why is it so important to you?”
“Because friends talk, and I thought we were friends. You said we were friends. Maybe interested. We both said that. Maybe. Maybe? What does that even mean?”
C raig wondered at this turn of events. One minute they had been talking comfortably, and now he had a nuclear meltdown on his hands. “I don’t exactly see you opening up either,” he said. He groaned, that hadn’t come out how he meant it either. “I shared a little.”
“Just that the only one who had time for you was your grandmother!” she said, her voice a quiet desperation.
Angry and a bit desperate himself, Craig brought his truck to a sudden stop a few yards before Simmons Crossroads. Gravel flew as he slid to a stop on the shoulder. He slammed the truck into park and looked over at her. Her pale face didn’t even register as he asked a question he’d never be able to predict her answer to. “What do you want from me?”
“More!” was Angela’s answer. “I want more, Craig! I want to know what it was you and Grandma Annie did together that was so special. What set her apart? What did you and your brother do after school? Did you have a backyard, or did you have to play in the park? Did you play any sports? Were you a bookworm? What about your brother? Does he have a family? Are the two of you anything alike?”
She was speaking so rapidly, he couldn’t have gotten a word in edgewise even if he’d wanted to.
“What was Boston like? I went to New York once on a school trip. It was so big and busy, but I never got to see the Statue of Liberty. There was a bus accident or something, and they turned us around. Where was your dad and brother during the September attacks? Are you still friends with anyone from high school or college? It can’t be that everything was bad!”
“Yeah, that’s more alright. You don’t do things halfway, do you?” He sighed, disgusted more with himself than her. Where had he thought things were going to go when he had said they were friends and maybe interested in her? He had to make her understand it wasn’t easy for him. “You have no idea what you’re asking of me, Angela. Do you have any idea what it’s like to shut away a part of your life, only to have it revisit you when you want it the least?”
“Yes, I do! Craig, I have a sister who hates me. It’s not just that we can’t get along. Cassie hates me. And I know why. It’s my fault. The thing that happened that I couldn’t handle…my fault. It was my fault. No matter how hard I try, I can’t shut it out like you can. Ever. I try, I try so hard, but it haunts me even in my sleep.”
With each passing word, Angela’s voice turned completely from anger to despair. Even though her hands were tucked under her arms, he could still see them shaking…but then, everything was shaking. “It’s like…you’re in a perfect world. It’s not ‘perfect’ perfect, but it’s not so bad. It’s better than what it used to be, so does it really matter if your mother is pregnant again, and your daddy’s always out in the fields but at least he’s home every night, but your brother isn’t paying attention to you anymore and your little sister is being a pest. She can’t help it, she’s so little. She just wants your attention like you want your brother’s. But it doesn’t matter, none of it matters, because you’re in the country where you’ve always wanted to be and it’s not like this all the time…you’re just so happy, so happy…
“And then it all crashes. Your world ends before your eyes. There’s no going back. It shattered into a million pieces and there’s no fixing it. And you know, deep in your heart, it’s all your fault. You did this thing. Can you even begin to claim something like that?”
“No,” he answered quietly. Something about her story nagged at the back of his mind. His own anger was long gone, his heart aching with the pain he was witnessing as she fell apart before his eyes. What was she blaming herself for? “My world fell apart too, Angela. But it wasn’t anything I did. My entire childhood was turned into a mockery overnight. I was betrayed by one of the people I trusted the most.”
“Your entire childhood?” She looked over at him and
Craig wondered if she was even aware of the tears running down her face.
“Yeah, my entire childhood. I grew up real fast when I was fifteen.” He searched those watery blue eyes until she looked away. “Let me guess, you grew up when you were ten.”
“That’s when my world ended,” she confirmed. Her arms uncrossed, and one hand rested on the passenger door. “When I grew up is debatable. If you ask my parents, I’m still not grown up.”
“I’m not talking to them about it.” His Angel was getting ready to take flight, her shaking hand had slipped down to the door handle. “I’m talking to my friend about it.”
