by Robin Janney
Sunday school wasn’t much better, Angela decided as they switched gears, and everyone dispersed. Cassie was home sick today, so she was spared from sisterly contention. All she had to do was keep an eye out for Pastor Mark. Elder Freeman was teaching the adult class today, and she was bored already.
She felt so out of place in this church, and not for the first time. She was the only single woman her age, except for Maggie Witherspoon who only sometimes attended and Alice. The other women in her age range were married with children and weren’t interested in having friendships with childless women.
Turning her thoughts to happier things, Angela began to doodle flowers and hearts on the handout. She was a little nervous about the afternoon. The time she spent with Princess in Craig’s home was limited to the entry way along the side. He had never invited her farther in; when he was there. He wasn’t always. So far, their plan was to be at Craig’s around five for a light supper and a movie.
A hard tap on her shoulder startled Angela, and she managed not to squeak. She turned and saw Pastor Mark leaning down toward her. Unable to stop herself from pulling away, she swallowed hard as she tried to calm her racing heart. The pastor was oblivious to her panic.
“Angela, I need to talk to you,” he whispered in her ear. His breath was warm, and she worried about spittle. “In private. Can you please come back to my office?”
The young woman nodded wordlessly, struggling not to wipe around her ear. Now would not be a good time, or place, for a panic attack. But honestly, such a time or place didn’t exist. At least the attacks she’d had recently had been mild and in the privacy of her apartment. Inside the pastor’s office, Angela sat in the chair he waved to as he seated himself on the other side of the desk. She folded her hands in her lap, trying to still their shaking and hoping he didn’t notice.
“Angela, you look pretty this morning. I like it when you wear your hair loose like that.” Mark busied himself moving papers around on the desk. “I’m sorry I haven’t had much time to talk to you recently. A pastor’s life is seldom slow. Tell me, how have you been doing?”
“Good enough. Can’t complain.” Angela gave him what she hoped was a polite smile. This couldn’t get over with fast enough.
“I see,” he said, his tone implying otherwise. “How’s school going?”
She rolled her eyes in honest amusement, daring to relax. “School’s school, no matter what grade! It’s a constant grind! There’s always so much to learn, and so little time! I’m blessed to have fun professors this semester.”
“You’re getting good grades then?”
“Yes.”
“Even though you work so much? Don’t you have trouble finding time to do your homework?”
He was worse than her mother. She felt her insides begin to coil up again. “I don’t have that trouble at all. I’m in the top of my class.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” she confirmed, not letting her irritation show. Why were people always so surprised to learn that? “Of course, I do have a few advantages over my classmates. Doc Maynard has been letting me help him for years.”
“I see,” the clueless pastor said again. He scratched his ear.
“Please, Pastor Mark. What is this all about?” Would he be honest?
Her pastor sighed, folded his arms on his desk and leaned forward. “I’m worried about you, Angela, and so are your parents. I spoke with them last Sunday after you’d left for work. Your mother thinks between going to school and working what amounts to three jobs, you’re working yourself too hard.”
She counted her breathing, trying to even it. Of the two, she believed her mother’s version, but one couldn’t call your pastor a liar either. “And what do you think?” she prompted when he said no more.
“I think Craig Moore works you too hard. Especially since he knows you go to school.”
Angela sighed; at least he was being honest about that part. “Craig is my boss and is more than willing to work around my school schedule. He always has been. If I go in on my day off when he asks, I go in willingly because it’s more money. I’m sure my parents have told you I’m helping them with loan payments for the farm. The farm means a lot to me. If anything, I don’t work hard enough.”
“Still, you spend quite a bit of time with Craig outside of work. How do you find the time for your schoolwork?”
He tried to sound concerned about her schoolwork, he really did. But Angela could tell he was far more concerned with the former. “Does it matter how I manage it? I do. That should be enough. My bills are paid, the bank gets its money, my schoolwork is on time or early. I even give the church its fair share, so I don’t see what your problem is.”