“It’s too much,” she muttered. “I can’t breathe. How…how can anyone grow up when they’re stuck in a single moment of time? How? I don’t know. I’m sorry, I won’t pressure you again.” She unbuckled herself and slid out of the truck before it could register.
“Angela?” He followed suit and ran after her. “Angela, get back in the truck!”
“Don’t tell me what to do!”
“You can’t walk back into town! We’re five miles out.” Craig caught up to her and made the mistake of taking her arm by the elbow. “Angela, please.”
She threw his hand away from her, almost falling in her effort. “Leave me alone! Just…I need to walk…please…”
“You’re not walking, Angela…you’re running away…”
“So are you! So…so are you.”
He let her go. There was so much anger in her stride, her feet occasionally slipping but not enough for her to fall…and so much heartbreak. She screamed into the country silence as she crossed through the intersection, birds taking flight at the sound of her fury.
Climbing back into his truck, he put it in gear.
Does she really ask so much?
He pulled back out into the lane, passing by her slowly.
But she never looked up.
16
H ow could she have been so stupid?
Angela wiped at the tears blinding her in time to see Craig’s truck disappear over a distant knoll. She stumbled over a stone and she kicked at it angrily. She had pushed too hard. She always pushed too hard. And then people left.
What had triggered this episode of panic and anger? Even now, her heart was still racing and her breathing ragged. Had it been the sound of the brakes when Princess had been hit? But that was so long ago. No, something Craig said had taken her back to twelve years ago. Randy had asked her the same question that day. Her answer had been different, but the heart of it was the same. Then she had wanted her brother’s love back…it was a different love she was seeking now.
Dr. Evans, a doctor more reliable than Burnhart even though he was a general practitioner, had said that almost anything could trigger one of these episodes. Sometimes they were a temper tantrum like now, other times a panic attack. Like the time Cassie had called her ‘Angie’ just a few months after Randy had died. Her sister had claimed it was an accident. But then, just like now, she had spun out of control. It had been like watching a video of herself, not even being able to hit the pause button.
She wished she could take it all back, rewind to when they were in the waiting area just talking with each other.
She’d seen his hesitation over his past, but she’d pressed him anyway. It had made him angry, which made her angry, and now he’d left her to walk back into town like she’d wanted. Had he said they were still five miles out? Of course, they were…she had just walked through Simmons Crossroads. It was her fault of course. She should have just sat in silence until they were back at the store. Hadn’t she learned her lesson with Derek about watching what she said? Apparently not.
Why couldn’t Craig just share his own pain? It would make it so much easier for her to do the same. After carrying the burden for so long, it was hard to just up and tell someone. What a sad irony. For them both. After so long, they had found someone who wouldn’t judge, but they still couldn’t talk to each other. Would Craig even want to talk to her after this episode?
“This isn’t fair!” Angela cried, pouring her despair out to a silent God. “Why does this have to be so hard?” Was it the wrong question to ask? That’s what the pastors always said. Who was she to question God? Surely, He had better things to do than listen to her whine about the unfairness of her life. But He’d taken time to play in the daisies with her once. She still saw the daisies when she prayed.
Angela checked her watch, looked at the setting sun, and sighed in resignation. She stopped talking long enough to twist her hair back into a loose braid. Maybe it was time to cut this off.
She wiped away the last of the tears and set her face to the horizon. If she double-timed it, she should be able to get there before sunset. As she topped the knoll, fresh tears threatened.
In the distance, sat Craig’s truck. He hadn’t abandoned her, hadn’t left her. Just given her enough space to walk it off. Good, she wasn’t ready to give up either.
C raig drove just over a mile before pulling the truck back over to the side of the road to wait for Angela to catch up. It shouldn’t be too far for a farm girl like her to walk. Hopefully, it would be enough space for her to work through whatever was going on in her.
He shut the engine off and leaned back in his seat. Would it hurt him too much to talk about some of his past? He didn’t have to tell her everything, not yet, because she’d been correct in saying it hadn’t all been bad.