“The problem is Craig’s house key.”
“Seriously?” She counted to ten, twice. “Craig likes to keep his house locked, and he’s not always around when I want to get in to see Princess. He gave me a key so I wouldn’t have to hunt the countryside over trying to find him. Princess is my dog too.”
“Princess.” He seemed mollified, but Angela didn’t trust his appearance. “You need the key to get to Princess. That’s a relief. How is she doing after the accident?”
“She’s fine. She doesn’t even have a limp anymore. Still moves a little slow, and she won’t go near the road. But with Craig’s side and backyards she doesn’t need to.”
“I’m glad to hear that. It’s an odd arrangement, to say the least. It gives an inappropriate impression to people, but I guess it can’t be helped. Do you need any help to pay the vet? I know surgeries can cost pet owners a lot.”
“No. Doc Maynard has been paid.” Angela did not elaborate further as it was none of his business how the bill had been paid. Inappropriate impression to people? If that was so, her mother would have said something more already.
“Good, I’m glad to hear that.” His smile was pleasant. “Are you and your brother up to anything specific this afternoon? If not, you’re more than welcome to come to the parsonage to hang out. It’ll be nice. We can chat more and get to know each other better.”
“Thanks, but we do have plans.” What was she going to do if Craig succeeded in giving her Sunday’s off? She couldn’t let that happen. She added an embarrassed admission for her pastor’s benefit. “We actually have to finish the last of our homework, so we can watch our movie guilt free.”
“Angela,” he chided. “After the lecture I just got about time management, I would have expected it to be done before now.”
Angela laughed, daring to relax again. “We tried, we really did! But the temptation to have fun was simply too great!”
“You’re a special woman, Angela.” Mark leaned back in his seat, his eyes shining. Angela ignored the emotions playing in his eyes. “Not everyone gets along with their younger siblings like you do, especially when there’s ten years between them.”
“Ten years isn’t so much.” His praise bothered her. Why praise her for one sibling and ignore the tension with the other one?
“Maybe not, but it’s still one of the reasons I’m drawn to you. I am concerned for you, Angela, and I’ll be honest enough to admit I’m not completely satisfied with some of your answers. But I’ll let it drop for now.”
How was she supposed to respond to that? She glanced at her watch. “Good. Then may I go? Sunday School’s almost over and I wouldn’t want Jared to worry.”
“Of course. Have a fun-filled afternoon.” He pushed his chair back and stood as she did. “Don’t forget, if you two get bored you can always give me a call.”
“Thanks,” she said rising. “I won’t forget. Have a good day Pastor Mark.” She turned her back on him and walked the few steps to the door. Her mind had already dismissed the man, moving on to other issues, because what was she going to do if Craig succeeded in giving her Sunday afternoons off?
Her mental dismissal of the man while still in the same room proved to be a mistake. She gasped as a hand came down over hers on the doorknob. Pastor Mark was sta
nding practically on top of her and she leaned into the wall next to the door trying to get away from him. How had he moved so fast? Panic was building in her, but Angela couldn’t move. What good was her karate training if she was too afraid to use it?
“Angela,” Mark whispered. His voice was husky and hushed, his minty breath too warm against her ear. Why was he leaning in so close? “I have to know, does Craig have a key to your apartment?”
“No!” she answered too sharply. Who had put this door in a corner? She was trapped, the man on one side of her and a wall on the other. His grip over her hand was firm enough to prevent her from turning the knob. His chest was lightly touching her shoulder. “Please, please…let me go…”
His hand left hers and she pulled the door open quick enough that she almost hit him. She didn’t care if she seemed rude, she couldn’t breathe. The hallway seemed wavy to her as she stumbled away, her hand on the wall to support herself. She needed to hide, she needed to get outside, she needed…
“Angela?” Her father was suddenly before her, his hands grasping her shoulders.
“Daddy!” She threw her arms around him without reservation. What better place to hide than in her daddy’s arms?
Philip guided his daughter away from the pastor’s office, and down the hall. The hallway would soon be teeming with children and it wouldn’t do anyone any good if Angela’s panic attack became full-blown. Her body was trembling, and tears had already been leaking from her eyes when he’d approached her. “Shh, shah…It’s okay, honey. What happened to frighten you?”
“He got too close. His breath…”
He ran his hand over her hair, trying not to disturb the hair clips holding it back from her face. She hadn’t grown out of the need to put glittery things in her hair yet, and he was glad for it. “Shh…” He continued to speak softly to her. He had come in search of her, wondering why a pastor who had just preached about avoiding inappropriate impressions would pull a young woman out of Sunday school. He was upset to see her come running out of the man’s office, already in a panic attack. “Who did, honey? Who got too close?”
Her trembling was easing, but there was a remaining thread of fear in her voice. “Pastor Mark. It was an accident, I think. I was leaving, and he was just suddenly there. He stopped me from leaving. I could feel his breath on my neck.” She was taking deeper breaths now. “Why does this still happen? I feel so silly.”
“I don’t know, honey.” Philip wanted to tell his daughter it might be because she’d never fully dealt with the trauma from her high school boyfriend, even though he knew her anxiety had started long before. Truthfully, even before her brother’s death. He continued to smooth his daughter’s hair. When Pastor Mark approached, he shook his head to warn the young man off. Thankfully, the pastor took the hint and walked on by. He’d have to find some way to explain to the other what had happened, without breaking his daughter’s confidences. And perhaps the pastor would get the hint to keep his distance. At least not pull her into the office without an Elder present. What was the man thinking?
Once her trembling had lessened, Philip asked, “Better?”
“Yes.” Angela shifted in his arms, wiping the tears from her face. “Thank you. At least it finished before the kids could see.”
Even now, people were beginning to spill out into the hallway as Sunday school released. His daughter pulled away from him, but he kept a hand on her arm. She was still shaky even though she was no longer trembling. Someone else probably wouldn’t notice, but he had seen too many of these to trust that it was as over as she claimed. “Will you be alright with Jared this afternoon? You can come out to the farm if you want.”
“No, no, I’ll be alright.” She fished a tissue out from somewhere and blew her nose. “Honest. We just have homework and a movie planned.”
Philip chuckled. “Have you told Jared you’re not exactly working on Monday’s homework?”
“No, but he knows me well enough to know that already.” She drew a deep breath and brushed hair from her face. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“It’s what daddies are for,” he answered. He pulled her in close and pressed a quick kiss to her temple. “Go on then. Go spoil your little brother.”
“I will.” Angela stood on tiptoe and gave his cheek a peck.
Philip watched his daughter enter the flow of people, young and old combined, and she put an arm around her younger brother when she found him.
Now, to find that idiot pastor.
18
C raig was nervous, but he didn’t think his guests noticed as he sat them at the kitchen island. Angela seemed quiet and withdrawn, but Jared’s chatter was nonstop. He let the boy talk while he fixed their simple meal on the stove located in the center of the kitchen island; the boy did have a funny bone, and he seemed to be trying to cheer his sister up.
He placed bowls of steaming tomato soup in front of them.
“Do you want any help?” Angela asked, looking embarrassed.
“I’ve got it. Everything’s right here.” He’d made sure of that. He flipped a grilled cheese sandwich on the griddle. He had called her apartment earlier and had talked with Jared about what his sister liked to eat. The boy had given him quite a list but suggested grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup would be best for today.
He put two sandwiches on each small plate he had set out. Jared said Angela liked her cut crosswise. He cut two sandwiches crosswise and placed the plate in front of her.
“I want mine whole!” said Jared, reaching for his plate.