Summers in Montana with Grandma Annie. Baseball in the park with Tim and the crew. Weekends at the movies. He’d even seen a few Broadway shows. The trips Dad used to take them on.
No, not all of it had been bad. But more than enough of it had been. Like Veronica. Like Dad not having time to take his sons anywhere after he’d started his own law firm. Grandma Annie’s cancer and subsequent death. Tim’s imprisonment.
His mind wandered to the dream he’d had just last night. Had it been just this morning he’d called Angela to talk about it? It felt like a lifetime ago. His Angel bound in chains, his own hands as tightly bound so he couldn’t help her…while the Beast had laughed, claiming that when their dog died, Angela would lose all feeling for him. That’s not how the demon had worded it, his words had been crass and foul.
Craig wasn’t sure what to make of Angela’s talk of demons, but he had felt better after she’d prayed for him. And Princess hadn’t died, Doc Maynard had said she’d be back to normal in just a few weeks. If Angela climbed back into this truck, he’d find out then if she still cared for him.
He turned the radio on and let the country music fill the cab. It had been a while since he’d talked to his brother, but it wasn’t easy getting in contact with him. Maybe he’d say something to Dad. A soft Trisha Yearwood song was playing when he heard the truck door open.
He looked over as Angela climbed in. She gave him a small smile as she shut the door and buckled back in and he felt some relief. Everything was going to be fine if she was smiling.
“Hi,” she said, her voice quiet and uncertain.
“Hi. Do you feel any better?” He straightened in his seat.
“Some. You?”
“Better now,” he said truthfully. He’d been afraid she’d walk on by.
“I’m sorry for getting so bent out of shape,” said Angela, looking away from him. “I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder years ago. Sometimes…I lose control of my emotions. I think maybe the squealing of the brakes set it in motion, I really don’t know. That doesn’t excuse the episode you endured, but I hope it explains it enough for you to understand. I hope you still want to be friends. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. You weren’t the only one to get bent out of shape. I’m sorry too.” Back in college, Kevin claimed PTSD was part of Craig’s problem too. He wondered if his friend had changed his mind since getting his degree, or if that was still his unofficial diagnosis. He reached out and gave Angela’s braid a playful tug. “Ready to try again?”
“I wouldn’t have gotten back
in otherwise.” She looked back over at him. “Thanks for waiting for me. I didn’t really want to walk all the way back into town.”
“I know. You just needed space. Besides…” Craig felt his face warm and knew he must be blushing. In fact, he reached out and touched her face again much as he had before. “I couldn’t just drive away and leave you. I hope you know that.”
“I do now.”
“Good.” He pulled his hand away. If he kept doing that, he was going to end up kissing her and he wasn’t ready for that yet. “Are you ready to go back to the store? David’s probably worrying about us.”
She nodded wordlessly and looked away.
Craig restarted the truck, leaving the radio playing softly. They only had a few minutes before they’d be back to the store, but it would be enough for him to make good on his decision. He took a deep breath as he pulled back out onto the road.
“The first thing you need to know,” Craig began, “is that my brother Tim and I aren’t much alike. We both like the Mets, chocolate fudge sundaes and are good at algebra, but other than that we’re complete opposites.”
“Craig, you don’t need to…”
“No, I want to. You’re not the only one who had time to think just now. You’re right. It wasn’t all bad growing up. I figured I could tell you some good stuff without it hurting too much. Maybe, if we start there, we can share the rest someday.”
“Maybe,” she agreed. “Do you actually like algebra? The way you said it makes me think so.”
Craig smiled. Yes, everything’s going to be alright.
B east could have howled in rage as he circled the truck moving below him. If not rage, then certainly frustration. This wasn’t how it was supposed to turn out! Who knew canine bodies were so resilient?
Stupid humans! Why weren’t they cooperating with him?
Beating his wings faster, he flew on ahead of them. He hadn’t been planning and plotting this for nothing. He shouldn’t be wasting his time with this struggling romance. The powder keg that was Tyler’s Grove wasn’t ready to go up yet, but if this romance cemented, then his plans were all going to go up in smoke and not the kind he wanted.