Laughing lightly, Craig handed the boy his plate. He grabbed his own bowl and plate and started to sit next Angela. “Oh, drinks. There’s soda in the fridge.” He hopped back up. “I know you like tea, Angela. I have some if you’d like.”
“What kind do you have?” she asked, dipping a corner of her sandwich in her soup. She made a happy sound around her first bite.
“I’ll take soda!” Jared said, his sandwiches gone.
As he grabbed a can of soda out of the fridge for him and Jared. He set one at his plate and passed the other can behind Angela. “I have one of each of everything the store has. I wasn’t sure which kind you liked so I brought over one of each.”
Jared laughed heartily at this, accepting his soda.
Angela was clearly flustered. “Oh, uhm…either the mixed berry or the peach.”
“Okay, give me a second.” He tried walking casually to the cupboard he’d put the boxes of tea in and began sorting through them. He found the mixed berry behind the chamomile. He grabbed a mug from the cupboard next to it. As he filled it with water from the sink, he asked, “So, Jared would you like more sandwiches?”
“Can I make them myself? Mom lets me at home.”
“Sure, go ahead.” He popped the mug of water into the microwave. “Everything’s right there on the counter.” He watched as the boy came around the island and began making his own sandwiches. Who knew two minutes lasted so long? At least Angela had a little bit of a smile on her face. Once the microwave beeped, he took the mug out and set it carefully in front of Angela. He handed the tea bag to her. “Sugar? Milk?”
“Yes, please. Both.”
Once her tea was brewed and doctored, he returned the milk to the refrigerator and sat next to her. Jared had brought his bowl of soup around to the stove and was eating another sandwich while another was sizzling on the griddle.
He took a bite of his own sandwich. “So, Angela. You seem kind of quiet today.”
She just shrugged.
Her brother was not satisfied with her answer either because he piped up. “She had a panic attack today at church. She’s always out of sorts after one.”
Angela glared at her brother as she dunked another sandwich corner.
“Oh?” he asked. He wondered if the panic attacks stemmed from the same event as her PTSD.
“I had a scare today. It was silly really.” She was still dunking the same corner of her sandwich. She was also still glari
ng at her brother, but Jared just gave her a pointed look as he started grilling another sandwich.
“What happened?” Craig hoped he sounded more casual than he felt.
“Somebody stood too close to me, too quickly.” She shrugged again, finally biting her soggy sandwich. Again, there was a happy sound from her. “It wasn’t done on purpose. It was so mild, I’m surprised Jared even noticed.”
Craig thought there was more to it than that, but he let it drop. Especially when Jared piped up again.
“Ange, I saw the look on Dad’s face when he hugged you. He looked ready to hurt Pastor Mark for whatever he did to trigger that. And I know it had to be Pastor Mark who triggered it because I overheard Dad talking to him when I went back inside for my Bible.”
“Oh.” She was dunking her sandwich again. “I must have missed that.”
“I’m done,” said Jared, tipping the bowl to his lips and slurping the rest of his soup down. He turned the stove off.
“If you want to watch TV until we’re ready, the living room is right through there.” Craig gestured toward the doorway on the other side of the kitchen table. “The remote is by the armchair.”
“Okay, thanks.” Jared placed his dirty dishes in the sink, and bounced away, stopping once to pet Princess.
Princess wagged her tail, content to stay resting behind Angela’s seat.
Craig watched as Angela stirred her soup. He decided he better work on eating his own food. “Are you going to be okay? Is there anything else I can do?”
“No, I’m fine. Really.” She began to dunk her other sandwich. “Is this one of the homemade loaves we sell? It makes a really good sandwich.”
“It is. I’m glad you like it.” It was a simple meal, but he was glad his extra effort was met with her approval.
“I do. Is this what you and Jared were talking about earlier today?”
“It is. He’s…uh, a very talkative kid.”
“You’re not kidding.” Angela gave him another little smile. “Sometimes I have no idea what he’s talking about.”
